AN: Well look at you lucky lucky people. You guys get to read the next chapter a day early. I'll be out of town the next few days with limited access to the internet, and I didn't want to leave you guys hanging. Thank you for the ongoing support and likes and favorites. You guys are awesome. Enjoy! Sorry for any mistakes.
Oh, just in case, centered italics are memories or flashbacks. Cool? Cool.
Lexa sat across one of her best friends as they ate breakfast.
It had been too long since she had met up with Lincoln to talk. The last time they so much as had a beer, they were working in his apartment to come up with the music for the burlesque show she had written.
She missed his honest talks and sagacious advice. He wasn't much older than her, but she always felt he was wise beyond his years. Plus, she felt she needed to explain what he saw the other night and update him on her relationship with Clarke. A lot had clearly changed since she pined openly for the blonde over some beers on his futon.
They each drank their coffee and bit into their fluffy pancakes before Lincoln smiled knowingly at the brunette.
"Alright. Alright." Lexa smiled back and rolled her eyes.
Lincoln raised his hand to stop her. "No details, please. But clearly you two have gotten…closer." He teased.
Lexa could do nothing more but return the grin with a slight nod. When she finished the forkful of pancakes she looked at him earnestly. "It's still very new, and we haven't really labeled it, but we both agreed we feel something, we like to spend time together, and yes there is the occasional sleepover." She smiled into the mug of coffee she brought up to her lips.
Her friend responded with an impressed nod. "Good for you, Lex. I know it's been a while since you've gotten close to anyone, but it seems like the right girl came along to get you back into the game."
The brunette nodded. "Yeah." She looked off into space as she realized he was right. No one she had come across since Costia's death had ever been successful in breaking down her walls. She had expertly erected those cinderblocks around her heart and fortified them throughout the years. So much so that her lovers never even so much as dented them. Until, Clarke did exactly that and more. "It's kind of scary that Clarke was able to do that so quickly." She continued and glanced back at him. "But I think I'm done with questioning whether I deserve to be happy again. Or questioning whether I want to live in fear of loss again." Lexa shook her head. "I'm done with that."
Lincoln took another sip of his coffee before he nodded sympathetically at her. "Good for you. You deserve to be happy again. You're a great person, Lex."
Lexa smiled and audibly expressed her appreciation with an 'aww'. "Thanks, Linc. You're sweet. I love you, you know that right?" She nodded at him and was happy to see he returned the sentiment.
"So have you talked to Clarke about Cos?" He inquired albeit carefully.
The girl shook her head with a lugubrious frown. "She kind of knows, but I wasn't ready to tell her about it. I will though."
"Good." He nodded in agreement.
"So how about you and Octavia?" She grinned and continued to dig into her breakfast. "I saw you two getting chummy on the dance floor at the Tassels party. Any…progress?" She shrugged innocently.
Lincoln smiled.
Clarke had been eyeing the boy in her art class for some time, but every time she felt the courage to approach him, she suddenly remembered who she was. She was his opposite in every way, in every wrong way. He was confident and outgoing while she was quiet and reserved. He liked to drink in his friends' basements, and Clarke had yet to actually taste alcohol.
Still, there was something inside of the blonde that always forced her to look in his direction. She wasn't sure if it was so much her as it was him. Maybe he had some sort of control over her. Whether he knew it or not, that was something that Clarke was anxious to find out.
"Why don't you just go and sit with him at lunch?" Ontari whispered sideways as they feigned working on their easels.
"Yeah, I hear he broke up with his girlfriend a month ago." Zoe added in as she joined the conversation.
Both girls knew of Clarke's crush on the boy, and had encouraged her day in and day out to speak up.
"Right." Clarke huffed as she smudged some charcoal on the paper, not entirely happy with her work. "You guys know Fox's reputation." Both girls rolled their eyes. "I heard she almost fought Luna when she thought she was flirting with him last year." Clarke shook her head. "I'm not into that kind of drama. I'd rather keep my distance than fight over a boy." She deadpanned and tried again at adding her details to the piece.
While Clarke was right, she couldn't help but feel that maybe he would be worth it. She really wanted him to be worth it. Because being her second crush, and oh what a crush it was, was not enough. Clarke wanted him to be more. Her first real boyfriend, and not just the kind of boyfriend you have in fifth grade that you claim is yours but never so much as hold hands.
There was a small sigh from her left. "Alright, Clarke. But if you don't say something to him, you'll never know if he likes you back." Zoe concluded before returning back to her own work. Ontari nodded in agreement at the blonde.
The conversation left Clarke to ponder her options the entire day at school. It wasn't until two days later that she decided she would at the very least strike up a conversation with the boy.
And she wasn't disappointed.
"Nice work yesterday. You're really good." Clarke praised the boy as nonchalantly as she could to avoid setting off dweeb alarms for all to hear.
The boy's baby blues looked up from his binder where he scribbled the homework assignment that was on the board. He smiled up at Clarke and his eyes closed slightly, almost devilishly and arrogantly with pride. "Thanks. I've seen your work too. You're the charcoal fan."
Clarke nearly collapsed into a pile of mush as she realized he knew who she was. She swallowed discreetly before nodding. "I do. It was my first love really."
The boy smiled and shook his head. "First loves are hard to get over. You think you can before the end of the semester when we're forced to dip our brushes into some water color?"
The blonde nearly laughed at the innuendo. What did he know about first loves? What did any of them? They were all barely high schoolers. She smiled nonetheless and shrugged. "We'll see I guess."
"Yeah." The boy replied, never moving his eyes from hers. "Maybe we should partner up. I'm good with water colors, you're good with charcoal. We can learn a few things from each other." He suggested smugly and playfully all at once.
"Sure." Clarke nodded calmly, but could feel the pace at which her heart raced. "I'll jot down my number for you. I'm Clarke." She waited for him to hand her the pen and immediately took to writing her information on his notebook.
"I'll text you so you can save mine. Roan." He smiled wide before their art teacher walked in to address the class.
Clarke sat across from Frankie's desk with an awkward smile. The woman was an artistic genius, and despite her easy-going nature, she still intimidated the younger girl.
She had barely stepped foot into The Ark when not a minute later Frankie requested she meet in her office. That fact alone made her nervous, unsure about what the topic of conversation would be.
"Ease up, darling." Frankie laughed. "This isn't the principal's office." She smiled.
Clarke nodded with a sigh. "Sorry. It just caught me off guard that you wanted to see me."
Frankie nodded in understanding, but quickly added a wave of her hand to denote it was nothing bad. "You being in here is a good thing." She paused and waited for the blonde to relax. "I got a call from Mr. Harwood, one of the top gallery owners in the state."
"I've met him." Clarke nodded remembering the conversations she held with the small group at the Tassels party.
Frankie nodded. "Yes. He did mention where he saw your work. The portraits you did of your friends were very popular among the group of curators. I'm sorry I missed it myself, I would have loved to set eyes on them in person." She smiled at the blonde. "Anyway, Mr. Harwood asked if you had an interest in working on some pieces or submitting already finished ones for his upcoming event."
Clarke felt the nervous energy course through her at the thought of displaying her work for a larger more adept audience. She smiled at the woman before swallowing the lump in her throat. It was a conversation that was in her mind, long overdue. She needed to hear some constructive criticism from someone far more knowledgeable than herself. "Actually, I've been meaning to discuss something with you."
Frankie sat back in her chair and signaled for Clarke to proceed.
"It's only been a few months, but I feel you've seen some of my best and worst work already. Do you believe I'm ready for something as big as being included in Mr. Harwood's gallery?" Her laced fingers fidgeted as she waited anxiously for honest feedback.
The older woman smiled sympathetically at her pupil. "Darling, no one is ever truly ready for any sort of life-altering event. Life is about taking risks and going for what seems unattainable. The reward of wisdom is worth whatever possible consequences arise from taking the leap." She smiled, and Clarke was forced to swallow another lump of emotions. Her words hit so close to home. "That being said, Clarke, I believe your work is some of the best I have seen in a long time. It is honest and heartfelt, because it comes from within you. It's not forced, and that' something that doesn't always come naturally in the business."
Clarke couldn't fight the smile that peeked out from her tightly sealed lips. Her throat still thick with emotion, but she managed a short nod. "I appreciate that."
Frankie stood and walked around the desk to lean against the front. Her eyes were soft and encouraging as they looked into Clarke's still apprehensive ones. "I'm not saying there isn't room for improvement," she smiled, "but I think that you should definitely submit some work to Mr. Harwood." She leaned forward with her hands on her knees to look more closely at the blonde. "Perhaps paint something now. I see a lot of emotions and turmoil still inside that need to be expressed. You've seemed much happier and collected lately, but today especially I sense uneasiness. Use that, paint it, and let it take you on your journey." The woman finished with another smile.
The blonde understood and took in her guide's words, but she sensed it all to be easier said than done. She nodded up at the woman and smiled. "Thank you, Frankie."
"Oh, don't thank me yet, child, you have a long road ahead of you." Frankie mouthed with a sage grin and stood to move back behind her desk. "Good luck, sweetie."
Three hours later, after having stepped out of Frankie's office with an equal mix of determination and dread, she could not muster a single ounce of motivation. Her hand held tightly onto the charcoal that itched to scratch the surface of her canvas.
In the recent days she had been thinking a lot about her past. Her conversation with Lexa about her father had opened up a can of worms she had successfully sealed and stored away. Since then, random thoughts would come to mind, and the visions would play behind her eyes as she stared at nothing in particular.
She imagined it was exactly that which kept her from materializing any of her skills into actual motor movements, to even dot the blank easel before her.
There was nothing she wanted more at that moment than to escape the confines of The Ark to get a breath of fresh air. So she did.
Clarke: Hey, D.C., are you busy?
The blonde waited a few minutes for a response before she decided she was going to get going anyway. She was pleased to hear the beeping from her phone as she locked up her materials and gathered her satchel on her way out.
Lexa (because she had since decided that 'Alexandria' was far too formal): Clarke from Virginia. ;* I'm just about to finish up. I had a small moment of inspiration so I picked up the laptop and started writing.
Clarke: Are you sure?
Lexa: That I'm done? Yes, I'm sure. What's up?
Clarke: I need a milkshake and some fries. Care for some?
Lexa: With you? Always. Meet you at the diner.
Clarke was grateful that Lexa had agreed to meet her at their favorite spot without questions asked. She knew she needed to get out of her head for a while, and memories were urging to be set free, but she didn't want to talk yet. She simply wanted to be in existence with the one person that always made her feel at ease.
They had sat beside each other in their booth. Clarke could remember their first date when they instinctively gravitated towards one bench as opposed to sitting across the table. It was new and it came with its rewards.
Feeling the brunette brush up beside her, and having the liberty to squeeze her knee with her hand when she needed to feel more connected, that was worth the limited space.
So, they shared the basket of fries and onion rings they enjoyed so much and finished their milkshakes while making small talk about everything and nothing in particular. Simply being content with being with one another.
When they walked out they had done so with laced fingers and arms, but separated reluctantly to drive their individual cars to Lexa's apartment upon her suggestion.
Lexa knew Clarke needed her presence, and she was more than willing to be there for her.
Clarke knew she needed Lexa's company, and she was more than willing to accept it from her.
Sometime later, Clarke lay awake and enveloped by Lexa's warmth. They had melted into each other as soon as the door to her place had been pushed open. Neither one willing to part as they made their way expertly entangled towards Lexa's bedroom.
Clothes had fallen onto the plush rug, and hands had kneaded away the tension of the day as lips revered flesh.
They had moved together until their bodies were exhausted and satiated, succumbing to sleep not too long after.
Clarke released a content and relaxed sigh as she hugged Lexa's arms around her more securely before turning carefully in place to kiss the brunette's cheek.
She extricated herself, careful not to rouse the girl from her sleep. Not only did she need the quiet moment for her sudden moment of creativeness, but a sleeping Lexa was quickly becoming one of her favorites.
Clarke needed to preserve the slumbering beauty with charcoal before she stirred.
Luckily she left basic art supplies the last time she spent the night, and after quickly but quietly moving around to drape a shirt over her naked body, she grabbed her tools and sat on the bed to commence her work.
The blonde sketched, and outlined the heavenly figure before her with great care, and when she began to refine the piece, her attention to detail was impeccable. She furrowed her brows and bit her tongue in concentration as she moved her charcoal over the paper and used her finger tips to shade for contrast.
"Look who's staring now." Lexa mouthed halfway into her pillow as she remained on her stomach with her arm under what had been Clarke's pillow.
Her sleep-drenched voice caused the blonde's face to break out in a small and appreciative smile. "It's for class, now hush." She smiled down at the paper, stealing glances over the top of it when she felt the brunette had dozed off again.
"That's worse. At least when I stare it's because I admire your beauty. You're doing it to exploit me for my good looks." She nodded into the pillow absentmindedly. They were both quiet for a few minutes before she finally yawned the sleep away and opened her eyes. "Can I see?"
Clarke continued to work away as she shook her head softly.
"Please?" Lexa whined and finally turned over in place, the sheet not fully covering her breasts.
"Fine." Clarke sighed in defeat as she moved to lie beside the girl. She held the workbook at arm's length so both of them could look at the piece. "I'm not done." She defended what she felt was an incomplete portrait.
"Come on." Lexa reached out to touch the lines. "It's finished. You made me look like a goddess." She grinned. "Thank you." She moved her face towards the blonde's before connecting their lips.
"Thank you." Clarke whispered in between pecks. "I had a rough time in class today, all I wanted was to see you, and then all I needed was to draw you." She admitted somewhat shyly.
Lexa nodded, knowing as much, sensing the blonde's distress even through a series of texts. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I do." Clarke nodded, but clearly hesitated moving forward with her words.
"Ok." Lexa sighed and turned on her side to face the girl. She rested on her elbow with her head in her palm to look fully at her. "Her name was Costia." Lexa took the plunge. It was only a matter of time before she felt the need to share her story with Clarke, and if doing it allowed the blonde to feel comfortable opening up, she would gladly do it.
The blonde turned her head to face Lexa and listened attentively, grateful that the girl was about to share her own past with her.
TBC…
So, first things first, do you guys think Lincoln and Octavia already hooked up? Or are they still dancing around each other? Also, how mad/happy/surprised/shocked are you guys that fetus Roan is an old high school crush of Clarke's? I had to. It's going to work well for this story. I hope. And things are looking up for Clarke professionally, but can she shake those demons to fully capitalize on her opportunities? Sweet sweet Lexa, I have a feeling they're going to help each other through a lot.
