One second. It hasn't been much more than a second, but she's turned to see me once more. She's stared at me full of fear, weak, and insecure and I could swear I had seen a hint of resignation in her.
Don't go.
The last thought that crossed my mind just before the gates slammed in my face and I watched her disappear from my life, was desperately selfish. Luckily, everything that my mouth wanted to open to yelling to stop her, it has left it to my eyes that only know how to speak in silence.
Of course she's gone. Why would she stay? For whom? For me? As unusual as she may be (which she certainly is), she's still a princess, and her prince awaits her. She has nothing to do with me. What exactly did I expect? What is this feeling of disappointment about? Lower your sights, Kristoff. You are a mountain man (nothing to be ashamed of, but certainly far from the expectations of a princess), you are rude, you've cleaned your sleigh with drool in front of her, and you have indirectly confessed that you eat snot. You have no right to even enter the castle, they've made it very clear to you. What makes you think you have the right to be chosen? You don't have it; you are nobody to her. Just a tool to meet her goals. You're just the man to whom she has entrusted her life without hesitation; the man with whom she has argued; the man with whom she has fought side by side; the man whose life has been saved by her, with whom he has run away from a snow golem; the man with whom she has thrown herself off a cliff; the man whom she has comforted even as her heart was, little by little, getting cooler; the man with whom she almost has the strangest of weddings; the man whom she has whispered with her sweet voice; the man she's cared for when she was the one in the worst circumstances; the man she gave her incredible smile to; the man in whose chest she's taken refuge fighting not to be prey to the ice; the man… whose soul she has pierced.
But none of that matters anymore. Right now, she will have been healed. Hans will have invaded her visual field with his dreamy eyes, he'll have taken her in his arms, and his lips will have brought her back to life. And, brave and smart as she is, she will soon find a way to help her sister. And if that's not the case, she will reign, she will marry Hans, they will have a lot of red-haired princes, and they will meet for tea and sandwiches with "probably John", who, of course, will be perfectly human and won't share carrots with anyone.
But what if it isn't that way? What if this that oppresses my chest is not jealousy or the pain of losing her? What if I was right and they didn't know each other well enough? What if he's not her true love? What if he couldn't save her? What if I could do it?
I… I could have do it.
But I can't. It was not my place to take that liberty. It wasn't my love that she longed for and I couldn't ignore her feelings; I could only give everything for her to meet her true love; her prince. I could only give up something that I knew from the beginning was impossible and accept reality. It will never be me. She will never be mine. Although, unfortunately, I believe that I am already hers.
"What is it, buddy?"
Sven is upset. I understand him. Without a doubt, this's been hard for him as well. But, even with all the pain in my soul, there's nothing I can do. I can't force myself into her life, I can't be the man she loves. Well, I guess it shouldn't be difficult to go back to our old life, though. It shouldn't.
"Hey! Watch it! What's wrong with you?!"
Great. Now he's lecturing me.
"I don't understand you when you talk like that."
Wowowow!
"Stop it! Put me down!"
This is the problem with your best friend being a reindeer…
"No, Sven! We're not going back."
No… no piteous grunts…
"She's with her true love…"
Fine… And now that look… He's fearing exactly the same as me, doesn't he? But… huh?
"What the…?"
This icy wind… Oh no. Something is happening in the castle!
"Anna!"
Damn it, I should never have left her. I'm coming!
"Come on! Come on, boy!"
If Anna is down there, she needs help. If her sister is there with her, who knows what could happen this time. And… and if this storm isn't caused by the fear of the queen but by her desolation… If Hans was not hers… if Anna is…
No! Not if I can help it! If she doesn't love me, it's okay with me, but let my love save her. I only pray for that. I should have done it before; when there was time; when I was next to her. I should have told her how I felt and thawed her heart. If anything, if her fiancé truly loves her, he should have been grateful and relieved. And, what's the matter if I had no right? And what's if she didn't reciprocate me? Nobody said that the feeling had to be reciprocal. And yet, why is there something in me that tells me that it was? Are they my hopes? Or have my instincts don't failed and I've abandoned her to her fate in a place where she has no chance of survival? She was there, with me, I could have saved her and I let her go. And now… And now she…
Wait for me, Anna, please wait for me. Even if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to get to you.
"Come on, buddy! Faster!"
Don't fade, don't succumb, you are strong, hang in. Sven is breaking his back on it, you can't make it be in vain. Do it for him, not for me. Do it for your sister, who would die in life if her magic took you from this world. Do it for Olaf, who wants with all his might to enjoy the summer with you… Do it for whoever you want, but, I beg you, make it.
"C'mon! C'mon!"
No matter how impossible the path gets, I'm getting there.
"Waaaaa!"
Not him.
"Sven! Sveeen!"
Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out of there! Don't go, don't leave me! That's it. I've given my life to the ice and now it is going to claim it step by step, isn't it? It's going to take Sven, it's going to take Anna, and soon it'll finish me off, right?
Sven! Oh God, he's okay! And he still encourages me to keep going. He's right, I can't give up: nothing is lost, …right…?
"Good boy."
Thanks, buddy.
"Kristoff…"
That… that voice…"
"Anna?"
This is her! Over there!
"Anna!"
She's alive, and she's here. I'll be on time. I won't leave her. I will never leave her again.
It seems that the snow has stopped. Now I should be able to see her. Where? Where is she?!
"Kristoff…"
There she is… And she's looking for me. For me!
"Anna…"
She's weak, her ankles falter with each step, you can tell that just the fact of standing up is supposing her a superhuman effort, and she is doing it to get to me. I'm coming, Anna. Her hair is completely white, and her hands are...! And her face! The ice consumes her a little more with every second. There is no time! It did not work. Her prince's kiss didn't work. I should be happy to know that he's not her true love; to think that I still have a chance; to know that she doesn't care if I'm a mountaineer, a prince, or the king himself, because she really sees me. If I get there on time, if I get to her, she will never lack love again, she will never feel cold again, and I will never, ever, take her away from me. But I am not able to feel even a hint of joy. Anna is in pain, her last energies are being drained, and I can almost see life slip through her fingers. All I can think about is concentrating all the strength I have left on reaching her.
My lungs burn and, at the same time, feel frozen, I don't feel my face, my boots slip on the ice ground, and my legs are trembling as they've never done, but she is there, a few meters from me, and I will leave my life if it's necessary to reach her before she's devoured by the ice. A loving heart like hers can't end like this. She is warmth, she is energy, she is light. Anna is the Sun. She can't be ice. Not her.
But I… I didn't count on this. I didn't count on seeing her give up her life. On seeing how her last breath is lost in the air that covers the fjord becoming nothing. I didn't count on her immense heart being too big to continue in this world.
Anna…
I'm too late. The Sun has frozen.
Should I… should I be feeling something right now? Should I cry bitterly like her sister is doing? No… I don't know if I have the right to do that. I was able to save her and I didn't. Who am I to mourn her loss? I barely know her for two days, I'm nobody in her life. I have no right. I have no right to mourn her as I have no right to love her. But then, why do I feel like I'm not breathing and I don't even care? Why is the world suddenly dark and empty? Why doesn't seem to make sense to go on with my life?
Sven… my faithful friend. I know he's trying to tell me something, but I don't have the strength to face him. Not him or anything. I don't have… Wait! Anna? She's coming back! She's alive? It may be true? Am I not dreaming? She is… she is alive! Thank goodness! How is it possible?!
So, love was it. Only she could do it in the craziest, unintentional, and risky way possible. Surprising me from minute one. Rebuilding her life with her own power. So full of love and so dedicated. So alive. Good for you, Anna. No doubt, you are worthy of admiration.
And there she is, puffing out her lungs carelessly, her pink, freckled cheeks gleaming like it was all been just a horrible nightmare. I wish I had the right. The right to press her with all my strength against my body, to tell her how incredible and how brave she is, to tell her how happy it makes me see her breathe. But wait, what if I got it? I may not be from a noble family as most people would expect from a man she choose, but I know how to survive in the mountains in the worst conditions; I can protect her, although seeing how she's just broken the nose of the soulless man who has tried to assassinate her sister, I'm not sure that she needs it; I can love her more than anyone in this world, in fact, I probably already do that; and, feeling our connection, seeing the look that she's giving me and that is making me tremble even the eyelashes, I think I can make her happy. Maybe… just maybe… it turns out I have the right.
However, right now, that doesn't matter so much to me. Now that the ice has beautifully and magically disappeared around us and that summer has returned, I realize that all I need in this life is to know that smile glows on her face and that her gaze, full of life, makes these vibrant and sweet sparkles.
...
And, full of life, she pulls me and drags me into a new world. A world in which I would like to go back in time only for a few minutes to give myself the pleasure of wringing the neck of the one who turned out to be Prince Hans. A world where I wouldn't mind knocking each and every Arendelle pole down with my head. A world where she looks at me hesitantly hoping that I will appreciate her incredible and overwhelming present (or debt payment?). A world in which my body loses control, takes her in its arms, and finally opens this mouth that has kept so many things for itself.
"I could kiss you!"
A world in which all the confidence with which I always teased her has unexpectedly been replaced by awkwardness, nerves, and jabbering.
"We may."
Wait, what? Can we? Does she really want me to kiss her? Shyness wallows with mischief in her gaze; her lips, not happy with the idiotic face that they've left on my face after their sweet and unexpected touch on me, are smiling with amusement; and her cheeks, even more fiery than usual, bring to light every one of her thoughts.
Well, if that's the way things are, I'm not going to doubt. I will never be the stupid one who's not there for her. I will never fail her, never again.
My lips are finally drunk with hers, bathing in them and drinking their heat. Her hands climb up my chest until they get tangled around the back of my neck and move, as if driven by invisible threads, each of the nerves inside me. My hands respond to her touch and press her gently and firmly against my body, and our bodies enter each other more and more as her voice moans against me and enjoys me. Our perfect timing makes an appearance, and, for some reason, it doesn't surprise me at all. I feel we were made to be together, that our rapport is total. That if this isn't legal, we'll make it so, and that if we don't succeed (although I highly doubt that there is anything that can resist this woman), we will flee to the mountains and create our own way of life; that we will advance calmly, at our own pace, building a path made to our measure, and that we will discover together the world beyond loneliness. This time, I have no doubt: I have the right.
"Kristoff? Are you crying? Are you alright?! So bad it's been?!"
"It's been perfect. You are perfect."
"Oh… re… really?"
"Totally."
"Then, why are you crying?"
"It's nothing. It's just… you… you are warm."
