"Make music?" Santana made a face that sounded loud and obnoxious. She glances down at Harper who was eating some cheerios and watching something on the television. It was bright and colorful and their voices were way too high-pitched, for her tastes and she sighs. Attempting to bond with Harper was proving to be difficult, but Charlie had fallen asleep and Harper had woken up from her nap early.
This was not how she had envisioned her week going. She certainly hadn't thought that she'd be taking care of her mate, who had made it abundantly clear that she would rather be left alone. Sharing a bed with her mate hadn't gone the way she had expected either, she knew that Charlie couldn't physically perform, but she had hoped that they could cuddle. Two days she'd been at it for two days and she was tempted to simply call it quits, but that would be like admitting defeat. So she was attempting to bond with Charlie's crotch goblin.
"Play house?" Santana grimaced as she turned her attention back to the phone. That sounded like it could get messy. "Phone a friend? And let them figure out that I don't know how to entertain a toddler? Pass." Santana groaned and flipped through the list she had found on the internet. "Why is everything so involved, why can't I just read the kid a story and—"
"Stowee?"
Santana blinks and looks down at the toddler who is now staring at her with wide eyes. "Sure, I can read you a story, go get your favorite one." Harper wiggles off the couch and lands on her feet and immediately heads to her room so she can find a story. Santana smiles a bit as she watches Harper go and relaxes, she could do this. It was certainly an easy way to befriend the kid, if she liked stories then she could always buy the kid some educational books and read them to her, maybe it would be nice to do science experiments with her sometime. She perks up when Harper comes back with a slightly worn book in her hand. Santana leans forward and picks Harper up, settling her down on her lap and looks at the story in her hand. "The very hungry caterpillar—I loved this book," Santana says cheerfully.
Harper quickly settles sucking on her thumb as she curls into Santana.
"On the light of the moon a little egg lay on a leaf," Santana started glancing down at Harper who seemed enthralled by the pictures. "One Sunday morning the warm sun came up and—pop!—out of the egg came a tiny and very hungry caterpillar."
Before she can continue she can hear a rather loud thud and a low groan, before she hears the footsteps and it sounds like Charlie's practically running over despite the fact that she really should be resting at this moment. Before she can get up to see what's going on Charlie appears, a rather irritated look on her face, startling Harper who immediately begins to fuss.
"What are you doing?"
There's a venom in Charlie's voice that startles and she nearly drops the book, as she freezes and lets Charlie take Harper away from her. Her cheeks flush in embarrassment, like she's done something wrong or that Harper was in danger from her and she can feel the hot tears that quickly bubble to the surface. "Do you honestly think that I'm going to hurt her?" Charlie doesn't answer the question and instead takes the book from her and disappears with Harper.
Seconds morph into minutes and when Charlie doesn't come back and explain herself or do anything to make her feel better she gets up heading to the bedroom to start packing her things. Charlie couldn't make it any clearer that she was no longer welcome, there was only so much she could put up with. She pulls out her bag and begins to dump her clothes into them, before spotting some of her makeup on the dresser and heading over there to pack that up as well. She hadn't realized how much stuff she'd simply left over here, all her countless hair products and her super fancy toothbrush, plus all her makeup. Once she got home, she'd pack up all of Charlie's things and ship them back to her. She pauses as she tries to figure out how big a box she'd need. All she remembered seeing was one of those non-mechanical toothbrushes in her bathroom. That and the hoodie were the only two things coming to mind.
The door to the bedroom opens and Charlie stops and stares at the bag on the bed before looking at Santana who was clutching some of her makeup that had cluttered up her dresser and then back at the bag on the bed. She walks over to it and grabs a worn hoodie that was sitting at the top and drops it on the ground before heading to her side of the bed and falling onto it and turning her back to Santana.
"Seriously." When Charlie doesn't answer her, she throws the small lipstick bottle at Charlie, watching it bounce off harmlessly. "I deserve a conversation."
"I just got Harper down for her nap, don't wake her up," Charlie responded simply, her voice relatively low and calm. "You're leaving, so leave."
"I'm trying—"
"Santana, there is someone out there for you who is not me," Charlie began before rolling back over.
Santana let out a laugh, they had been doing so well. Things between them had been going great, "Are we really back to this? I mean I thought that Mack was full of shit when she said that you'd want me to quit my job and get on my knees and suck your dick all day, but apparently that's what I'm dealing with now. If you can't handle the fact that I'm more successful than you are then just say it, instead of trying to manipulate me and gaslight me into feeling bad."
"I can't handle how more successful you are," Charlie repeats flatly. "Now that we've got that out in the open—" Charlie nods towards the door and goes back to staring at the wall.
Santana swallows, "Don't just tell me what I want to hear to make me go away. I'm fucking trying to fix this, but how can I fix it if you won't talk to me."
"You were always going to leave Santana, I'm just making sure that Harper isn't collateral damage," Charlie responds without looking at her. "Go home Santana, and leave me and Harper alone."
"I wanted us to mate this week, and then figure out moving in together, I know that I need to do a bit more work on the Harper front but how can I if you—"
"She's my daughter."
"I know that—"
"Do you?"
Santana immediately shut her mouth, trying to piece together what Charlie was talking about. It takes her a moment before her brow furrows slightly, "This is about Sebastian, seriously? You honestly think I'm going to leave you for a beta?"
"This isn't about you spreading your legs for the smug shithead, it's about you being too embarrassed to tell your coworkers the truth about me. This is about you deciding what my life is going to be. I didn't think that meeting my supposed omega would make so fucking miserable."
The words come as a slap and Santana takes a step back and swallows her pride down as best as she can. "You don't know Sebastian like I do. What was I supposed to do?"
"It doesn't matter, but I'll never measure up to who you want me to be in your head. So why are we doing this Santana, neither one of us are happy."
"That's not true, I'm not happy at this exact moment, but before I had to drag your ass to the hospital, I was happy that I was going to spend the week up here with you. I was going to discuss moving back into the city, we could find a place that works for all of us, in a good school neighborhood for Harper. When was the last time you were happy?" Santana asks, this was still salvageable. She could still salvage this.
"It doesn't matter," Charlie said, turning herself back over.
"Because you say it doesn't matter? I'm telling you the truth, the least you could do is the same."
Charlie gritted her teeth, why wouldn't Santana just leave. She wanted to be left alone in her misery, "What do you want me to say, Santana? Will it make you feel better to know that I haven't been happy since that night, I came in trying to make a good impression only to find out that nothing that I would do is something you'd tell your co-workers about."
"It's Sebastian—"
"What's that supposed to mean? You get to be embarrassed by my lack of education and by my daughter because it's some dude you fucked when you were supposed to be with me?" Charlie takes a deep breath. "I was so fucking worried that I'd have nothing to offer you, I'm not exactly well-read, and I know that I'm not easy to live with. It was never about dragging you to my level Santana, it was about getting to your level, but you didn't make me feel that I wasn't there yet, you didn't make me feel like some failure, until that night. And I thought that maybe I overreacted, but then you start talking about the police academy, no one thinks it's a good idea to give me a gun and a badge, Santana."
There's a pause for a moment and Santana stares at her mate, there had been so much bottled up inside, and she had missed everything. Rachel had been more aware that there had been fractures in her relationship then she was, it was embarrassing and she desperately wanted to get defensive, but that wouldn't help her in this situation. Her alpha was hurting, and she had been the cause of all this pain. "You're right."
Charlie blinked all of her righteous anger dissipating, as she looked at Santana. She had expected her to fight back, to argue with her, to make her feel like she was wrong, but the validation just causes her to deflate and look at her mate, hurt in her eyes. "What?"
Santana takes a deep breath, "You're right," she repeats. It's not something that she's used to admitting, and the words sound foreign in her mouth, "I should have been honest when we went out that night, and I should have listened to you that night instead of getting upset and throwing what you did in your face. I honestly thought I was protecting you, Sebastian can be relentless, and I didn't want everyone in the world knowing your business. You don't have anything to be ashamed of Charlie, and I'm sorry that my actions hurt you." Apologies were hard, but she needed to get this right or she wasn't sure she'd be able to save their relationship. "Can we sit and talk about it?"
Charlie nods wordlessly sitting on her bed and placing her hands in her lap, her body tensing when Santana takes a seat beside her. "I—" Charlie closes her mouth after a second and looks at her mate, not sure what was happening. Santana had never seemed like the person who would apologize for anything.
"I'm going to be honest and say that you fighting scares the absolute crap out of me, I watched and none of it's regulated, they don't care if you fight hurt if you're injured, and anything can happen. It's a very confusing experience for me," Santana says looking at Charlie and flashing her a small smile when she looks at her. "I'm torn between being very turned on and knowing exactly how much damage your body is sustaining."
"Fighting makes me feel good," Charlie admits after a moment, glancing at her hands. She notices Santana's hand reaching for hers and after a slight moment's hesitation she moves her hand closer for the contact.
"Then please do it in a safe manner, we can figure it out together. We can find a gym and we figure out the money situation," Santana adds, Charlie had mentioned that she'd be making less money fighting professionally to start, and with Harper to think of she could see why Charlie would be wary of making the leap. "Harper has your smile," Santana said after a moment.
Charlie looks down at her hands for a moment, "I'm sorry for earlier."
"I don't resent Harper because I don't want kids. I'm not against children, I just think that having children is a terrible idea for me, and for most people. Rachel is insanely competitive, you know she once sent a rival to an abandoned crack house? And Quinn—well I mean it's Quinn," Santana smile grows when Charlie lets out a small laugh at that. "Your niece is going to be a nightmare. If my parents are to be believed I was a little shit as a child, and I don't have the patience to deal with a miniature version of myself."
"It would be exhausting."
Santana blinked and looked at her mate who grinned at her, "My parents can't be trusted, I was probably an angel," she snaps back playfully. "Harper's not mine, and I think that bothers me. She smiled at me and all I could think was how much she had your smile, and then I see the bits of her that are Mack, and I just—I get upset. But Harper is a good toddler, and I will get there with her."
Charlie hesitates for a moment, "Mack has gotten a job, and started paying for child support and back-child support. There's nothing I can do to prevent her from eventually being involved in Harper's life. I already know how Mack's mate feels about Harper, so when she's with me I want her time to be filled with unconditional love. If you can't or it's too hard for you—"
Santana paused, as she finally understood why Charlie was being so particular, she couldn't control what happened with Strando but she could make sure that Harper never once felt like a burden. "It isn't, but I do need to get used to her, and I need to know what my boundaries are with her. I'll try and clean up my language around her as well." Santana is quiet for a moment, "Do you still want me to leave?"
"No," Charlie admits after a moment.
Santana nods slightly relieved, that she had managed to navigate this pitfall with Charlie, "If you're upset with me Charlie you can't let it build, like this just tell me and we'll figure it out okay?"
"Okay," Charlie mumbled, deciding to rest her head on Santana's shoulder, suddenly feeling exhausted as she closed her eyes. She had a lot of things that she needed to do. If Santana was going to make an effort then she needed to make one as well and she needed to do the work.
~ O ~
"Come in." Russell stated without looking up from the mountains of paperwork on his desk. He had so much work to do and it was so tiring. He can hear the door open but when he doesn't hear anyone entering he looks up to see his youngest standing there rubbing her arm, looking around the room. Russell immediately shifts his attention towards her completely. "Charlie, come in and have a seat." This was a first, Charlie generally avoided him, as if she was hoping that if she was quiet and disappeared into the scenery she would remain in his good graces.
Charlie hesitates for a moment before taking a seat in her father's office, still trying to fold in on herself. She didn't have fond memories of being in this office, whenever she was in trouble he would drag her in here for a verbal reaming. The day she'd gotten kicked out, the fight had started in this very room, and had dragged throughout the house. "I have the last bit of money I owe you for all of Harper's things," she informs him, pulling out a beaten up envelope and pushing it across his desk towards him.
Russell blinked, and studied the envelope. Charlie had usually just handed Judy the money and disappeared before they could ever talk. "Thank you," he says, taking the money and opening a drawer and tossing the envelope into it. He'd add this to the rest of the money that Charlie had given him with interest and figure out a way to give it back to her without offending her. "Do you need anything?"
Charlie opens her mouth to say something and then closes it and shakes her head, and makes a move to get up.
"Charlotte, sit down."
Charlie bristled, she hated being called Charlotte and she shoots an annoyed glare at her dad before she does exactly as he asks. "I'm not a child anymore," she muttered under her breath.
"Debatable," Russell retorted simply, "You came here for a reason so spit it out, I'm not your mother, I don't coddle you."
"Russell." Both Charlie and Russell turn to see Judy standing at the doorway, pretending as if she hadn't been attempting to eavesdrop, Harper was in her arms being bounced. "She's finally coming to you, I told you to be supportive."
"I am being supportive! I'm just not going to coddle her, if she has something to say she's going to need to spit it out, I'm not a mind reader," Russell responds defensively looking at his mate. Back when Charlie was a teenager she would argue with him all the time, and demand things from him. It had been a headache back then but he missed it, he missed butting heads with his children.
Before her parents could start bickering Charlie spoke up, "I want to get better."
Those five simple words caused Judy and Russell to turn to her, Judy's eyes watering immediately, there had been many discussions about how they could help her more than simply getting her a place to live, she never thought that Charlie would even admit that there was a problem.
"What do you need?"
Charlie swallowed, "A therapist who specializes in sexual assaults of alpha's. I looked it up online, but I can't afford it and I want to get better, I need to get better. I have Harper, and I think I may have Santana and they both need me to be better, and I want to put in the work. I'll try and put some money towards it—"
"Find someone and I'll take care of it," Russell interrupts. "If you're really serious about getting better than I am going to do anything and everything I can to get you the help you need, you know money isn't an issue for us. What else do you need?"
Charlie hesitated, she wasn't sure if she should just be honest and upfront about everything. "I don't want anyone else to know. Not Quinn, not Rachel—and especially not Santana. I don't want anyone to get their hopes up. Just like I don't want them to know that I signed up for classes at the local community college. I can pay for those myself."
Russell's eyes widened in shock, he had no idea what had brought this on, but Charlie getting her education was important. It wasn't what he had envisioned for his daughter, and despite wanting to insist she get her education at a proper university, he knows better than to push Charlie into anything. "Is there a reason why you're going the community college route?"
Charlie nodded, "I can afford it on my own, I looked it up, it's only about 250 a class, and I can take a class at a time until I get it done, I'll still be able to do it and fight, I'm going to try and go professional once I find a gym that is nearby."
"In the interest of fairness, Quinn's tuition and board was paid by us. That option is still available to you," Russell points out, before Judy can say anything. jHe knew how to talk to his daughters.
Charlie shook her head immediately, she didn't need that added pressure on top of everything else she was taking on. "I don't know how difficult that is going to be, I might not be any good at it. But I want to try and I can afford it. If I can finish all my classes with relatively good marks, maybe I'll be able to transfer and we can revisit this conversation?"
"We'll talk about finance at another point," Russell concedes after a moment, this wasn't the time to start a fight over payment with Charlie. He waits for Charlie to say anything but she looks away towards Harper who has started to fuss and and Russell can't help but smile at his family for a moment. The guilt still ate at him, Judy had suggested therapy years ago and he had scoffed at it, but he hadn't known and thinking back all the signs had been there. He had failed as an alpha, when his daughter had needed him the most, he had abandoned her. Leaving her to fend for herself for eight years, instead of trying everything, of spending every dime he had to make sure she had the support she needed. The fact that she hadn't told him that she had needed to hide it from him was another yet another reminder of how he had failed her.
