"Hey, Zulas? We're friends, right?"
"No."
"Come on." Robin wheedled. "I saved your life."
"A lot of people have done that." Zulas replied. "Doesn't make 'em my friends. Usually just nameless soldiers in a formation. I buy them a drink afterwards, of course."
"I need something stronger than a drink right now." Robin tried again. "Acquaintances?"
"I don't know your last name, Robin."
"To be fair, neither do I." Robin sighed and considered his options. The prison cart that was taking him to Fort Steiger to be judged was cramped and uncomfortable, not to mention smelled funny. He might be able to kick it apart, but he'd be on foot. And there was a mounted convoy escorting him. "So, Zulas, any idea what's going to happen?"
"Yes." Zulas replied. Robin suspected that he was starting to regret volunteering as guard. "You're going to be found guilty of assaulting an officer and suspected of being in league with the rebels."
"I saved Glass's life!" Robin exclaimed. "I dragged his sorry corpse out of that burning building, facedown in the mud!"
"You might not want to mention that. They'll take it as an admission of guilt." Zulas advised. "Just admit to everything, and beg for mercy."
Robin moaned. "This is great. I have a week's worth of memory, and I'm going to be scapegoated. Great army you got here. Almost makes me sympathize with the rebels."
"You probably don't want to mention that either." Zulas shrugged. "Look, I'll recommend a harsh sentencing of mandatory lifetime conscription. You might get to serve with me, if you're very lucky."
Robin shuddered and closed his eyes. "Yay. No offense intended. Pardon me while I use the remaining time I have left dreaming of freedom."
"No, you don't get to be like that." Zulas whacked the bars with his spear. Robin's eye shot open at the clang. "Listen, kid. I've got a few years on you. You made your choice when you decided to interfere with the fight I had."
"Oh, because I was supposed to let them kill you?"
"It was your call." Zulas said. "I'm not an innocent bystander. I represent one of two warring factions. You choosing to side with one of them – well, that has permanent consequences, and I expect you to know that. You could've been killed. This isn't so bad, compared to that."
"Alright, alright." Robin opened his eyes. "Yeah, I knew this was a possibility. Still, the least I could do for that town."
"You're alright, kid. This shouldn't have happened to you. I'll see what I can do." Zulas frowned as the carriage came to a halt. "And, that shouldn't have happened, either. I wonder why we stopped?"
"If we're under assault, can I have my sword back to defend myself?"
"If we're under assault, you're safer as a prisoner, and you know it. Well, probably." Zulas looked out the window and grimaced. "Oh. Well, the good news is that we aren't under assault."
"Dare I ask the bad news?"
"Yeah. That was the personal standard of Walhart the Conqueror." Zulas swallowed. "I, ah, heard rumors that he likes taking discipline issues into his own hands."
"Well, that makes sense." Robin said. Then the magnitude of the lancer's words struck him. "Oh. I'm going to get turned into an example, aren't I?"
"Well…" Zulas said. "You might not."
"Hey, Zulas. Want to accidentally-on-purpose stab me through the chest? I think that might be less painful."
"You have an awfully chipper attitude right now." Zulas said, unlocking the door. "And, no, I ain't stabbing you. I don't feel like stoking the Conqueror's wrath either."
-Valm War Camp, Walhart's Division-
"Is this report true?" Walhart asked, thumbing through the hastily written report. It had taken the noble, Glass, fifteen minutes to 'find' the incident report that he was using to charge the prisoner. The sloppiness of the report left Walhart little doubt that the man had used the troop's best scribe to throw together an incident report in those fifteen minutes. The troop's best scribe was also the best scribe only relative to this troop. And possibly the only one.
"Of course, Your Excellency." Glass bobbed.
A lie. It was amusing how many people thought to try that with him, especially when they knew they couldn't get away with it. The report was riddled with inconsistencies. It was obvious that the noble had been embarrassed by needing the foreigner's rescue, and sought to blame him instead. A mark of weakness, thrice over. First, by lying to the Conqueror. Second, by seeking to foster his own weakness onto another. And third, by having the weakness itself.
"Excellus." Walhart said.
"Yes, Your Grace?" The toad-like tactician materialized behind Walhart's chair.
"Talk to this man's lieutenant. Get his side of the story. See if it conflicts."
"At once." Excellus laughed. The viceroy vanished in a circle of magic, chuckling. "Heh heh."
"Your Excellency!" Glass protested.
"Don't bother." Walhart grunted. He stood up, drawing Wolf Berg from the ground beside him. "Move from that position, and I test my aim against you. To be honest, I was looking for an excuse to do something like this for a while, and you happened to come across my camp with just that reason."
"I don't understand…"
"Of course, you don't." Walhart's hand gripped the handle of Wolf Berg. He itched to use it against the obvious weakling in front of him. "You rely on others for strength because you have none. A rotten timber holding up the roof. You are the worst kind of leech my army needs. I long for the day when I can discard the nobility like the damp, smothering rag they are, but for now I must suffer them. I see no reason to suffer you."
"Your Grace." Excellus had appeared behind him. The mage was gifted with teleportation magics, and seems to prefer it to walking. It wasn't something Walhart disapproved of, after all, if you had no need to walk, ever, there seemed no reason to waste time developing a useless skill. On the other hand, Walhart was also of the belief that the toad-like tactician's inability to run would one day be the death of him. Excellus continued. "The lieutenant approaches."
"Very well." Walhart turned towards Glass. "You will remain silent if you value your life."
"Conqueror." A soldier with blue accents in his uniform knelt before him. "My name is Zulas. What reason have you requested my prescence?"
"Curiosity." Walhart sunk his axe into the ground and rested his right hand on it. "What happened in the previous day's events?"
"We fought off some raiders, but not before they managed to light a grain house on fire. Captain Glass, the stalwart and brave commander that he is, managed to rally his troops to protect the rest, but was brought low by a foreigner feigning to be a friend."
"Good." Walhart instructed. "Now, repeat yourself, this time without the lies."
Zulas considered for a second, then nodded. "Well, I'm not going to get a better chance than this, I suppose. What happened, Conqueror? Our captain screwed up a routine mission, again, and when I and the foreigner went and bailed his rear end out of the literal fire, he blamed it all on Robin. It did help that Robin knocked him unconscious, but, in Robin's defense, Glass ambushed him inside of the flaming warehouse, pardon my tongue but I'm being literal when I say that. Not a lot of good choices there for out 'stalwart and brave commander'."
"I see." Walhart said. "So, the only real charge against this man is striking a commanding officer, and striking a member of nobility."
"No, sir." Zulas said. "The commanding officer at the time wasn't acting like one, because he was assaulting one of his allies. Under military code, he's classified as a combat ally, and assaulting him is a treasonous offense. That means that Robin was permitted to strike a commanding officer, under those circumstances."
"And what made this Robin one of the commanding officer's allies?"
"I did, sir." Zulas said. "I made the decision to include Robin within my squad, acting on my own authority as lieutenant,"
"So, you would accept responsibility." Walhart said.
"I … guess, sir?" Zulas cocked his head. "I will accept fault for succeeding in the mission."
"Hmph. You are weak, to require help. But not as weak as your commander though I suspect there is a reason you will never rise above lieutenant. Regardless, I tire of this farce. Captain Glass, please speak." Walhart instructed. "Tell us if anything your lieutenant said was true."
Glass gave an angry look to Zulas. His face was beet red. "Yes. My lieutenant is right that this … foreigner, attacked me! I demand justice as a member of the nobility."
"Hmmm." Walhart considered the request. Glass was vocal, and it might annoy the nobility if his request was left unfulfilled, if for no other reason than they had to put up with him. On the other hand, Walhart didn't care for the man at all, and it would bother Walhart to fulfill the man's request. "Excellus. Fetch me a book of court protocol. And fetch me the foreigner."
"At once." Excellus bowed, and vanished. Walhart waited for a few minutes, enjoying the tension of the lesser men around him.
-Prison Carriage-
"Come with me, foreigner." The words contained an unmistakable sneer. Robin sighed, looked up, and recoiled. Excellus sighed. "Yes, I know I'm not pretty."
"I am sorry about that. Usually I'm a bit more tactful, I've just had a bad day."
"Well, it's only going to get worse."
"Lovely." Robin muttered under his breath. He left the carriage, following the slow gait of the mage. Out in the field, stood a man in dynamic crimson armor, standing a full seven feet tall, at the very least. The captain knelt on one side of him, and Zulas knelt on another. Walhart raised a massive, red, axe and pointed it at the tactician.
"You. State your name, and place of origin."
"Robin." Robin said. "Robin, of lands far away. I recently suffered from amnesia, and I do not recall anything else, I am sorry."
The toad-like mage whispered something in Walhart's ear, but the Conqueror ignored him. "Tell me. If you were commanding a large cavalry force, pursuing an enemy, and you reached a river, what would you do?"
"Stop." Robin's mind went into high gear. "Water and cavalry don't mix. Everyone knows that. That being said, the defenders probably have an ambush set into motion, so I'd split my forces, keep half as a front, and send one half upriver to find a good crossing point and see what I can do to flank them."
"Why upriver?"
"Because an ambush would have to be set up downriver to be effective." Robin explained. "It's hard to avoid traces when you cross water, like arrows drifting down the stream, or the like."
"Interesting." Walhart betrayed no emotion. "Your forces are outnumbered, three to one, and you are engaging an opponent on open plain. What do you do?"
"Retreat." Robin said. "I don't like dead men. Barring that, you could try splitting your army into three groups, and flank your opponent from all directions. What you do is you collapse your front, and then encircle. It's, um, hard to describe without the diagram."
"Can you play chess?"
"I think so, but I'm not good at it." Robin replied. "Not enough unpredictable strategies."
"I see." Walhart said. "Excellus will be disappointed. He could use a good opponent for his games. Next question. Zulas decided to burn down the houses containing enemy troops, while blockading the front of them. How would you have done things differently?"
He knows about that? Robin's mouth went dry. "Um. Lighting the house on fire is bad, because you risk spreading fire to the rest of the town during a fight. That's only good if you're on offense, but we were trying to protect the town. What we should've done is barricade the entrances, then slowly knockout the support frames using wind magic."
"Very well." Walhart nodded. "It seems that you have some knowledge of tactics. You won't be completely useless for my purposes. Final question. What does strength mean?"
I totally do not get what is going on right now. Robin swallowed. Should I say what I think he wants to hear? No, he'll be able to tell, I'm not such a good liar. Robin looked up. "Strength is, strength the collective sum of everyone's power working together."
"I see." Robin thought he caught a note of disappointment in Walhart's response. "A good answer, for a tactician. Regardless, we now have the matter or your trial to get to. Captain Glass, what grievances do you have?"
"I was assaulted by that man!" Captain Glass shouted. "He admitted to it, and I have eyewitnesses!"
"I see." Walhart's eyes narrowed. "Excellus, my book? Thank you. According to your rules of nobility, Glass, the very punishment for striking you is death. Do you seek this as punishment?"
"I do." Glass gave Robin a vicious grin.
"Very well." Walhart snapped the book shut. The snap caused Robin to jump. "In that case, I will also point this out to you. If Robin was nobility and you were not, you are liable in the same vein, correct? For, after all, you were engaged in even combat."
"Correct…" Glass frowned. "But he isn't nobility! He's a foreigner! Any title he holds is worthless here, even if he did have a title, and I do have one!"
"Ah, but my titles are not worthless here." Walhart said. "I have amassed a small collection of them, and I distribute them as I please. Robin, you have interested me."
"Conqueror?" Robin asked. "What do you mean by that?"
"Bold enough to ask me questions?" Walhart said. "I scarce know it myself, but there is something about you which has me curious. Perhaps it is merely my imagination, but you should serve to amuse me if nothing else."
"What do you mean by that, Conqueror?" Robin asked, swallowing
"That is a riddle for you to solve." Walhart said. "Every man has his own path to power and I would watch you attempt to seek out yours. Robin, I grant you a title of nobility. From now on, you are a … hmm. A lord seems improper. You do not have the air of a lord. From now, henceforth to all eternity and from the dawn of time, you are a Count of Valm, to be known as Robin Obsidian."
"You named me after a rock?" Robin blinked.
"Change it, if you are so inclined. My patience for ceremony is thin." Walhart said. "Captain Glass, I believe you have admitted to striking a Count of Valm. The punishment is death."
"I'm nobility!" Glass protested.
"I strip you of your titles." Walhart stated. "Now, you are not."
"Wait a-" Robin started.
A red axe flew through the air, smashing through Glass. The captain was destroyed, his chest missing and a shocked expression on his face. Walhart raised his hand, and the axe flew back. Magic axe, apparently. Walhart chuckled. "I believe the expression is 'what goes around comes around'. Or, as I would say, reap what you sow, maggot."
"Count Robin, as nobility, I expect you to help with this war effort." Walhart said. "I, of course, would not wish to saddle you with the burden of taking over an old, experienced unit, like of the late Captain Glass, so you shall have a command. Excellus! See to it that he gets a new unit. Make them mostly green."
"Yes, sir." Excellus bowed, and vanished, clearly happy with the situation.
"But … why?" Robin asked, very confused about this whole ordeal. "Was this just to get rid of Glass?"
"That was the main objective, yes." Walhart said. "As I said, there is also the matter that you interest me. I can afford to lose a few cogs in my war machine for curiosity's sake, and regardless, you are not as incompetent as your former captain. I would see were you go, tactician."
"In that case, I request a transfer of Lieutenant Zulas to my command." Robin said. "I could use his expertise, and I fear he is being underutilized."
"Request approved." Walhart said. "Now, be on your way. I have an army to crush."
-Robin's New Estate-
"Holy-!"
"You know." Robin sighed resignedly. "That loses the effect every time you say it. Yes. I now have a mansion. Plus, a barracks. Plus, stables. Plus, several servants. Plus, an army of money."
"Look at these weapons!"
"And now, I have an armory full of rare weapons." Robin looked over the walls. His unit had been given leave so he could 'reorganize', which meant training the army of new hires how to fight properly. Robin was taking inventory of all his stuff. Apparently, Walhart had killed several dozen nobles on his conquest of Valm (and, as far as Robin was concerned, who could blame him?). So, Excellus had given him the stuff, with a look of loathing. Not that Robin blamed the man.
"I just went from zero to nobility." Robin sighed. "Zulas stop gawking, and take inventory."
"You have scribes for that, now." Zulas said. "So, we're friends, aren't we? Friend? Right, friend? And you'll let me have a crack at this, being that we're friends and all?"
"Sure." Robin sighed, massaging his temples. "I just want to sleep. Any good weapons?"
"Ooh, a Levin sword." Zulas said, taking it down from the wall. "Pity I can't use it."
"I meant for me." Robin clarified. "Why would I want a Levin sword when I have magic? What's the highest-level thunder tome we have?"
"Superior Jolt, from the looks of it." Zulas said. "it's, ah, oh. It's an anti-magic tome. Cool. Didn't know they made those because they're totally useless for me."
"I can't wield that." Robin sighed, and plucked an Elthunder. "This will suffice for now, I guess. Zulas, where are the normal swords?"
"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that." Zulas said. "You want to learn how to use a spear?"
"Do I want to learn how to use a spear?" Robin asked. "Why? My magic has the same range that spears do. Swords will work just fine for me, thank you very much."
"Maybe across the ocean…" Zulas said. "Most mercenaries and raiders on these sides of the water use swords or lances, Robin. Magic is fine against javelins and thrown axe, but you might want to be able to dominate swords, and not have to run like a coward from every other soldier. Also, you've got no good anti-cavalry options."
"You do have a point." Robin considered, and noted the shiny halberd propped up. "You don't want the that? Well, actually, I think I have enough for the both of us. Fine. Let's train."
"Let's train?"
"You're training me." Robin clarified. "I'm now your Captain. I get to order you around. And you still owe me a drink for saving your life."
-Report to REDACTED from REDACTED, XX/X/XX-
Report: Do you believe in zombies? I'm not sure why I asked that, because I don't know what a zombie is. But there are reports of these weird, undead creatures that are showing up all over Archaneia continent. Yeah… Weird crud is going down there. Let's blame Plegia.
A/N: Deus ex Machina? Sure, I'll admit that having Walhart's army happen upon this situation is a bit deus ex machina. I don't mind it so much, because 1) the alternative is to have Robin slowly work his way through the army, which is boring to write and 2) the same thing happens in normal Awakening with Chrom and the Shepherds so...
