"That was not what I imagined our first family dinner to be." Rachel says closing her eyes as the bedroom door upstairs slams shut.

"It was just what I thought it would be."

"Why?"

"Because she's 14 and she's angry and she doesn't think anything is fair. Not least that were together on most things." Quinn says and Rachel knows she is right.

"She's a good kid" Rachel tries to begin.

"I can tell already she's amazing like you. She's also stubborn and passionate like me."

"Yes, she is. She is just like you it's so annoying." Rachel says and she smiles a smile that finally reaches her eyes. Quinn smiles back finally feeling a little more normal for seeing that side of Rachel.

"Well, your still married to me and you've never asked for a divorce so I can't be that bad." Quinn jokes and she sees the smile disappear from Rachels face. Rachel stands and starts tidying the room up.

"I don't believe in divorce Quinn" she adds as she wipes down the side. Its harsh and cold and Quinn has to pause before speaking she knows she is pushing Rachels buttons.

"So, you would stay married to me separated. Like we have been instead of a divorce" Quinn asks, and she sees Rachels shoulders drop the fight in her leaving her body. They had already gone over this in her mind. Quinn wanted a divorce and Rachel was willing to give her it. "Well?"

"Yes, but mainly if it was up to me. We would have done counseling with our church and pastor not just lived thousands of miles apart for 14 years."

"I've never been one for church, before America, I hated it. But I loved your passion for it." Quinn looks to Rachel wanting her to just open up a little. Religion was something they didn't have in common, but Quinn went for Rachel. Her childhood had been religious of course but it was messy and her relationship with God was one she rarely wanted to deal with.

"What happened over there?"

"It's just so ingrained in you I got a church and I attend weekly with my assistant and her son. I missed it once I left here. The sense of community I never knew I needed it but when I got there, I found one and it was good."

"That's wonderful Quinn, I'm truly glad to hear it."

"Maybe we should go to your church and talk to the pastor about parental counseling?"

"Are you sure?" Rachel asks her surprised but also elated.

"No, but I think us doing this alone could be dangerous. What happens the next time we argue? I don't want what happened last week to happen again." Quinn was right they needed some middleman and who better than someone who knew them both since they were teenagers.

"Me either, okay I'll call Pastor Henry."

"He still around?"

"Yeah, he loves Eliza, and he often asks about you. I told him everything when it happened so at least once a month he asks if I've spoken to you and makes me do hail Mary's for not speaking to you." Rachel shakes her head as if to say that man, but Quinn knows she loves him like a real father.

"Okay let's see what he thinks. Rachel, I know you don't agree with divorce but if I wanted a divorce, would you give me one?" she asks, and Rachel smiles sadly.

"Of course, I'll sign the papers I gave you."

"Why didn't you sign them first?" Quinn asks and it should be an easy answer, but she already knows it's going to be deeper than a simple you haven't agreed to them.

"Because you need to approve them and because if you want the divorce, you should sign first and then mine will be because you asked." Rachel tells her and Quinn nods there it was, she didn't want to be the one, the person divorcing the other.

"You said you don't believe in divorce that's not true of your parents."

"My dad was an abusive drunk. It's different. You know that" Rachel answers washing up her back to Quinn, she can feel Quinn's eyes burning holes into her.

"So only for abusers?"

"No, Quinn only for people who are bad for each other or for people who have fallen out of love." Rachel wants to scream at Quinn to drop this, she hated this probing and pushing just get it over with. Ask what you want to know she thinks.

"Are we either of those?" Quinn asks and Rachel sighs.

"Don't. That's not fair. You asked for a divorce, don't do this, it's your decision I'll sign the papers if you want me to. I have nothing else to say on the matter Quinn"

"Don't you ever want to move on?" Quinn asks her to move to stand beside her, she needed to see Rachels face to know if what she was saying was true.

"I've dated here and there but unless someone comes along and wows me and I think wow. I should marry them unless I feel what I felt with you. I don't need a divorce; I believe you should be in love with your spouse and if you're not get a divorce sure, but I can't say I want one. I'm not like you Quinn I can't just be with someone and it not mean something. It's part of my faith I believe in marriage and all of its rites."

Quinn laughs a little before standing up "I'm going to go get our daughter so we can have family dinner. For what it's worth I've never broken our vows." She says walking away as she goes to leave Rachel reaches out and grabs her wrist.

"Do you still love me?" Rachel asks her.

"I'll always love you. But I don't know if were in love anymore. I want to be in love, and you deserve to be in love with someone too. I don't know if we can be that for one another Rachel." Quinn says as Rachel let's her wrist go. Quinn heads upstairs but finds Eliza on the stairs sitting.

"Come on let's eat. As a family" she says hoping to get the girl to brighten up a bit.

"You're both so sad, aren't you?" Eliza asks not understanding why this happened to them why they separated.

"Yes" she says honestly, they were sad and broken and it was a mess. One that could not be solved tonight.

"Why not be together its clear you're missing it."

"Because a broken mirror never quite fits back together. Not perfectly how it was."

Eliza nods and stands up. "I just have to get used to the idea your separated I guess."

Quinn nods "me too" she says. They walk back to Rachel who is plating up food and smiling though tears are in her eyes. Eliza hugs her and apologizes.

"No baby you never have to apologize were all finding our footing." They eat dinner and Quinn decides to sleep on the sofa after her 3rd glass of wine. When she wakes up Eliza is getting ready frantically alone.

"Where's your mum?" she asks.

"I don't know she left a note saying she had to go on a trip. Thought she would have left you with information. FYI you need to take me to school I'm going to be late. Damn where are my socks?" she says stumbling out of the room. Quinn stands she left there's no way she thinks as she looks around.

Only one time in her life has Rachel left and it was when her dad died, and she went to his funeral. She closed off and spent a week away. Who died? She dropped Eliza off and got back to the house in record time to look for clues. Nothing downstairs so she walked upstairs and saw what use to be Jamie's room it had been made into a spare room. It hurt and healed her all in one. To see a room untouched would have killed her but also to know it was gone hurt too. So, she walked to Eliza's room god she was messy she couldn't be that way at her home. She would lose her mind with her. She got that from Rachel. Nothing so she walked to Rachel's room and saw it unchanged their wedding photos still hung on the wall it felt like someone had stomped on her heart. Crushed she looked around and saw a note on the bed. She took a breather because if there was a note it meant there was a plan and it meant she knew Quinn would come up here. Quinn sat on the bed and waited a moment opening the letter and reading.

Quinn, I know this is weird. But what you said got me thinking your right I do want love; I do want happiness and I do want to share my life with someone. I think for a long time I've been putting off dealing with our separation because I didn't want it to be real. I failed being your wife the one job I loved before I became a mother. I'm taking a few days to grieve and let us go. If you need me call my mobile but otherwise see you soon. Enjoy your time with Eliza.

Quinn spent the next 53 hours doing everything Rachel would and getting to know her daughter before she took out her phone. She hadn't planned to, but something snapped. She rang the mobile and it picked up immediately

"What's wrong?" Rachels voice was laced with concern, why was she calling it had only been 3 days nearly what had gone wrong.

"Nothing I just, can you come home?" Quinn says hopeful she can hear the desperation. Having Rachel leave out of the blue was not okay, Quinn had tried to be okay with it, but she felt like she was losing her mind. She couldn't parent alone she barely could keep Eliza happy for their 1 hour together daily.

"Is Eliza?"

"Yes, she's fine doing homework with Peyton I just please come home. I need to talk to you."

"Okay I'll be home tonight."

"Thank you." 4 hours later she walked through the door at 2am. Quinn was sat watching tv.

"Hi, are you okay?" Rachel asks dropping her bag on the floor as she looks at Quinn who is bleary eyed.

"You can't do that. I don't know Eliza and I don't know the house and I was here alone." Quinn says on the edge of exhaustion, anger, and tears.

"I'm sorry I thought."

"No, you didn't, you left me, it was selfish and stupid I don't even know her allergies or if she really is allowed school night sleepovers." Quinn looks tearful so Rachel steps forward she goes to touch Quinn who moves backwards.

"Quinn I'm sorry" she tries but to no avail.

"Fuck you."

"Quinn I" she's cut off.

"I left you and you had her and it must have been terrifying. Doing this all alone." Quinn says and it surprised Rachel to hear her think about that.

"It was but it got better."

"I don't want to parent alone. I also don't want you to move on and have kids with someone else. Your eggs that are frozen you can't use them."

"Quinn what are you talking about, you're not making any sense." Rachel says confused at where this is going. Just two days ago Quinn was telling her to find love and move on.

"You can't, I won't allow it I. They were meant for us and the more I think about it the more uncomfortable I am with the idea."

"What, why?" Rachel asks absolutely lost this conversation was not something she thought would ever happen.

"Because your eggs were meant for me. It would be wrong. This is all wrong. It hurts." Quinn was clearly wasted, and Rachel could see it now she was saying things that made no sense. Quinn had moved on; Quinn had wanted to go back to America to her life. She had left Rachel. Rachel frowned before caving in.

"Quinn what is going on are you okay?" Rachel asked her as she put her hand on her forearm to balance her a little more.

"No. I'm not signing the papers."

"Is there something wrong with the papers?" Rachel tries maybe that's why she is drinking but it's no use it's like talking with a 5-year-old.

"If were not divorced you won't move on."

"Quinn, please talk to me what's started this. You told me you don't want to be with me. This isn't healthy." Rachel tries to reason with her, she is sure this is just the drink. Quinn is never this emotional and irrationally.

"I can't let you go yet." Quinn states and the words hit her because there is truth in that statement, she knows the feeling because she feels the same way. She felt like a car hit her when she bumped into Quinn a week ago it was like her heart stopped and so did time.

"Okay". She says and Quinn takes a breath it calms her Rachel agreeing that its ok.

"I've been drinking" Quinn adds, and Rachel laughs at her.

"I can tell you have."

"Good" she says moving forwards and kissing her. Its sloppy and its rough but it's real and it takes away Rachels breath away she leans in falling into Quinn. Her moan is primal as she runs her fingers through Quinn's hair it's like coming home.