Chapter 2
Coincidence or not, Hikigaya Hachiman begins a long-winded side quest.

If it were Zaimokuza who was here instead of me(and I'd have gladly traded places with him in a heartbeat), he would've become one of Orario's favorite authors in no time.

I mean, seriously. Zaimokuza's (many) third-rate works could be passed off as best-selling novels here. Wait, did I say third-rate? I meant fourth-rate. Oops. Teehee!

In terms of entertainment, Orario was seriously starved of it.

Case in point: Monster Feria. For the amusement of the general populace, as well as some much-needed PR for the greater majority of adventurers, the Guild and Ganesha Familia were willing to bring out monsters from the Dungeon and tame them in public. Not just lower-floor monsters, either–from Flova's gushing about the festival, they'd bring out 10th-12th Floor monsters, such as Silverbacks and Hard Armoreds, and sometimes even monsters from the Middle Floors, like Lygerfangs and Wyverns.

In other words, a lot of risk, but not a lot of gain. The Guild, which acted pretty much as the middleman between adventurers and the general public, was sticking itself out on a limb, and if the Monster Feria failed, its public image would plummet faster than mine had after the Cultural Festival. Wait, my public image had always been rock-bottom from the beginning though, so it was impossible for it to fall further! Hahaha...

Even when I try to make myself laugh, I can only make myself cry, huh.

With a small, half-empty wagon full of various crates and boxes behind me, I patiently parked the cart at the side of the street as I waited for the commuters to clear out. It was early in the morning, and the general flow was towards the Colosseum at the East Gate in preparation for the Monster Feria, pretty much denying any possibilities of me and Hermes's cart from maneuvering around the streets to deliver the packages.

But that was no problem. This was the perfect time to use another handy skill from the Hachiman 108: Idling.

This was where the true forte of a loner like me could shine. Whereas the regular riajuu would be fretting over the crowd and worried over how they might accomplish their task that was given to them by the merciful (lol) and generous (lol) Hermes-sama, who was always working hard (lol), I was not affected in the slightest, since I was a master of wasting time.

I started fantasizing about what would happen if I branched off from the Hermes Familia to run my own company and what would happen after my company became powerful enough to occupy a sizable portion of Orario and its economy. If someone came to interview me, I'd had to lead them to my office and show off my bookcase, as well as the massive metal safe which would contain a good deal of my personal riches, along with my stacks of financial ledgers which truly showcased the massive logistics of the operation–

"Aaaagggghhhh! I'm so bored!"

I blinked twice, breaking out of my daydream before slowly rotating my head to my left. Hackard blew out a long sigh before throwing her head backwards. "Hikitani, how do you look so content just sitting there like that? This is so boooring!" Another loud "hahhhhhhhh…" drifted out of her mouth.

"If you're so bored, then why are you here?" Hackard clutched at her chest and let out a "Hrgk!", as if the question I had asked was a sword and I had stabbed her with it.

"Hey, it's not my fault!" She let out a childish pout. "Hermes-sama was all like, 'Hey, Maris-chan, want to help me deliver something?' and he was super nice and all, you know? And he's our god, you know? I couldn't just turn him down, so he told me to go deliver packages 32 to 48. He was talking about how it was such a shame that no one else could take that last bit of packages, because he's already having Asfi-san and Lulune-chan deliver 1-15 and 15-31. So he was like all begging and stuff and I really couldn't refuse…"

I tuned out the rest of her talk as she launched into a long-winded ramble about how she really–no, seriously (lol)–couldn't resist Hermes's earnest, heartfelt request (lol), going back to my daydreaming until the roads cleared enough for me to begin delivering my packages through the various streets of Orario's two easternmost sectors.

knock knock knock

"Hello~ Anybody home?" Hackard rapped her knuckles on the wooden door. With a creeaaak, the door opened and the two of us were greeted by a motherly woman with a gentle look on her face.

"Martel?" She nodded.

"I assume that Hermes-sama has–"

"Yeah, here you go." I unloaded the largest crate, which was almost half of my size–a good 30 kilograms–and dropped it inside the church, next to the doorway. "It says that you're prepaid for Packages 16 and 17… Hackard, the smaller box." Hackard lugged over the crate. "Alright, just sign here to verify that you've gotten your packages… done."

The next location was a food vendor's stall which sold doner kebabs. "Here, the package you ordered… that's 300 Valis total." There was a clink of coins as the owner dropped a couple of coins into my hand. "Sign here to acknowledge that you've gotten your packages… alright, done."

A general supply store of some sort, several carefully wrapped bundles with labels of GLASS and THIS WAY UP on them. "Here, Package 37 through 40… sign here as the recipient."

A blacksmith's forge, a paper-wrapped lump no larger than a roll of toilet paper. "Here you go. Sign…"

The minutes ticked by in a blur as Hackard and I bustled around the eastern half of Orario, delivering our packages to the recipients. 14 packages dropped to 10, then 5, then finally, 1.

I looked at the last entry on the list and resisted the urge to facepalm.

Package 48 - Bottle of Wine - Deliver to Royman Mardeel, the Guild Head. He requested it for today specifically, so head to the Colosseum. He's probably in one of the upper VIP boxes, so good luck~~

As both Hackard and I approached the Colosseum, I parked the wagon very neatly to the side, Hackard letting out a whoop as she rolled her neck and rubbed her shoulders a couple of times. "Whew, that was so tiring! Wasn't it, Hikitani?"

You just walked around. You didn't even pull the wagon. You have no right to talk.

Near the entrance, however, there were quite a few adventurers and Guild employees who were looking rather panicked. Among them, my eyes distinctly caught the figure of Tulle, who seemed to be barking out orders.

"Ah, Maris, Hikigaya-san." She waved us over, so we followed. "Since you're both upper-tier adventurers, I'd like to enlist your help."

I had a vague premonition that for some reason, Hermes had set me up into something that in hindsight, I really, really should have tried to avoid.

"Haha, Eina-san, what help is it? We'd be glad to~" Hackard, you do realize that saying "we" only refers to yourself, right? I still have a delivery job to do, so don't drag me into this. Don't even think about it.

"Several monsters have escaped from the Colosseum. It would be greatly appreciated if you were able to help us exterminate them."

"Haha, no problem, Eina-san!" Hackard flashed Tulle a thumbs-up. "Come on, let's go, Hikitani!" What did I just say?

I can't believe I had walked into one of these. The infamous "chain of side quests that's just as long as the main storyline and just as hard in difficulty". You start by trying to find someone's missing dog, but by the time the chain of quests is over you've walked through a dungeon and killed a lich or some final-boss-level monster.

This time, I did facepalm. It was too hard not to. How much of this was intentional, I had no clue. But Hermes was definitely behind this. If he wasn't, then someone or something else was.

It was too much of a coincidence otherwise. I'd long moved past the days where I could think that there was some random, omnipotent being that had thrown me here which I could rail against, but that didn't mean that no one wasn't planning anything. A whole 2 years of average adventuring, no irregular incidents at all, and then this? It tied together too perfectly to be a coincidence.

"It'd be appreciated if you could get to this as quickly as possible!" Tulle began to bow her head towards us, but I stopped her, instead handing her a small package and a clipboard with a pen on it.

"I'll do it if you get this bottle to Mardeel and make him sign on the "Recipient Signature" line."
"Pardon me?"
"Hikitani, this really isn't the time to–"

I shot a glare at Hackard, who clamped her mouth shut. If I was going to embark on another task, I wanted to finish this one. I was not going to be falling for that trick where some character goes on this long journey, and then comes back and the quest issuer is like "Ah, but you didn't fulfill the original quest, so your contract is void". Nope, screw that.

Tulle scurried off into the Colosseum, while Hackard and I both drew our swords and began moving down the streets in search of monsters.

We didn't get far before there was a cry of "Monster!" from one of the streets, and both of us dashed towards the street... only to find nothing but a broken hole in the pavement. I focused my gaze on the ground. What could've made such a big hole? That would require at least a strength of A in Level 1–

My train of thought was broken when there was a crack-crack-crack of pavement and stone at our feet. "Hackard, move!" Both of us dove out of the way as something tore out from the street, erupting in a shower of stone and mortar.

This something rose from the ground and faced us, stretching a good 5 meters into the sky. Its bulb turned towards me and it lunged. Thankfully, my reflexes kicked in and I automatically leaned to the left, the bulb-shaped head of the monster missing by less than half a meter.

Raising my sword, I sharply brought it down in a vertical slash, the blade connecting with the monster's body–and just as soon as it did a jarring, painful sensation shot up my arm and almost made me drop my sword. This thing injured my wrist?!

There was a tugging sensation from the blade and I was forced to let go of my sword, jumping backwards as the thing began violently thrashing around, its body rippling from its spot in the street. I watched as the silver blade soared from its body, sailing through the air and landing with a clatter on one of the rooftops. As I landed on my feet and poured a bit of one of my potions over my wrist, Hackard leapt forward to engage with her claymore, her attacks matching that of the monster's as they clashed against each other.

My eyes narrowed as I observed the monster's one-on-one with Hackard, the two viciously duking it out in the street. Hackard's two-handed slices were enough to stop the monster's lunges head on, but the monster didn't stop even as it began bleeding, instead continuing to attack Hackard, and under the sheer barrage, I could see her slowly being pushed back.

Come on, Hachiman. Think fast. Come on. What are its attributes? Weaknesses?

Incredible durability and resistance to physical damage.

Speed is slightly lower than mine or Hackard's.

Strength is most likely high to compensate.

An all-rounder? Definitely not a tank-type or a glass cannon.

Magic? Neither Hackard nor I had magic. We were both frontline fighters. If we could get a mage... but chances were too low and the longer the monster was out, the more problems there were. Magic was out of the picture right now, unless some sort of Level 3+ mage just happened across this fight by sheer coincidence–no, stop that line of thought. You don't have time for this. Focus.

Regardless of whatever I chose to do, I needed to recover my weapon first.

Slamming my foot into the ground, I propelled myself onto the rooftops, my hand scooping up the sword as I circled back and forth, waiting for the right chance to step in. As the monster's head finally deflected off of Hackard's sword and she swung sideways, her sword looking to chop off the creature's head, I leapt off the roof, my sword aimed straight at the monster.

I noticed too late the pale-green tendrils that shot out from the ground. Even though I made an emergency spin midair as one of the vines honed in on me, I wasn't able to avoid the blow entirely, the tendril slamming into me and flinging me sideways into the wall. I let out several coughs as I picked myself up from the rubble. My left shoulder throbbed with an angry pain; that was definitely going to leave a bruise later. I poured the rest of the potion over the spot.

Hackard, on the other hand, blocked the blows before flipping the sword around for a two-handed swing. Her sword blurred, scything down half a dozen tendrils at once.

"Come on! I could do this all day!" Hackard chopped down more tendrils with a second swing and raised her sword above her head before several tendrils slammed into her chest and sent her flying down the street.

There was a groan, and I watched with a strange mix of horror and fascination as the bulb-shaped lump split open with a grotesque splurch-splurch-splurch, revealing bright crimson petals along with two sets of glistening, pearly teeth which dripped with saliva. The creature let out a howl as more tendrils erupted from the ground, its magic stone glistening in its mouth. The term that was called to mind, more than anything, was man-eating flower.

"That hurt like hell, dammit!" To the side, I watched as Hackard staggered to her feet and raised her sword. "Hikitani, got a strategy yet? We could just trade with it until it's dead, but–"

Strategy? Come on, Hachiman, think fast. Come on. Minimize risk. The enemy has the advantage of surprise if we continue to fight it on the ground. How do we negate its advantage? Stay off the ground.

"I'll distract the tendrils and head, you try to land a killing blow. Try taking off its head in one stroke, and stick to the rooftops. Its tendrils could come out of nowhere."

"Alright, no problem. Leave it to me!"

We leapt into action, both of us taking to opposite sides of the street and jumping onto the rooftops.

I started off by throwing knives, the majority of blades bouncing off on the creature's head and teeth. However, even the ones that landed seemed to annoy it more than harm it. I fervently wished for a lucky shot as I hurled my last knife, but it embedded itself into the creature's head, not nearly close enough to its magic stone.

Should've tried learning archery instead of throwing knives… well, too late for that now.

I tightened my grip on my sword and jumped backwards as the plant whipped its body in my direction, the creature's head smashing into the tiles and sending shards flying everywhere. As it tried to pull back, I went in for two quick, consecutive slashes, green blood spurting out from the X-shaped wound it now had in the side of its body. As it shook itself from side to side like a wet dog and snarled at me, more than 10 of its vines shot in my direction.

I twisted my body to the left, the first three vines barely missing my shoulder as they shot past in a blur of green, following up with an upwards slash that chopped them apart and sent them to the ground. The fourth and fifth zoned in on me, but a quick right-to-left slash was able to cut them off, the two severed appendages landing behind me as they writhed like headless snakes.

Step-in-step-out. I stepped backwards as three more stabbed into the spot where I was mere seconds earlier before stepping forward into a left-to-right slash, three more vines slumping to the ground.

Two more aimed for my face and I spun towards my right, narrowly dodging but managing to counter in time and cut off parts of the tendrils. And now Hackard would jump in with her claymore…

Nothing? I hugged the ground as the final two passed over my head with a whoosh. Is Hackard even–

There was a THUD as the monster's head slammed into me, and even though I barely managed to block with the flat of my blade, I was sent skidding backwards, my balance completely lost. Now would be a good time, Hackard!

"SEIIIIYAHHHHHH!" There was a cry and a metallic flash as well as a SHUNK sound as Hackard's sword sunk into the monster's neck, the massive creature topping to the ground with Hackard's sword still lodged within it. It let out a ferocious roar and tried to shake Hackard off, but the blade was firmly lodged in more than halfway through its neck, and she clung on.

Dropping off of the roof and landing on the street, I quickly moved over to the monster's head as its motions slowly grew weaker and weaker, inflicting more and more slashes to the other side of its neck as Hackard extracted her claymore and did the same, her swings carving up the monster's neck. The monster's thrashing turned into weak twitching as we continued, and at last, with a final gurgle, it slumped to the ground.

I sucked in deep breaths as I slowly limped over to the plant's corpse. Already, I could feel a couple of bruises forming on my shoulder and side. I'd have to patch it up later. The magic stone glistened in the light, and I held up my sword to cut it out.

Then the ground jumped up at me from the right and spun a lopsided, yet fascinatingly slow circle in front of my eyes. I vaguely registered the sound of a clang, a squishy thud, and an impact on my right side, as well as a strange feeling of weightlessness, almost as if I were floating. Ah, I've been hit was all I had time to realize before something slammed into my back, knocking all the air I had out of my lungs.

There was a little interval where, as my brain reoriented itself, I idly thought, Huh, that didn't hurt so much.

Then the pain hit and my mouth opened, discharging the contents of my previous meal. Jagged thorns of pain snaked through my body, concentrating on my right side where it felt like a log had hit me. The pain was heavy and dull, making me unable to move, yet sharp at the same time, tearing through my brain.

My head spun. My vision blurred.

"HIKITANI!" Hackard's scream sounded dull and distant, as if she was calling to me from the bottom of a well. "HIKIGAYA!" It was as if I was underwater. My movements were sluggish as I tried to move, my limbs refusing to respond to me. My head was heavy, a weight that slowly dragged me to the ground.

Another distant scream laced with desperation. "HIKIGAYA!"

Get up, Hachiman. Hackard's calling you. Get up.

I put my hands in front of me, fumbling on the ground. My knees seemed to give way and the ground rushed up at me again, pressing up against my face with a stony coldness. I tasted dust in my mouth.

Everything seemed far away and yet close at the same time. Or maybe it was the pain that made me see things.

Come on, Hachiman. Get up and fight. My thoughts focused, tunneling down into the moment and only the moment, the pain and only the pain. There was a pulsing in my ears, which I faintly recognized as my heartbeat.

If you don't want to die here, get up. If I passed out here, I would die.

I couldn't die here.

Get up.

My body obeyed me this time, lurching into action as an unnatural, yet familiar calm fell over my vision. As I put my hands on the ground again, a coldness fell over my body as the pain and the calm mixed together. The pain was still there, but everything around me sharpened into clear focus as the adrenaline began pumping. I slowly, painfully, carefully rose to my feet, the sounds of battle returning to my ears in a rush–the shouts of other adventurers, Hackard's screams, the snarls of the man-eating plant, the thuds and shrks of weapons against flesh.

I inched my hand towards my right ankle and patted the holster strapped to it. Glass clinked and my eyes caught a glimpse of the sloshing liquid inside. Good, my High Potions were still intact. Now was definitely the time to use one of them; I wasn't miserly enough to risk my life for something like a High Potion. As quickly as I could, I pulled out one of the bottles and popped out the cork, downing it in a couple of gulps. The liquid burned down my throat and hit my stomach with a slow fire. Vaguely, I felt a lump of warmth concentrate and intensify in my right side as the potion went to work, healing my battered ribs, and other smaller pockets of warmth around my body. I winced as I sucked in a deep breath, but other than the pain in my side, I was still in the fight.

I scanned the battlefield. 3 more adventurers had arrived while I was recovering, and they worked together, dodging tendrils and parrying blows against the plant, which snarled as it turned its attention to them and Hackard.

I sucked in a deep breath, ignoring the feeling of cracked ribs which had subsided to a regular stabbing pain by now. My eyes followed the plant as it fought against the four of them all at once.

12 tendrils total, plus its head. The adventurers were no more than Level 2, judging from their speed relative to Hackard's movement. However, they were still able to occupy a part of the plant's attention, forcing it to use 6 of its tendrils against the three of them, who were able to parry them with some effort. Hackard, meanwhile, dodged left and right, her sword swinging against the 6 other tendrils as it deflected blows.

A decisive strike from the "chin" through the top of the plant's head–that was what I needed. I clenched my sword. If monsters could think–and this one had certainly shown some semblance of intelligence, judging from how it had hidden itself for an ambush–then they could be fooled as well.

As I watched, the 3 Level 2s scattered as the tendrils slammed into them and Hackard rushed forward, her sword drawn behind her as she wound up for a big swing. Jumping over the remaining tendrils, she spun into a massive slash. The monster shrieked as her sword carved through it, a jet of green blood spilling out from the wound.

Now! I pushed myself into a sprinting lunge. 3 vines jumped at me, but as I ran I spun a full circle towards my left, the vines blurring past my right side as I dodged. As I made it under the monster's mouth, I killed all my momentum at once, leaning sideways and skidding to a stop right under the monster's mouth before stabbing upwards with both hands.

The blade impaled the plant's chin, sinking in with a small snkk. It led out a gurgled shriek as I pushed the blade in further. Did I not get the right spot?

Then, I felt the blade's tip hit something hard–something that refused to give, as if it were stuck fast. There! I quickly lowered my left palm before slamming it into the sword's pommel again, shoving upwards with every single bit of force I could muster. Whatever my sword was pressed up against gave, and the monster's final cry turned into nothing as it began dissolving into ash, leaving me standing there with my sword still in the air.

My limbs gave out with a spasm of pain, as if it had realized a little late the battle was over, sending me to the ground. I gasped for breath as I pulled out another potion with my fumbling fingers and downed it, letting the glass fall to the floor. I could clean it up later. Another surge of warmth spread through my body.

No other monsters came, even after another couple of minutes–so that meant we must've been in the clear.

As I appraised the ruined street, my eyes caught the glint of something small and purple, mixed with a brighter shade of something inside. A Magic Stone…? I picked it up and held it to the light. It was purple, like all other magic stones were, but the middle wasn't the regular shade that one would find–it was instead a vibrant, neon red.

I slipped it into one of my pockets. I'd check it out later. Walking over to the corpse of the other monster, I quickly and quietly cut out the other monster's stone and slipped it into my pocket as well, the monster turning to ash.

As I had been doing this, there was a "fuwaahhhhh" as Hackard finished her potion and tossed the empty vial over her shoulder as she walked towards me with a "Hey, Hikitani–" only for her to freeze as the glass vial smashed against the pavement and broke into pieces.

"Erm… I guess I'll go clean it up… hehehe…" Scratching her head sheepishly, Hackard went to sweep up the glass shards with her hands before depositing them in the nearest trash can. If you're going to try and fail instead, please don't bother trying. This hurts to watch, okay?

"Hey, Hikitani. You alright?"

"I'll be fine." I gazed listlessly at my body. The pain in my side had faded to a dull ache by now, but it was probably going to still leave a serious bruise if I didn't administer another potion. But it wouldn't hinder me too much in combat, even if I wasn't in my best condition.

"Ahhh, my armor's dented… this was a new set too…" Hackard groaned as she examined her armor. "Look, Hikitani, my armor's all ruined... What am I going to do?"

"Repair it."

"But I don't have money on me right now~" What are you, a spoiled child? You have money in the Guild bank. Stop acting like a goddess who has no sense of fiscal responsibility and trying to mooch off on their friend from another world. You're not even a healer! "I don't wanna go to the bank~"

I rolled my eyes as Hackard complained for several more minutes before finally dusting herself off.

"Ahhhh, whatever. I'm going to go repair my armor. And remember to list down the monster. Could be a new undiscovered species or something. See you around, Hikitani. Split the loot with you later…" With that, Hackard slowly trudged off towards the Traveler's Inn, probably to retrieve her funds there first.

I, on the other hand, began heading towards Daedalus Street. Monsters running loose during a festival which was supposed to be safe, the ambush of a new species with a completely different type of magic stone… things weren't lining up, and I intended to find out why, if only to keep myself way out of the conflict unless absolutely necessary.

As I slowly made my way past a crowd of inhabitants, I heard their cheering and applause. Apparently, some young boy had taken on an escaped Silverback and won. Kudos to him; he must've been incredibly lucky or skilled.

Passing through the winding passages and twisting halls of Daedalus Street, which only gave the appearance of changing, but never did, I worked my way towards a certain Building 452's basement.

I knocked on the door, and I was met by a blank mask with a crimson arachnid painted across it.

"Ah, Hikigaya." Spider. "A request, then."

I nodded.

"Why don't you come in and write it down? That makes things easier." Stepping into the room and taking a seat at the table, I took the proffered piece of paper and began scribbling furiously with one of the pens he had laid on the desk.

Everything related to Irregulars. Strange monsters, odd quests, man-eating plant monsters, strangely-colored Magic Stones… anything out of the ordinary. Everything considered to be Irregular, I want to know about it. By tomorrow.

Spider was silent as he gazed impassively at the paper. "By tomorrow?"

"I'll give you double the usual price."
"Triple."
"Double, and I give you a piece of something to help you along."
"Deal."

I reached into my pocket and placed one of the two stones on the table. Spider sucked in a quiet breath as he picked it up and held it to the light. "I see… how interesting. I'm on it. I trust you know the way out." Spider lowered his mask in a nod before heading off into the darker rooms of the building. As he left, I turned back the way I came, headed towards the Tower of Babel.

I had some restocking and repairs to do.


Author's Note: I haven't written an actual fighting scene for quite a while. I hope it was decent. And in the spirit of giving(no, not really, I just kept writing and couldn't bring myself to stop), there're more chapters coming out next week as well. Releasing will be a little weird and irregular though.