Disclaimer: I don't own the amazing world of Harry Potter and some of the stuff I write might be unconsciously stolen from good books that I read.
Warning: There will be some violence in this chapter and it will be a bit dark, but for readers that don't want to read that bit, don't read the bit that is underlined. The short version is: Remus got turned into a were-wolf and his mother died and his father hated him.
Chapter 4: Remus and Romulus Lupin
Remus:
I heard my father's footsteps echoing down the stairs and reluctantly sat up on the rug on the cold, stone floor, so he didn't hit me with the silver poker to wake me up (1). I knew that I deserved it, but it still hurt. As I pushed the threadbare blanket off of me, I caught a glimpse of my hands. Ugly, scarred hands that belonged to a monster. An ugly scarred monster that no one could ever love. Remembering that Romulus's (1) Hogwarts letter should be coming today, I sighed. Ever since I was old enough to understand what Hogwarts was, I had dreamed of going there, but a year after I had first found out about it, I got turned into a monster. No, that's not right: I was already a monster before then. That's why my mum's dead and father's heart is broken. Just thinking about my mum brought tears to my eyes. Everything changed the night she died.
I was five. Romulus had just moved in the previous night because his parents had been killed at night by a person that ripped their throats out with his teeth. I was horrified when I had heard, exspecially when I heard that Romulus had been forced to watch the whole thing or suffer the same fate because he had gone to his parents room, and vowed to do as much as possible to help my cousin because I couldn't even imagine losing my own parents, let alone having them murdered infront of my eyes. He and I were sharing a room, as my parents thought it would help if he had someone with him, and he was tossing and turning in his sleep and shouting things. I can't remember the exact words that he said but they scared me and I was worried about him. He wouldn't wake up when I tried to wake him, and the more I tried, the worse the shouts got. Eventually, I decided to go to my parents for help but when I was standing outside their door, I remembered something that Romulus had said to me earlier that day: 'Why are you always running to your parents for help. One day they'll be dead and you need to grow up before that happens.' I now know that he only said that because he was upset about his parents. I decided to go outside and pray to the moon spirits outside because, when I couldn't go to my mum, the moon spirits were the next best thing. I stepped outside and saw the moon, strong and solid in the sky. It was full, which used to be a good thing because the moon spirits were strongest when the moon was full so I knelt and started praying. I asked the moon spirits to wake my cousin from his horrible dreams and to let him be free from them for the rest of night, but because my eyes were closed, I didn't see the dark shape that was coming towards me from the edge of the garden. At least I didn't notice it until it had torn my face open with its massive claws. I let out a shriek so loud, it woke my cousin, just like I had asked the moon spirits to, and brought my everyone that was in the house running outside. My mum had seen the wolf, which, by then, had been gnawing on my body, and, having been a muggle and unable to do magic, launched herself at the wolf in an attempt to stop it from killing me. It worked, but at a terrible cost. My mum had given her life to save mine because I had been foolish enough to go outside when the moon was full. The last thing I saw before I lost consciousness was my mum with her throat torn out and the last thing, I heard was her usually soft and kind , but now desperate and almost silent voice saying:
"Dnt... leh... the... mnstr... cntrol... you." Which I figured meant 'Don't let the monster control you'
Since then, I've tried hard to hold the wolf inside me and I've worked out that the moon spirits always give you what you ask for but take a sacrifice. Romulus did wake up that night and he didn't go back to sleep so the bad dreams couldn't plague him but they had taken my mum from us.
I stood up just as my father got to the bottom of the stairs and he scowled at me and threw a pile of old clothes, that Romulus must've just outgrown, at me without a word and then stalked back up the stairs. I changed into the newish clothes because they were the cleanest that I now have and went upstairs to the kitchen to grab a slice of toast from the stack that my dad always keeps in the middle of the kitchen table. One of the things that I remember about my mum is that she always used to keep a stack of toast in the middle of the kichen table because it was her favourite breakfast food. I looked out of the window, like I did every morning because my mum loved the outdoors and would always take me into the woods that our garden backed onto whenever we had some time alone.
Since then, my father had built a brick wall around it to stop me from running away and Romulus from getting hurt like I did. There was a dark shape flying towards the window and even before I could make it out, I knew that it was the owl delivering Romulus' Hogwarts letter and I felt miserable. My mum always dreamed of me going to Hogwarts just like my father had, but the choice was taken from me when I was bitten by the wolf.
The owl swooped through the open window and I was confused by the fact that it was carrying two letters instead of just one but then I realised that it was probably also carrying a letter reminding me that I couldn't go to Hogwarts. It was cruel of the headmaster to do that, but it was probably procedure. The owl dropped one letter in front of me and the other in front of my cousin who was wearing a delighted expression on his face, but it also had a bit of pity in it when he saw the owl drop one letter in front of me. He was always doing kind things for me such as letting me share his bed instead of making me sleep on the cellar floor, trying to stop my father from punishing me too badly, telling me that I wasn't a monster, even though I knew I was, and even sneaking me books to read or extra food, though I couldn't understand why anyone would be kind to a monster, and I figured that he must've come to the same conclusion as me, as to why there was two letters.
I picked it up and opened it because I still had the smallest amount of hope that the headmaster might give me a chance and let me go to school, just as my mum always wanted for me and I was desperate to try and do things that would've made her proud had she been here. I broke the seal, slid the pieces of paper out and frowned. Surely it doesn't take three bits of paper to tell someone (or something) that they're not going to Hogwarts. I looked at the top piece of paper and could only stare at it in shock and read one sentence over and over again: We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. Romulus looked up after reading the first page of his letter and must've seen how shocked I was because he got up and sprinted around the table (and skidded a bit when he tried to stop) until he was behind me and could speed read my letter over my shoulder.
"That's brilliant Rem! You'll be going to Hogwarts with me. What's the third bit of paper though? I only got two bits." He asked me.
"I don't know." I replied, still a bit shell-shocked from actually being accepted. I pulled the third bit of paper to the front and we read it together:
To Remus Lupin,
I, and all the professors here, am aware of your lycanthropy and would like to inform you that this definitely isn't a joke. You deserve to have the chance to go to school and learn spells and meet other children your age and I do not see any reason that you can't as long as the correct precautions are made. That being said, it wouldn't be wise to tell other children of your condition because they may tell their parents or guardians and have you expelled or worse.
I would like you and your cousin Romulus to visit my office after the welcoming feast to discuss the arrangements but in the meantime, please do not tell anyone too much about your personal life. One of the new head pupils will collect you and two other girls that I also need to speak to and take you there.
I look forward to meeting you,
Professo Dumbledore.
Romulus grinned at me.
"This is brilliant, Rem. You really can go to Hogwarts and no one will beat you like your dad does. What house do you think you'll be in. I hope we're both in Ravenclaw because I've heard that you have to answer a riddle to get into the common room. And..." I looked up to see why he had trailed off and saw my father standing in the doorway. My face went white just like Romulus's had.
"Why are you making so much noise? I'm trying to work so that I can make enough money to put your food on the table, clothes on your back and you will be needing school supplies soon, which don't come cheap." He bellowed, the last part directed at Romulus.
"Remus got a Hogwarts letter too." Romulus said bravely. No matter how much he thought he was going to be in Ravenclaw like his father was, I've always thought that he would be in Gryffindor because he is always standing up to my father for me.
"What?!" my father exclaimed angrily. Any small hopes I had of him being proud of me quickly disappeared, "I look after you! I feed you! I keep you hidden! And now you want me to buy you equipment to go to school! Do you know how much that's going to cost me?!"
"N-n-no but p-p-please c-can I g-g-g-go. Y-you w-w-won't h-have to take c-c-care o-of me a-anymore." I hated how much I stuttered when I was nervous or scared and so did my father so he grabbed my arm and started pressing a silver rod to it. I knew by now not to struggle and certainly not to use my monstrous curse to escape because it would just make it worse but I only felt a second of pain anyway. My eyes shot open after I had closed them in anticipation of the pain and I saw my dad bringing back his hand to strike Romulus who had wrenched the poker off of me and I acted without thinking and used my werewolf speed and strength to hold his hand back but he used his other hand that was still holding the rod to hit me with it. He then dragged us both to the cellar and left us there for a week, only letting us out to use the toilet and throwing some bread in there once a day.
•••
When he let us out, he took us to Diagon Alley to get school supplies at all the second-hand shops. I kept on tripping over my robes when I tried them on and Romulus's were even bigger, but they were the smallest sizes they had and I thought that it would be a good idea to learn the reducing charm as soon as possible. On the way to get our wands, we passed the first-hand book shop called flourish and blots and there were three girls outside it, one with messy blonde hair and the other two were identical with messy black hair. The blonde-haired girl and one of the black-haired girls were arguing and the black-haired girl was shouting
"Werewolves are normal people. There're good and bad ones just like good and bad people, but they feel more strongly about what they believe because they know the worst evils that humanity has to offer! They are people! They have one little accident and their whole lives become miserable because people go: 'Oh look, there's someone that gets tortured once a month, how about we make their lives even worse than they already are?!"
The blonde-haired girl said something back, but I wasn't concentrating on what she said because I noticed the other black-haired girl staring at me. I instantly looked away and expected her to come over and hit me because staring was rude, and I saw that my father hadn't noticed that both Romulus and I had stopped walking and were a few metres away from him. I looked up at Romulus and saw that he was still staring at the girls, but, unlike me, he was staring at them in delight.
"This is brilliant, Rem. You can make other friends and they will like you no matter what. You should try and sit in the same compartment as them on the train."
I stayed silent but pointed towards my father, and, because I was still in shock from over hearing their argument, Romulus grabbed my arm and pulled me over to him. The wolf that was inside of me reared up in anger at being pulled somewhere but I pushed it down using my mum's favourite song that she had taught me before she died. It had always been my favourite song, and I always sang it in my head when I felt the wolf rising up inside me because it made me think of her and the last thing that she said to me (1).
The only lyrics that I could remember, though, came from my mum's favourite verse:
Well, if you want to sing out, sing out,
And if you want to be free, be free,
'Cause there's a million things to be,
You know that there are. (2)
She never liked the feeling of being trapped somewhere and always preferred to be outside so it makes sense that her favourite song was one about freedom and her favourite verse was that. Romulus gave me the strange look that he always did when I was trying to keep the wolf down and I had yet to pluck up the courage to ask him why, but I suppose I must soon so that people at school don't notice I'm different.
•••
I heard a soft, silent even, tapping on the cellar's trapdoor that I wouldn't have heard if it weren't for my enhanced hearing, and got up to start climbing the stairs. Only one person ever knocks that softly for me, and that's Romulus, who comes down most nights to invite me into his bedroom, so I don't freeze to death on the floor here. I silently crawled up the stairs in a manner that my father would beat me for if he ever saw me doing it, but I was too sleepy to concentrate on not letting the wolf control my actions. Romulus was waiting for me at the top and, together, we snuck into his room, careful not to wake my father because he's a very light sleeper whose dreams were laced with terrors that made him wake up with red eyes and a horrible temper.
We climbed into Romulus's bed together and I rolled over to face him. I had been dreading this moment since our trip to Diagon Alley but I knew that it had to happen.
"Rom?" I could hear every single breath he took no matter how much he tried to make them quieter for me, and I could tell from his breathing that he was still awake. "How do you know when t-the w-w-wolf gets angry?"
"Oh. That's what it is. I've always wondered. Your eyes go yellower, or maybe goldener, sometimes it's only for a second, but other times, when your emotion is stronger, I think, it lasts longer, and you start murmuring something that sounds a bit like this:
Well, if you want to sing out, sing out,
And if you want to be free, be free,
'Cause there's a million things to be,
You know that there are."
I propped myself up on my arm and stared at him in shock. He had marvellous hearing if he could make out those words. To my shame, my eyes started to fill with tears as I thought more about the song and its meaning to me.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry. I didn't realise that it was special, though that was stupid of me. If you sang it to help keep yourself in control, then it must have a lot of meaning. I'm so sorry!"
"It's fine. My mum used to sing it for me. It was our private little song that no one else knew about and she probably would've sung it for you, too, if I h-hadn't k-k-k-" But Romulus, catching on to what I was trying to say, interrupted me in a soft but firm voice.
"No, you didn't kill her. The beast that attacked you did. That wasn't your fault. If anything, it was mine. Oh, don't look so surprised." He then said after seeing my confused face, "I do know why you went outside that night and I also know that neither of us are to blame. I didn't know that you liked the moon and that you hadn't been warned about the dangers of the full moon; instead, your mum had taught you to worship it." But, after seeing my angry face, and probably golden eyes, he hastily back tracked. "No, Rem, I'm not blaming your mum, she didn't know either because your dad must've kept as much of the magical world from her as possible, as is customary when some sorcerers marry muggles, but it wasn't anyone's fault, not even the werewolf that killed her because they probably didn't have a safe room so they probably went into the forest to transform and the wolf found its way to the edge... I'm sorry! I just don't think when it comes to emotional stuff." He apologised after I slumped down and felt my eyes brimming with tears for the second time tonight. "Goodnight Rem."
"G'night Rom." I replied with a yawn. I hadn't slept last night because, even though I am a werewolf, I struggle to sleep without the comfort of the moon, because it feels just like the comfort of my mum.
(1) I know that this isn't accurate to the canon but I've read loads of fanfics like this and I like the idea.
(2) Song called if you want to sing out, sing out by Cat Stevens. I know that this was written after the marauders era but I really like the song and artist and, lets face it: there is a whole new universe and they have different time zones. Of course things are going to be a bit different.
