A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! I'm glad you guys like the fic :) Oh, yeah, they are kidding themselves, but that's always fun to write! :D
If It's Love
Chapter 5
June 1993
"Do you know what I like the most in you?" Monica asked Chandler as she traced his profile — in a line from his forehead down his regal nose, the indentation over his mouth, his lips, and then his now goatee-less chin — with her forefinger.
One arm holding her close to him, his other touched her face, reciprocating her actions. "My big, warm, loving heart?" His thumb caressed her lips, parting them lightly, just as her hand traveled further down toward his torso.
Two more hours until it would be time for him to return to his bed. After almost three months of sleeping together, they'd found a rhythm. He would come over to her place at around midnight, he'd stay there until three in the morning, and then he'd go back to his apartment. No staying over. That could complicate things.
Her hand descended even below and brushed against him in a featherlight touch, and he thought she'd forgotten about the question. At least, he was about to. But she shook her head. "No."
"My sense of humor?" he tried again as he squirmed against her touch.
The only light in the room was the streetlight reflecting off of the window. With their bare skin warm and touching, the sheets slipped away from over them as she moved closer. She was laughing lightly. "No. That would be 'Do you know what I find the weirdest about you?'."
"Oh, you're paying for that," he muttered as he rolled them over, moving on top of her. She bent her knees and opened her legs for him to settle in the vee of her hips. "So, what is it? My huge pe-" She cut him off, laughing harder, shaking her head. "Hey!" he glared at her defensively.
She pulled his face to her, kissing his cheek consolingly. "I do have very high regards for your huge um…" she shrugged, looking down. He nodded his understanding, and she continued, her hand reaching up to trail a finger down the bridge of his nose again, till the tip. "But I love your nose. It's sharp, it's angular. It's perfect." She kissed the tip of his nose and leaned back against the pillow, smiling up at him.
He grinned back, satisfied with her answer. "And I love yours. It's small, it's straight. It's perfect." He nudged her nose with his, leaning down to kiss her chin.
Flirting was not new territory to them, but as days passed, each nighttime tryst felt even more exciting than it should. They didn't mind.
"You know, when I was a kid, I always wondered how people kissed without bumping their noses."
She giggled. "I hope you've figured it out by now?"
He shrugged, smiling back.
The smile slowly dropped from her face. She hooked her hands around his neck, pulling him close. "Do you want to figure it out now again?" She raised an eyebrow, licking her lips as she glanced at his.
"Yes, please," he whispered back, the lust that had been lingering just below the surface once again coming to the forefront. His hands framing her face, he leaned in to kiss her parted, glistening lips, knowing full well that it would soon be time to use condom No. 2 for the night.
~.~
He glanced at the clock on his table longingly. Work was always boring, but with images of Monica flashing in his brain at very regular intervals, it was becoming even harder to concentrate. The new girl, Nina... something, passed by his cubicle, smiling at him. He smiled back distractedly. Before Monica, he'd have thought she was cute, but now, he didn't even give her a second glance.
His phone rang, the shrill tone being a welcome intrusion to his distracted mind. He picked it up, hoping it wasn't his mother placing one of her sporadically impulsive calls. "Chandler Bing."
"Hey, it's me," answered Monica's voice.
He smiled widely, and he could almost sense Monica smiling at the other end. "Hey, Mon. What's up?"
"Not much. Just wanted to remind you that dinner's at seven, my place. Ross and Phoebe are also coming. Oh, and don't forget to buy wine," she said, sounding like she was reading from a list.
"Okay," he replied, writing down 'wine' on his palm. It was always to better not forget things that Monica told you to do. He placed the pen down and held the receiver. "So…" he trailed off, not knowing what else to say but not wanting to hang up, either.
"So," she breathed down the phone, and he could feel her own reluctance to end the conversation. After a few moments of complete silence, she spoke again, her voice low. "Would you think less of me as a woman if I told you that I'm incredibly horny right now?"
He chuckled softly but replied a second later, after casting furtive glances around to make sure that nobody was listening. "I'm horny too, baby," he whispered back, realizing a moment too late that he'd used a term of endearment. From the lack of immediate response from her side, he knew she'd heard it too.
He closed his eyes, shaking his head, annoyed with himself. They were treading a delicate line, and one slip-up could collapse everything. He forced himself to continue, to help the conversation progress. "I guess that's all the more reason for me to get home soon, huh?"
"Yeah," she murmured, her voice sounding distant. "I'll see you soon."
"See you soon," he echoed and hung up.
~.~
Chandler wondered for the hundredth time in the last ten minutes as to why on earth did he have to literally bump into this woman.
The woman, whose name he'd immediately forgotten (Janet? Janine?), was laughing uncontrollably at something that he'd just said. He hadn't even meant for it to be funny. And her laugh… it didn't sound normal. It was extremely nasal and high-pitched, hyena-like. Unpleasant and annoying to say the least, and he knew he'd have reached this particular impression even if he wasn't harboring a teeny-tiny crush on his best friend.
"Oh. My. God!" the woman exclaimed, stressing each and every word, and wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes. "Chandler, you're funny!" She smacked his arm in a way that she surely thought was playful but still made him wince in pain.
Well, at least she remembered his name.
He smiled back politely and held up the bottle of wine that he'd picked up. "I've gotta get going," he pointed at the billing counter, hoping she'd take the hint and move away. He should have known better, though. The woman had started the conversation by pointing at his ring-less ring finger and asking him whether he had a girlfriend. The only mistake that he'd made was that he hadn't lied. He had told the truth that he didn't have a girlfriend.
"It was nice meeting you, Chandler Bing," she smiled, looking expectantly at him.
"You, too," he smiled back and tried to move away, but she grabbed his just-bruised arm tightly.
"Hold on." She released him and dug into her purse, pulling out a pen and a small piece of paper. She scribbled her name and her phone number on it and handed it to him. "You know what to do. Call me." She laughed again and he resisted the urge to cover his ears.
And that should have been it. He would have smiled and left for the billing counter, bought the wine, and would have thrown away the piece of paper after he'd left the store. But fate had always been his arch-nemesis. It now complicated his life by adding a couple more steps in the course of what he'd originally planned.
"Chandler!"
He turned around on hearing the familiar voice. "Hey, Pheebs." He smiled uncomfortably, glancing down at the paper in his hand. Janice. He wondered whether Janice would get going, leaving the two of them alone. But no. She stood there with a look of territorial possessiveness on her face, glaring at Phoebe lightly. She was obviously expecting an introduction.
He sighed audibly. "Pheebs, this is Janice. Janice, this is my friend, Phoebe."
The women smiled and shook hands, and Janice laughed her high-pitched laugh, during which Phoebe shot him an amused look. He just shrugged helplessly.
"Anyway, I should get going, too." Janice touched his hurting arm a third time and smiled at Phoebe. "Nice to meet you, Phoebe." She turned to Chandler again. "Call me," she reminded him and left.
"Phone number, huh?" Phoebe nodded at the piece of paper in his hand. "Nice."
He decided that throwing it away immediately, in front of Phoebe, would seem too brutal. So he pocketed it and turned to Phoebe with pleading eyes. "Please don't tell anyone about this." He didn't know why, but by 'anyone', he meant Monica. He didn't want Monica to know about this.
"Why not?" Phoebe glanced at him curiously, moving along the aisle.
"Did you not hear the laugh?" he asked her incredulously.
Phoebe nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, that was a strange little noise. Okay, I won't tell." She shrugged her agreement. "Dinner is at seven, right?" she changed the topic abruptly.
He wondered whether she'd really grasped what he'd said but assumed that she had. "Yeah, seven."
"Okay then. I've got a bit more shopping left to do. You can leave if you're done." She waved him off dismissively.
"Fine, I'll see you at dinner." He went to the counter and paid for the wine. He left the store and threw the paper with Janice's phone number away.
~.~
"Y'know what beats me? Australopithecus had as much a chance at survival as Erectus, but it didn't survive. I mean, I know that Erectus didn't…"
Ross's voice faded away and the only thing that Chandler could concentrate on was the feel of Monica's hand climbing dangerously high up his thigh. He placed his hand on top of hers to stop its ascent, weaving his fingers through hers, holding her hand tightly. He smiled at her discreetly as she struggled to extricate her hand from his.
What beat him was why they hadn't started this no-strings-attached arrangement some three or four years sooner. He could have escaped all those years of fate-imposed celibacy.
She stopped trying to remove her hand from his after a few failed tries. Instead, she tightened her grip and kept their entwined hands still on his thigh. When he glanced at her, she smiled at him softly.
"But procreation and lineage maintenance can be tricky and complicated, yes," Ross continued but was rudely interrupted by Phoebe.
"Wait a minute!" Phoebe exclaimed. "You had sex!"
Chandler's head snapped to see Phoebe pointing an accusative finger at Monica, Monica blushing wildly, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, and her brother looking at her with a mixture of disgust and curiosity.
Trust Joey to divert the topic. "Wow, so you're really psychic?" Joey asked his new friend, fascinated.
Phoebe looked at him nonplussed and shook her head a second later. "No, it's not that. She has a hickey!"
Monica looked down at where she'd pointed, as did the three men. A dark reddish mark, just below her collarbone, was peeking through her shirt.
"Uh…" she floundered, her gaze momentarily landing on Chandler. "Phoebe, it's not a hickey. It's a… an insect bite."
"That must have been one big insect." Phoebe raised a disbelieving eyebrow and shrugged. "Things are all changing. Monica is having sex again. And Chandler's getting phone numbers from the ladies." She winked at her friends and patted Monica on the back. "Way to go, Mon!"
The moment she said 'Chandler' and 'phone number', Monica's grip on his hand loosened. She looked at him with an expression that he was incapable of deciphering. It was a mixture of a whole lot of emotions, out of which he could only make out 'hurt'. She pulled her hand away from his slowly.
He glared at Phoebe, and it took her a moment to realize what she'd done. She immediately covered her mouth with her palm. "I'm so sorry, Chandler, you didn't want me to tell," she mumbled, driving one final nail into the Monica-with-benefits coffin.
Ross and Joey, intrigued, began to ask him questions, but his attention was fully focused on Monica, who got up and began to clear out the table abruptly. He tried to get hold of her hand again, but she just shook her head and moved away from him.
He looked at Phoebe, wondering whether he'd have to thank her for ruining the best thing that'd ever happened to him.
~.~
Phoebe and Ross left first, before which Phoebe apologized to Chandler again. Then Joey left with a suggestive grin on his face after Chandler told him that he was going to spend some time with Monica. She had climbed out onto the balcony as he'd closed the apartment door behind Joey. He followed her and entered the balcony, behind her.
"Mon," he called out, but she stared down at the street resolutely, refusing to look at him. "Monica," he tried again in a futile attempt. He sighed. "Turn around, bright eyes," he sang off-key, "I need you now, tonight. I need you more-" He stopped when she turned to glare at him. "You laid the ground rules, Monica," he said as she continued to glower at him. He sighed again. "I threw the number away."
Something changed in her expression, but she successfully regained her angry exterior. She stared down at the street again. "Why?"
The most truthful answer would have been Because of you, but he didn't say that. "I don't know." He shook his head. "I didn't really feel like going out on a date with a woman I barely knew."
She nodded, looking at him again. She gazed into his eyes for a long second and then moved closer. "It's already getting complicated, Chandler," she said quietly. Her voice held doubt, her eyes showed fear.
His own heart constricted with fear. Was she ending this? "I don't even remember her name, Mon," he whispered back, feeling a sudden desperation to make her see that ending this would be a huge mistake.
"That's not the point, Chandler," she shook her head, and he could hear the trepidation behind her words. "I don't think I can be not possessive, not jealous." She looked at him uncertainly, her eyes bright and shiny with tears.
He was tempted to say 'Then let's date', but for some inexplicable reason, it seemed hard. He racked his brain for a solution and found one a moment later. "Friends with benefits who are exclusive," he blurted.
She just stared at him. "What?"
"Let's be friends with benefits who are exclusive," he repeated, this time with more confidence.
She shook her head, smiling at him sympathetically. "Chandler, that's just dating."
"No, it's not." He shook his head in turn, rather vigorously. "It would still be a secret. We can still end it anytime we want. We won't really be going out on dates, and I certainly won't be declaring my undying love for you, ever."
"Chandler…" she murmured, smiling at him, shaking her head again.
He simply drew her to him, his lips finding hers in a deep, lingering kiss. He pulled back and rested his forehead against hers, eyes closed. "Noses don't bump."
She stood on her toes and reached for his lips, kissing him passionately again. He tightened his arms around her waist, holding her to him as closely as he could.
They didn't realize that half the strings of their 'No-strings-attached' relationship were already strung together. She had no idea what they were getting themselves into.
But something that felt this right couldn't possibly go wrong. Or at least, they hoped so.
~.~.~
A/N: I love Matthew Perry's nose ;)
