You might be wondering how the fuck did this happened. Honestly, I have no idea.

The five candidates and knights were having a meeting and talking about stuff (Important stuff I'll have you know) when suddenly the Crusch manor exploded.

"What is going on?" In a worried tone, the greatest knight asked this question to no one in particular.

"I'm not sure but stay behind me" The strongest power on earth, the sword saint, Reinhard van Astrea spoke these words with great conviction.

"Beako, Emilia, where are you?" In a mildly panicking tone, Subaru Screamed these words towards the person he loved and Contracted spirit.

"I'm fine Subaru" Emilia standing next to Beatrice started to walk towards the frantic Subaru.

"Look I suppose" With a trembling finger pointing forward Beatrice's words, spoken words, as quiet as they were, reached the ears of everyone. They looked in that direction and saw them.

Sloth, greed, lust, gluttony, and wrath. Oh and other gluttony. All the sin archbishops were standing in front of the now-destroyed manor.

"H-How you should be dead, I saw you died, I killed you!" Subaru was not only shocked by the arrival of the sins but also because Petelguese Romanee Conti was standing there with them. Behind him, an equally shocked Julius stood there.

"THE WITCH'S LOVE NEVER LEFT ME!!! SHE SAVED ME, SHE SAVED ME BECAUSE I WAS DILIGENT BECAUSE I DID NOT PRACTICE SLOTH. HER LOVE SAVED ME. LOVE LOVE LOVE LO-

A loud noise, as if thunder striking the ground, was heard. It was Reinhard taking a step towards the bishops without any visible fear.

A man wearing white also took a step towards Reinhard. He was very plain looking, normally you wouldn't even pay attention to him, but now you could feel a dangerous air around him. As if he could kill you at any moment.

"How dare you approach me without giving common courtesy by introducing yourself? Why are you getting closer? Who taught you manners? This nonsense violates my rights as an individual, personal space, and mood. How dare you get this close to me and continue to be so silent. You are actively ignoring me when I'm being so kind as to bless your ignorant being with my words of reprimand and you cease to pay attention? And you still haven't paid a modicum of social obligation. Give me your name or get out. Or is it that you don't see me as a human being with rights that I would hold dear? An existence lower than a basic human? Who are you to determine that?!? Who the hell are you to say that I'm lower than you?!!? How dare you, how dare you, HOW DARE YOU?!? I don't want your goddamn pity! Leave my personal space! Get off me this instant you sub-human trash! Disgusting!"

Everyone just stared at the man with mild shock in their features. That is until one of the present people decided to speak up.

"Oh-h Seems the world has decided to free me from boredom. Although it would be best if you would stop wasting my time in idle talk." Pointing her fan at the bishop Priscilla spoke her arrogant words.

The white-haired man answered in an outraged tone. " How dare you say that I Regulus Corneas, a most satisfying existence, talks too much. How dare you violate my right to-

Before Regulus could finish his 2-hour rant the 6 bishops and some of the royal candidates, and knights, were teleported to a different location.

The room they were now in was very large. Its size was equal to the meeting room where the royal selection was announced. (Imagine a gym room. Don't want to bore you with a description.)

Everyone just quieted down Until Someone finally broke the silence.

"Welcome to the first annual Witch-cult vs Lugnica match" Reinhard was the one who spoke these words. His new [divine protection of announcer] allowed him to speak this way and with full knowledge of what he was doing.

"W-what are you talking about Pal." Al in a nervous tone asked the Sword saint who was facing a camera.

"Hyping up the audience of course" Answering as if it was the most obvious thing in the world he continued to do his thing.

" What yer talkin bout my amazing self's can't see anything."

Although Garfiel could not see them, the audience could. By audience, I mean all the capital of Lugnica of course.

4 Huge screens facing in every direction allowed over three hundred thousand people to observe the 13 individuals that were in the gym room.

"A Gym room? what is it doing here" A completely confused Subaru observed said screens from the still destroyed Crusch manner. He was standing along an also confused Beatrice who was just patiently observing and see what would happen.

It wasn't just them who were confused. The entire populace of the capital were in the same state. The only reason why they remained calm was that the sword Saint was being shown and a mysterious force made them stand there.

"Why would you put such a beautiful lady as me with a bunch of meat bags?!" Exclaimed Capella as she was pointing at Reinhard.

"You are not gourmet" As he said this Lye pointed at Rosswal who just smiled back at him.

"It seems we are in a straaaaange situation arrrre we not?" The clown spoke out loud and received his answer as...

You are the greatest magician are you not? Do you know what is going on? Wilhelm. the butler of the Crusch mansion asked towards the greatest clo- mage.

Before he could answer, someone else spoke in a loud voice.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry, for taking your time like this. Really sorry but do you know what is going on in Petelguese." With a creepy and wide smile, Sirius asked this towards Petelguese Romanee- Conti.

"Instead of waiting and doing nothing, we should do as the gospel says DES!!!!" Petelguese completely ignored Sirius and instead pointed at the opposing team at the other side of the court as he said these words. He began preparing his unseen hands

Julius the greatest knight, was confused, but when he felt the hostility coming from the bishops he got ready to act. This applied to both sides. Ready to kill each other they prepared. But something intervened

"Wait, wait we can't have you killing each other yet we need to present the teams." Reinhard with the same tone used as before, and looking at the cameras, said this.

"Reinhard-san what ar-" Emilia started but was interrupted.

Reinhard completely ignored her, his own comrades, because of the [Divine Protection of announcer] continued the introductions.

"On one side we have the Sin Archbishops, the ones that have caused so much death and destruction, the believers of the witch of envy, pieces of shit!!!!!"

"The team players of this team are Capella Emerada Lugnica!, Regulus Corneas!, Lye Batenkaitos!, Petelguese romanee- Conti!, and Sirius romanee- conti!

"Oh and the other gluttony"

Everyone observing the match threw curses at the bishops while others wished for their defeat.

On multiple caves where the witch cultist lived and hid all of them cheered for them.

"How dare you ignore me like that. Don't you know that I Regulus Corne-"

"And on the other side, we have a candidate for the throne and many brave warriors who represent Lugnica. They are people who have saved many lives and have many feats. LUGNICA."Cutting a furious Regulus Reinhard continued.

Represented by Emilia!, Garfiel tinsel!, Wilhelm van Astrea!, Roswaal!, Al!, and Julius!

Hundreds of thousands of cheers were heard all around the capital all of lugnica even the knights and candidates had fallen to the atmosphere.

Civilian 1; beat them up!!!

Civilian 67: WIN!!!!

"The rules are simple: there are 100 indestructible dodgeballs in the middle of the almost indestructible stadium. To get someone out you have to hit them with it. If they catch it, the person who threw it is out. You cant go to the opposing team's side or you're out. Any magic is allowed. If you get hit you die. your body will be removed from the room in the following seconds so as to not make any distractions. Get ready" Reinhard announced.

Both the archbishops and Lugnica fighters had completely forgotten any protest they could have had and prepared for the match.

Reinhard started counting down.

3

The archbishops activated their authority's, Petelguese the unseen hands, regulus his immunity, Lye the lunar eclipse, etc

2

The Lugnica team prepared their magic Emilia made an ice baseball bat, Al marked the gym as his territory and got the victim side, Julius called out his spirits, etc

1

Everything was quiet, the Capital, Witch cult caves quiet, Teams quiet.

That is until.

"BEGIN" Reinhard In a mighty voice announced the start of the match.

It all went to hell very quickly.

"AL GOA!!" Roswaal was the first to strike. quickly throwing a huge inferno towards the Archbishops.

Regulus Just flicked his hand throwing one of the dodgeballs he had somehow gotten and destroyed the Spell before it even got halfway to its target.

"PROOF OF LOVE, UNSEEN HANDS" Petelguese making over 20 unseen hands grabbed balls and started throwing them randomly hoping one of them would hit.

"OI HELMET MAN, PRINCESS" " THAT'S THE 267 TIME I GET IT" "RIGHT"

Both Al and Garfiel created earth barriers to block all the thrown projectiles. with Emilia helping by making ice barriers.

"YOU LOSE TSU!" Lye from the left side of the court threw a dodgeball towards Emilia's direction.

"No, you don't" Wilhelm running at a great speed deflected the attack making it go upwards.

"Parry this you filthy casual." Emilia with her baseball bat hit the ball making it fly towards Lye at a very fast speed.

"tsu!" Lye used the leaper skill to escape the attack and successfully survived elimination.

"I'm sorry but you need to lose." A ball surrounded by fire was thrown at Garfiel. Who knew his earth barrier would not hold.

"Fuck" Garfiel had no choice but to catch the ball. He prepared to use a partial beast transformation. But before he could do so-

"AL Clarista!!" A brilliant sword imbued in all 6 elements moved in front of Garfiel and helped block the ball. Sending it flying towards Regulus who just stood there and watched the ball disappeared just before it hit him.

"WHAT A SPECTACULAR BEGINNING IT SEEMS THEY ALL WENT FULL FORCE SINCE THE START!!!" Reinhard with his announcer's voice continues to hype up the crowd.

[Outside the stadium]

Merchant 27: DID YOU SEE HOW THE BALL GOT REFLECTED BACK TO THE ARCHBISHOP!!!!

Civilian 878: They are very awesome!!

"It seems this is worth my time." Priscilla, as arrogant as ever, hid her smile behind her fan.

"That's my Emilia-tan" Subaru was excited about how things were going.

"It seems they are all doing well" Crusch with an awed gaze continued to watch the "battle"

Witch cultist 926: Keep going Petelguese-sama!!!

Witch cultist 376: Beat their ass!!!!

[Back in the gym]

Balls were all over the floor both teams were tired of the short but hard battle. Both waiting for the other to make a move.

This time team Lugnica took the offensive.

Garfiel grabbed 2 balls, transformed both of his arms into this beast's arms and threw them.

Sirius saw them coming and used her chains to deflect the balls.

But that left her wide open

"AL Fula" Rosswal, aiming at the floor, sent over a dozen balls in her direction.

"No!" Using her fire she slowed the balls down enough to be able to get behind regulus and use him as a human shield.

"Al clauzeria" A bright light impacted the archbishops' side and managed to blind them.

Petelguese once again used over a dozen of unseen hands and threw them all towards Garfiel. Although he was unable to see, he still carried out this action with diligence.

"Garfiel!" Yelled Julius at the sight of the cat about to get hit.

Garfiel saw them coming and so he prepared and then-

"IT'S INCREDIBLE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE PLAYER GARFIEL HAS EVADED ALL THE STRIKES AND ELIMINATED SLOTH!!!!!!!" Reinhard screamed so hard the only reason he was still able talk is because of the [Divine protection of announcer]

"I-IMPOSIBLE" Petelguese was left shocked. Not only had GARFIEL dodged each one of his strikes but he was also able to catch one of them.

Petelguese started to evaporate. After a few more seconds he had died.

[witch cult cave]

"S-sloth-sama?" Witch cultist number 764 asked.

"How?" Witch cultist number 289 asked in shock.

[Capital]

"Yessss! Die Petelguese! Good job Garfiel!" Subaru all but shouted into the heavens.

"It seems we are winning" Was spoken by Anastasia "I wonder if I can make money just by Julius being there" Her greedy mind wondered this.

[Back to the match]

Both teams just looked at each other for a few seconds, not really doing anything. However, that lasted only a few seconds.

"HOW DARE YOU THAT TO MY LOVE!!!!" Sirius was furious, fire was literally surrounding her figure.

She took a deep breath and calmed down. "Do you see how that is wrong, how you should have done nothing."

A strange force took over the lugnica team. A feeling of agreement went upon them. Sirius was right, they were wrong to do that.

"You should be sorry for that you see. I do apologize for having to tell you this but it's the truth." Seeing as none of them were moving Capella took this chance and transformed her arm into a gorilla and threw a ball to the unmoving Garfiel.

"Die you meat bag!!" The ball hit Garfiel straight in the gut making him evaporate to tin air. He appeared In a different room where he could see the match directly from the glass. Petelguese alongside him.

Regulus just observed. He had no need to intervene after all he was the perfect existence. The rest of the bishops should do the work for him.

Capella threw another ball this time Eliminating Julius.

WHAT A TWIST. IT SEEMS THE LUGNICA TEAM IS UNABLE TO MOVE AND IS JUST STANDING THERE. COULD THIS BE THE END?!?!?

and just when all hope seemed lost.

Al, after Hundreds of thousands of deaths, was able to gain enough control to pick up a ball and hit the surprised Sirius. She was not expecting anyone to be able to break through her authority.

She evaporated and died.

IN WHAT SEEMS LIKE A MIRACLE Al HAS BEEN ABLE TO HIT THE WRATH AND ELIMINATE HER AUTHORITY FROM PLAY. COULD THIS BE A GAMECHANGER. Reinhard was getting tired [his divine protection of the announcer] could only help so much.

Emilia, Wilhelm, and Roswall were able to move.

"Thank you Al. it seems you've saved us" Emilia thanked the not-knight. If not for him it could have been the end.

"It was no problem. It took some effort but I got through."

Before they would continue to exchange any words.

"Watch out!" Wilhelm Warned the group who just had a couple of seconds to see the ball coming.

"Ul Dona!" Roswaal making a dome of the earth was just barely able to stop the incoming hit from Capella.

The dome crumbled and they were able to see their opponents.

Capella, Lye, and regulus. Oh and the other Gluttony.

These 3 were standing there observing the lugnica team. That is until Regulus spoke.

[Insert regulus rant #45] Regulus finished and opened his eyes. He spoke for 7 minutes and 37 seconds. In that time he became the only player left with Roswaal and Al remaining.

How did this happen you may wonder. Well, let's backtrack 7 minutes and 26 seconds for that.

Already losing his patience Rosswal used his trump card and cast six spells at the same time. This resulted in a gigantic smoke screen being created blocking the view of everyone in that area.

In the midst of all chaos, Emilia threw a ball hoping to hit Capella that was caught by Capella. This resulted in her being Eliminated.

"Muahaha how do you lik-" she felt something hit her leg. "What NOO- She turned to dust. This Elimination was courtesy of all.

"That only took 36 tries to get right"

"OHHHHHHH BOTH THE CANDIDATE EMILIA AND THE SIN ARCHBISHOP OF LUST HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED." Reinhard's [his divine protection of announcer] had evolved to [ Ultimate Divine Protection of announcer] But even so, he wasn't sure how much he could last.

"You are gourmet" Lye announced while he pointed at Al.

"I'd rather not be. you know pal" Al was not eager to find out what that meant.

"Too late tsu!" Lye used Lunar eclipse and activated an ability that can let him throw stuff really fast.

"I'm sorry but I can't let you do that" Wilhelm in less than a second was by Al's side and deflected the ball. He used his own to throw it back in Lye's direction.

"Tsu!" Lye was caught off guard and had to use the leaper technique to dodge the strike.

Everyone could have sworn they heard an "ouch" as if the ball hit someone but they ignored it. They also promptly ignored the screams of agony that were heard all around the stadium.

"If you like to eat so much then eat this" Wilhelm screamed as he threw the ball at full power.

Gluttony caught the ball and felt as if he was sent flying through the air.

"You lose tsu!"

Roswaal threw a ball infused with wind magic and hit Lye taking advantage of the fact he was distracted.

"No, you lose," The clown said.

It was at this moment that Regulus finally stopped ranting.

"TWO MORE CONSTANTEST HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED. HOW COULD THIS END." Reinhard screamed at full force for all the people to hear. He had no microphone after all. If not for his DP he would be dead.

Regulus was confused. He had been explaining his rights to everyone and they continued killing each other without him.

This infuriated him.

After once again ranting for a good 3 minutes and all the balls Al and Roswaal threw disintegrated on touch he decided enough was enough. He walked, picked a dodgeball, and prepared to exterminate the right-breakers.

"Fuck!!" Al knew what was going to happen. He ran as far as he could and hid by creating a dome of earth. "Ul dona. you're on your own clown," Al thought with a bit of pity.

"Wha-" Was all Roswaal could say before he got hit by a ball going at the speed of light. This sent his body flying through the almost indestructible walls and hit the cold hard floor at the bottom.

THE CLOWN HAS BEEN ELIMINATED. LET'S SEE THAT IN SLOW MOTION. The [Divine Protection Of announcer] had evolved to its final form. It was now the [ Super Mega invincible Ultimate Divine protection of announcer] Would this be enough?

Every screen zoomed in for a replay and showed the hit Rosswal got. It repeated the impact multiple times. Almost as if it was making fun of him.

[Outside the stadium]

Subaru was laughing. He knew he shouldn't but he could not help it. Roswaal had it coming.

But the rest

They were tense.

Both sides were tense. There were now only two players Remaining.

Who would win.

[Back in the stadium]

Regulus and AL were both serious. That was completely not how results should act but the atmosphere said so. They both grabbed a ball in their hand and prepared to attack.

Few more seconds passed and, finally, one of them acted.

Regulus geared his arm back and threw the ball at light speed.

Not even a fraction of a second later. Was it revealed that all dodged or not.

The answer is.

THE PLAYER Al HAS DODGED. Reinhard as if he was a madman possed screamed to the whole world. He could barely stay conscious but he had to be strong.

Al was exhausted and on the verge of unconsciousness. He had died 9731691917169197169465567897615417893318 times to survive that. He was honestly going to fall at any second.

But before that, he had to attend to his duty. Using the last of his strength plus all the experience he accumulated in all those deaths. He took a step forward and threw the ball with as much accuracy as he could.

Now usually this would have been worthless.But Regulus just so happened to have killed all his wives with the light-speed attack. This meant that he no longer had his invulnerability.

The ball flew in the air for 1,2,3,4,5, seconds, and then it hit.

Regulus was perplexed. How could he, the sin archbishop of greed, get hit? He was about to curse out his enemy but he turned into a pile of dust before he could do so.

THE WINNER OF THE LUGNICA VS SIN ARCHBISHOP DODGEBALL TOURNAMENT IS AL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reinhard had fulfilled his duty. He died. But with a smile on his face knowing he had bested the announcer challenge.

He was revived shortly after.

All of Lugnica was cheering. They had won.

civilian 639: WE WON!!

Merchant 7: We did it.

All candidates and kights also were in the same state as the rest.

Al meanwhile felt himself be transported out of the gym.

He felt like a winner.

Not even a minute after all 4 projections disappear in the air. Everyone was also back to the place they were before this whole shit show started.

They all thought of one thing.

What the fuck just happened?

No, I don't know why I wrote this. Also if you're wondering why Regulus didn't do so much was because this is a crack fic and I can do whatever I want and also because I needed him to not destroy the competition right away.