Chapter 18: You Exist

Addison was woken up by the light that shone brightly through the blinds scrunching her eyelids together, she turned her face away from the light. It was one of the rare days when it was actually sunny in Seattle. Last night she had messaged Richard to inform him that both her and Aelwyne would be taking the day to which he did not complain. After the trial he knew the intern would need some time to recuperate and Addison was keeping her company.

Addison had had a not very pleasant dream before she woke up. In it she was in a hospital hallway and she saw Aelwyne walking just ahead of her. Try as she might she could not reach her. She called after her but Aelwyne just kept on walking farther away from her and she could not catch up to her. As she woke up she just wanted to hold onto the intern, however, as she opened her eyes she noticed the bed was empty aside from her. She sat up as fear creeped in.

'Where is she?' She scanned the room. Listening quietly for any sounds that would signal where Aelwyne was.

"Aelwyne." She called as calmly as possible and no response.

"Aelwyne!" She called again slightly louder.

"Ael!" She was shouting now. She was about to get out of bed to go looking for her when the brunette walked into the room.

"Are you ok? Is everything ok? Why are you yelling? Is there a bug somewhere? Please say there wasn't a bug. I can't handle those right now." Aelwyne said frantically looking around the room and then looking back at her.

"I woke up and you weren't… you weren't… I was alone. Couldn't find you… I woke up and…" Addison stammered out her breathing a bit erratic.

Aelwyne's features softened and she jumped in bed and crawled towards Addison. She settled in front of her and a bit tentatively she cradled the redhead's face in her hands.

"I'm here. I'm sorry, Addie." Aelwyne said with a small smile.

"I'm sorry I'm acting so childish." Addison began. "It's just I couldn't reach you in my dream and then you weren't here."

A blush heated her face and neck as she spoke. She was not supposed to tell her about the dream.

'Dammit Addison. Now she's going to think you are some clingy chick.'

"I reached you. So it's ok, Addie." Aelwyne replied, taking her away from her thoughts.

"What time is it? And where were you anyway?" Addison asked, trying to change the subject as her face heated up once more at hearing her words. Hoping Aelwyne would stop holding her face because the touch was starting to drive her crazy.

"Oh I went to make breakfast. It's almost 11 am I'm not sure when was the last time I slept in so late. I'm a bit hungry and I thought you would be too. Last night we didn't have much of a dinner." Aelwyne said, finally taking her hands away from her face, to which Addison released a sigh.

"Don't hate on the sandwiches." She joked.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Aelwyne chuckled. "By the way it's ready in case you're hungry. It's eggs and bacon and toast and some fruit. You know, so we can say it's still healthy."

"Sounds perfect. Can I meet you in the kitchen?" Addison said.

"Of course." Aelwyne said and quickly leaned in and kissed her cheek.

No one could tell who was more stunned at the gesture. Aelwyne's golden eyes had grown wide and her cheeks were completely red. Addison was in the same state however she recovered a bit quicker and got up.

"Umm I'm… I'm going to use the bathroom before we eat." And with that she went to the bathroom leaving Aelwyne still sitting on the bed.


After a few minutes brushing her teeth and washing her face with cold water to calm down Addison emerged. She found Aelwyne sitting at the kitchen island serving herself some food. She turned slightly to face her once she heard her approach. The intern motioned to the place next to hers where a plate lay in wait along with a cup of orange juice.

"Smells great." Addison said as the smell of bacon reached her nostrils.

"I'm the best bacon cook ever." Aelwyne announced happily as she began to munch on said bacon.

"Well I'm excited. How'd you sleep?" Addison said as she joined the intern eating some bacon.

"That was the best sleep in a long while." Aelwyne responded happily as she piled some more food.

"That's good." Addison replied with a smile. "Do you… will you… umm" she continued in a bit of a mumble.

"I thought surgeons don't mumble Dr. Montgomery." Aelwyne said chuckling, her eyes shone with amusement.

"I wasn't mumbling." Addison protested.

"Right." Aelwyne smirked. Addison wanted nothing else but to wipe that smirk away with a kiss but quickly decided against it.

"So what were you going to ask me?" The intern asked after a few more minutes had gone by and their plates were empty.

"Oh I was just wondering if you'd like…" Addison began and then after a quick breath. "Somecompanytonight" she said quickly and quietly.

"What?" Aelwyne looked at her confused.

"Some. Company. Tonight." Addison said with a pause after every word and looking anywhere but at the intern.

"Oh…" Aelwyne began and after some thought said. "Some company tonight sounds good."

"Good. Ummm I'll need to go get a change of clothes." Addison said with a smile.

"Sounds good." Aelwyne said happily as her phone rang.

-Hello?... Oh hi Mr. Sullivan… yes everything is ok… well if you'd like you can contact the DA… no I don't want anything to do with it… yes please… huh?... oh yes my birthday is today… yeah thanks… goodbye Mr. Sullivan-

Aelwyne was quiet for a while after that she took the empty plates, put them in the dishwasher, and ran the cycle. Addison was not sure what to say. Today was the brunette's birthday and she kind of wanted to celebrate because she was here. Aelwyne existed and because she existed Addison had someone. Maybe she was a little selfish because it also meant that her family had died around this same time.

"So…" Addison began but paused not knowing how to follow up.

"I was born on a day like today 27 years ago." Aelwyne said softly.

"I take it you don't like your birthday." Addison simply stated.

"No. My nana did. She always made a big deal out of it. I just didn't ever like that because a few days before my entire family had died aside from my mother and then she died on the day I came to the world. What's to like about that?" Aelwyne replied her gaze locked on her hands.

"Well I can tell why your nana made a big deal out of it." Addison said enveloping the intern's hands in hers.

"Why's that?" Aelwyne asked.

"You exist." Addison repeated what she had thought about moments before.

"I exist but not my family. How could I be happy I survived when they didn't?" Aelwyne said bitterly, finally facing her.

There it was, the pain and the shame and the guilt. All of it showing in her eyes. Everything that made Addison's blood boil. She hated seeing her like that.

"The fact that they died and you didn't is not your fault, Aelwyne." Addison replied looking into her eyes.

"Isn't it?!" Aelwyne said loudly.

"No. It is not your fault. How could it be? You were in her belly. You didn't cause the accident. How could you if you hadn't even been born?" Addison responded calmly.

"I don't know. I just... I can't be happy about today. I never will be because my family died. They died and left me alone. Maybe if my mother wasn't carrying me they would've never gone to the house in the woods. Maybe they wouldn't have gotten caught in an accident. Maybe my grandparents would still be alive along with my dad and my brother and my sister… my mom wouldn't have had to go through surgery after surgery after surgery just to be an incubator and die after giving birth to me. She should've just let me die with her!" Aelwyne shouted and she had begun pacing around.

"The accident wasn't your fault. Your mother being pregnant with you wasn't your fault. The surgeries she underwent weren't your fault and neither was her carrying you to term. None of it was your fault. It was her decision to bring you here. She left a piece of her, a piece of your father, of your brother and sister, of your grandparents. She left a piece of all of them here. And that piece she left is an extraordinarily amazing piece. A sweet bright humble woman. That's what she left. A woman that will become an amazing surgeon and save so many lives. Change so many lives." Addison spoke with tears in her eyes. "I, like your nana, am so very happy you exist. I am so very happy that on a day like today even after all the tragedy you were born. A small but beautiful little light came into the world on a day like today."

Tears streamed down both of their faces as they looked at each other. Addison knew that the brokenness was not something that could be mended easily with words. Especially when Aelwyne had tucked all that pain inside for so long. But it was a start.

"I exist?" Aelwyne whimpered.

"You exist." Addison responded, tears still streaming down her face.

"A piece of them?" A sob escaped Aelwyne's throat.

"Yes, a piece of them." Addison replied, moving to her now.

Silently she walked to where the intern stood and pulled her close. Aelwyne held onto her shirt for dear life and silently cried on her shoulder. Addison just held her tight and let her own tears continue to stream down. Neither knew how long they stayed there. As their tears stopped flowing they pulled away from each other.


"I've gone so soft." Aelwyne repeated what she had once said.

"Soft is ok, you know? You are allowed to be soft sometimes. Besides if we go by the amount of times we've cried in front of each other I'm pretty sure I beat you." Addison said with a laugh.

"No, I'd say we're pretty even." Aelwyne replied with a smile. "You still have to go get your clothes, don't you?" She continued.

"Yeah I do. I'll go get it now. Think of what you want for dinner and text me." Addison said, finally pulling away.

"Ummm Addison. Cristina was the one that got your number not me." Aelwyne said awkwardly.

"Oh that's right. Give me your phone." Addison requested and Aelwyne did so. After saving her number on the intern's phone she called herself.

"There I have yours saved now." She said with a smile. "Text me what you'd like and I'll bring it."

"I… I can cook something for us." Aelwyne said shyly.

"Wait, you cook?" Addison said surprised.

"Yeah, my nana wouldn't have it any other way. She used to say I'd starve over her dead body." Aelwyne smiled a sad smile.

"I'd be honored to have some more of your cooking." Addison said smiling at her sweetly. "Anyway I'll go now so I can get my stuff and take a quick shower."

"Ok. Here." Aelwyne handed her her keys to the loft. "See you soon Addie." She said with a happier smile now.

"See you soon Ael." Addison replied with her own smile and walked out, content with the keys weight in her pocket.


Addison drove happily back to her hotel room humming to the radio. When she got there she took a shower still humming and got a few sets of clothes ready. She had only asked for one night but just in case. She made her way back to the car with her bag and just as she got in her pager went off. Cursing to herself she read the page. There had been an accident and of course there had been three pregnant women in the car. She buckled in and shot a quick text to Aelwyne.

1:37 p.m.

-Hey Ael. Got paged to the hospital. If it isn't serious I'll make it back for dinner. If not I'll let you know and pick you up in the morning. I don't want to bug you too late.-

1:39 p.m.

-You don't bug. I'll wait for you either way. Be ready for lasagna.-

Addison smiled as she read the brunette's reply and made her way to the hospital.


"So McHot is not here, is she?" Cristina asked the rest of the interns as they sat for late lunch.

"Nope." Alex replied.

"Her surgeries for today got moved to tomorrow." Izzie replied.

"Wonder if she's sick." George said.

"Oh she's sick, alright. But not in the way you think." Cristina said with an arched brow.

"As I was saying though. Me and Addison went to the court with Aelwyne." Meredith directed the conversation back to its original place. "She did so good up in the stand. But when she was leaving the asshole said 'happy early birthday' and that kinda got her all anxious."

"Dude I wish I could get my hands on that bitch of a man." Alex grumbled.

"Alex calm down." Izzie said.

"Calm down? Calm down? How? Sweetness does nothing to anyone. She's always helping. She's the only I'll accept is better than me, than any of us. She goes out of her way to help people, to make patients comfortable. Sweetness is a good person. I know it took you all those bruises to finally get over yourself to actually see it. But all of us saw it from the beginning. It makes me so fucking angry that anyone could do something so awful to her. Plus she's all awesome and she has no family either. Like what the hell." He spat angrily.

"Dude chill." Cristina said as she noticed the heads turned to them. "I feel just as mad as you. We all are. But let's try not to bring more attention to her. She doesn't need that." She added to which he muttered an apology.

"Geez it's like you're in love with her." George said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Dude shut the fuck up. It's not like that. I like Aelwyne like a sister. It's nothing like that." Alex said shooting daggers with his eyes.

"I was just trying to clear the air a bit." George said apologetically.

"Bambi don't be so stupid." Cristina said.

"Guys please calm down. How was she after though?" Izzie asked Meredith.

"I think she was having a panic attack. She kept saying she forgot and she was sorry. I think her family's death may have been around the same time as her birthday." Meredith said.

"Well that sucks. We could have tried to make her a party or even like a dinner to celebrate her birthday." Izzie said and George nodded next to her.

"We still could. Maybe not a party but a dinner with all of us. We are her friends." Cristina pondered out loud.

"I think we should talk to Addison about it. See what she thinks." Meredith said.

"Why her?" Izzie asked intrigued.

"Because they are close. Haven't you noticed?" Alex said as a matter of factly.

"She was the one to calm her down. I couldn't do anything but watch." Meredith said sadly.

"Mer it's ok. You were there and she knows. Did she stay at her apartment alone? Would've been better if you stayed." Cristina said.

"Well actually, Addison stayed with her." Meredith replied and Cristina shot her a knowing grin.

"It's decided then." Cristina began. "We ask McHot about doing the dinner. It'll probably be us five, Dr. Bailey, Dr. Webber, Callie, McDreamy, and of course McHot herself."

"Yeah I think that works." Meredith replied and the others agreed.

"Hey! You five idiots we have incoming trauma! Move!" Bailey shouted at them from the entrance.

"But we haven't been paged." Cristina looked at her pager as did the rest. As soon as they got up their pagers went off in unison.

"I said move!" Bailey shouted once more and then was jogging down the hall. They all followed.


Addison arrived to the E.R. in scrubs ready for any surgical issues. Two of the patients were having contractions. She ordered I.V. medications to control the contractions. Alex was paired with Izzie and George was with Bailey. Leaving Cristina and Meredith with the third patient who was also having contractions with the difference that the fetus was showing late decels.

"Dr. Montgomery thank god. She's 29 weeks. We gave her terbutaline to stop the contractions and they're starting to slow but the baby is still in distress." Meredith explained.

"Pass me the ultrasound." Addison called and Cristina handed her the probe.

The patient spoke softly after a contraction. "I'm wet."

Addison lifted the blanket covering her and she saw as blood was beginning to pool between her legs.

"Dr. Montgomery the decels are getting farther away from each other now." Meredith called.

"Her contractions are starting to get fast again." Cristina announced.

As much as she'd like to keep the fetus in she had to do a c-section now. The mother was too unstable and the baby was not helping either. She had to do the surgery if not she'd risk losing them both.

"Yang, get us an O.R. She has a placental abruption we need to do a c. You're both scrubbing in. Let's move it. And Grey page pediatrics. I need someone to take care of the primie after I deliver." She commanded and both interns went to do as she said.

The patient was taken to the O.R. soon after and after some grueling hours in surgery she managed to deliver the baby. It took the peds attending a bit to get the baby to breathe but thankfully she did. Cristina went with them while Meredith stayed behind to help close. The mother was also stable which was a relief because she had been touch and go for most of the surgery.


"Good job there Grey." Addison said as they scrubbed out.

"Thanks. That was something. I thought you'd have to do an emergency hysterectomy. How did you stay so calm under so much pressure?" Meredith asked in wonder.

"You get accustomed to that. All good surgeons do. I bet you'll be the same." Addison said, flexing her hand.

"Addison?" Meredith said carefully.

"Hmm?" Addison responded.

"Umm Addison we wanted to ask you. Well I wanted to ask you. If you thought it'd be ok to do a dinner with all of us for Aelwyne? You know, for her birthday?" Meredith asked.

"I'm not sure how she'd take a party." Addison said thoughtfully.

"Well it's not going to be a party. Just a dinner with us to address the date. Because it's an important date. And we're… we're like… we're…" Meredith struggled with the last word.

"Family." Addison finished for her.

"Yeah." Meredith replied shyly.

"I think we could work dinner out. If it's ok I'll mention it so she's ready for it. She doesn't like her birthday." Addison responded with a sad smile.

"How is she?" Meredith asked.

"She's ok. She was actually making dinner and… it's late. I should go." Addison said looking at the clock which marks 7:20 p.m. "I have to pick something up. Please could you both deal with the post op and have the nurses page me if anything happens with our patient."

"Yes, of course. Cristina and I are both on tonight. We'll take care of everything. Tell Ael we say hi." Meredith said as she walked over to the waiting room to look for the patient's family.

Addison left the hospital quickly hoping she'd find a store open on a Tuesday night. There was a jewelry store still open at 7:45, which surprised her. She walked in quickly.

"I'm sorry ma'am we are actually closed." The clerk announced.

"Please. Did you close the register yet? I need a present for someone really really important. I just found out it was their birthday today. And I'm a surgeon so I practically had no time. Please." Addison begged.

"Fine. Just because you're a doctor and seem nice. Also because I haven't closed the register out yet." He gave in.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm looking for a silver bracelet. Do you have any?" Addison asked and the clerk led her to their selection.


Aelwyne had already made the lasagna and left it in the oven to keep it warm. She waited for a while before deciding to go up to her secret place. She hadn't shown her friends or Addison but next to the bookshelves there was a hidden door. It had been one of the things that had attracted her to this place aside from the view. She opened it to reveal stairs . She climbed up to an open room where an upright piano sat overlooking another glass window. Aelwyne had music sheets laying neatly on a table. There were big cushions on the ground with some throws. A record player sat on a corner. This was her hidden treasure in the loft. She loved this place though she almost never had time to be up here.

She sat at the piano and began to play and sing some song she had heard in a movie. Unaware that Addison had arrived and found the open door to her hidden place. The redhead had climbed up silently and stood at the entrance as Aelwyne played and sang.

'Take my mind

And take my pain

Like an empty bottle takes the rain

And heal, heal, heal, heal

And take my past

And take my sense

Like an empty sail takes the wind

And heal, heal, heal, heal

And tell me somethings last

And tell me somethings last

Take a heart

And take a hand

Like an ocean takes the dirty sand

And heal, heal, hell, heal

Take my mind

And take my pain

Like an empty bottle takes the rain

And heal, heal, hell, heal

And tell me somethings last'

As she finished the song she heard someone clapping behind her. She jumped at the sound turning to face Addison who smiley tearfully from the top of the stairs. She calmed down after the fright but then felt a bit self conscious at the fact that the redhead had heard her play and sing.

"You are amazing. Just when I think I know you, you go and surprise me again." Addison said as she walked in with a small bag in her hand.

"I didn't hear you come in." Aelwyne said as she flushed.

"May I sit next to you?" Addison said with a smile.

Aelwyne scooted over and tapped the space next to her on the bench. Addison sat gracefully and placed the small bag on top of the piano. She smiled at Aelwyne and then began to play herself the same song.

"You play?" Aelwyne said surprised.

"Yes. I can tell you're embarrassed so I thought I'd be embarrassed with you. Though I can't sing." Addison added with a chuckle.

"How was the trip to the hospital?" Aelwyne asked.

"It was good. Had to do an emergency c-section because of a placental abruption. It was a bit difficult. But it turned out alright." Addison said as she continued to play.

"You are an amazing surgeon so I know everything is good." Aelwyne reassured her.

"I saw Meredith. She had an idea and I need you to be open minded. Ok?" Addison said as she slowed down and finished the song.

"What's up?" Aelwyne said looking at her confused.

"Your friends are planning a dinner for your birthday." Addison said, biting her lip.

"Birthday dinner huh?" Aelwyne said with a sad smile.

"You guys are pretty much family. They are just making sure you know how important your birthday is. What do you think?" Addison asked tentatively.

"I don't know." Aelwyne said with a sigh.

"It's your decision. I can tell them no." Addison said with a smile.

Aelwyne was silent for a while. She thought about her birthday and what the date meant to her. But then she thought about her friends and Addison and what they thought about it. Maybe it would be ok to celebrate the piece of her family that still roamed the earth.

"I think I can deal with it. They want to celebrate the piece of my family that is still alive. But no party. I don't think I can handle that yet." She spoke and Addison's smile went wider.

"Ok. Good." Addison said happily.

"Ok how about we go eat that lasagna. I bet you must be starving." Aelwyne said about to get up.

"Wait I have… ummm well I got… hmmm." Addison started.

"I'm beginning to think my bad habits are rubbing off on you." Aelwyne said with a chuckle. "What is it?"

"The bag. Ummm what's in it. Well it's yours." Addison said, her face turning completely red.

"For me? Why?" Aelwyne asked tilting her head.

"Just open it." Addison urged.

Aelwyne took the bag chuckling and pulled a box out. She looked at Addison curiously but the redhead had her eyes fixed on the piano. She opened the box and gasped as she saw what was inside. There was a simple silver bracelet with a beautifully sculpted feather charm. She looked at Addison, who now met her gaze with a smile which she returned.

"Why? It's beautiful, but why?" Aelwyne said as she took the bracelet out.

"Because I want to celebrate you too." Addison said taking the bracelet from her and placing it securely on her hand.

"Because I exist?" Aelwyne same with a tearful smile.

"Yes, because you exist." Addison said and embraced her.

And then there were 18. Sorry it's technically Monday but I'm going to say it's still Sunday hehe. We should be back on track after this and back to Sunday updates. Btw thank you thank you thank you for all the comments and favorites and follows. You guys are too nice to me. With this one we saw a bit more into Aelwyne and how her friends and her are really a family. I love writing them and their interactions. Anyway please continue to tell me what you think. ;)

P.s. hey guys so I wanted to let you know I may be late updating once more. I'm in the hospital again and this time I need surgery. I wish I had Meredith or Bailey or Richard as my surgeon. It can be scary you know. Anyway just wanted to let you know of the possible delays.