Forgiveness and Love

Liz had been with me when I picked out my dress for the Snowball, so it was only right that she came with me to pick it up. It was also convenient because she had to pick her own up from the same place.

The day at school had been… interesting. Needless to say Zach and the boys did not pick me up and give me a lift to school. I am ashamed to say that I hopefully waited about ten minutes for them just in case before I decided to drive myself. As a result I was five minutes late to homeroom. Zach was sat next some guy who I shared Geometry with, I think his name is Justin? Or Jude? Well whatever his name is, Zach was not saving a seat for me when I walked in. All I got was a quick glance before he went back to taking to J-guy. The little tug in my chest was sudden and unexpected, but I pretended not to care.

Surprisingly, Liz was in homeroom and I was able to take my normal set next to her. She was quite for a bit before she apologized for snapping at me on the phone and being quite elusive recently.

"I'm sorry Cam. It was rude of me." She said. It was an effort to bite my tongue from asking her about what Macey had said about her and Finn. It wasn't the time or the place so I just told her not to worry about it and asked her if she wanted to pick up our dresses together.

The rest of the day was a mix of classes where I tried to not stare at Zach, while he ignored me. I was thinking he was starting to regret requesting my schedule and it was only his second day. I'd seen a couple freshmen pointing at him in the halls and honestly I was surprised it was taking them this long to figure out it was him. Or maybe they just needed to find the courage to do so. On the other hand a girl called Tina who wrote for the school's newspaper, The Gallagher Tribune, had blown Preston's cover. She asked if she could interview him about when he met the President of the United States. He had politely declined, but suggested she write about the school's win over Roseville in the football game instead and she had gushed to him about how smart he was and that she would definitely do that. Then she'd practically fainted when he gave her a rare smile and turned away. I would know because it was in History and I was sat right next to him trying not to laugh.

"You know that wasn't a very original idea. She would have had someone else write about the game anyway." I whispered to him and he chuckled lightly.

"Yeah, but now she'll write the story instead of pawning it off on someone else." He replied with a wink. Preston was actually a really nice guy, and a lot deeper than you would think. He's the only one out of the boys who is talking to me as of right now. Grant doesn't seem mad at me, per say, but he's stuck to Zach's side since the football game on Monday and Zach has had no desire to speak to me.

I can't deicide if that's my fault or not.

Is it on me to speak to him first?

I feel like the ball is in my court, but I'm a wimp and can't bring myself to say sorry to Zach. Not that I'm not sorry, I've never been more sorry in my life. I barely made in through the game to see Gallagher win. It was so cold; it felt like my tears were freezing in my eyeballs before they could fall. Bex was shooting me worried looks the whole time since I probably looked like I'd seen a puppy flattened by an SUV, but she didn't ask and I didn't offer up an explanation.

Finn had scored the winning touch down and had been thrown in the air by the team. He had been so happy, afterwards. It was like he was high. And then once he got to the after party he actually did get high. Austen had been very touchy feely, probably because he was so excited by the win and I feigned excitement for him. Kissing him back and running my fingers through his hair, but all I could really think about was Zach's dejected expression and his green eyes glistening like glass. If you've ever kissed a guy while think of another… well you'll know how uncomfortable it is. Almost disturbing really and the thought of kissing Austen being disturbing only made my stomach drop and my chest constrict. Nothing about kissing my boyfriend should be disturbing. I love Austen, I've loved him for too long and it's finally a reality. So why did I feel so empty right now?

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and focused on driving to the boutique that had Liz and I's dresses. Liz was in the passenger seat of my car, both of us still in our uniforms since we had only just left school to go get our dresses and then we were heading to Bex's house. Bex had invited Liz along and I had asked her, nervous that she would say no, but when I mentioned it was only the girls she agreed pretty quickly. It only made me more suspicious about what Macey had said about her and Finn. I had always thought that Liz just didn't like the popular crowd. That she didn't like Liana and her attitude and the fact I spent more time with them than her, but maybe I was wrong.

"So is Jonas picking you up from Bex's?" I asked and she nodded with a hum of confirmation.

"Yup, he should be picking me up around six thirty, since the dance starts at seven. What about you? Is Austen coming to the house?"

"Yeah, Austen and the others' dates are coming to the house. Finn and John are picking up their own dates and will meet us at the school, but all the boys are getting ready at Austen's house." I said as we pulled into the parking lot of the mall.

"That's nice." Liz replied with a nod.

We parked quickly and headed into the mall. The dress shop was pretty crowded, I noticed a few groups of girls from our school, some in the grade below us. I guess this shop is pretty popular, which makes sense because the clothes are gorgeous. We waited in line to get up to the counter and give our names to the shop attendant who goes into the back to get our dresses. They were already paid for so we just thanked her and then headed out making room for the next girls to come forward. The dresses were long, but in dress bags that fold in half so that the bottom doesn't drag on the floor or get in the way.

"You're okay with this right?" I asked once we're back in the car. Liz seemed a little on edge and I couldn't help thinking she really didn't want to be around the girls.

"With what?" she asked turning to me, looking genuinely confused.

"With getting ready with us. I know you don't really like them." I said glancing at her then back to the road. Liz sighs.

"It's not that I don't like them Cammie, I like them well enough." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"Oh please, you constantly run away when I'm with them."

"I'll admit I don't always feel comfortable around them. I'm just not part of that crowd. I don't fit in, I don't like to hold you back when you're with them and make you feel like you have to include me. I know I made a big deal about going to parties and stuff, but I I've realized it's not really my scene. I'll admit Liana makes me want to pull my hair out sometimes," we both laugh at that because it's true, "But other than that I have no problem with them." She said honestly.

"Really?"

"Well, maybe a little problem." She admits with a sheepish smile. I'm just silent waiting for her to continue.

"I'm jealous of them." She states and I'm shocked. Liz was never one to be jealous of the popular crowd. Envious maybe, she wanted the high school experience, to party a little bit, but not jealous.

"What--?"

"I'm jealous that they get to spend so much time with you." She finishes and I shut my mouth. She turns in her seat so she's fully facing me. "You're my best friend Cammie and I miss you. I'm sorry if I've seemed cold, if I've made things awkward. I know I've been short with you and that's just my own issues and insecurities," she says "amongst other things." she whispers that last part.

When she's done my eyes are foggy and I'm glad that we're right around the corner from Bex's because I'm about to cry.

"I'm so sorry I made you feel that way, Lizzie." I choked out. Once we pull into Bex's driveway I leaned across the consul and hug her, she didn't hesitate and hugged me back. It was alittle awkward with our seatbelts still one, but I felt a couple tears slip and when I pulled back Lizzie was wiping her own slightly red eyes.

"I love you Cammie." She says and I smile.

"Love you too, Lizzie."

Macey was touching up some fancy eye makeup she was doing when the doorbell rang. All of us were pretty much ready for the dance, but were just doing some finishing touches. I was the only one who was prepared to open the door though so I stood up from my perch on Bex's bed and headed down stairs to open the door. I held up my dress on the way down and gripped the banister tightly so I didn't trip in my heels.

"Hurry up!"

"Freezing our asses off out here!" I giggled as I heard the guys moaning and groaning about the cold. I opened the door with a grin and the five guys basically groveled at my feet as they rushed into the warm of the house in their suits and ties.

"Jeez! Took you long enough." Tristan snapped rubbing his hands together and stopping into the house and knocking snow onto the marble floor. I smiled at Jonas and gave him a quick hug, telling him Liz was upstairs still.

"I'm sorry, I was upstairs with the others getting ready. Plus I'm wearing heels, you come down those stairs in heels and I'll time you next time." I said with an arched eyebrow and teasing smile. Tristan laughed and shook his head as I felt a pair of arms slip around my waist and pull me into a firm chest. I grinned and my stomach fluttered. Austen's breath was hot on my ear as he spoke.

"You look fucking hot, baby." He said and I giggled.

"Same to you, Casanova." I whispered back as I turned around in his grip to look up into his honey eyes. He grinned down at me briefly before dropping his lips to meet mine. He tried to deepen the kiss, but I felt self-conscious with so many guys around so I pulled back. When I opened my eyes I thought I saw green eyes instead of gold and my heart felt like it skipped a beat.

I shook my head.

It was just the lighting

Zach was not here.

Austen was here.

That's how it should be.

Right?

Things got a bit busier as the other girls came down the stairs, all looking stunning in their dresses. Lizzie was wearing a simple cream, silk dress with spaghetti straps. It hugged her waist and bust in a corset. She paused at the bottom of the stairs as Jonas wasn't there yet, but Liana pushed right passed her. Austen's grip tightened on my waist as she approached with a sparkling smile. Her dress was a Champaign pink sequin gown that clung to her figure like it was made for her.

"Austen, take care of Cammie tonight alright?" she said with a raised eyebrow. I frowned.

"Sure thing." He said stiffly and Liana nodded as her date, Adam some kid I didn't really know, came up behind her and pulled her attention from us. She looked over her shoulder as he lead her into the kitchen and shot me a wink. I forced a smile, but couldn't help, but feel a little unsettled. I didn't want her to ruin my night. We waited for the others to come down and then we climbed into the limo Bex's parents had ordered for us.

The gym was decorated beautifully, light blue, silver and white streamers hung from the ceiling. All the tables had been covered with table clothes and silver confetti. There were balloons and strobe lights and everything you'd expect for a school dance. It was nice that it was recessives for the upperclassman otherwise we probably wouldn't come. These things always get a bit obnoxious when the freshmen around to make fools of themselves.

Austen guided me, his hand pressed gently to my lower back, towards a table close to the front of the room near the music and the dance floors I couldn't help but think I'd have chosen a table in the back of it was just Liz and I. And then I realized I probably wouldn't be hear if it weren't for Austen. I wouldn't have tagged along to the dance with Liz and Jonas if I didn't have a date.

"Want something to drink baby?" He asked and I nodded as I sat in the chair he pulled out for me. The other girls all took seats too as the guys followed Austen to the refreshments table, probably a good time for them to brag about who had the hottest date out of all of ya. Surprisingly Liana sat next next to me and Liz across from me. I smiled as I saw Bex start up a conversation with Lizzie. I was glad they were trying to make her feel more comfortable around us. I know Liz tutored Bex sometimes, that's what got us involved with this crowd in the first place. I felt some much better now that Liz and I had talked about was causing an issue with our friendship. It felt like a load had been taken off my shoulders.

I looked to my left at Liana she was scanning the room as though searching for someone. I assumed she was looking for the guys.

"They went to get drinks." I said attempting to make conversation. She looked over at me. She looked confused.

"What?"

"The guys, I noticed you looking for them."

"Oh, yeah the guys." She nodded.

"Adam seems nice. Are you guys close?"

"Adam?" She made a face and then laughed "No, no we're not serious. I just needed a date."

"So are you're just friends then?"

"Why you interested?" She retorted with a raised eyebrow. I almost choked as I hastily went to deny her question but she just laughed again.

"Relax girl, I'm just messing with you. But if you were interested he's free game. I we're not friends."

"Oh." I wasn't sure what to say to that. It seemed like she was just using him. Why would she do that? Was she trying to make Austen jealous?

"I know that probably sounds weird to you. I figure you don't know much about how guys and girls work." She said nonchalantly, I tried not to be offended by her condescending tone. "But, Cammie, in my world guys don't put much value in girls. If I were to like Adam, as you seem to think I should, say during a dance tonight I feel for his dreamy eyes and princely smile. He whispered sweet nothings and then whisked me off my feet to a room where we made love. On Monday, in school, he wouldn't even pass me a second glance. That's how the bullshit goes down in this world. You'd be naive to think otherwise."

I was silent in shock. She was so cold. After a moment I found my voice.

"That's a horrible way to think about love."

She scoffed, but passed me a seemingly motherly smile. Again I felt like she was talking down to me.

"Love? Oh gosh, I'm sorry Cameron you have so much to learn."

"Whatever, I think you're wrong. Austen and I have something special."

"Oh I'm sure you do. So special that I caught you getting cozy with Zachary Goode. Yeah that's right I didn't forget and I know exactly who he is. That hotshot YouTube star. The freshman have been pinning over him in school. Makes me gag. I've got to say though you've got yourself in a nice toasty sandwich there, those boys are hot."

I swallowed the gasp that tore up my throat.

I knew it. She was threatening me.

She was gonna tell Austen about what she saw that day outside the cafe between Zach and I.

Shit Zach.

Was he here tonight?

My heart clenched as I thought about our last conversation.

He liked me and I was horrible to him. He probably didn't want to see my face ever again.

"Relax sweetie. Your secret's safe with me. After all, what would I have to gain from it?" Just as she said that the guys came back, laughing and joking and passing out glasses of punch.

Meanwhile I felt like I had just been punched.

"Wanna dance, Mer?"

I nodded, but was in a daze the whole time. Austen and I swayed back and forth, the dancing was classier here then it would be at the after party.

Still I couldn't seem to concentrate on my gorgeous boyfriend.

All I could think about were Liana's words and Zach.

Oh god Zach.

I don't know why I suddenly felt the need to talk to him. Liana's attitude towards love made me uneasy, made me want to seek comfort from someone who could tell me she was wrong and for some reason I felt like that someone should be Zach. Why would I not seek words of love from my boyfriend?

Maybe I should do just that.

"Austen do you love me?"

Okay maybe not the smoothest way to bring it up.

"What?" He asked as he pulled back from our close stance so he could look at me.

"Do you love me?" I had always known I'd loved him, since I was 14 I'd loved him.

"Where is this coming from?" He gave a little laugh and tucked a steam of hair behind my ear.

"I don't know, just... just something someone said. I mean you uh, you don't have to answer I just..." gosh why had I asked him that. I felt so embarrassed. I felt my cheeks burning.

"Hey hey relax." He cooed, his thumb brushing over my warm cheek. "I mean love is a strong word Cammie. Hey no don't look so sad, I care about you. Besides we're young, what do we know of love? I care about you, cant that be enough for now?"

I looked down at my feet and nodded. My eyes felt like they were burning.

Quickly I made an excuse that I needed the bathroom.

Ugh I felt so stupid.

Why did I always let other people's words affect me?

I had always been so sure I loved him, but now he couldn't say he loved me. Even after the time we had been together. Was it me? Was something wrong with me? Was Liana right and in our world love wasn't real? Was it too soon for there to be love between Austen and I? Maybe he needed more time, he did say he cared about me. Maybe that was enough... for now.

The rest of the night went by slowly and I didn't see Zach or any of his friends. I thought they were coming?

By the time it came to head to the after party I was ready to have a drink. I needed something to loosen me up a bit. Austen said I was being stiff. Whatever that meant.

Little did I know my night was only about to get worse.

A/N- HELLO LOVLIES! REMEMBER ME? NO? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT HAHA

I'M NOT GOING TO BEAT AROUND THE BUSH HERE. I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN LIKE YEARS AND I'M SURE PEOPLE HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS STORY. I'M VERY SORRY ABOUT THAT. EVERY TIME I CAME BACK TO UPDATE IT I COULDN'T GET MORE THAN A COUPLE WORDS ON THE PAGE AND I DID NOT HAVE THE TIME TO PUSH THROUGH THE WRITER'S BLOCK.

I'VE COME BACK TO IT AFTER ALL THIS TIME BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY MEANS A LOT TO ME AS ITS WHAT I CONSIDER MY FIRST REAL ORIGINIAL STORYLINE. THERE ARE MANY THINGS I WOULD CHANGE IF I WERE TO WRITE IT NOT, WHICH IS EXPECTED SINCE I'M OLDER AND HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS. IT WOULD BE TOO COMPLICATED TO CHANGE THINGS NOW THOUGH SO WE'RE GONNA STICK WITH WHAT I MAPPED OUT AT 15 :)

JUST A FEW MORE POINTS BEFORE I WRAP UP THIS RIDICULOUS A/N:

THIS STORY WILL NOT NOR EVER BE UP FOR ADOPTION, I'M SORRY FOR ANYONE WHO WAS HOPING FOR THAT.

THIS STORY IS NOW ON WATTPAD! I'M EDITIING IT A BIT AS I GO FOR ERRORS, CHANGED NAMES AND FILLING IN SOME PLOT HOLES! I'M SOOOO EXCITED ABOUT THIS! PLEASE CHECK IT OUT IT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME. YOU CAN FIND IT UNDER: "P O S T E D" BY AFEWMOREWORDS

AND FINALLY, THANK YOU LOVELY READERS, NEW AND OLD, FOR CLICKING ON MY STORY AND SUPPORTING ME NO MATTER WHAT. I LOVE YOU ALL.

I HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER FINISHED ALREADY SO STAY TUNED :)

DRAMA IS GOING DOWNNNN

~LOVEWORDS