| THE HUMAN CONDITION |
Chapter XXII: Pants on Fire

"If one is to be called a liar, one may as well make an effort to deserve the name."
A.A. Milne


IT CAME TO ME while eyeing a paralyzed Isabella Swan that this was very, very bad for me. Not bad in a certain-death way, but close if entering a wolf's den full of temperamental, fully grown puppies with incisors that could cut through bone had the undesired effect. Known to me and all other spectators as me being mauled. Verbally with a touch of physical mangling.

I put on my best poker face, but it was a fool's response to having her tower of lies crumble. Not that I had many lies under my belt. The only noticeable instance of me deceiving my clan was not telling them about Victoria. Recent noticeable instance of me deceiving my clan. The boys were busy with chasing her while I had other worries, and at Emily's and in the backseat of my Dad's car making out with Paul I had recipients of my charming chatter mention her. Not in passing; sometimes a full-ledged discussion would commence. And like an actual Benedict Arnold in the making, I didn't bat an eye and pretended like I was as clueless as Quil, who'd be shifting any day.

Yeah, okay, that was shitty of me. This had the potential to be extremely bad. This was worse than Jared finding out I hurt his girlfriend's feelings. Not telling them about Victoria wasn't something they could easily overlook, not when she had the killer instinct to murder people in her pursuit of Bella.

Still, I didn't want my tower to crumble all at once. Keeping a calm disposition, I walked the last few feet to Bella's crumbled form.

"You get used to it after a few times," I said, my try at soothing her. She didn't glance at me, keeping her gaze where the wolves last were. I couldn't blame her, being that she probably hadn't expected this when coming to chat with her boytoy. I did think it was more dramatic than a girl of her caliber deserved without some sort of ridicule. I mean, didn't she have a vampire boyfriend before he fled the fucking state? Wasn't she friends with a whole family of them? She had one after her, a redhead with a penchant for easy targets, for fuck's sake. This couldn't be that surprising, after all that she had been through.

Bella shook her head, blinking her eyes as though coming from a daze. Her expression was cloudy, but not stormy when she looked up at me. Confusion or bewilderment glimmered there. But surprisingly no fear. "It's not that, it's..."

"What?" I pressed.

I watched impatiently as her eyelids shut into a deep cinch. "I didn't imagine them so brutal," she said finally.

So she had known beforehand, or at least speculated. I also knew, seeing her expression change so rapidly so quickly, that she knew I was a liar.

I offered her my hand and fought a grimace when her weight was much heavier than I anticipated. We were around the same height so I didn't have to look down or up to keep a firm eye on her, even at such close proximity.

From behind us, Jared and Embry had lost all interest in coaxing Bella out of her stupor and were retrieving Paul and Jacob's attire they ruthlessly shredded before attacking.

"Does Paul ever lose his temper with you, Lissa?" Embry called out, and I turned to see him standing with a half-destroyed black sneaker in his hand. The strings sat in an imperfect bow that reminded me of grade-school and I fought a laugh seeing that it was obviously Jacob's handiwork. "In the bedroom or—"

"Zip it, Poultry Arms," I said, and Embry's half-wounded, half-mischievous expression in return made me nervous—too nervous to stand by and let him say anything else. "One more word and you will rue the day you decided to fuck with me, Embry."

"Okay, okay," the idiot said, handing Jacob's sneaker off to Jared, who was scrounging the ground for torn apparel headed straight for a waste bin. My threats unfortunately didn't completely discourage him. His expectant look stayed where it was. "But does he? Has he?"

I rolled my eyes. "If you mean has he ever shifted while my tongue's been down his throat, the answer's no, dingus."

Embry's smirk stretched into a grin and he made kissing motions with his lips. If I were any closer, I would have pinched both between my fingers and given him something to remember that wasn't him having the last word. Sadly, with Bella present, I didn't get that chance.

Bella leaned heavily on me for physical support. She had to be in shock or something. Was she always this dependent on others? Did I fail to see it? I must have had a brain tumor for breakfast every day in the weeks leading up to today, or I wasn't as naturally observant as I thought.

Embry came closer, handing more of the boys' irreparable attire to Jared. He eyed Bella warily. "Are you gonna puke?"

Bella shook her head. "No... well, I don't think so."

"That's good," Embry said and jerked a thumb at where the girl's pick-up was parked. Well, I didn't see him point over towards it myself, but I wasn't dim enough to think he was indicating Billy and Jacob's house for this game of Show and Tell. Especially when he followed it up with: "We'll need a ride to Sam's place."

Jared roughly hung his arm around Embry's shoulder. "You sure you're not going to hurl?" he asked Bella and didn't look convinced at her responding nod. He eyed Embry "I don't feel safe letting a chick in shock drive."

"She's tougher than that," Embry said confidently.

"Oh yeah? Five bucks says she hurls."

"You're on, Jare-Bear."

Jared immediately turned to look at me, betrayal redder than a puddle of melted ruby crayons shining on his face. "Did you tell him that one?" he asked.

I definitely did, but I decided I'd play dumb and just gave my best impression of a ditz. Jared's eyes squinted as he tried seeking out any indications of my deceit—but he wouldn't find anything I didn't want him to see.

"It's not uncommon of a nickname for you," I said honestly, pretending to mull over my options. There was Embry, who'd never used the pet name before, then there was me, the likeliest culprit—Paul, who'd do anything to annoy Jared as his certified best bud... A smile crept on my mouth. "Doesn't Kim call you that?"

Jared looking at the grass instead of me was all the answer I needed. I had to laugh.

Embry nudged Jared and slipped off his arm. Jared jogged off ahead to dispose of the clothing scraps, and Embry held out a hand to Bella. "Keys, please," he said, clenching and unclenching like there was an object to clasp his fingers over underneath.

Bella silently handed her keys over to him. Apparently, she wasn't too sure she'd make a decent driver under the influence of a furry wake-up call either.

Jared came back quicker than I expected.

The three of us made to head towards Bella's truck when the girl in question's voice stopped us in our tracks.

"Aren't you guys worried about them?"

The three of us exchanged a glance, Embry fighting off laughter. Yeah, maybe I was too. I whipped around to stare at the misguided harlot. "Why would we worry?" I asked.

Bella's jaw dropped wide open and she looked astonished. "Why would we—Paul's your boyfriend!Aren't you the least bit afraid? What if he gets hurt? What if Jacob gets hurt?"

I snorted. "Don't have much faith in your trusty pooch, do you?"

She didn't catch the joke. "You're sick," she told me after she finished giving me the nastiest scowl.

Sick? Me? This chick really thought she could run her mouth after she shoved me so hard I fell on my wrist, potentially spraining it, and slapped my boyfriend in the face? Really?

I turned to look at Embry and Jared, expecting for them to defend my honor, but when my eyes got there all I saw was the two of them fighting their usual boisterous laughter. The audacity.

"Stupid fucking mutts," I muttered, returning my attention to Bella. "Look, Swan—you just found out about this, what, today? You should wait to know more before you make any accusations. I'm not a mongrel so technically you can't fault me for any of this."

I could see what she was thinking, as much as her supposed thought process irked me. They're killers. They could hurt each other. That was the only explanation for why she fretted over Jacob's well-being. She thought they'd do permanent, unfixable damage that'd manifest as physical scars when they returned. She had a lot to learn.

"C'mon, Bella, they're fine," Embry said insistently, and I forced back a jump when his lanky arm circled my shoulder, pressing me deep into his side. At least he didn't use my head as an armrest or the perfect target for a noogie. I could deal with sudden physical contact. "Jacob might tear into him for trying to hurt you, but—"

Jared laughed loudly, cutting Embry off. "Really? You think so?" he said. I could tell he disagreed with that assessment. "Paul's been going at this for over a month and a half, Jacob's a newbie. Paul will teach him a lesson for finding a way around Sam's Alpha order."

"Jake's a natural, man," Embry said. He took his arm back from my shoulder and I watched him cross both over his shirtless chest. "If anything, Jake's going to teach him a lesson for trying to hurt his girlfriend!"

Jared still looked unconvinced. "Ten bucks?"

It was simple as that, apparently.

"You're on. Paul doesn't have a prayer," Embry said smugly.

They reached out and clasped each other's hand, giving a firm shake.

"Hey, don't I get a say in this? I was the first one wanting to make bets!" I said in protest, rather affronted they'd make stakes with me present but not in accordance. Who did they think they were? They made the hurling one, yeah, but it was the fighting bet I wanted in on.

Embry patronizingly smiled. "Don't worry, we'll share the profit," he said. He raised his fist in a prompt for a fist-bump and I complied. Softly, to avoid breaking my hand.

I looked over at Jared, thinking he'd say something similar, but he only shrugged. "Gotta save some for the missus," was all he said.

Yeah, like Kim needed any more dates out to the movies. They hardly played anything good. I wasn't a movie person by any means, but even I enjoyed one every once in a while—just not the kind they played in American cinemas.

I rolled my eyes and flipped Jared the bird. He returned it unceremoniously.

Embry led the way back to Bella's truck. I stopped in my tracks when he arrived at the passenger side and opened the door, gesturing for Bella to get in. My eyes went to the interior. There were three available seats—the driver's seat, the middle seat, and the passenger's seat. That was without counting the back of the truck as an opportunity for additional seating.

It hit me, then, the terrible memories associated with Bella's truck bed. I knew without a sliver of doubt I'd walk to Sam and Emily's before I willingly put myself in that situation again.

When Embry's elbowed me in the arm, I hardly startled.

"Hey, you riding with Jared in the back or what?" he asked.

I stared at him before looking at an expectant Jared. They knew what Bella did to me, so it was insane of them to assume I wouldn't put up a fight over being in that same spot where the same exact injury could happen.

I pointed at the healing scar on my scalp. "You see this?" I asked but logically knew he probably couldn't while it was underneath a roof of coarse dark hair. "This is what happens when idiot drivers get their licenses."

Embry unabashedly shrugged. "I'm an excellent driver, Ms. Cameron. There's no need to worry about me slinging you out."

I sourly glanced away. Involuntarily my eyes found their way back to that deadly, muck-covered bed. Jared was already lifting himself up from the end, with an ease I envied. Even after weeks of it healing without interference, I could still feel my scar throb at the possibility of reopening. Better yet, the thought of a new lesion joining it at my roots. Yeah, I could be persuaded knowing Embry wouldn't risk my safety, but that didn't mean I liked it. I hated it actually.

"Whatever," I said, meeting Bella's eyes through the now-closed passenger side window. I glared until she meekly looked the other way. "You know, this is how my last injury happened. An asshole convincing me there was no room for three up front."

"Do you want to sit up front?" Embry asked.

I pondered it. Bella wasn't my favorite person at the moment... and sitting next to her for a ten-minute drive wasn't enticing. Embry would be there to cool the flames, lighten up the experience with his flavorful humor, but even then—

"No," I said.

Before Embry could respond I turned on my heel and stomped over to the truck bed. Jared was waiting to lift me up there with him.

His smirk was subtle but I could see his lips twitching, a sure sign he couldn't hold his amusement much longer.

"Wipe that smirk off before I give you a tattoo of a shrimp dick in your sleep." I sneered.

Jared quickly did as he was told, knowing I was one to go through with threats. I refused to get up the way he was wanting so in annoyance, Jared begrudgingly jumped out and lifted me up into the bed before hopping in a second time. I was smiling, doing my best to showcase my smug satisfaction, and Jared sulkily hated every minute of it.

Embry started up Bella's truck, the muffler loud and the exhaust pipe shuddering underneath us, and we reversed slowly out onto the dirt road.

Knowing Embry would be busy with talking to Bella, I took my chances at having a serious discussion... as we had nothing but time and I couldn't stand awkward silences. "You and Kim should take a break from each other every now and again," I told Jared, leaning my back heavily against the head end of the truck. Where I was safest. My anxiety was through the fucking roof.

Jared, vacantly looking at the trees we sailed past, glanced at me but didn't completely give me his attention. "Huh?"

I rolled my eyes. "You—and Kim—should take a break... every now and again," I said, slow enough that even a toddler would understand.

Jared's expression switched from relaxed to irate within a heartbeat. "What? Why?"

"'What? Why?'" I repeated in a mockingly baritone voice, giving an ugly snort that came straight from my mucus chambers. "You guys are always up in each other's grill, it's kind of repulsing. Don't you have better things to do? Does she?"

Jared's expression became even more angry. I was only speaking the truth, so I didn't understand it. "We love each other, Alissa. What the hell is your—"

I snorted again. "Funny that you say that since you only started noticing her... after you imprinted."

"The same could be said for Paul with you," Jared said, his lips curled in a half-snarl. His shook his head. "Why is this any of your business anyway?"

It was ironic the same brother who refused to let me date whoever I pleased and interfered in ways I only ever thought our father would try was the same one chastising me for being intrusive. Logic had left the building, but there sure as hell was hypocrisy present.

"You know what, Jared? If you want to be a hypocrite, fine, but not before I air out your dirty laundry," I said, meeting his glare head-on with one of my own. "You were the one who told Paul to stay away from me and then when I was playing the field, trying to get over him, you basically fucking flung my soccer ball to Switzerland. Told me it was for my own good, but it was just a power play, right? You only did it because you wanted to assert your big brother dominance and feel adequate when you stopped being good at your duties years ago. You really think you're innocent? I'm just returning the favor. You've been a shit brother. You can say I've been a shit sister, but I tried my fucking hardest to be there for you. Not anymore—been there, done that until my eyes fucking bled. Ever since Kim's been around you've been an even bigger jerk than usual."

Jared's face crumbled from its ire the more I spoke, and I could tell he was hurt by what I said. But I didn't take it back; I wouldn't, not when it was the truth. "Alissa, I'm trying here, okay?" he said in a tired, pleading tone. He shuffled closer, and if he wasn't lying to save his own ass, saying things to make my defenses crumble, I might have met him somewhere in the middle. We'd hug and make up and things would be good again. We had a talk like this before, and I had it in my head that things would be different, Jared would understand I was a shell of naïve Alissa from 2004, he wouldn't hurt and abuse me until I was a child quivering on the ground like always—but that was a fairy tale. We lived somewhere between a fairy tale and a feverish nightmare, true, but all a happy ending for me, for us, could be was a farce. More often than not, a dead end. "I'm sorry I can't be everything you want, but—"

"Do you see what I have, Jared?" I asked. I felt drained of my life fluids. I couldn't hear any more of his excuses; they pushed me to cry, and Jared was the last person I wanted to cry in front of. That day on the beach rang in my head, same with every other lie he ever said to get me off his back. I was so naïve back then. I could tell when I was being used, but the difference between then and now was I allowed it; I was so afraid of being alone that I'd be an asterism of scars before isolation wreaked havoc in my small world. There was this little part of me that longed for it again; at least then the pain would be a dull ache I could overlook. I was more scarred now than I ever was then.

"What, what do you even mean by that?" Jared wasn't understanding. He never did. He always put his friends or his girlfriend first. He decided one night that they were worth it where I wasn't. I didn't know what night that was, perhaps after I talked too much or said a dumb joke only I found funny; regardless of cause or the time, I did it. I made him leave. I put the unbridgeable rift between us.

I huffed out a breath and looked away. Bella's truck was slow-going but a rough drive, inching over bumps with little more grace than a camel ride. Nothing like a cruise. I was still nervous. Paranoid that Embry would take a violent turn and I'd take another dive. Still angry. Angry that Jared didn't understand, would never understand. Never being the key, unexaggerated word.

"Alissa," Jared said. "Alissa."

I reluctantly looked back over. "I don't have anything," I said, though that wasn't the complete truth. I just didn't have what I wanted.

I didn't have a Mom—and my abnormal, unhinged father wasn't the kind I would have liked to have, if I had a choice in the matter. My brother was a dickhead that had warped priorities and his ears were only for what he wanted to hear. I lost my childhood best friend because of something I couldn't help. I had Paul and Embry, but as great as they were, they couldn't fill every gap in my world. I didn't belong in the pack the same as everyone else. My personality just wasn't made for anyone; it was the kind of stubborn, sarcastic make-up that only other stubborn, sarcastic assholes would accept. Paul and Embry were the closest I'd get to that fantasy. I was like a little lollipop-sucking kid in a room of adults wearing suits. Someone doesn't belong, I wonder who it is? Kinda obvious, huh?

Yeah, fucking obvious. Fucking obvious I didn't belong anywhere.

"Maybe you're just picky with what you do have," Jared said as an explanation.

I blinked away angry tears. "Or maybe you just refuse to think anything's wrong with me since you have the perfect fucking life. I'll taint you."

"I don't have a Mom, my Dad's an asshole," Jared said heatedly, and I had a split-second touch of fear that Embry was overhearing this conversation. I'd tell him everything regardless, since he'd see it all when he wolfed out and went on patrol with Jared anyway, but I preferred this a private affair beforehand. "We have the same family, Alissa, or did you forget that when you were too busy feeling sorry for yourself?"

"You know what? Go fuck yourself," I said and with that, I took a vow of silence. I half-mindedly crossed my arms and my gaze pinpointed a spot to the left, staying there as browns and greens blurred together.

Jared furiously said, "So that's how it's going to be, huh? Alright. We can't have a civil conversation without you giving me the silent treatment."

I held all my possible angry retorts inside. He didn't deserve them—all he would get from me was a silent cue that he was now on my Shit List.

Jared went to ignoring me back, and the last few minutes of our ride to Sam and Emily's was spent in a silence so tense you could crack it like a coconut.

Embry pulled Bella's truck to a quiet stop outside the engaged couple's pretty, quaint house. I didn't waste any time in swinging my legs and body up onto the truck's side and dropping down. I felt much, much safer on the ground, in control of where I went and what I did.

Embry was getting out when I made my decision on what to do other than awkwardly stand and wait. I reached him when he had the door shut and Bella's key ring was twirling on a finger, something I was prone to doing. There was a big ass grin on his mouth.

"What's that for?" I asked, reaching out to smack him lightly on the chin.

"Bella didn't hurl," he said without elaborating.

I smiled and felt victorious, even though I wasn't the one winning. "Awesome."

We shared a high five.

He waved a hand for me to follow. I did so without any hesitance, except the minor time it took to understand his gesture. I mimicked his brisk pace as we went around Bella's truck to the front of Sam and Emily's house.

Bella had gotten out of the cab side and her arms were wrapped around her waist where she stood a few feet from the truck. She had her waist entirely concealed from view, like she was protecting herself. I did my best not to my roll my eyes, but she made it so hard.

Jared was out of the truck bed already and I watched him with disdain, up until he was about ten feet from the truck. We followed him, Embry nudging a motionless Bella in the arm as permission for her to join us. He gave back her keys in the process. I found her slothful presence annoying and probably would have said something by now if I wasn't trying my best to be accommodating. I also only had enough room to be mad at a single person today, and that slot was already filled by my brother.

"Come on, Bella, we don't bite," Embry said jokingly.

Jared, back turned to the truck, looked over his shoulder at Embry. "Speak for yourself," he said with a smirk.

He jogged up to the house and went through the open doorway without another word. The smell of freshly-baked blueberry muffins could be smelt from all the way over here.

Embry stopped when the three of us arrived at the front porch and turned to face Bella. His expression was serious and that was saying something; Embry was almost never serious. "Hey, when you get in, try not to stare. It bugs Sam."

"Why would I stare—" Bella began, a frazzled look to her, but Embry apparently didn't feel like explaining things in detail. He put a hand on my shoulder and steered me through the gap, leaving Bella deserted in the dust.

Emily had her back turned upon our entrance, and Jared was already diving in on the breakfast buffet she was beginning. He had two muffins in his hands as he plopped down in one of the wooden chairs, one facing the door.

"You guys hungry? Like I even have to ask," she said in good humor, whisking what looked like eggs in a large ceramic bowl.

I snickered, coughing in a failed attempt to disguise it, and hit Embry in the kidney. "Oh, Embry, I'd say skip the muffins today... you're getting a little tubby."

"Tubby?" Embry asked incredulously. My reflexes no use against shifters, Embry was quick when he off-guardedly grabbed my face in his huge hands. I could feel my body heating with anger, only made more so after he squeezed my cheeks in to make me look like a fish. "At least I don't look like I belong in a creek."

"Shut up," I said, the words coming out muffled and more childlike than I intended. I swatted his hands away and he removed them. Good that he did; I was really tempted to knee him in the only place that'd damage him more than it damaged me.

"Alissa, I didn't know you were swinging by today," Emily said and turned to face us, a bright smile on her face. Warmth radiated from her and I felt like I belonged just by having that warmth aimed at me. She placed her bowl with the whisk left inside on the counter before coming over. Her arms wrapped around my middle and mine went around her back, the two of us locking in a short-lived embrace. When she pulled back, she was still smiling. That smile quickly disappeared when she chanced a look over my shoulder. "Oh... who is this? A friend of yours, Alissa?"

"You think I hang around with pale faces?" I said with a snort. Ah, fuck, that was kind of offensive... backtrack, backtrack. "Only joking, Forks is like a second home!"

"Yeah, right," Jared snorted. I shot him a scowl.

"That's Bella Swan," Embry said from the table. He was absolutely devouring a blueberry muffin. Because of that, his cheeks were chubby and his words were stifled.

Emily retracted her arms and they went across her chest. She was surveying the gawky brunette behind me and as someone who hated not being able to see what another person was looking at, I turned to face Bella as well. The girl heeded Embry's previous advice and was keeping her gaze on the left side of Emily's face, where the skin was unmarred. "Leave it to Jacob to find a way around Sam's gag order," Emily said. I saw Bella freeze. "So, you're the vampire girl."

"Yes... are you the wolf girl?" Bella asked, her gaze surprisingly steady.

Emily laughed, some warmth returning to her demeanor. She must have expected Bella to be different—less of an awkward girl from Arizona, more of a maniac with a tendency to attract danger. Bella was both but she didn't physically scream "danger magnet." I understood Emily's suspicion. "Guess so. Well, I'm engaged to one," she told Bella, sharing a humored look with me. She turned her attention over to Embry and Jared. "Where's Sam?"

"Bella... surprised Paul this morning," Embry said, throwing a chunk of muffin in the air and catching it with his mouth.

"Ten points for Call," I crowed, and I went over to give the man, the myth, the legend Embry Call a high-five. It was a loud, painful one, and I winced at the absolute fire that ignited my hand. He had another muffin chunk, untouched by mouth germs, in his hand; he held it out to me. I leaned away. "I'm absolute shit at that, no thanks."

Emily returned to the counter, where a dozen eggs in a bowl were waiting to be whisked. "I can't say I'm shocked..." she said. The unmistakable sound of a whisk going around in circles reached my ears. "Will they be long?"

"I mean, it took us a while to get here so probably not," I said and snagged the seat beside Embry. Being situated in front of Jared and not wanting to look at his ugly mug, I stared at Emily, watching her as she whisked.

"Help yourself to a muffin, Bella," she said.

"Oh... thanks," Bella murmured, and my eyes were apparently attuned to her every cough and shuffle, unwittingly listening as she came to the side of the dining table and snagged a muffin. A blueberry one, from the looks of it.

I wasn't very hungry. My eyes did indeed stare hard at the muffins, considering the delectable blueberries exploding all over my taste-buds as well as the inevitable nausea that would make every part of me hypersensitive to everything, but I decided after a long battle that I'd forfeit my right to impulsive decisions. Who needed impulses? They were the reckless versions of survival instincts.

No, Alissa, actually they're the building blocks of instincts—

Stupid intrusive thoughts, ruining my fun inner monologue.

"So," I said loudly, twisting in my chair to look at our guest, "Bella. How much do you know?"

The girl shuffled uncomfortably but didn't look totally against the attempt at conversation. I stared a little too closely at her mouth, where her lip was getting gnawed to bits by her top set of biters. "Um, not much. Jacob couldn't tell me anything, it was like he—"

"Had a gag on that kept him from just outright telling you what he is?" Embry cut in with a smirk. Bella didn't continue, looking at Embry like she was surprised he caught on so easily. Sorry sweetheart, he's not a mind reader. "That's a wolf thing. Alpha's orders get obeyed whether we want to or not."

"Oh," she said. She didn't look too confused. Bella Swan wasn't the most inconspicuous of people, wearing her emotions and thoughts like a headlight-emblazoned caption above her head. I took this change in pace in stride; it wasn't every day you got to meet someone you, an unobservant nitwit, could actually read. Who was even worse at hiding emotions than cartoon characters.

Embry sat upright in his chair. "And check it out!" he said excitedly. "We can hear each other's thoughts."

"Embry, man, will you shut up?" Jared said, sounding irritated. I looked over to see what exactly pissed in his cornflakes; lo and behold, it had to be our indiscreet, blue-tongued guest. He was staring right at her. "These are trade secrets you're telling her. Damn it, this chick runswith vampires!"

I rolled my eyes.

Bella wasn't too put out and I watched her shuffle the full brunt of her weight from one side to the other. "I can't really run with vampires," she said. It was like a pin drop could be heard; everyone had their eyes trained on her and nobody found her joke funny. There was something familiar about the way she started chewing her lip to fight what fleeting embarrassment our deadpan stares caused her. "Because they're fast."

Jared leaned forward in his seat, as mocking as one could get. "Oh yeah? Well, we're faster." He smirked. "Freaked out yet?"

Bella's eyes flickered over to Emily, who watched her with that same wary expression she'd worn since the beginning, then back to Jared. I was surprised that she held his steely gaze so well. "You're not the first monsters I've met," she said.

I found myself staring obviously, taking advantage of her occupied attention. It was interesting she didn't run from monsters. She naturally gravitated towards them and that would only ever do her harm. Either she was a stickler for doing the opposite of what she was told, or she was a masochist.

"Jake was right," Sam said from the house's open doorway, startling me so bad my elbow took a spill into Embry's half-eaten muffin. Fucking God, that'd leave a stain. Ignoring Embry's groan, I turned to look at Sam, watching him glide in with his eyes solely for Emily. They didn't flicker at the vampire girl he was referencing. "You are good with the weird."

Where was I when Jacob told him this?

He beelined for Emily where she'd placed down the bowl, anticipating a physical greeting, per usual with imprint couples. I felt intrusive but it was a heartwarming sight to any nearby romantic, this big, strong Alpha wolf coming to shower his mate in endless affection. Emily's giggles filled the room that next moment. Sam kissed along her jaw, from one end of her scars to the next, his arms wrapping around her waist to pull her flush against his chest. She practically melted into him. Anyone could tell by a single glance that they were more to each other than lovers. Life partners came to mind.

I turned to look at Bella, remembering she was here also. Shockingly, she had her arms secured tight around her middle, looking bodily sickened by the physical act of affection in front of her. I found this odd but didn't question it; maybe the break-up with her vampire boyfriend was one of the messy ones.

I got my head on straight, burying the reckless girl's problems six feet under. I knew with Sam's arrival that Jacob and Paul weren't lingering too far behind.

Speak of the devil spawns. I straightened up hearing approaching feet, loud like they belonged to rowdy teenage boys, from outside.

The two of them entered together, Paul shoving Jacob into the doorpost with a harshness I expected he would have gotten out of his system by now. Jacob flinched away, rubbing his arm and glaring over at Paul viciously. Paul wore a smug smirk, up until he swaggered to Embry and me, taking the empty chair on my right side.

He didn't look at me at all. A fellow instigator, I knew what he was trying to do.

Bella hovered awkwardly with an unfinished muffin in her hand after the little self-hug display, and I admittedly felt sorry she felt so out of place. It wasn't too long ago—not long enough—that I was feeling the exact same way; only difference was I had friends in low places, even if not everyone was a trip I wanted to go on. Bella had no one, not after her boyfriend and his tribe of equally stark polar bears left.

I mean, there's Jacob... he's technically a friend.

True. And I had no doubt he was in love with her. Love made people do incredibly dumb things, like pretending they weren't being used.

Paul suddenly turned in his chair, his arm grazing mine. "Sorry," he said to Bella, not sounding very apologetic. The smirk told me so.

I whacked him on the arm. "If you're going to apologize, at least sound sincere, dumbass."

He got a muffin from the basket in the middle of the table, keeping his eyes on mine. "I am sincere!" he said defensively.

"Oh yeah?" I got closer, enough that he could smell my breath and see every flaw on my choppers. There were little specks of amber in his brown eyes, some hazel green. I could stare all day if I was bored enough. "You're forgetting that I know when you bullshit."

Paul scoffed. "You know what I want you to know," he said.

Embry suddenly pumped his fist, catching me right in the shoulder. "Hell yeah, fifteen dollars! Better pay up, Jared."

Jared raised his hands. "Sorry, I didn't bring my wallet."

"That's okay. I won't forget."

I was confused at first before everything in recent memory came flooding back: the brawl, blurry wolf bodies disappearing into the trees, Embry's bet, his promise to share the prize money. I remembered what the exact bet entailed and with that on my mind, I looked over at Paul. I scrutinized him from shoulder to shoulder—and there it was. A nick on his bicep that was fading already but still prevalent enough to be visible to my human eyes.

I snickered, though that wasn't in my nature, given that I hated the mere thought of Jacob winning in a fight against Paul. Ever since Jacob shifted it had been obvious he was a formidable fighter, possibly from the Alpha blood Billy passed down from their ancestors. Billy himself was dormant, but the same couldn't be said for his father or his grandfather. Jacob was young and immature, burdened with power he couldn't even begin to understand. It was a solid relief for Sam, I'd bet. One less threat to worry about.

I shook myself from the thoughts, knowing they weren't helpful.

Jacob disappeared from the house without me first noticing, Bella in tow. The boys hopped in a conversation I didn't care about. I zoned out for the most part, watching Emily buzz around her kitchen hive with Sam's tender stare on her backside. I didn't envy them for their relationship, as different as their dynamic was compared to mine and Paul's. They were a conventional couple. Normal as normal could be with one of the relationship participants being a full-fledged shifter. It certainly helped that Emily was human, not nearly as involved in pack business as I was haplessly yanked into.

Again, I had to shake myself out of where my mind drifted. There was no place for that shit here.

Paul nudged my shoulder and I took the scenic route in facing him. He had a look in his eye, like he'd gotten my attention to make sure I wasn't on the verge of a meltdown. I smiled. It wasn't anything like smiles I'd given before, this one a reassurance that took force I didn't have.

Paul's expression in return said he didn't believe it for a second. "What's wrong?"

I rolled my eyes. "Nothing. I'm just bored."

It was half a truth. I hadn't bothered to admit to—well, anyone that I felt uncomfortable being at Sam and Emily's place. Maybe I just hadn't found it in myself to accept this was my reality now. It could be that there were bigger issues on the horizon no one but me knew. They didn't have the same fear I did. They hadn't seen the same things I had. It made for a gap no one could jump, not even a shifter.

Paul's eyes narrowed, detecting more than I was willing to offer, but he didn't say anything else. He squeezed my shoulder and brought me in a side-hug that had my nose rubbing against his collarbone. He was warm and slightly sweaty. Either the imprint pull or my personal, uneffected fondness that came from years of yearning for him to like me back made me ignore the trivial flaws in our hug. I snuggled into him, enjoying it while I could. I wasn't touchy-feely by any means, though even an asshole like me could appreciate the little things while I still had them.

"I'm eating," Embry said loudly into my ear.

I stiffened, pulling back from Paul. His hand fell from my nape. I didn't bother hiding my annoyance, my eyes meeting Embry's in a glare. "And, Dick-Breath?"

He gaped at me. "Where'd the hostility come from? I thought you liked me!"

"I do," I said. "When your mouth is shut."

Embry crossed his arms to settle in a huff, but apparently his hunger came before his theatrics as he almost instantly fell out of his position, going in for another muffin. I watched him take it whole, not stopping to take off chunks or savor it. Through a shudder, I distastefully looked away.

Thankfully, this was around the time Bella and Jacob returned.

Not so thankfully, Jacob looked angry and his eyes automatically zeroed in on me.

"You knew?" he said, in a tone darker than I'd ever heard from him before. Even directed towards me and that was saying something. He began approaching me, with nefarious intentions no doubt, and Paul stood up. He thought Jacob was going to try a hand at hurting me. Was he wrong to think that? Not really. Jacob was physically trembling, Bella hovering behind him with a hand on his back. Her eyes were nervous. Jacob was unfazed, looked about ten seconds from actually phasing, and he didn't lose the snarl. "You knew and didn't tell us?"

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked from his spot at the counter. He looked between us and I was certain I saw suspicion in his eyes. For me.

I tried not to visibly seem shamefaced, knowing exactly what Jacob was referring to. This fucking sucked and I'd rather just leave than give Jacob what he wanted. "Look, I know what it looks like to you and—"

"And what? You think there's any excuse for not telling us about that redheaded leech and why she's here? It's been over a week!" Jacob yelled. Everyone in the vicinity upon hearing the redhead's involvement in his ire had the same reaction, turning to look at me in bemusement.

I bit my lip, unable to meet anyone's gaze. "Well, I was kind of hoping Bella wouldn't ever find out about wolves and you guys would never know I went to her," I said. I didn't see a point in going further with my previous deception. Honesty was the best policy, after all.

Paul was stiff as a board beside me and I knew he had a bone to pick that belonged to my feeble anatomy. He hardly ever got angry with me, so this was a bad fucking sign. I was at a loss at what to do that would deescalate the tension. There was no eluding the consequences.

Sam's eyes were furious but he held in the desire to beat common sense into my brain, leveling a stare that would chill anyone down to the tendon. "What does he mean, Alissa?"

Not a question. A demand.

"Who's the liar now?" Jared asked tauntingly from the sidelines, going silent upon Sam's nonverbal "cut the shit" motion. Well, glare.

I stopped looking at them. My eyes went to the table. There were marks everywhere on the wood, presumably from cutlery. It was the only observable trivia that was nowhere near other people's faces that took my mind off how claustrophobic I felt under their scrutiny. Their rage. Their suspicion. It was too much, even for me. I just wanted to run away and let the fallout come for me days later. After everything with my father, feeling this trapped was the last thing I ever wanted.

"Well?" Sam said snappily when I failed to answer.

Continuing to count cut marks, I said, "After you guys first encountered Victoria, I thought maybe Bella would know about her. I was taking a chance, we didn't know if she was affiliated with Dakota. But knowing what I knew, I didn't tell any of you because I didn't fucking want to. Sorry. Besides, there's no harm, no foul. You know now, don't you?"

I could feel every shifter in the room simmer with rage. No one liked what I was insinuating. Probably hated how little I took this seriously, too. "So you'd risk the safety of the reserve over your own immature—" Sam started, angry under the gruff bravado.

I slammed my hands on the table and stood up, my chair trembling underneath me. I didn't care that everyone looked ready, in wary positions implying they'd use proper force if I did something regrettable. "No, you don't get to call it immaturity," I snapped. "All of you don't know what the fuck I've been going through. You don't because you're all so absorbed in your own shit that little Alissa Cameron, the bad guy, the girl with daddy issues, the pack failure, is only visible when she's fucking shit up. I like when things don't go your way. Why? It means I get to watch you stumble and fall the way I go through life every fucking day. You know what I felt when everyone lied to me and belittled and hurt me. Accusations left and right, no one to care if I disappeared the next day. Fuck you. Fuck all of you." I found Jacob still around the entrance and feeling my body vibrate from adrenaline, I held up a middle finger. "Especially you, lover-boy!"

I didn't mean Paul or Embry or Emily, but for the sake of letting the assholes in the room know just how serious I was, it was essential I generalized. They couldn't pretend I was bulletproof and what they said and did had no effect. There was no armor protecting me other than sarcasm, and that was a lousy fucking defense. Especially to assholes with the same tendencies.

"Sob story's over, Cameron. Stop the bullshit," Jacob said, but there was something in his eyes—guilt, shock, shame maybe? Whatever it was it didn't belong on his face. "Victoria could have hurt someone because you didn't tell us what she's here for. And you lied to Bells. You don't even know the Cullens!"

"Oopsie," I said sarcastically. "I guess my tongue slipped. Silly me."

So much for him potentially seeing the consequences of how he treated me.

Paul put a hand on my arm and I almost jumped, forgetting he was less than a foot away from me. "Hey, calm down," he said, meeting my eyes. Rich coming from him; didn't he just try to tear Bella's throat out for bitch-slapping him? I irrationally hated this; I confused his fear of me provoking a shifter as patronizing dominance. "Chill."

I wrenched my arm out of his grip. "Yeah, I'll take a chill pill. I'll take a chill pill when I'm in my room away from you and your band of mangy mutt musketeers."

Paul quickly returned his hand, me powerless against his vice-like grip. "Look, you should have said something sooner about the leech," he said firmly. I opened my mouth to protest but he just used his free hand to clamp it shut. "You can get yourself hurt keeping this shit to yourself. Remember Dakota?"

He removed his hand.

"Oh, I remember him," I said, keeping my voice cool as dry ice. "I have a scar to remember him by."

"You didn't tell me what was wrong at first, and I only found out when you were unconscious the same goddamn day," Paul said. I was shocked to see his temper tampered, not even a tremor to be seen. "You see what doing that does to you? You can get yourself killed."

"Victoria's after princess over there," I said, not able to hold back an eye-roll. "I'm not worried."

"She's a bloodsucker, Alissa. She'll suck you dry if she comes across you," Paul said, his voice rising.

"Well, boo-fucking-hoo," I said. "Just one less problem for the pack to worry about."

I didn't choose my words carefully there, did I?

Using my words as a distraction, his shock to my advantage, I forcefully jerked my arm away. The pack watched me move my chair halfway across the room and stomp towards the open doorway.

Jacob was in my way. I stopped right in front of him, sharing a long, hateful stare-down that only ended when he shuffled to the side. I didn't give any of them a final word, focused on getting as far away from that house as I could.

Halfway down the drive, I heard someone's big feet hitting the dirt ground. I stopped to wait for the culprit's catch-up.

Tilting my head to the side, I saw it was Paul. His coffee eyes stared at me in concern.

"What?" I asked hatefully.

"I'm not letting you walk home alone," he said.

I eyed him, searching for any dishonesty, but he was being genuine. He was worried about my safety. This wasn't a ploy to rant about my discredited maturity or tell me I was a fuck-up, for a lack of better words that came with illiterate wolf vocabulary.

Feeling myself soften, I nodded. "Okay."

Paul wasn't the one I was angry with, not really, and I felt the same repulsion with myself for grouping Embry in with the asshole masses. He probably hated me. Paul was angry with me,but I didn't reciprocate his feelings like I thought I did in the heat of the moment. It could have just been the world I hated. I wanted to pull my hair out and cry. I knew I couldn't.

I'm such a fuck up.

I'm a fucking fuck up.

God. I'm a fuck up.

I didn't dare say a word to Paul, using my last morsel of strength to keep the oncoming mental breakdown tucked safely inside.

He walked me home in silence and my apology goodbye, as well as my kiss were halfhearted.

After he was gone, I immediately went to Billy's. Motivated to set things straight for myself and no one else. I didn't care what anyone else wanted. I cared what I wanted.

I got that key I'd been set on getting before Bella mucked up everyone's Saturday plans.

Billy asked what I planned to do with it, but I didn't reveal all my cards. I gave him a brief, dishonest explanation that didn't hint what I truly intended on doing. He'd find out later. The later future.

I got in my car and drove fast and recklessly down the road, to where the Archives were.

I walked and walked until I was in front of a door. My father's office.

I inhaled, exhaled, felt my heart pounding in my chest.

There was something about the day that should have hinted nothing was easy, nothing would be painless. Not when I was so close to finding out the truth.

But I just didn't listen.

Even to Arcus's spirit behind me, warning me I wouldn't like what I found.