Caged: Reclamation
Chapter 28
Téa climbed out of the SUV, Todd following behind her, glancing at the guards strategically placed for maximum coverage—one at a newly installed front iron electric gate, another near the open front door where people lingered in the foyer and some headed to cars in the driveway. No doubt there'd be guards around back. He wondered if they walked the forest, if they watched the kids play during the day and for some reason the idea of MK men, assuming they were MK, watching the kids… disturbed him. A sudden wave of sickness slowed his walk. Nearly said something.
Didn't have to. She sensed it, spun around. "What?"
He stood in front of her, looking beyond her and then back. A car drove out, passing them by and forcing a pause, a little girl with a balloon in the back seat. Téa glanced at them and offered a quick wave, a cool pretend smile, getting right back to Todd. The gate had slickly opened, closing once more.
"Well, what is it?"
The thing that really bothered him required too many words, too much of himself. He chose another thing to nitpick.
"It's like… almost 11… don't we usually have our kids' birthday parties like at… noon on Saturday or something?"
She glared at him for a long moment. Hissed, "Are you ACTUALLY judging me for what I do with MY children? For the time of a birthday party?"
"It's a weekday."
"Oh my god, the Havana bomber is ACTUALLY criticizing this!" She cursed in Spanish, fast, interspersing the hate with comments on his nerve.
He sighed, said quietly, "She's just a little girl."
Téa bit down hard, ignoring what she heard there, not a criticism but fear, trauma, things happening to little girls at night… no, no, no, this is Mark, this is not my husband, no, no… dug down for the hate, scooped it up and spat it at him. "She's turning ten, TEN. She wanted a party with something that showed she's a BIG GIRL! You missed her turning nine, missed her departure from babyhood, didn't see the change from an innocent child to one who knows death, knows that wishes don't save addicts, that blowing the seeds off a dandelion can't bring back her dead father, that all the crying in the world only swells your eyes and deprives you of sleep. Your little girl ISN'T, Todd!"
"Jesus Christ," he whispered, feeling every bit of the gut punch she intended. He reached out to her, to her arm, like he needed her to stay on his feet.
She let him, leaning in, tilting her head and snarking, "Still wanna talk about how late this party is?"
He studied her, looking into her, wetted eyes peering out from behind the mask and showing the gaping wound she had inflicted. He said nothing and let her go, stepping aside, back, silently backing down from the fight. He had no comeback, of course not. She had everything on her side. She was right. He leaned against the SUV and crossed his arms. Lifted a boot and set it back against the runner.
Téa Delgado 1000, Todd Havana Bomber 0.
"Have a good night, ma'am," he rasped.
She turned now, walking to that open door where Viki stood waiting for her and smiling. He set eyes on his sister who hugged Téa but instead of joining her, following Téa inside, Viki watched Todd. She held him across the driveway, eyeing him with a kind of scrutiny that made him absolutely want to give it all up. He looked down and scraped the ground with his boots. Walked away towards the back of the house, trying like hell not to limp but it proved impossible to control. Too long a day, too much happening. He could feel her eyes on him and when he turned back, just as he was rounding the corner, he saw she had walked into the driveway to watch him more.
Fuck.
The stress of being here, being home and not able to go inside, seeing Viki, made him sweat beneath the mask, made his breathing tight and his facial muscles twitch. He ground down on his teeth, swallowing the hurt. He closed his eyes and tried to block out the call of his house, but couldn't. His brain granted him torturous images of Lucia brushing her teeth next to him with a Hello Kitty toothbrush, Téa dressing Reese, picking him up as he sleepily lolled against her. He could physically feel the fluffing of Disney-encased pillows and tucking in matching sheets and jumping into bed to tell stories by flashlight, all of it, everything he had denounced when he stayed through the clock running out.
Jesus Christ…
He wanted so much to blow up the charade, to be Lazarus in full. Fuck. It was too much, too goddamn much. His phone buzzed and he ignored it because he knew it would be Jed. It stopped and he kept going with his shadowy tour. He was right about the guards in back, nodding at the two unmasked guards, their expressions curious, but seeming to accept he was Mark, one even saying his name. He knew them, one from Posse, the other from MK. They were decent actually, someone picking them for their non-existent criminal backgrounds, no prison records, clearly retrained for security work. He still didn't like that they'd have eyes on his precious children because one never knows the truth, yeah? Manuel Caro didn't advertise his psychosis. Peter Manning certainly didn't. Neither would these guys.
Todd now stood in the farthest reach of the backyard, the forest black and forbidding behind him, the creek babbling enticingly with its summer coolness and offering its peaceful respite. He studied the trees and the shrubbery, listening to the creatures waking up to a long night of search and conquer. Followed the start of a dirt trail into blackness that he had walked with the kids hundreds of times, a significant part of treasure hunts, games of pirates or kings and queens or park ranger or cowboys and God, how he regretted everything now, from the moment he looked at that first cheerleader and thought, yeah, it's gonna be you, through the bombing.
If he had anything in his belly he might have vomited, might have puked he was so sick at his fucking history that never let him go. Tears stung his eyes and he stripped the mask off to wipe his face and stop a sob from coming up just like that vomit that wanted to come. He regained the calm and plopped down on a largish rock next to the creek.
He looked down at his boots, boots he had changed into before he took up playing bodyguard at headquarters, before they accompanied Téa to the dispensary. He was a goddamn rebel all right. He'd changed out of the shoes Mark had given him because he needed something of himself to be someone else. Just couldn't disappear entirely. Of course that was stupid because he couldn't be someone else no matter how hard he tried. He groaned as he put the mask on, fighting a powerful ache in his chest. Goddamn this masquerade was rotten, torture. Téa had done well with how deeply she had run the sword into him by demanding the ride home.
He turned and eyed the glass doors to the kitchen and living room, leaving the forest, moving closer to the house, seeing everyone he knew and loved on the couches. Lots of thoughts about the view from the outside, like how he lay bloody on the tiles after Téa shot him, like how he and Téa made love on those same tiles only a few months before. No strangers there anymore he noticed, the party officially over. He wanted to dismiss the guards but the truth was that Téa had put the family at risk and so they were needed.
Better to get to work then.
He ambled close to the MK guy, asked if he had noticed any suspicious stuff.
"Been real quiet," the kid said, really still just a kid. Homerio was only 23 but clearly built for security work, husky like Rolon without the vinegar-attitude.
"Los Muertos keeping clear tonight?"
He paused, eyes on Todd, something catching his attention. He took a step back, unconsciously. Todd knew Homerio sensed something wrong, a quirk in his brow, for certain questioning suddenly who actually stood in front of him.
"Uh… yeah, keeping off—Mark?"
"Oh the mask, I get it. But nothing then?"
Homerio chuckled, saying "all clear," but still had an eye on Todd who glanced away, scanning the windows, then the entire backyard and forest, definitely the most vulnerable area to penetration.
Just as Todd started away from him though, he heard a quiet, "Hey Mark? You hear that Eladio wants a sit-down with La Reina?"
Todd turned back at the name of the Muertos leader, "No," he said, voice his own, the cover dropped at the news. He cleared his throat. "Tell me."
"Yeah, he sent a message through a soldier."
"When… how?"
"Passed a note at one of our downtown shops, like in school! Rolon got it tonight, wants us to hang out until morning 'cause of it."
Todd nodded and now really watched the forest. "We got men back there?"
"Yeah, two more on duty way inside, monitoring the fire roads that could lead here. It's pretty dense and backs up to the mountains, I don't think they'll try that way."
"Never know."
"Facts, hermano, facts."
The two did a first bump and Todd stepped away, glad he was able to stop himself from finishing the shake with MK's hand-slap, having no idea if Mark did that and what would have Homerio said or thought. He was also greatly relieved that guards monitored those goddamn woods. All of this made him more upset with La Reina and the risks she took every day.
Fucking hell, Delgado.
He walked around the other side of the house, seeing that nobody watched this side, maybe Tony or Rolon thinking it wasn't needed because the garage was on this side. Or maybe the guards would make their way here later. He looked up at the windows on the upper floor, above the garage. Bedrooms. Someone should be on this side.
Seriously!
There were trellises on this side, encouraging vines to grow…
He climbed trellises like these once, climbed them at Viki's house to see Brandy, thinking at the time that maybe she had heroin on her, that maybe she'd give it to him in his desperate effort to fall off the wagon. He didn't fall that night, finally reaching one of his sister's guestrooms, purple light swinging above, cleaved to Brandy because she was heroin's lackey, the Princess's lady-in-waiting.
Ain't it pretty, baby? Magical!
Yeah, fuckin' magical.
The silence on this side got interrupted at that, a scream, a piercing furious baby's scream.
Esperanza.
Based on everything Jed told him, he recognized that hate. She was MAD with a capital M, M like Manning, and he chuckled, then didn't. There was no way people couldn't hear her. People downtown could probably hear. She kept on. He saw a window cracked open which explained just how easily he could hear her. Directly… above.. the trellis.
No, don't. Someone will tend to her. She can't—
Holy hell, that girl could scream. He tore off the mask and stuffed it into his pocket and then tested the trellis, finding metal. Yeah this shit could hold him. Note to self: get rid of it.
He dug a boot on a bar at knee-level and grabbed another with his hands and heaved himself up, one boot then after another, one hand after another, until he was up top and shoving the window open. This was indeed her bedroom and the door was closed. A little lit-up bear glowed next to the crib on a table and an entire menagerie of stuffed animals occupied a rocking chair and a stilled mobile hung above a wooden white crib and right there in the center where tiny fists gripped the railing, shaking that railing, chubby legs visible… stood a frantic, furious, screaming-like-hell Esperanza. He tumbled inside and even that small commotion didn't derail the crying.
"Holy fuck, girl," Todd whispered, grabbing her up into his arms, light and easy, hugging her to him, the screams loud in his ear and glorious in his heart. "Baby girl… you didn't die, didja? Jesus fucking Christ… here you are, here you are, I gotcha, yeah, I don't blame you, there you go, there you go, it's okay, it's okay…"
And he walked her, back and forth in the room, imagining that purple light, imagining that expression of Brandy, her awe, real innocence, a grasp of a beautiful thing in a vast world of ugly.
"There you go, there you go," he said, his own tears rolling out, unstoppable. He rubbed her back and held her tight, tight as he dared, and Espy, as Jed called her, quieted and grabbed his jacket with both hands, no idea the gun in a holster, the man she held, the scars, the history. Nothing. He could feel her, hot and sweaty, clinging to him, sticking to him like glue. She had a goddamn death grip of him with those tiny, what, nine- or ten-month-old fists? Her legs held just as tightly. Her hair was curly and wild and a color between Téa's and his and he had no idea where she got that hair from. Nobody had hair like this and none of Jed's pictures showed it quite like it was now.
He walked and walked and Espy stopped her screams and he searched for a monitor in the room, certain Téa would have one. Didn't see one. Didn't care. Maybe he looked just to have more ammunition to use against Téa (No monitor?! I could have been a killer, Téa!) He then shoved the zoo collection off the rocking chair with his booted foot and plopped down and rocked until her grip relaxed.
Once it did, he adjusted her so she was cradled in his arms and when he looked down at her, he found her staring at him with cynical eyes. The judgment there was undeniable and he laughed softly, murmuring, "I deserve your big mad, Esperanza. I know. I ain't arguing with you but… maybe… you can, you know, um… chill the fuck out just smallest—"
She had no room for his bullshit and to his utter shock, little Espy gave him a good thwap on the side of his head and he popped back at it and laughed and so did she. She then smiled and showed off two front teeth then closed her eyes and stuck fingers in her mouth. And with that, she curled up more, curled into him, and seemed to go to sleep. He watched her as she sucked her fingers, rocking a bit, wondering how on God's green earth did he ever give up his family by staying in that fucking house.
Jed had heard the blood curdling scream and had jumped off the couch to check the monitor in the kitchen. All the friends had left by that point, Téa cozying up with Lucia across from Jed, a rare moment where Téa and Jed were not sniping at each other. He had already put Rose and Reese to bed, had been on the other couch with Starr as they made jokes and teased Lucia about the boys who had come to the party who she swore she didn't like. The laughter felt good, and it had probably been the first time Todd's death didn't weigh everyone down. Like…they finally had permission to be happy, a natural part of grief, a new stage. He kind of knew though, this was also the quiet before the storm.
The return of the King.
Viki smiled and took some pictures and admired the locket Lucia got from Téa. The antique was beautiful and Jed almost, almost, forgave her the offense of skipping the party. Lucia didn't mind though, seeming to know love came in many different colors and Téa missing a party was nothing that mattered in the big picture.
But Jed could see something in Téa that told him this night had marked her. She wasn't completely in the room, a distance to her, different than her usual. Todd had definitely shocked her and he could see she walked a line between her well-fed hatred of him and wanting to get him home. Her face said little but she kept gazing away, towards the door. She seemed to be waiting for him. Jed didn't know where he was, he hadn't answered texts. He hoped he was hanging in.
Viki too seemed slightly distracted, her eyes moving from Téa to the door, too. Jed had no clue what that was about.
But again, still better than before. Still wonderful to see the joy in Lucia and Starr.
So when Espy started her peels of hate, Jed told everyone to sit tight, that he would take care of the tiny monster upstairs. He liked to let her scream just a bit because the little brat had to learn to self-soothe according to all the Google stuff he'd read. He scoffed at the noise she made and Viki looked lovingly at him as he went to the kitchen to grab up the monitor, stuffing a fistful of pretzels into his mouth off a crystal plate on the coffee table.
And holy shit.
He looked at the screen from the camera gadget on the bookshelf in Espy's room and could see a man in black in her bedroom. His eyes widened and for a second he thought Espy was being kidnapped and his own scream was in his throat until the man turned and looked at the camera for just enough time to see that it was his Pops come to the rescue.
Jed caught his breath, cursing at the relief. And just as he turned, another bunch of pretzels back in hand, the screams from upstairs slightly less than before, Starr stopped him in his tracks.
"Show him to me."
Starr was as hard as they come, a woman like her mom, bearing almost as much of her father's history as the man himself. She was raised by him, burned by him, forged out of his worst years in Llanview after his first go-round in prison. Starr knew his highs, his lows, his absolute devotion to her but also his absolute abandonment of her. She saw the video over Jed's shoulder and recognized him immediately. Tears stood in her eyes mixed with the little bit of hate she always kept inside for her dad.
"That's him isn't it?"
There was no point lying to Starr. Not when it came to Todd.
Except in one way.
"Yup, Pedro Moreno saved him from the… overdose… but he was unconscious for months. I found him and… we have to wait for the FBI to clear him, yeah, of everything—"
She had her hand out though for the monitor, clearly deciding not to react to Jed not sharing this rather fucking huge truth.
"I knew it," she said. "I just knew it." She smiled as watched him, lowering the sound because his voice was clear and unquestionable and the way he comforted Espy was the father she knew and loved.
"I knew it," she said again. Glancing up at Jed, wiping her eyes, she whispered, "Does Téa know?"
"Found our earlier. Not exactly welcoming."
"No surprise." She smiled again at monitor and then said, "keep everyone down here. I'm going upstairs. He's not getting away from me."
Jed gave her a hug. It had been a hellish couple of years on her. "He'll be so happy to see you," he said.
"I know… plus I was pretty bad to him when he was in Cuba."
"Don't even. He fucking deserved it."
She left and crept the back way upstairs, Jed then returning to the living room. Téa was none the wiser, still cuddled with Lucia, Viki checking notes for thank-you cards.
Jed plopped down on the couch and said dramatically, "Listen to that delicious silence of Espy!" Viki laughed and Lucia groaned and Téa just gazed at Jed, suspicion dripping but nothing else because they were all locked into this game and she had to play along.
Grinning, Jed gazed right back at her, unyielding, cutting, then just laughed and laughed. His dad would always win even when it seemed everything was lost.
Todd slowly put Espy down in the crib and watched her sleep for a minute. He heard the door open behind him and froze, hoping it was Jed or Téa. Praying like hell he wasn't about to get taken down by an over-enthusiastic bodyguard. The person didn't move and he sighed, whispering, "Fuck," under his breath.
His hands tightened on the crib's railing and then he heard his first baby girl, Shorty, say, "Hi Daddy."
Turning hard, he landed on a young woman he hadn't seen in nearly two or three years? How long was it? Blair had put serious brakes on Starr seeing him since he'd come home from prison and then Starr herself resisted seeing him. She disavowed him in Cuba but he had understood, had never stopped loving his beautiful girl, sometimes even thinking the cries he had heard in that basement, the cries that had called to him, had been hers. Her gold-colored hair had grown long, her features cherubic still, large eyes the color of his, thin and tall like Blair. God, where did the time go?
He practically ran to her, grabbing Starr into his arms, kissing her head over and over, wishing he could make it all up to her, knowing he couldn't. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, for everything…"
They both cried, something that never happened, a million hugs lost, a million remembered, so many promises broken.
"Fred the Frog told me you weren't dead and I believed him. I knew it this whole time."
When they separated, he took her in, wishing like hell that damn frog could do other kinds of magic other than swearing her father still walked the earth. Fred the magic frog, a sign of love for a little broken-hearted girl, a sign of his dereliction. He nodded, knowing she believed he had "died" of a drug overdose in Cuba along with the general population. Only the FBI and Bo, as well as Jed, Téa, Rolon, Rico, maybe a few others, knew the truth.
So in front of her stood an addict. In her eyes, THAT was still him.
"I'm clean," he rasped, "it's done, over. It'll never—"
She hugged him again, saying words that broke his heart. "It's okay, Dad, don't make promises you can't keep. It's… not your fault. People did things to you… it's okay. But I'm glad that being clean is… where you are, right now. I love you, forever, and I can't wait for you to come out of the shadows. Lucia and Reese will be so happy and Aunt Viki and… well… everything that comes with being alive, for real. You missed a lot."
"Yeah, yeah…" And with that, he turned to look at the window and then back at her. "I should go…"
And where there was a time that Starr might have cried and begged him to stay with her, to be her father she adored, that time had long passed. She nodded, giving him permission to leave her yet again, and then ran to give him a final hug, smiling brilliantly, tears in her eyes, saying, "I knew it, I knew it…"
He then climbed out the window, feeling like garbage, like an addict, the one who climbed up the trellis to get dope from Brandy, the departing Todd of old, and gave one last look at beautiful Starr, Estrellita, Shorty, and she smiled back, holding him to her with hopeful eyes, I love you on her lips like a last I love you, like an I love you to a ghost of a man who died too quickly, words she had not gotten a chance to say in time, and he nodded back, I love you too, and climbed down the trellis and jumped off at the bottom and had to hunker down in the dirt, hard up against the plastered painted wall, knees up and mask stuffed into his mouth…
And cried like a child.
Cried for everything he had missed like Starr said but mostly for what his children had lost forever, innocents that had gotten caught up in the wreckage, blown back by the many bombs he had detonated, innocents who hadn't asked for any of it and yet would have to carry the debris for the rest of their lives.
Viki sat contemplatively at the kitchen table with hot herbal tea, stirring sugar into it, unfocused eyes Téa could see from a mile away. Téa had put Lucia to bed, spent a long while talking to her, apologizing for missing the important party, storytelling, trying to be the mother she had once dreamed of being. She checked on Reese and Espy and even Rose and came down to think. To hate. Because hate was so very easy. The guards had stayed on because supposedly Los Muertos wanted a meeting, Eladio himself wanted the meeting which would be interesting since he was still pretending to be Diego the cannabis grower… anyway all the guards stayed on rather than the usual two because Rolon feared they'd come to the house to make the meeting happen.
She didn't know where Todd went. Didn't check. Hoped he had gone back to the cottages he supposedly stayed at. But for all she knew he still roamed outside like a dog…
… like a lion.
She thought these thoughts but didn't believe them. Still couldn't FEEL his return. Still wondered if he was an illusion, a product of her madness. Still felt the biting hate she nurtured, still wanted it. She grabbed her own cup and a teabag and joined Viki at the table who glanced up and smiled thoughtfully, not a large smile though. Something on her mind.
"I'm sorry I missed everything," Téa said, pouring the water from the electric kettle into her cup. Letting it steep. Watching the steam. She kept her eyes on Viki, still oddly remote. "Lucia was so happy. It went well."
"It did. And it's okay. You're forgiven. Lucia is so smart and knows things aren't normal and that life keeps on going anyway, that one person missing doesn't stop the flow. She wasn't even angry. Not in the least. And when kids asked where you were, she handled it like a pro."
"Like you," Téa said without malice. A truth.
Viki nodded, sighing, realizing this. The implication was damning though. Viki's calm in the face of internal hurt or strife grew out of years of abuse and a sticking to a seeming normality for the sake of an outside world. No doubt Lucia was learning the same coping skill. Today had been a peak performance.
"I learned how to cover up my pain as a way to control the uncontrollable… like Lucia?"
Téa closed her eyes briefly, ashamed actually. Nodding. But there wasn't time to ruminate as Viki then dropped the mine she'd been holding onto too fast.
"I saw him, your bodyguard, you having a tense conversation with him."
Sipping the drink, no sugar, no milk, but plenty of lies clouding it up, she said, "Mark…"
"It's a good thing we've been delayed in distributing Mark's assets from the trust."
Téa's eyes shot up, a gasp on her lips.
"I've been here before, Téa. I've known Todd a long time. I know what he looks like even when he's dressed to hide. Oh he tried hard to cover up the limp he got in prison, no use." She smiled sadly, eyes brimming. "He looked at me and I knew it was him. Too long he looked at me."
She smiled, relieved unquestionably. But sorrowful still because of course… why was he hiding? How long would he pretend to be dead?
Téa fought him inside of herself, a hurricane inside, no, no, no….
"He's dead to ME."
Viki nodded and sniffled and wiped her eyes. "I know. But I hope YOU know what you must mean to him for him to hide like this?"
"Really?"
"You must know the decision he faces—"
"To stay dead, yes, rather than go to prison—"
"And hurt all of you all over again. I know him. I know that's what he's thinking, that maybe you're all better off without him."
"He already made the choice! He CHOSE death over us!" Tears flew out at that and Téa slammed a hand to her mouth to stop it. "Viki…" was all she could choke out.
"I know, I know," Viki said quietly, getting up. "Much to think about, love. Much at stake." She squeezed Téa's shoulder. "I am so very happy my brother is alive and well and walking and… yes, much to think about. Much to pray about." She then left to her bedroom, one given to her she was here so often.
Pulling herself together, Téa finished the tea and then got up and grabbed both mugs to put in the sink. She washed them mindlessly, chilling her heart to the day and everything Viki said. As she flipped the lights off, leaving only the one above the table on, she noticed the monitor on the counter.
Oh that girl, Esperanza. Mí hija. Mí preciosa. Those screams dug into her soul, the crying. God, GOD, what did they mean? Jed made it sound like she put herself back to sleep. Would be a miracle. She sat at the table with the monitor. Went to the saved videos. Scrolled back to when it first started filming after she went to sleep. Wanted to see the miracle return, the supposed self-soothe, for herself.
She played the video.
"Oh míjita," she sighed as she watched Espy wake up with a start, starting to cry then scream, the little one quickly pulling herself to a standing position, her face and hair a picture of fury.
But then a shadow passed the camera, a flop of black pouring in through the window and standing up and going to Esperanza. Téa gasped.
Oh my god, no, no…
There was no doubt who it was though, the man in black smiling at Espy, talking to her. and then grabbing her into his arms, enfolding her like the precious human being Esperanza was, walking her and talking to her, his voice gentle and loving and patient, walking and talking until Espy settled, her little body clinging to him as only a child her age can cling, a monkey-hold, the hold he loved with Reese, a hold he missed with Lucia, with Starr, a hold that made him smile and press his face against her…
Téa shut her eyes to it, her heart breaking open, cracking in a way she had been fighting, no, no, no, I can't do this, you are my killer, you chose death, don't don't don't…
Todd Manning rocked his baby to sleep in the rocking chair and Téa watched every second and then saw him hug Starr and she heard the I love yous and then watched him leave through the window once again, Starr walking to the window, appearing to listen, and then putting her hand to her mouth… her face then in her hands, seeming to be silently crying because of course she didn't want to wake Espy. She stood there for a long time before she finally left. She hadn't come back down, Téa realized. No, she had gone to bed.
Téa sat and played it all over and over. And as she watched, she held the wedding ring on her necklace and swallowed hard the rock in her throat, the resistance, the hate that had driven her for so long.
You are not dead, Todd…it was all a dream, you know? This terrible terrible dream of fire and pain and God, the loss of YOU, beautiful raging YOU.
Todd?
When she looked into the shadows, she saw the ghost of Blanco, shirtless, scarred, prison tattoos. He leaned in a doorway, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, his body a record of everything he had been through.
I see you, he said. Do you see me?
And he laughed,
Ain't life a goddamn bitch, Delgado?
To be continued…
