Erin sat up during the middle of the night as she rubbed her belly, they'd been thinking of baby names since they found out it was a boy. She started poking Jay, he shifted and then woke up. He rubbed his eyes looking at her groggily, "What time is it?"

"Never mind the time, what about Jake?"

Jay was still trying to wake up, he rubbed his face even more then sat up, "We really doing this now?" He searched for his watch and read the time '2:46am', "Okay what was it?"

"Jake? Jake William maybe?"

Jay raised an eyebrow, "Do you really want to name him after my brother? His head will get bigger then it already is?

Erin signed, "I just thought it would be a nice idea and then maybe if we have another boy..."

"Another kid? Your already thinking about more?" Jay said shocked, they hadn't really spoken about how many kids they wanted but he thought Erin would be quite content with one boy and one girl. He didn't exactly see her to be the one that would want half a dozen kids running around.

She shrugged, "Hm maybe? But anyway as I was saying, if we had a second boy I would want to honour Hank if you were okay with that? But I mean that's if we do want more kids."

"Naming my kid after Hank huh?"

Erin smacked his chest lightly, "Don't say it like that, you know he'd love that and he does a lot for us and our family."

"No your right, I think I'd be okay with that. Honouring two important people in our lives. Just like we did with Lil."

"But do you like Jake? You didn't Vito it."

Jay smiled as he pulled Erin into his side, "I do like it. Better then Mike or Patrick."

"Hey Mike was your choice and Patrick I kinda like it still."

"Yeah maybe, anyway can I go back to sleep now?"

Erin started moving her hand towards Jays lower region and started kissing his jaw like, "Well I mean now that your awake, we may as well..."

Jay quickly flipped her over onto her back and hovered above her, "I could get use to these hormones."


Erin couldn't stop thinking about happy moments, which was probably a good thing right? But then again that wasn't helping her come to terms with what had happened.

How do you deal with something as painful as losing a child? An innocent little baby that didn't even have the chance to come into the world? But then again was it better that they lost the baby now instead of when it did have a chance to start its life? These were the questions Erin kept quietly asking herself.

As well as the questions about how it happened, why it happened, what she could have done different to prevent this, was there signs? Should she have stopped working earlier? But then again she worked up until her maternity leave with Lily? She knew she shouldn't keep thinking about all these things and the doctors couldn't give her a reason as to why it happened, it just did but she couldn't help but feel responsible for losing their baby.

She'd been laying in her bed motionless for the last couple hours, when Jay finally got the 'ok' to be with his wife she just sat there and couldn't say anything or even look at him. She was shutting him out without even meaning to but she was just so numb, not knowing how to feel.

Jay sat there never once letting go of Erins hand, every now and again he'd rub circles over her knuckles or bring her hand up to his lips to kiss. All he wanted was for her to open to him, yell, scream, cry, anything. But he knew it was going to take time for her, she was one to bottle things up.

There was a light knock at the door, Will and Natalie had sympathetic smiles on their faces as they walked in, "Hey you two."

"Hey." Jay said but Erin stayed quiet, giving them both a blank look.

"Uh Jay do you want to come for a walk?" Will asked, Jay gave him a confused look but then understood that Natalie wanted to speak to Erin and Will would fill him in anyway.

"Yeah sure," he leant over and kissed Erins forehead, "I love you." Jay felt his hand get squeezed, Erin still stayed quiet but he knew that was her way of saying it back.

When they left the room Natalie stepped forward, "Erin again I'm so so sorry about what happened. This is all the paperwork you need, just explains everything you may need to know but of course if you have any questions don't hesitate to call, day or night. Now you will probably still experience period like cramps, bleeding and your hormones will still be out of whack. These are your discharge papers so your free to go whenever your ready."

"Why did I lose my baby?" Erin said looking up, the first time she had spoken since she arrived at the hospital.

Natalie sat down on the edge of Erins bed, "I have no idea Erin, I wish I could answer all your questions."

"How am I suppose to move forward from this? The both of us, Jays going to hate me." She said tearing up.

"Hey! You know Jay could never hate you and he doesn't blame you for this."

Erin nodded and then went back to staying quiet, Natalie stayed until Jay and Will came back, "Ready to go home Er?"

She nodded, "I will help you get changed?" He asked holding up a bag that Will had gone to pick up.

"Natalie can you help me?" She sniffled. Those words were like a stab to Jays heart, instead of letting him in and leaning on him she was pushing him away.

Natalie looked between everyone that was in the room, "Uh yeah of course. Come on let's get you up."

Jay ran his hand over his face, wiping the few stray tears that fell as he watched Natalie help Erin into the bathroom. He was torn.

He looked at Will, "What do I do?"

Will shrugged, all he wanted to do was help his brother but he had no idea how. "I guess you just have to keep trying to be there for her, she will eventually let you in Jay."

"I just can't believe this is happening, everything was fine."

"Sometimes it just happens."

"But why us!" Jay shouted, then he looked at his brother apolitically, "Sorry. I'm sorry."

"It's fine Jay. It's a lot to take in. Do you want me to take Lily for a couple nights?"

Jay shook his head, "Uh no, Hanks taking her to his house tonight but then I think it would be nice for her to be home. Maybe that will cheer Erin up."

Natalie and Erin appeared from the bathroom, "She's all good to go. Remember Erin call me anytime."

She nodded then looked at Jay and Will, "Ready babe?"

"Mmhmm." She said as Jay grabbed the bag off Natalie. Erin started walking in-front of him nodding her head towards Will who whispered a sorry and a goodbye, Jay placed his hand on Erin's lower back, hoping she would at least let him comfort her that way. He sighed with relief when she didn't shrug him off.


They walked through the door, "Want a cup of tea of something?" Jay asked Erin, she nodded then walked towards the lounge.

After Jay got a coffee for himself, because he needed a little boost and a tea for Erin he made his way to the living room, tears came to his eyes when he noticed Zeus sitting in front of Erin, his head resting in her lap.

"Babe?"

She turned her head to him, "I'm so sorry Jay."

Jay sat the cups down on the dining table and quickly made his way over to her, "Shh, it's okay." He said bringing her into his side.

"Where's Lily?"

"She's with Hank."

"I want her home with me."

"Maybe it might be best for Hank to look..."

She cut him off and stood up, "No I want her here with me."

"Okay. Okay, please Er sit down. I will call Hank."

"I'm going to go shower." She said walking off.

"Okay." Jay said quietly to himself, this was going to be a long painful road.


Erin was in the shower for half an hour, Jay didn't even care if she used up all the hot water. If that made her feel better then that's what he wanted.

She walked into the living room in one of Jays shirts and a baggy pair of sweatpants, Jay knew exactly why. He had pieced together a little bit while he had time alone to think, the reason she didn't want him to help her get dressed and the reason that she was dressed in baggy clothes. She didn't want him to see her baby bump, the baby bump that no longer homed their son.

"Is Hank bringing Lily home?"

Jay nodded, "Yep should be here any minute. It's only 8am she was actually sleeping in for once."

"Okay."

"Erin do you want me to get you anything?"

Before she could answer the front door opened and Hank walked in with a sleepy Lily. "She just wanted to go straight back to sleep as soon as she woke up, that's unusual."

Jay chuckled, "Yes it is, morning Lil bear."

Jay went to take his daughter from Hank but Erin quickly grabbed her, "Hey beautiful."

Hank and Jay shared a look, Jay shrugged his shoulders, "Do you want something to eat?"

"Yes pwease mummy." She nodded.

"Okay let's go."

"Jay I'm so sorry." Hank said giving Jay a hug.

"Thanks Hank, uh thanks for looking after Lily. I thought Erin would have wanted a little time but apparently not." Jay shrugged.

"She's grieving, grief does strange things."

"She's going to shut me out. Already has."

Hank patted Jays back, "Give her time."

"How are we suppose to tell everyone?"

"Do you want me?"

He nodded, "Yeah cause I don't think I will be able to handle it."

"Your a great man Jay, she's lucky to have you even if she doesn't seem to want you right now." Hank squeezed his shoulder then walked off towards Erin and Lily.

Jay stood there silently, then his daughter broke him out of his thoughts, "Daddy? Frozen?"

He forced a smile and picked her up, "Anything for you."

Hank approached Erin in the kitchen, she was emotionless, he grabbed one of her hands that was clutching the bench, "This is just a bump in the road kiddo."

"I just don't know how we are suppose to get through this, how I am. We were so excited. A little Jay, I don't want him to resent me." She said sadly.

"He won't, you know Jay." She nodded, "Take as much time as you..."

Erin held up her hand, "No I just want to get on with my life, I need normality."

Hank was confused, "Okay. But if I think I need to bench you then..."

"Sure thing."