The next morning Jay woke up feeling complete. He was so grateful that Erin let her feelings show and said she didn't want to hide them anymore, he never stopped loving her but he wanted her the one to come out with it first he didn't want to push her.
Even though the pair had barely slept last night, especially since Jay had slept by Erins side he was right next to the bassinet so he woke up with every movement Lily made. He was so thankful that he could now experience the night time feeds and help Erin out a little more because he was right next to her and knew when he was needed.
He sighed when he looked over at the clock, it was a couple minutes before his alarm was about to go off and half an hour before Lily's first morning feed. He looked down to Erin, she was laying comfortably into his side. He never realised how much he actually missed her presence until now.
Erin started to stir and wake up, when she noticed and felt Jay next to her she smiled and her body warmed up inside. God she had missed this and she had missed him even more.
"Morning." Jay said tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.
"Morning." Erin said smiling.
"I gotta get up," Jay sighed, "I really don't want to, I just want to lay here like this all day."
"I don't think Hank would allow that." Erin said chuckling.
"Yeah maybe not." He replied, slowly sitting up.
"Jay thanks for last night but just because your sleeping in the same bed with me now and your right next to Lil doesn't mean you have to get with every feed, you can't really do much anyway."
Jay turned back to her, "Yeah but I have missed it the first five weeks and I love watching your connection with her grow. Maybe you should pump so I can feed her through the night and you can sleep a little more."
"So then your a zombie at work? Jay you need sleep, but thankyou." Erin smiled.
"You don't have to worry about me so much, that's my job," Jay winked at her and then leant down to kiss her, after pulling away he couldn't wipe the smile off his face, "God I have missed you and those lips."
"Me too, now go have a shower." Erin said pushing him away playfully.
"You could join me?" Jay said raising an eyebrow seductively.
"One step at a time Halstead." Erin rolled her eyes as he watched him leave to go shower. All she wanted was to follow him and touch every part of his body, get lost with him but she knew they needed to take it slow and physically she wasn't ready yet. Not after having Lily.
...
Jay sat at his desk lost in his thoughts, he couldn't believe what had happened last night. He kept pinching himself to make sure it wasn't all in his head, that she was finally his again.
Hailey walked over and tapped on his desk, "Jay we got a lead, let's roll," when he didn't move she stopped and grabbed a pen off his desk and threw it at him, "Halstead!"
Jay jumped and looked at Hailey, "Sorry, what?"
"We gotta go?" Hailey said confused and interested in what was going through his head.
"Okay let's go." Jay said as he stood up grabbing the coat from his chair.
They walked down and got into their car, they started driving to the location. Hailey waiter a few moments before talking, she didn't exactly know what was going on with him and she didn't want to push but she also needed him to not be distracted.
"Jay what's going on? Are you okay?"
Jay smiled, "I'm better then okay."
Hailey chuckled, "Well that's good then I was starting to think that you were distracted and not by something good."
"Sorry I'm just trying to wrap my head around everything and what it all means moving forward."
"Okay...Care to elaborate?" Hailey asked waiting for more information.
"Erin, she told me she loved me and that she didn't want to hide it anymore. So I think we are back together."
"That's really good Jay, you two and that little girl of yours definitely do make the perfect family. You are really lucky."
"Hailey I just want to say thankyou, I never would have given her a second chance without your input...at least not straight away anyway."
Hailey shrugged, "You always would have given in Jay, your too soft. Especially when it comes to her, call it cheesy but you two are soulmates, everyone knows that."
Jay laughed, "Yeah maybe, I just hope we can actually make it work this time, it's not just us anymore."
"Then don't fuck it up, don't keep secrets and be open with each other instead of pushing each other away."
"Yes Doctor Upton." Jay said seriously.
"Shutup and drive, you know I'm right."
"Yeah yeah, sure."
Jay knew she was, the reason they fell apart in the first place was because they kept secrets and pushed each other away instead of leaning on each other. They needed to be each other's support system instead of bottling everything up. Luckily for him after the dark hole he went down after Erin left he figured out that it actually felt better to talk to someone instead of shutting everyone out.
...
Erin checked her the clock on her phone, she'd be pacing back and fourth for half an hour, they say to nap when the baby naps but today she couldn't. After last night she woke up happy, but now all of a sudden she was worried if she'd rushed into it all, if this was the right thing, should they be doing this when they have a five week old?
All she wanted was Jay, Lily and herself to be a family but she didn't want to be hurt again and she didn't want to hurt Jay again.
While her brain was working overtime she didn't even hear or notice Jay walk inside, when she noticed him she nearly jumped out of her skin. He stood there confused as she finally stopped pacing back and fourth.
"Er you good?" Jay asked concerned as he slowly put his gun and badge away and took his jacket off.
"Uh yeah I'm fine. How was your day? It's early, why you home?" Erin asked walking to the kitchen.
"Um waiting on a warrant so I wanted to check in," Jay said following her, "Erin I can tell when something's wrong so don't do the whole 'I'm fine' bullshit."
"If you have to go back then maybe we should wait until your finished the case so we can sit and talk about everything." Erin said sliding Jay a coffee.
"That doesn't sound good at all," Jay said as his head and heart sunk, "You regret why you said last night then? Just as I was starting to think we could make this work again."
"No no no," Erin said shaking her head as she walked around to stand in-front of Jay, "It's not that, Jay I just don't want to lose or hurt you again, I can't go through that again not with Lily in the picture, she deserves everything."
Jay cupped the side of Erins face, "Then what is it? Because I don't want that either, all I want is the best or the both of you and I want to give that to you."
"Do you really think we can make this work?"
"Yes I do, but that means we have to really work on it. No more secrets, no more trying pushing each other away."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"We can do this, I want to do this. I want you."
"I want you too, we will make this work. I promise, I love you." Jay said bringing her into his chest, he hated that she was second guessing her decision but she was a mother now she had a tiny little innocent human to think about too.
"I love you too, so much."
"You know I still haven't gotten a message or phone call to say they need me back." Jay said kissing down Erins neck, he knew he needed to move slowly and wait for her invitation but he couldn't stop thinking about her. He needed her, every inch.
"Jay we cant, not yet." Erin said slowly pulling away but he kept pulling her back.
"Okay I'm sorry." Jay said raising his arms, as much as he needed her he needed to relax, even though she never made it easy on him.
"I want our first time back together to be special and I also haven't got the all clear from the doctor and I want to feel good about myself before all that, I'm sorry." Erin said turning her head away.
Of course, what was he thinking. She couldn't even physically do that yet and he was just making her feel worse because he was acting like a horny teenager, she shouldn't be the one apologising.
"No god Erin, I'm so sorry I didn't even think. I will be patient, I will wait until your ready and comfortable. I'm sorry if I made you feel shit, I just didn't think." Jay said pulling her close again to kiss the top of her forehead.
"It's fine, I do want to do that Jay. Trust me, but we both just have to be patient." Erin said kissing his lips.
"Your beautiful, you know that." Jay smiled.
"Even with spit up on my shirt? Sorry your shirt."
"Even then."
They both laughed and then were quickly interrupted by the cries over the baby monitor, Erin went to get her but Jay grabbed her arm, "Let me, I've missed her. You get to see her all day."
Erin watched as Jay walked into her bedroom, she smiled when she heard him settling their baby girl.
He walked out holding her close to his chest, her tiny little fingers wrapped around his finger, "I swear she gets cuter every day."
"I know, we did make a pretty cute kid huh." Erin said walking over to them both.
"Oh yeah, definitely."
Jays phone started ringing causing Lily to unsettle again, Erin carefully picker her up out of his arms as Jay walked away to answer his phone.
"Shh baby girl, daddy's gotta go back to work but he will be home later." Erin said rocking Lily back and fourth.
"Babe, I gotta go." Jay said grabbing his stuff quickly.
"Be safe, we will be waiting for you when you get home." Erin said turning to him.
"Okay, I will bring home Chinese if I get off early, I love you." Jay said quickly before opening the door.
"I Love you too." Erin shouted watching him smile before heading out, even though those three words took so long for them both to express the first time, this time it was different because neither one of them stopped having those feelings. It felt normal, like nothing had changed and it felt good.
