Author's Note: Ho boy am I late! So my life took a turn and I had a whole bunch of stuff I had to deal with. But I'm back and I WILL finish this!
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. I simply play in their world.
Reviews: Like it? Hate it? Let me know!
"I want to be that kind of girl.
For you.
The girl you can't ever forget
the one you will want
always and forever.
The girl who makes you
laugh more.
Cry more.
The girl who makes you
feel more.
Love more.
The girl who you might even die for.
I want to be that kind of girl.
For you."
-N.R. Hart
Rey Solo
I awake to no sense of time, the world a dreamy haze to my befuddled mind.
How long has it been like this? I lift my head but there is no sunlight, no call of morning birds.
Morning or night? I-
The press of warm lips between my shoulder blades, strong fingers entwining my own.
I shiver and gasp as his lips find the hollow of my neck, his body sliding intimately against me.
"Ben, what time-"
His mouth devours my words and I am lost in his touch, the sweet seduction of his hands coaxing me to ecstasy.
His head lifts, shadows play lovingly over his face as desire darkens his eyes to midnight flame. "Don't worry about the time Rey," lips tracing my jaw, hands sliding down my naked skin, "think only of me."
As if he's left room for anything else. I turn in his arms, wrapping mine around his neck as he settles between my legs and there is a familiar ache.
How many times have I woken like this now? I've lost count, my days have become an endless, erotic dream thanks to the man I now call my own.
My husband.
Ben Solo.
"Ben," I press my lips to his jaw, "I love you."
His arms wraps around my waist as he fills me, rocking our hips until I dig my nails into his back, pleading his name.
"I know," I hear the smile in his velvet voice, "I love you too."
It's the last words we speak for a long, long time.
My body is deliciously sore when I wake again. There is a heavy weight across my waist and I hear a heartbeat beneath my head.
Warm skin pressed against mine. Soft, even breathing and the sound of rain hitting glass. Sparks of lightning peaking through the heavy curtains and I lift my head to stare down at Ben.
My lover.
My husband.
My heart clenches as I try to wrap my head around the fact we're finally together.
The rain is making me drowsy and I lay back down, pressing my head against his chest as memories from weeks ago invade my thoughts...
I step out of the bathroom, toweling my hair only to find Finn and Poe waiting for me in my temporary living space. I blink and thank all the gods and the Force I dressed before coming out.
"Hey guys," identical guilty looks and I know they were talking about me, "I thought I said I would come find you after I showered and dressed?"
"You know us Rey," Poe gives me a jaunty grin but I see the tension in his shoulders, "we like to get the jump on things."
"Uh huh," I wrap the towel around my neck, "so I'm being ambushed."
They wince but don't refute my answer. I should have expected as much.
"Fine, okay. I guess this is as good a time as any."
I take a deep breath and sit across from them, wondering how much I should reveal. I stare into Poe's whiskey dark eyes, see the lingering suspicion. Finn watches me with eyes that have lost a bit of their bright naivety.
War does this. Changes people for better or for worse.
"So Rey," Poe rests one elbow on his knee, the other still in its sling "what exactly happened on Exegol."
I decide to trust my instincts. To believe in my friends.
It was time to stop hiding who and what I am.
I tell them about Ochi, my parents and the truth of my bloodline. About Palpatine and Exegol, the Unknown Region and what I learned when I was on Luke's island.
By the time I'm done my throat is burning. Finn and Poe look like I've just stunned them with a blaster.
I grab a drink of water to give myself a second and to let them process.
It doesn't help my hand is shaking when I set the cup down.
Guess I'm not so certain about this after all.
"So...now you know the truth about me."
"Okay...okay," Poe runs a hand through his disheveled hair, "not what I was expecting...wow...and you're saying Leia and Luke knew about your...family."
I grimace at the word but nod. "Yes. Well sort of. Leia definitely knew and Luke suspected it."
"So...you're a...Palpatine?"
Finn looks at me with grave eyes and I shake my head.
"I carry his blood through my father but I am not a Palpatine."
I would rather remain nameless than take up his legacy.
"Hey it's cool Rey," Poe flashes me a devilish smile, "we don't care whose blood runs in your veins so long as you fight with the Resistance, right Finn?"
I blink and have the sudden urge to laugh like a maniac. Trust Poe to be so blasé about learning my dark secret.
Guess I worked myself up for nothing.
"Right." Finn sighs, getting to his feet and I watch him pace before he turns back to me. My stomach tightens even before he speaks and my need to laugh dies instantly.
I know what he's going to ask. It's the one part of my story I deliberately left out.
"What about," he frowns and I see him struggling to speak, "Kylo Ren? Where does he fit in all of this?"
"Yeah," Poe leans back and all traces of amusement flee, "I'd like to know that myself. What the hell is going on between the two of you?"
I close my eyes and remember how I felt when I thought I had lost him.
My Dyad. The other half of my soul.
So many emotions where he is concerned but one above all.
"His name is Ben Solo," I tell them softly, "and I love him."
" I don't believe this bullshit," I snap my eyes open and Poe is on his feet, looking angrier than I've ever seen, "He's the damn enemy Rey! Supreme Leader and all that garbage. Need I remind you he killed Han Solo! His own father! What kind of monster kills-"
I'm shoving at his chest, hard. He staggers and shock crawl into his eyes.
I don't care, I am not going to listen to him tear Ben apart. Not after everything he's done, everything he's been through.
He can accept I'm related to the mad emperor but throws a fit because I love Leia's son?
"Don't you ever call him a monster Poe Dameron! Yes he's killed but so have we. All of our hands are stained with blood."
"He's a murder!"
My vision washes red and I clench my fist so tight my nails break the skin.
"It's war Poe, we're all murders! Have you conveniently forgotten the planet we blew up? All the ships we've blasted out of the sky? The skirmishes on Talon Four? The ambush on Ion Prime? It doesn't matter if we're the Resistance and he was First Order, war makes killers out of all of us."
Poe's face goes from mottled red to stark white and his eyes flash dangerously in the light.
"You-"
"She's right Poe."
Finn's quiet words knock back my anger and Poe takes a step in his direction.
"Finn, buddy, how can you possibly agree with her! He's-"
"Just like me." Finn shakes his head and reaches out to grab Poe's shoulder, "Remember when we first met? A Stormtrooper, following orders my entire life until one day something changed within me. Realized the life I'd been living wasn't the one I wanted. You and Rey took me in knowing my past and let me choose a new life. To become a better person."
Poe looks disgruntled and I watch him open and close his mouth but nothing comes.
There's a strange dynamic between the two of them. I decide to keep my mouth shut.
Finn lets go of Poe and looks directly at me and I sense his hurt, his confusion and also...resignation.
As if he had finally come to a realization about something.
"Rey I...," he rubs the back of his neck and a faint tinge sweeps across his dark skin, "for a long time I honestly thought I was in love with you. Kept trying to tell you but the moment never seemed right and now you say you love Ren...I mean Ben."
He closes his eyes and pain tightens my chest. I knew of his feelings and I also knew I could never love him the way he wanted me to.
"Finn I-" He holds up a hand and opens his eyes. I expected anger, a sense of betrayal but what I see is more shocking.
Rueful acceptance.
He continues to speak and his words are like a damn breaking.
"You were the first woman I met outside the First Order and you were so independent and strong and fearless, you knocked me right off my feet. Thought it had to be love."
He glances briefly back at Poe and I sense the rising tension between them.
He shakes his head as if clearing his thoughts and offers me his hand.
More than a bit bemused I take it. He squeezes gently, his palms cool.
"I do love you Rey but...it's the love I would have for a sister. I think. Never really had much of a family, but I hope it would feel something like this. Sounds pretty strange doesn't it?"
I shake my head and grab him, hugging him tightly. Tears clog my throat. I thought I was going to break his heart when I told him about Ben.
"Not one bit. I love you too Finn, you've been the brother I never knew I wanted but definitely needed."
He lets go and there is that lopsided grin I know so well. This doesn't fix all the mistakes we've made but at least it's a start.
Maybe even a new beginning.
"I don't believe this." Poe muttering darkly and Finn looks at me with heavy eyes. I give his hand another squeeze before letting go to face Poe again.
I take a deep breath and thrust back the anger. It has no place here and while I don't regret defending Ben, I could have handled it better.
"Poe I-"
"Don't Rey. Just- don't." He glances sharply at Finn and I didn't need to be a Jedi to sense his betrayal. "Whatever you're going to say, I don't want to hear it. Not now. I can't accept him. Not after all the grief he's caused."
He's angry and hurt and I swallow back everything I wanted to say.
I knew this wasn't going to be easy but I'm still shocked when he simply leaves.
He doesn't even look back as the door shuts silently behind him.
Finn's hand on my shoulder. No longer a shackle but a comforting weight.
"I'll talk to him Rey. He's just...confused and frustrated. It's a lot to take in."
I swallow back the tears and take a gulping breath.
"I get it, I do. But I can't help the way I feel. I'm sorry Finn."
"You can't help who you love Rey. If we could maybe it wouldn't hurt so much."
I glance up at Finn but he's not looking at me, he's looking across the room where Poe had been standing.
A mild hum in my bones, a brush across my senses.
Pain. Sorrow, the ache of loss and confusion.
I know this feeling. It's the same one I carried every time I had to leave Ben.
"You should tell him."
Finn gives me a startled look and I watch, faintly amused, as a blush of red brightens his cheeks.
"What?"
I gently nudge him in the ribs. He's being obtuse.
"You care for him. Tell him."
There should be more love in this universe. Doesn't matter what shape it takes.
"Well yeah, he's my best friend...uh, I mean, not that you're not my best friend but he's a different sort of best friend and I-"
He's babbling and I can't stop the laughter. He gives a disgruntled look and shoves me gently.
"Alright you've had your fun. So now what?"
I catch my breath and sink back down onto the chair, picking up my fallen towel.
"Honestly? I have no idea. I really wasn't expecting to survive Exegol."
A soft sigh from Finn.
"Yeah, I kinda figured as much. Ho boy."
Fingers playing gently with my hair, pulling me out of the past and back to the present. I look up to see Ben watching me with his solemn gaze and my heart flutters all over again.
"Hi."
A flicker in his dark eyes, a smile tugging at his lips.
"Hi."
I can't help it. I lean up and kiss his mouth, his hand finding the nape of my neck and holding me in place.
I will never stop wanting this man. I sigh as he lowers me back into the sheets.
He pulls back, arms bracketed around me and I smile, tangling my fingers in his hair.
"Ben we should really-" his lips find my throat and my thoughts scatter like dry leaves in the wind as I grip his hair, "talk," I gasp when when he nips my collarbone and lightning sings in my blood, "about...our...next step...gods Ben!"
I grip the sheets as his mouth moves lower across my breasts and arch my back instinctively, giving him better access.
"Later."
He murmurs the word against my skin as he continues to move down my body and I'm already restless and aching.
"Ben!"
He's found the hollow of my stomach, his teeth moving over my hip bone. The man has learned every secret my body has to offer and still he manages to surprise me.
"Later."
I lift my head, swallowing hard as he grasps my hips and settle between my legs.
Chaos in my blood, my hands scrambling to find purchase as I drown in the desire he's evoking.
In the end I beg and plead for release and shatter in his arms when he takes me over the edge.
I am...never...going to survive him...
"You wanted to see me?"
Kin looks up from the com and motions me into the tent. Maz is there along with several other officers I recognize. I immediately look for Leia only to remember she's gone.
Her presence is like a void, a gaping wound that everyone can see and no one will talk about.
"Rey. Welcome back."
Several voices chime in and I nod and murmur my thanks but I have no time for politics. Ben is due to be released from the hospital today and I have a feeling this abrupt summon is in accordance to his release.
I fold my arms and lean against a table, waiting for what happens next.
All eyes turn to Kin.
"Where the hell is Dameron? He was suppose to be here." He rubs the back of his neck and looks around as if expecting Poe to appear any second.
Not likely. It's been two day since our 'talk' and he's been avoiding me like the Suberiun Plague.
"Alright...guess it's up to me. Rey, we know you've just gotten out of hospital and still recuperating-"
"But?"
Kin, unlike a few of the others, doesn't turn away when I meet his gaze. He never has and it's probably one of the reasons why I'm willing to listen to him.
A faint smile at my interruption before it fades. He's all business now.
"We need to know everything you've learned about the Unknown Region."
I blink, slightly off-balance. I thought they were here to interrogate me about Ben.
"Okay. Where shall I start?"
"With the wayfinder. What is it exactly? How did you uses it to navigate through the Unknown? Can it plot other courses or is it set on a fixed location?"
Kin is firing questions at me and I'm doing my best to answer them. The humidity on Ajan Kloss makes me feel like I'm breathing through water. I look at Maz, remember Emphameira and have a longing to be back there.
The quiet beauty of the forest, the breathtaking view of the mountains and the Astiri at dawn.
The peace of the temple.
More questions arise and I shake away my longing and continue to speak.
Hours go by and my impatience is getting the better of me. Ben should be discharged by now.
"So you believe there could be more Sith cultist out there beyond the Unknown?"
I nod and take a sip of warm water. Ugh. I've been spoiled since joining the Resistance. Back on Jakku it didn't matter the state of water, you were just grateful to have some.
"Right. Exegol was one of their main strongholds but there are more. I'm sure of it."
"Why? Because Kylo Ren said so?"
I snap my head back to see Poe inside the tent. His arm is out of the sling and he's in his usual gear. Beige shirt rolled up to his elbows, dark cargo pants, brown gloves and standard military boots.
The stubble around his face is days old and I see dark circles beneath snapping brown eyes.
He's still angry with me over Ben.
"I read about it in Luke's journal," I tell him, maintaining my calm, "but yes, Ben did confirm there are more out there."
"Then it has to be a trap. There's no way Kylo Ren would give us information for free."
"You're right, I wouldn't. Not for you Dameron but for Rey I will give her anything she requests of me."
I'm off my seat the moment I hear his dark voice, midnight and shadows laced with a thrum of power. I'm only vaguely aware of everyone else turning in his direction.
"Ben!"
He has his arm around Finn's shoulder, face pale but his eyes are clear. He lets go of Finn and takes a step towards me and I'm in his arms.
"What are you doing here you idiot?"
I bury my face in his chest, breathing deeply the scent of icy rain and starlight.
Soft laughter only I can hear as his arms tighten around my waist.
"Coming to your rescue of course."
Gentle chimes disrupt the memories and I lift my head, realizing the storm has passed and my stomach is protesting about the lack of food.
Ben is resting in my stomach, his arms wrapped around me.
"Ben," I murmur, running my fingers through his tousled hair, "wake up. Food." He grumbles and tightens his hold. I chuckle and tug gently on an errant strand.
"Come on, get up. I'm hungry."
His lips move across my skin and I shiver. My body is replete, the fire in my veins a low simmer but the promise of the inferno is still there.
Waiting to be renewed.
"Go back to sleep Rey."
I roll my eyes and pull sharply on his hair. "Get up Ben Solo. I want food."
He growls and finally lifts his head. I scoot out beneath him before he can reclaim me.
"That wasn't nice Rey."
I glance back at him, the fall of dark hair over one sleepy-eye, the sheet pooled low around his waist as he rests on one elbow.
The gleam of his skin in the half-light makes my mouth water and my stomach clench.
I have the sudden urge to crawl back into bed.
A slow, predatory smile curves his lips and I back up, snatching up my robe to cover my naked skin.
"You were between me and food." I tighten the belt around my waist, "what else was I suppose to do?"
"Be nice to your husband."
His disgruntled tone makes me laugh as I push a wayward strand away from my eyes.
"I was. I didn't shove you on the floor."
His startled laughter is music to my soul as I head for the door. It slides open and I see a silver tray waiting for me. I peek down the hallway but as usual the Nymeira are nowhere to be found.
It's been this way since we came back to Emphameira.
I have the tray in my hand and look back towards the bed. Only rumpled sheets remain behind.
He must be on the balcony. My instincts prove true and I see him standing against the railing, the black robe a shocking contrast to the pearl white of the decor.
"I have food."
He turns and the smile on his lips is just for me. I put the tray down, thoughts of food momentarily forgotten as I go to him.
His arms open invitingly and I step up on my toes to reach his mouth. He leans down and his kiss is soft and gentle like falling rain.
I dreamed of waking up every day like this for so long I can hardly believe it's actually real.
I pull away and his hand brushes the hair off of my face. The glint of metal on his ring finger catches the light and squeezes my chest tight.
"Rey? What is it?"
I blink and turn my head, pressing my lips to his calloused palm.
"I'm happy," I whisper, "so happy I'm scared this isn't real and I'm still dreaming."
His arms pull me close and I wrap my arms around his waist.
"You're not dreaming sweetheart, I'm here. We're here." His fingers glide through my hair I settle into his arms.
My stomach gives a loud growl and we both jump at the sound.
I laugh as my face burns hotly and Ben chuckles, letting go of me to pull out a chair.
"I think my wife needs food more than she needs me."
Wife. A tickle in my blood, like the soft wings of butterflies.
I touch his arm as I settle against the chair.
"Sit down Ben before I decide to eat everything and leave you nothing."
"So long as you leave the coffee I'll survive."
I make a face at him and quickly pile food onto a plate and hand it to him.
"Eat."
He gives me a slightly startled look but quickly digs in.
Again I feel the tickle in my blood, my heart beating a little faster. I love it when he lets me take care of him.
We finish our meal as the sun rises, painting the sky in shades of lavender and gold.
He's on his third cup of coffee and I have a cup of tea cradled in my hands.
The days are getting shorter, the weather becoming cooler. Fall has come and I sense winter is not far off.
"Ben?"
"Hmm?"
He puts his coffee down and gives me all of his attention. I smile and reach out, our fingers tangling.
"Have you thought any more about what Maz told us?"
A sigh as he leans back, our hands still together as he closes his eyes.
"I have. I don't like it but she's right. It needs to be investigated."
"So we agree then? We need to go back into the Unknown Region."
Not only to find the remaining Sith worlds and see if the Cult survived but also find the Jedi who were outside the Council when the purge happened during the Old Empire.
The ones they called the Gray Jedi.
Ben and I, we couldn't be the last.
"Yes." He opens his eyes and tugs on my hand, pulling me from my seat until I'm in his lap, "but don't think for a minute I don't know what this is really about."
I wrinkle my nose at him, playing with the collar of his robe. "I don't have a clue as to what you are referring to."
"Have I mention you're a terrible liar Rey?"
I huff at him and tap his chest. "Don't get cocky with me Ben Solo, I am not impressed."
"Yes you are," he grabs my hand and kisses my fingers, "it's one of the reasons you married me."
"Is it?"
His eyes darken as he lowers my hand to capture me in his arms. I stroke the length of his jaw, a sharp thrill in my blood to see the look in his eyes.
"I think you like provoking me."
"I-Ben!"
He's on his feet, cradling me in his arms as he moves with purpose towards the bathroom.
I wrap my arms around his neck. "Where are you taking me? Put me down!"
It might have worked if I wasn't laughing so hard.
"No. Besides didn't you mention you wanted a bath?"
"That was two days ago! Ben!"
He turns his head and silences my protests with a kiss that threatens to melt my bones.
Now I cling to him for an entirely different reason.
He lifts his head, a gleam of satisfaction in midnight eyes and I forgot why I was protesting in the first place.
"Bath," I'm already breathless, "good idea."
Darkling laughter invading my bones, settling into the marrow and I swear being married to Ben is the best decision I ever made.
