Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. Never have, never will. I simply play in their world.

Reviews: (peaks through fingers)

"In the likely event that I don't get the

privilege of growing old with you,

if we don't get that chance.

If the universe conspires against us

and oceans stand in our way.

If the fates betray us and our story fades.

I will settle for

one minute,

a few moments,

a fleeting second,

just to know

you have lived."

-Mia Hollow

Ben Solo

I wonder if every skirmish I've fought every battle I've won has been in preparation for this moment.

An end to the war.

There is a calm clarity to my thoughts. A prelude for the violence waiting to erupt. Sweat on the back of my neck, heartbeat the war drum calling for battle, muscles tensing in anticipation.

Rey shivers next to me, breath clouding the air and I sense her chaotic mood. Her antipathy towards the mad emperor is palatable.

I watch with wary suspicion when he turns his gaze towards her. There is something feral and cunning in his smile and I don't like it.

He's up to something, I can feel it in the marrow of my bones.

"The dark side gives me power others consider unnatural," Taunting words meant to provoke a reaction, "I am now an immortal being."

I can't hold back a huff of laughter at his posturing. Are we suppose to be impressed he can clone himself?

That isn't the Force, it's science and cheap tricks.

He turns in my direction and somehow I don't think he appreciates I see right through him.

"Your family has long been a thorn in my side." Yeah I'll bet we have, "After this day no Skywalker will stand in my way."

He lands a verbal blow reminding me of how much I've lost.

My uncle gone, choosing his death by my provocation. My mother...

I felt her death shortly after I made the jump to Exegol. I had to make a choice back then, mother or Rey.

Either way I was going to lose.

I chose Rey and gave up the chance of seeing her again. To beg her forgiveness and make amends.

She will never know the weight of my regrets.

Grief threatens to shatter my concentration, obscure my clarity. I swallow hard and shove it down inside. I have no time to grieve, no time to do anything but survive.

"General Organa will stop you even if we fail. She will never give up."

Rey striking back at Palpatine and I realize she has no idea mother is gone. Too late I understand what he's done.

He laid his trap well.

"And how will a dead woman stop me I wonder?"

Denial, sour and corrosive, blasts through bond and hard on its heels is her anger, a blistering heat scorching my veins.

"You're lying," words spit through clenched teeth, "General Organa is alive!"

Damn. This is not how I wanted Rey to learn of her death. There will be time to grieve but not now.

We can't afford to act recklessly.

Steady Rey, I reach for her trying to calm her chaos, don't let him distract you. Concentrate.

She's not listening. She brushes away my 'hand' as she blindly searches the Force for mother's presence.

I already what she's going to find and brace myself for the fallout.

The shock of absence makes her stagger, the saber wavering in her grip and I grit my teeth as heart-rending pain transmutes through the bond. As much as I want to console her, to take the burden of the truth from her shoulders, I can't.

Malignant energy sharpens the air like knives and buries into my lungs with each breath.

Palpatine is watching us, watching Rey, with unholy glee.

"Were you not aware dear child? Princess Leia gone. A pity."

His mocking pity hazes my vision red.

I swear I'm going to rip out his throat with my bare hands.

A savage cry from Rey and she's rushing past me, her thoughts chaotic rage.

She intends to take Palpatine down on her own. As if brute strength is enough to overcome him.

It won't be.

"Rey don't!"

She glances back at me and I see gold creeping into amber, feral rage burning for vengeance.

She turns away from me.

"You murderer! You don't get to speak her name!"

Mother's demise has pushed her to the edge of her endurance.

I see death in Palpatine's smile. The air thickening and dread crawls into my gut.

He was waiting for this. A momentary distraction and Rey to fall into his hands.

"Pathetic."

Static charges the air as every hair on my body stands on end. The Force is screaming inside my head.

She's going to die.

"REY!"

I don't think I just act. Pure instinct pushing me into action as Palpatine lifts his hand and I Force-shove her out of the way as lighting descends on my head.

Pain!

A thousand points of agony hit again and again. Tears evaporating before they can fall as lightning surges through me and I can't hold onto the saber.

Hot air scorching my lungs and my vision dims.

I can barely stand. It's all I can do to stay alive. The Force wraps around me like a living shield but my strength is not infinite.

Rey is screaming inside my head, shocked rage hollowing her voice. She's alive but my relief is short-lived.

"Die Skywalker. Die!"

Palpatine raving and through the pain, the sheer hell of being burned alive, I bare my teeth and swear I'm going to survive.

If only to spit in his face.

I hear his howling madness as lightning constricts closer forcing me to my knee's.

I lock screams behind my teeth as I lift my hands to push back his power. Muscles cramping as I try to breathe in electricity instead of air.

I'm not going to last much longer.

Sorry Rey looks like I'm going to have to break my promise after all.

I didn't want to leave her like this.

"NO!"

The fury of her voice echoes with the pounding lightning and I snap my head up in time to see her saber cut across the cage, feel the Force channel through the dark energy like a tsunami.

Lightning reflected in swirling amber for a fraction of a second, desperate love filling my vision.

BOOM!

The world explodes in burning light. I think I scream as my eyes burn and drop my hands, blood pooling into my palms as heat and pressure lift and I gulp crisp air. I hear lightning crackling in the distance, chaotic and unrestrained.

Palpatine has lost control.

I have to get to my feet and find Rey but I can't make my muscles respond. I feel wrung out and exhausted, my bones burned to nothing but ash.

Whatever strength I had is gone.

Don't give up now.

You've come too far to stop.

Get up Ben.

Get up and fight Ben.

Phantom hands on my arms and back, urging me to rise as voices cascade in my mind.

Rey needs you. We all do. Get up nephew!

Luke's voice ringing in my head I stagger to my feet, my vision distorted.

Ben...

Soft and lilting, a spark in my soul and it's Rey calling for me. Relief buckles my legs and I lose my balance. Blurry shadows dance in my vision and I wonder if I've gone blind from the explosion.

Doesn't matter, I can find her without eyes. Her soul is the only light I need. Shaking, muscles cramping, I shove my palms into the ground and force myself back up.

I'm going to find her.

This way Ben.

You're not alone.

Phantom voices, phantom hands leading me to her. I know who they are. Jedi from the past, those who have merged with the Force transcending death.

Speaking to me as if I were one of them.

A snort of laughter in my head and it sounds like Luke.

What are you talking about? You are one of us.

I stumble over something, a rock maybe but then I hear a soft groan.

Not a rock.

"R-Rey..."

I've found her and the phantom hands keeping me up disappear abruptly. I collapse on my feet, pitching face down into the dirt.

I can feel her warmth, see the shadowed outline of her body.

She isn't moving and I reach for her, exhaustion graying my mind, trying to make me pass out.

"B-Ben..."

Tears I thought burned away spill out when her sweet voice calls my name.

Something moving in the dirt and gravel, a gasping breath and I feel the tips of her fingers touch mine.

The phantom Jedi become loud and insistent, pushing the edges of oblivion away.

Get up Ben.

Get up Rey.

You are stronger than you know.

Together, one you are. A Dyad in the Force.

Rey gasping and I know she hears them as I do. Our task isn't done, we can't rest.

I need to get up and finish this.

All the others have gone to Rey, somehow replenishing her strength but one is lingering at my side and he is familiar in a way I can't grasp.

He feels like Luke but it's not him.

His hand on my back, holding me in place.

Rey slips out of my grasp and I hear the crunch of gravel beneath her boots.

"R-Rey what are y-you..."

Ash in my lungs making it hard to breathe, to speak.

Metal sliding along rock and the hum of a saber. I see the glow of blue light.

"You were born worthless and you will die worthless. Nothing more than a scavenger no one will remember."

Palpatine sneering at Rey and I realize what she intends.

She's going to face him with nothing but a saber.

I struggle to get to my feet but the hand is still holding me down, neither hurting nor helping.

"Let me g-go," coughs wrack my body and my split lip dribbles blood, "she can't face him a-alone."

Rey speaking, I hear the echo of others within but a fog hovers over my mind, my vision nothing but dancing shadows.

You're going to destroy yourself Ben. You're at your limit.

I don't know who this person is but they're not helping. If I don't go to her she will have no chance against Palpatine.

What is the point of surviving if she dies?

How is a person suppose to live without their heart?

I grit my teeth and shove myself upward, shaking off the phantom hand.

I'm not going to lie here doing nothing. We're in this together.

My vision swims but no longer distorted. Calling the Force feels like trying to swim against a current. It's fighting me and I don't like it.

Pressure in my head, nose dripping blood I clench my fist and summon my saber.

The slap of cool metal in my grip. I turn to see Rey pushed back as lightning, dark and malignant, connects with her saber.

The blue light wavers, dimming. The kyber crystal wasn't meant to stand such force. She's going to shatter it if this keeps up.

I feel Rey in our bond, searching my memories.

I close my eyes and breathe, trying to understand what she needs as a cascade of memories open up.

...lighting on my fingertips...the power searing my flesh as I hold the energy for the first time...

...hours upon hours of secret training to maintain control of the lightning, tiny white scars on my fingertips and palms from the effort...

...grandfather's saber screaming as I fight her for control...I don't want her to leave me...

...two opposing powers magnifying and redoubling...white light as the balance breaks and I'm thrown off my feet in the resulting shock wave...

Of course.

We need to disrupt the balance of power. I stare at my grandfather's saber and know what to do.

This had better work. We're out of options.

I reach for Rey and find the chaos inside of her calmed. Tranquil to the point of detachment.

A true Jedi with no feelings only serene purpose.

I don't like it.

"What are you doing..."

Palpatine stinks of fear as Rey grasps hold of the lightning, using my knowledge and skill to twist the power to her advantage.

Blue light waning in the face of so much power. The kyber is going to crack.

I won't reach her in time to shoulder some of the burden.

Rey...take it...

Our minds connect as my saber hits her open palm and the tranquil calm around her shatters.

I drown in the sweeping tide of her love, lush notes of an exotic flower stealing into my soul, dappled sunlight filling my veins and I am lightheaded with her ardent love spilling across the bond.

This is my Rey, the woman I crossed time and space to find.

The power building in the cavern makes my nose bleed faster and my ears pop. I stagger to my feet, lifting my head in time to see Rey snap the sabers apart, the horror of what she's done vivid on Palpatine's face.

BOOM!

I shut my eyes at the crescendo, anticipating the backlash but I can't hold on, the cavern breaking apart beneath the storm of power and once more I'm thrown off my feet.

I land hard, jarring my shoulder to protect my head against impact. My teeth rattle and the bruises go bone deep but I'm alive.

Silence in the cavern. I no longer feel Palpatine's malignant energy staining the Force. It's over and we've...

PAIN!

I grasp at my chest, heart stuttering as my soul rends in half, the space where her soul is suppose to be missing.

Gone as if she never existed.

"Rey!"

I reach for her as I scramble to my feet, knee's buckling as my left ankle sings with pain.

Fractures or broken it doesn't matter.

Nothing matters only Rey.

"Rey! Answer me!"

The bond between us dead. An endless void where my soul bleeds, crying for my other half.

Tears blur my vision and I drag my useless leg behind me, searching the muted shadows for her body.

She's here. I won't believe anything else.

I'm going to find her.

"Rey!"

She's not dead. She's not dead. Please don't take her away from me.

I see a shadowed outline that looks like a body and move towards it, crawling when my leg no longer takes my weight.

Fingers touching warm flesh and brief sparks of light illuminate her.

"Rey, no...no...this isn't happening..."

Her eyes are open, dead and unseeing. A crimson smear on her forehead and she is listless.

I can't feel her pulse.

"NO! I don't...this isn't..."

I move around her, sitting up as I drag her body into my lap.

She feels...broken. A lifeless doll in my arms.

"Rey," I can't breathe, bands around my lungs as I brush hair from her eyes, "wake up."

Her flesh cools in my arms and there is nothing but deafening silence.

She can't be dead.

"Help! Someone help us!"

I look around, desperate for anyone to hear my plea.

But this is Exegol and there is only us.

I am alone.

"No, no...I won't accept this!"

Ben. She's gone. Accept it.

I look up into the face of Anakin Skywalker.

My grandfather.

He's kneeling on the ground next to us, his black robes spread out like dark wings.

He presence is what I felt earlier, familiar and strange.

He looks younger than what I imagined. I've been waiting my whole life to hear him speak to me and now I don't want to listen.

"No!" I'm shaking as I press Rey closer, the absence of her heartbeat ripping me half, "She's not gone! I can...I can heal her."

Whatever is broken inside of her I will fix. She brought me back when I was dying on Kef Bir.

I will do the same here.

Ben, it's not that simple.

Grandfather pulling Rey from me and I snarl at him, shoving his hands off of her.

"Don't! I will do this."

I press my hand to her chest, willing the Force to heed my call, to heal Rey.

Hollowness in my bones, in my soul.

The wind against my skin but the Force remains absent.

She grows colder in my arms, the color leaching from her skin.

I stare uncomprehending.

I...can't heal her.

"Why...why now...I don't understand..."

This isn't like Kef Bir where you were almost dead. Her soul is no longer here but moving between the worlds of life and death.

I stare at my grandfather and see only sorrow in his dark gaze.

I swallow, my throat so dry it takes me several seconds to get the words out.

"Help me."

He shakes his head at me.

Ben you don't know...what you're asking me.

But I do know.

"I'm asking you to help me save the woman I love."

A stricken look in his dark gaze and I wonder if it's only my reflection.

Ben, you'll die. You don't have the strength required to pull this off. You'll be trading your life for hers.

I laugh and he flinches because there is no joy, only wretched pain.

"I'm already dead." I look at this man who was suppose to be the most powerful Jedi in existence. "She is the keeper of my heart. How am I suppose to live without my heart?"

She'll never forgive you.

"Then let her hate me. Let her curse my name but let her live."

I look up into his eyes and despair is a living beast inside of me.

"You couldn't save the woman you love but I can, if you help me. Please...she's all I have left."

He glares at me, running a black-gloved hand through his hair, looking absurdly young.

Tears leak out and I don't care. I will grovel and beg and split my veins open if it will bring Rey back.

You...damn...alright. I'll help you Ben.

"Thank you grandfather."

Don't thank me. Your mother is going to kill me for doing this.

Before I can speak he places his hand over mine, pressing it to Rey's chest.

Close your eyes. Don't speak. Remember everything you feel for this woman.

As if I could forget. I close my eyes and open completely to the Force and every memory I have of her rushes through me.

...such vivid eyes, full of terror and fury as she fires at me despite having no chance of winning...

...should she feel so light in my arms? I feel as if I could crush without trying and take great pains to be gentle...

...sorrow in her sleep and I wonder if she has suffered as I have...

...can't forget the way we connected...as if I had found a missing part of myself...

...see her looking at me with horror, my saber stained with the blood of my father and something like shame comes over me...

...glow of the saber illuminating her in the swirling snow, dangerous and mesmerizing...

...standing over me as I lay bleeding but there is no anger...only a sense of sorrow and incomprehensible hurt...

A flicker in my soul, nothing more than a faint spark but it catches my breath and I dig deeper, push harder to reach wherever she has gone and once more I tumble through memories...

...strange feeling of someone watching me and I stop the med-droid only to see Rey staring at me with confusion and growing anger in the distance...

...she's here again, haunting me with her presence and yet I cannot turn away from her...

...crimson stain upon her face as she averts her gaze and a sharp, dangerous thrill making my heart pound to realize she's finally seeing me as a man and not just her enemy...

...terrified as I reach for her hand wanting desperately to touch her...

Fire in my veins, a raging inferno and sweat runs down my face in rivers but I won't stop until I find her where she has gone...

...she's coming to me, I can feel her drawing closer and I've cleared the observation deck so no one can see how hard I'm shaking to finally be with her...

...fractal amber staring up at me, such passion in her voice and I want it all for myself...

...torturing her and I've had enough...this creature is no longer my master but my enemy...

...her thoughts brushing mine, a kiss of light to my soul and I will protect her no matter the cost...

...why is she trying to leave me? What more do I need to prove we belong together...

Grandfather's touch disappearing, the Force flowing deeply now, a current sweeping me away and I dive deeper into its depths...just a little further I will find her...just a little more...

...fingers caressing my face as she sighs my name and I wonder when we became so familiar with each other...

...nightmares intruding, frustration burning as I can do nothing for her pain except hold her, knowing this can't last...

...lilting voice in my ear, arms holding me together and I'm so tired of fighting...the only peace I find now is here with her...

The memories fracture as my heart skips a beat, lungs faltering and I'm lightheaded from the toll I'm paying. I go deeper, giving myself over to the Force, an instrument for its use.

Where are you Rey? Why haven't you come back to me?

Nothing but endless darkness no matter how far I search. Despair claws at my mind, a sense of loss I cannot conceive living with.

Has she finally gone to a place I cannot follow? No! I refuse to believe such a place exists to separate us.

Not even death can stop us from being together.

"Rey," a brief flare in my soul, a dying ember and I grab onto it with everything I am but it's like trying to hold the wind, "come back. Don't let this be the end. Don't choose to leave me behind."

The bond flickers and I'm not letting go. For love of the old gods let her hear me.

Let her come back. I will give everything, trade anything just to see her open her eyes.

To tell her one more time I love her.

"Please don't go where I cannot follow," you promised me I wasn't alone, "I don't know how to live without you. Come back Rey."

The bond fades and I can't hold onto her.

I've failed and grief is the ocean drowning me.

I have...nothing left...

I gasp as sparks ignite beneath my skin, a voracious heat as the bond flares to life and her heart begins to pulse.

Calloused fingers grasp my hand and I stare down, unbelieving, into shimmering amber.

Grandfather did it, he found her and brought her back to me.

I have my heart again.

Relief makes me dizzy and my hallowed soul is filled with light once more.

Her hand lifts to my face, skin warming and there is a burning pressure in my chest.

She has such a puzzled look on her face I want to laugh but can't.

"Ben?" Her soft, lilting voice breaks me when she speaks, "did we-?"

"Win," my throat is on fire with everything I want to say, "yes. Because of you."

Because you died in my place.

I turn and press a kiss to her palm, needing her touch more than air, more than life itself.

She moves in my arms and I lift my head as she sits up. She's so close I can count each eyelash.

I never noticed she has small freckles across the bridge of her nose and I want to kiss every one of them.

Her fingers caress my face, her eyes shining and brilliant and I have never seen anyone look at me the way she is now.

As if my life meant something.

As if I was someone worthy of loving.

Her lips on mine, cracked and bleeding and I drown beneath the weight to her love.

The bond flares and I am filled with her adoration for my touch. I wrap her in my arms, kissing her mouth, pouring all of my love into this embrace.

Heart beating next to mine, stealing the air from my lungs, I give her everything I am.

My soul trembles and a strange lightness steals over me.

The wounds no longer bother me.

My senses begin to fade.

Ben...I'm sorry...this is all I could do...

Grandfather's voice inside my mind, his sorrow palatable and yet I am not sorry at all.

You gave me back my heart. Thank you.

I pull away from Rey, her pupils dilated, lips swollen and a scarlet stain along her cheekbones.

She devastates me one last time.

She has the same look on her face when I made love to her so long ago.

Dazed and utterly delighted.

"I love you Rey."

Her eyes flare, a lush heat I will remember forever.

Darkness takes me on cold wings and I no longer feel anything...

...Somehow I thought death would be more impressive than this. Nothing but sweeping darkness with pinpricks of light above me.

It looks like stars strewn across the void and a strange peace settles into my bones.

The quiet is soothing to my war-ravaged mind.

No screams of the dying, no scent of hot iron in the air. I no longer have to decide between what is right and what is needed.

Perhaps this is the peace I've been seeking my entire life. A solitude away from everyone and everything. No decisions, no path, no expectations.

Only the quiet void.

The scent of sharp spices and autumn wind startles my senses.

WHAM!

I yelp when something hard smacks the back of my head and I'm on my feet, ready to take on whoever has the balls to disturb my rest.

My mother is staring at me with hands on her hips, a gimlet look in her dark eyes.

"Going to fight me? You've got bigger balls than your father if you think you can."

I blink and realize I still have my hand raised. I drop it quickly, a rush of heat across my face.

Am I suppose to feel embarrassment when I'm dead?

The look in my mother's eyes makes me swallow back the question. I decide a different approach.

"What are you doing here?"

"Smacking some sense into my idiot son."

I roll my eyes and huff. I can't help it.

"I'm not an idiot."

"You're an idiot if I say you are. I want none of your sass Ben Solo."

I snap my mouth shut and glare at her.

She looks decidedly unimpressed.

I guess it's impossible to intimidate someone who wiped the snot from your nose.

I don't know if I want to laugh at the absurdity of all this or cry because she's here.

I...she...this is not how I thought meeting my mother again was going to go.

"Mom I-"

A tsking sound from and she grabs me and I'm being held in her arms.

Shock renders me immobile.

"Ben...what have you...this is not what I wanted for you..."

My throat tightens when I hear the grief in her voice and I wrap my arms around her.

I remember her being so tall as a boy but now she barely comes up to my shoulder.

So much time has passed. So many regrets I can't take back.

"I'm sorry mom. I'm just...forgive me for disappointing you all these years..."

I drop to my knee's and hug her waist, her fingers stroking my hair with a tenderness I remember from my youth.

She did the same thing when I woke from nightmares, trying to console me.

Regret and joy at war in my soul.

"Ben. Stand up."

I brush the tears away and get to my feet. I notice the tears staining my mother's cheek but refrain from pointing it out.

I don't want to get smacked again.

"There's nothing to forgive," I open my mouth but she forestalls me, "but if you need to hear it...your father and I forgave you years ago. We just wanted you to come home."

I grab her hand and squeeze it.

"I can come home now."

She gives me a disappointed look and I don't understand why I feel so hurt when I see it.

"Don't...don't you want me to come with you?"

She squeezes my hand before letting go.

"What parent wants to see their child die so young? You've just barely begun to live."

"Then why do I feel so old?"

"War does that to people. It changes everyone for better or worse. How you choose to live with those changes is all that matters in the end."

I swallow hard and once more I feel a strange pressure deep within, a sense of tugging and I rub my chest.

"How long are you going to keep making her cry?" Exasperation and a bite of displeasure making me flinch, "I'm going to let your father know just how much you take after him and it's not going to be a pleasant conversation."

I snap my head up and see tears glimmering her eyes. She knows about Rey and how I feel towards her.

"Mom...I..."

"I know son." She reaches up and touches my cheek, "We'll be fine. Go home Ben, go home and keep your promise. Rey is a fine woman and your father and I will be proud to call her family."

I bow my head and hug her one, last time.

"Thank you for being my mother."

I hear her sniffle and then she shoves me away.

"Go! Don't let me catch you here again!"

I smile at her sharp retort and turn in the darkness, looking for a single, bright star among the thousands.

The only light I will ever need.

A murmur in the void and I begin to run, a flaring light in the distance and then I hear her calling for me.

"...walk in darkness beside you than stand alone in the light."

...body feels heavy, a rush of heat in my veins and breath passing through my lips, my heart beating in time with another...

Tears on my skin, lips soft and coaxing, willing me to live. The bond between us a pulsating light and her soul reaching for me.

I hear her gasp as I breathe her air. I'm alive and in her arms.

I've found my way back home.

She pulls away and I am left gasping, coming back from the dead has left me disoriented to nothing but her and my senses are slowly returning.

Tears spike her eyelashes, dirt and blood smeared over her forehead, down one cheek.

She is the most beautiful sight I've ever seen.

She looks at me as if seeing a ghost before flinging her arms around my neck. I catch her, body shaking as she soaks my collar with her painful sobbing.

"Don't you ever leave me again Ben Solo."

Demanding words spoken between gulping sobs and I swear I will spend the rest of my life making up for every single tear I made her cry.

"Never Rey. My life belongs to you. Always."