They say it's easy, you know?

No, you don't know, or maybe you do, I don't fucking know. I don't know who the hell is going to say it's easy when it isn't, but I didn't make that choice so I'll never know.

What I will know, though, is that the words are pounding in my head and I can't breath and fuck the sounds are too loud and I can't fucking breath-

Why is it so loud?

The sound is there, the falling of a stream, the flap of a bird's wings, the cry of a wolf (or maybe it was a monster) from where Hazel stood in the woods.

It hurt, and she wondered if it would break her - tear at her - until she couldn't take it anymore and fell into her father's realm once more for good.

Then the fear came, he'd fear of death, and gods - Hazel never wanted to die again, as childish as it sounded. But she couldn't be childish. She had to be strong because it was what was expected of her. She couldn't be weak. Ever.

Why do they say it's easy, to block out the words that tear you down, are designed to make you feel pain?

You're disgusting, you know that?Yes I do, I'm sorry, I won't do it again.

Can't you ever sit still?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm trying, I'm sorry.

Oh just do something for once!I am - I'm sorry - I'll do more.

Useless bitch, you're worthless.

I know, I'm sorry, I'll leave

Hazel just didn't get it. Maybe this was how her brother felt. Maybe this was why Annabeth threw up her little amounts of food she managed to eat. Maybe this was why Percy thought he had to be perfect. Maybe this was why Leo cut into his own skin.

Maybe.

Just let me be happy.


Dude, I'm sorry, but fuck.

(And if someone comments some bullshit about how long my chapters are "supposed" to be, fuck off. I write for myself, not you. This is what you get, and if you don't like it, go away.