Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
~0~
~~Bella~~
I was so nervous. I was in a cab driving to Ben and Angela's house on the outskirts of the city. Edward had told me that Ben was his best friend from school. I was looking forward to meeting Ben's girlfriend Angela, hoping she could be a friend while I was in Vancouver, in case I needed some girl-talk.
I hadn't spoken to any of my girlfriends from home. We'd emailed each other, but that was it. I was kind of glad though, because I didn't want to tell any of them about meeting Edward. Jessica especially. Great friend, but she had a big mouth. I just knew she would concoct some juicy story about me having a holiday romance with him—or something just as implausible—and when I did get back to Sydney, I'd have to spend an uncomfortable amount of time convincing everyone that Jessica had exaggerated.
The cab pulled up in front of a modest two-storey house. I was excited to get a look into someone's home. I was always looking for new environments to draw from in my writing, and I'd already spent too much time in the hotel.
I paid the driver and stepped out. Edward had explained to me it was better if I arrived before him, as he knew he would be followed there by the paparazzi. He said he didn't want them to photograph me—they'd make some story up and pry into my private life. I was touched by his thoughtfulness; he was trying to spare me exposure to the daily invasion of privacy he endured.
Before I'd even stepped on the porch, a beautiful girl with long, flowing brown hair and kind eyes opened the door. "You must be Bella. I'm Angela. Please come in, it's great to meet you. Tell me, how did you meet Edward?"
Her rush of questions shocked me. I assumed Edward would have explained who I was, and if he hadn't I was worried about what I should tell her. It was Ben who saved me. He sauntered into the foyer smiling widely and reached out to shake my hand.
"I'm Ben. Your lyrics are so cool, Bella. Come into the studio."
Ben led me through the hallway and into a bedroom that had been converted into a music room. There was an upright piano, a drum kit and several guitars. Along one of the walls was a large trestle table with three computers and what looked to be a mixing desk. Microphone stands and cords were all over the carpet. There was an old two-seater sofa that looked like it may convert into a bed.
"Can I get you a drink Bella?" questioned Angela.
"Umm, yeah, I'll just have water please." Ben was busy doing something with one of the computers, so I sat on the sofa and looked up at the walls.
They were covered with pictures of Ben on stage, black and white grainy, stylized portraits. Then I spotted one of Edward. It was in color. He was sitting on a stool, playing an acoustic guitar, a microphone stand in front of him, his mouth open as if he was singing something very powerful.
He was drop dead gorgeous. He was wearing a dark navy v-neck t-shirt and his arms were covered in a sheen of sweat. Before I knew what I was doing I was standing in front of the photograph, staring in awe at his long and nimble fingers, each pressing into the guitar strings. The detail in the photograph was amazing; you could see every individual long eye lash. The sweat shimmered on his skin in small droplets, a moment perfectly frozen in time.
Even though his eyes were closed, you could feel the emotional intensity, and the way he held his body, he was so comfortable and relaxed; nothing at all like he looked when he played the piano in the 'purple' bar.
Angela had returned with my water and handed me the glass as she stood at my side and looked at the photo.
"This photograph is amazing. I've never seen it before. What magazine was it in?" I asked. I couldn't tear my eyes away from it. This photo had captured the real Edward Cullen.
Ben laughed and Angela cleared her throat. "It hasn't been in a magazine. I would never sell any of his pictures."
I looked at her with obvious confusion.
"I took the photo Bella, I'm a photographer, well, I work in a bank, but photography is my passion."
"You took this? Wow, it looks like it should be on the cover of Rolling Stone!" I sounded as astonished as I felt. "Where was it taken? I didn't realize Edward played gigs."
"He can't nowadays; he practically gets mauled if he appears on stage anywhere. This was taken back in L.A. at an open mic, before Edward's first movie was released. Once his acting career took off, he was booked for a few shows, but word would get around fast when he played somewhere and within fifteen minutes the club would be packed with barely of age girls, frantic and screaming. He stopped, he didn't enjoy it."
Angela looked at Ben and they kind of looked sad.
Did Edward really hate the attention he got from over zealous fans?
"Why wouldn't you sell this photograph?" I asked. I was perplexed; surely Edward wouldn't mind helping his friend use his image to get her name out there. Angela was really talented.
"My entire portfolio is of Ben and Edward. I would never sell them to some trashy mag. I hate that they exploit him to make money. They know the fans will buy anything that has him on the cover. It's disgusting," she scoffed.
I wanted to argue with her. Edward would be photographed regardless and she may as well get the job, get her name out there, and make a living doing something that she loved.
I didn't know them well enough to go on about it, so I just shrugged. "I think you're really talented Angela. I think you could make a great living if you decided to pursue photography full time."
She smiled and motioned for me to sit next to her on the sofa. "Thanks Bella. Now tell me, how did you meet—" the sound of the door bell cut her off. "Speak of the devil!"
She rushed out of the room to answer the door and a laughing Edward and Angela returned after a few minutes. He already had a beer in his hand.
His glowing smile hit me like a breath of fresh air. I couldn't help grinning back at him, he was obscenely sexy, and his silent hello was all I needed to feel at ease. Ben stood up and they shared a man-hug, then Ben picked up his beer from the table and they clinked them together. I sat forward on the sofa that was too low and very soft. I felt like it was taking all of my energy not to sink into the middle and be lost forever.
Ben and Edward fussed over setting up the mixer, and Angela returned to the sofa.
"So Edward, how did you and Bella come to write the song?" she asked.
I was so relieved that she directed the question to him, because I had no idea what to say. We'd never discussed what 'story' would be more plausible to go with, because Edward knew I was not at all comfortable with the truth. My psychotic trance was not something I wanted to reveal to anyone else.
"I met Bella in the bar on level twenty-five, you know, the one that has the piano? I was working on the song and Bella was writing. After she heard me play the song a few times, she asked me if it had any words, and when I told her it didn't, the next night she presented me the words she thought may work with it. Right Bella?"
I felt pure heat from the blush that was spreading up my neck and onto my face. Edward explaining that we met in a bar like two ordinary people sounded so casual. Angela and Ben simply looked at him as if he was telling the absolute truth. I just nodded.
"That's so amazing. Did you change it much from that first draft?" Angela queried.
"I only changed the he's to she's because I could imagine the tabloid headlines if I didn't," he grinned and they all laughed. Then Ben asked Edward a technical question and that was that. They didn't speak of it again, and after a few minutes I started to loosen up a bit more.
I watched Ben and Edward potter around the computer and Angela asked me about what I had seen doing since arriving in Canada. It was obvious Edward had revealed to them that I had won a writing prize and Angela asked me why I chose to stay in a hotel and not rent a home.
"I did put feelers out for shared accommodation, but the thought of sharing a home with an absolute stranger terrified me, especially being in a city that I didn't know," I told her. "I thought I may as well take advantage of the fact the prize money would cover a hotel with plenty left over for side trips."
After more small talk and descriptions of Sydney, Ben and Edward went across to the piano and Edward started playing our song. I watched in awe, staying very quiet as he played it right through. Straight away, Ben told him to go again.
When they had finished, they started replaying the music from the computer and discussing what more they should add to it, and before I knew it the light had faded. The sun was setting and they hadn't even started recording Edward's voice.
Angela stood up and asked if I wouldn't mind helping her in the kitchen to prepare something to eat before we had to leave for the gig.
I heaved myself from the squishy sofa and followed Angela. When I reached the door I instinctively looked back at Edward and his eyes met mine. He smiled at me; he looked so blissfully happy in that instant, I wanted the image to be burned into my memory forever.
Angela had me slice some tomatoes, mix some dressing and tear up lettuce leaves for a garden salad. She had already made lasagna and I could smell the delectable aroma as she opened the oven door to take a look. I was excited to be in a kitchen again. I had been spoiled at the hotel, having everything prepared and presented to me; it made me think of home.
We set the small kitchen dining table for four and she opened a bottle of Henschke Mount Edelstone. I smiled to myself, recognizing the Australian label instantly.
Maybe she chose it especially to make me feel at home?
I felt really comfortable with Angela, and she treated me as if she had known me for ages.
"Bella, if you ever want to meet me for lunch during the week or go shopping on the weekend, please just call me okay? I can take you to the less expensive boutiques and I can show you the local side of Vancouver."
"That would be so great Angela, I haven't really explored very much." I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and asked for her number.
She gave it to me and ran to get hers, so now I had Angela Webber as my first contact in my phone list and I smiled to think that I could share some girly time with her and pick her brain on the best places to stay when I made my side trips.
"Okay, everything's ready; do you want to let the boys know that dinner will be on the table in five minutes? I'll serve this up."
I hurried back to the studio to see Ben and Edward huddled over the computer, listening as the song played. They had recorded Edward's voice and it sounded amazing. I stood in the doorway listening with my eyes closed. Every time I heard it I recollected the trance state I had been in when those words came to me, and then I thought of how Edward had shook my hand the night I gave him the lyrics and the pulsing current that went through me at the memory made my body shiver.
When the song finished I slowly opened my eyes. Edward was standing in front of me, close. The look on his face made my stomach twist, he was staring at me with a look of... could that be reverence?
"What do you think?" His voice sounded husky.
"I…I…it's great." I let out my breath in a long billowing sigh and glanced over to Ben, who had swiveled his chair around to look at us.
"It's better than great; it's fucking awesome!" Ben laughed and kicked Edward playfully in the back of the knee causing his body to lunge towards me. My hands flew up to stop him from falling and I literally felt a buzz of static electricity pass through me when my hands touched his arms.
I could feel my face flaming red. Edward's eyes were looking into mine intently.
"Angela sent me to tell you dinner is ready," my voice sounded too high pitched. I pulled my hands away and swallowed hard, turned on my heel and rushed back to the kitchen.
Angela was pouring the Henschke into the glasses. "Are they coming?"
"Yes," I squeaked. She didn't react to my obviously flustered state; she just motioned for me to sit in the chair closest to me.
She bounded over to the bench and expertly proceeded to balance three plates on her forearm like a professional.
Calm down, get a grip!
I took a tentative sip of wine. I could feel Edward's presence before I heard him enter the room. He was like an energy force surrounding me, and the tingle in my fingers intensified from where I had previously touched him.
As Edward sat next to me, his face broke out into a huge grin. "Ange, my favorite! You always spoil me."
"Well, you really should come over more often, especially while you're here filming. I could make you lasagna at least once a week. We could order pizza one night as well." Angela was expertly tossing the salad and serving Ben while she spoke.
"I'd love to but you wouldn't want them camping out on your front lawn every time. Believe me, it would drive you crazy, I wouldn't put you through that again." Edward took the salad servers from Angela and proceeded to dig them into the bowl.
I sat in silence, observing his elegant hands as they came to hover over the salad bowl and then his arms moved towards me as he placed the salad next to the lasagna on my plate.
My heart skipped a beat. I looked up to see a wry smile on Angela's lips, before she composed herself. Edward and Ben seemed completely oblivious to my silent freak out at Edward's casual and intimate gesture.
"Don't be ridiculous Edward. Why would we care if thirty paparazzos were outside freezing their butts off? You know we just want to see you."
"I know, Ange, sorry. I just hate that I can't come over unencumbered. It's not like I want you to get photographed leaving for work like the last time, and well, we don't need to go into that." He frowned as he cut a huge slice of lasagna and shoveled the steaming slice of pasta and cheese into his mouth.
I looked up at Ben, who was grinning and over to Angela who was blushing and I sensed that maybe this was a topic Edward didn't want to share with me.
Angela looked at me and giggled. "Edward stayed over one night, about twelve months ago. Once these boys start recording they lose all track of time. Anyway, the paps saw him leave here at six o'clock in the morning and well, let's just say when I left for work at eight, they all assumed that we, you know, and my photo was on every damn trashy magazine printed that week!" They all broke into laughter.
"My favorite was that headline, what was it again?" Ben chortled.
"Edward Cullen Withdrawls From Female Bank Teller After Hours." Angela couldn't help but scoff.
Edward looked mortified and Ben laughed so hard I thought he'd explode.
"Let's just say that I got some very unwarranted attention at the bank for a few days after that, until it was all cleared up." She smiled at me and then looked at Edward.
"Edward who gives a damn what they write? You know it's only about selling more magazines. Everyone is out to make a buck, don't take it personally; you know it just goes with being the hottest actor of the moment."
Angela was really insightful and now I understood why she would never sell her beautifully intimate pictures of Edward to these trashy magazines.
Everyone wanted a piece of him, ownership of him and to know about his personal life. No wonder he didn't want me to be mixed up with it all. His face had fallen somewhat from the sheer delight I'd seen earlier when he was recording with Ben.
The conversation switched then to the gig and Ben looked at his watch, saying he'd need to get there pretty quickly for the sound-check. Edward suggested that he go with Ben to the venue, because he knew the paps would follow him and then I could go with Angela later, closer to the time Ben was set to go on stage.
I agreed and as we finished our meal, Ben and Edward disappeared into the studio again and I helped Angela clear up the kitchen.
After a few minutes, Ben and Edward reappeared. "Okay, we'll see you later then?" Ben's hands snagged around Angela's waist as he leaned her against the kitchen counter and kissed her. The love emanating from them overwhelmed me. I blushed, feeling intrusive watching their embrace. I looked over to Edward, who briefly caught my eyes and then lowered his to the floor. My heart pounded in my chest.
"Ready?" said Ben as he grabbed his keys. Edward smiled at me then followed Ben out of the room. I heard the front door slam shut.
Angela continued what she was doing, without even noticing my embarrassed silence.
I thought of her and Ben and how magical it would be to have someone to share your whole life with, a person that knew you and loved you so completely.
~0~
~~Edward~~
As soon as Ben and I left the house and walked to his car parked on the street, the camera flashes started. I smiled and gave them a wave before they started shouting my name, coaxing me to look directly into their lenses.
All I could think about was the look on Bella's face when she'd listened to the rough version of our song. I sensed she still didn't comprehend how amazing the song was. Her eyes had been closed, her lips ever so subtly mouthing the words. She looked so beautiful. I had immediately walked up to stand in front of her, to gaze at her, to inhale the floral aroma that always lingered near her. She had breathed out heavily and I had tasted her breath. It made my mouth water. I wanted to kiss her.
When Ben kissed Angela goodbye, I could have sworn I saw a look of longing in Bella's eyes. Did she want what Ben and Ange had; the closeness and familiarity that came from sharing your life, love, dreams and goals with another person?
"So what's with you and Bella?" Ben's voice brought me out of my own little world.
We were driving now, and I turned my head to see quite a few paps following. I knew it would be 'tweeted' and 'texted' and 'posted' and 'status updated' and all the other things within five minutes flat. Ben could guarantee a sell out concert tonight, and I wasn't blowing my own horn about it, it was just a fact.
"What do you mean?" I asked. I knew exactly what he meant, but I wanted to get his opinion on it.
"Well, God Edward. She's…well, I mean…it's like she was custom made for you man. She's gorgeous and a writer, she's intriguing and, well, she's Australian. Have you spoken to Alice yet?"
Why did I ever think he would not bring that up?
"No, I've been avoiding her. I can't deal with Alice right now; you know how she is."
Ben did know Alice, so I didn't feel the need to explain. Then I thought that maybe Bella would mention to Angela about being born in Forks and so I thought I'd better clue Ben in, just in case.
"Well, one of the reasons I've been putting off calling Alice is that Bella was born in Forks."
"What? I thought she was born in Australia?"
"Her parents divorced, she went with her mother. They moved to Australia when she was young. Her dad still lives in Forks."
I was waiting for Ben to piece the information together.
"What's her surname again?" Ben questioned.
"Swan," I stated, waiting for it to click.
"Fuck off Edward, the only Swan I know in Forks is the Chief of Police," he laughed as if I was playing a practical joke on him.
"Yes, Charlie Swan, Chief of Police, divorced, father of one." I glared at him to see his reaction.
"You're being serious? Charlie Swan is Bella's dad?"
"Yes."
"You've got to be kidding me! I have to be there when you tell Alice; she's going to flip out!"
"Yeah, that's why I'm not telling her yet. I barely know Bella, we just met a couple of nights ago, but I do know I'm not going to expose her to the fucked up drama that is my life at the moment. I'm trying to focus on the song; I can't get my head around thinking about anything else right now."
"A-ha, sure. You haven't thought about it."
I could hear the sarcasm in his voice. Ben knew me well and he knew that even without the whole Alice drama, I would have been instantly attracted to Bella.
"I'll drop it then, if you ever want to talk about it, you know I'm here right?"
"Yeah, thanks man."
~0~
~~Bella~~
Angela and I talked all the way to club. She told me that she had been with Ben since they were juniors and she implied that Edward had a hand in pushing them together, but she didn't elaborate.
She happily dominated the conversation, giving me little snippets of insight as she described the Edward Cullen she knew at Forks High.
"Edward was obviously the most attractive guy in school. All the girls had gone gaga for him, but he never showed any preference, really." she said.
"None at all?" I queried.
Is she implying he had a lot of girls at school?
"Oh, he had one girlfriend, but it didn't work out," she snorted and then quickly carried on before I could question her. "Edward was and still is just a nice guy; he can speak to anyone regardless of age or gender without any hesitation. He spent most of his spare time composing; the only school related activity he participated in was the baseball team. Edward and Alice did almost everything together, that they were a close family. I always thought Edward would go on to study music at college; I'm not sure what had really sparked his interest in acting, because he didn't participate in drama activities at Forks High."
Before I knew it, the cab had pulled up in front of the club. Angela paid the driver. There were lots of people crowding the footpath, and as we stepped out, Angela grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd right up to the door.
"Angela! You're cutting it fine tonight!" The bouncer grinned and kissed her cheek before ushering us through.
The heat of the packed venue was stifling. Angela kept pulling me by the hand through the throng of people, ducking and weaving until we finally hit the wooden dance floor and shuffled our way to the right of the stage near the bar and passed another bouncer who nodded to her as we hurried by.
Angela opened the door and led me through a hallway to another door and when she opened it, my eyes instantly found Edward.
He was pacing, holding a beer and his brow was furrowed. Angela let go of my hand and bounded over to Ben, who was seated on the arm of a large black leather couch, tuning his acoustic guitar.
I looked back to Edward and he smiled widely at me as he walked quickly over to greet me. I was sure he would hear the thumping of my heart, as he got closer.
Oh God, why does he have to be so gorgeous?
It's as if my body is hard-wired to react to everything about him; his face, his eyes, his hands, even his delectable smell. Was this attraction what I leaned about in school biology? Edward's beauty was playing havoc with my body and mind. Maybe it was pure survival of the species instinct that made me want to reproduce with him.
I felt the blush creeping up my neck. He was the most perfect example of man I had ever encountered.
Is that why can't I control these feelings around him?
"Hi," he stopped close to me, but still too far. I felt myself leaning in his direction. He was a magnet. It was involuntary. No it wasn't. I wanted to be near him. I wanted to touch him.
"Hi," my voice was barely above a whisper.
Shit, snap out of it!
"I don't think I'll venture into the audience tonight; it's a little crowded. Why don't you go out with Angela? I'll see you after the set?" he looked disappointed.
I must have looked disappointed as well. I simply nodded.
"Let me get you a drink OK? They'll go on stage in a few minutes."
I wanted to protest, but before I could say anything he had turned and walked towards the door. I stood and stared after him like a lost puppy.
Breathe Bella, he's not for you, he's out of your league he's just excited about being at a gig because he misses playing live. That's all.
What was it about being in this club that made me feel anxious, all my senses suddenly alert? It felt surreal; here I was in Vancouver, in a popular music venue, backstage!
I've never been backstage in my life!
I was surrounded by amazing musicians and the hottest actor on the planet just left the room to get me a drink! I was so far out of my comfort zone that I felt like I was going to descend into a full-blown panic attack.
"Bella, are you OK?" Angela's concerned voice snapped me out of my daze.
Edward reappeared with two glasses of white wine, one for me and one for Angela.
"Thanks Edward, we'll be in the usual spot." Angela took her wine. Edward's long elegant fingers lingered on the stem of my glass as he handed it to me, then Angela grabbed my other hand and pulled me back through the hallway to the side of the stage and out into the audience.
Simultaneously the crowd in the packed venue started cheering and clapping and calling out for Ben. Angela guided me to the right of the stage closest to the bar. I took a long gulp of my wine. I wanted to be standing with Edward.
"Are you Ok?" Angela repeated, she had her hand on my elbow. Her voice rose over the din.
"Yes," I gushed. "I'm just overwhelmed, it's so exciting!"
She squeezed my elbow and turned back to look at the stage.
The house lights dimmed and the roar was deafening. Angela whistled with two fingers in her mouth and I laughed, thrilled with anticipation. I instantly understood the lure of playing to a live audience. Adrenaline pumped throughout my body and then I fantasized about how utterly fantastic would it be to be standing here waiting for Edward to walk onstage and perform our song.
Our song; Edward's music with my psychotic ramblings.
Is that why he is being so nice to me? We haven't signed any contracts yet. Does he think I'll change my mind?
Then I stupidly thought about Riley.
I'd built up Riley in my mind; my imagination had constructed him as the perfect boy. To me, Riley was everything I had ever wanted. From the moment he had kissed me at that party, I had directed all my creativity into building a false image of who he was. It had taken me a long time and a lot of heartache to realize that I'd never known the real Riley Biers.
I can't put Edward on a pedestal like I did with Riley.
I knew if I did that I would be hurt again.
There's no way I could survive it a second time.
Had I been a normal teenager, I would have had posters of bands and actors all over my bedroom walls when I was growing up. Normal teenage projections of love, desire and adoration, directed at someone you would never meet, a star, a lead singer in a rock band.
Instead, I poured all that idealization into Riley Biers. He was my idol; he represented everything I thought I'd ever want. Of course, no one could live up to that. If only I had recognized it sooner. Had I not been so caught up with my idealized fake image of who Riley was, I would have gone to live with my dad in Forks.
I would have met Edward, Angela and Ben in High School.
I'm so fucking tragic.
I glanced around at the audience. The buzz in the room was amazing.
I hope Edward is experiencing this, wherever he's standing right now.
~0~
~~Edward~~
Ben and his band walked onto the stage I slipped to my usual spot behind the black curtain. From this vantage point I could see the entire stage, yet I was concealed enough so that the audience couldn't see me. I searched to find where Angela usually stood, and then I saw her.
Bella.
Fuck.
She was laughing, she had pulled her hair back, the skin of her neck glowed from the reflection of the lights swirling around the audience. She kept looking toward the right hand stage door.
Is she looking for me?
I spent the whole gig staring at her. Fantasizing that I was on stage and Bella was my girlfriend, gazing at me from the audience. I was mesmerized by how her body swayed to the music, how she sipped her wine, how she watched other people, contemplating, smiling. She leaned to cup Angela's ear to ask her a question over the hubbub and I groaned.
I wanted to be next to her. I wanted her to be leaning in to cup my ear
What is she asking Angela?
I continued to stare at her, oblivious to anything else around me. She was everything I'd ever wanted. I wanted her now, in every way.
Fuck.
I stepped back behind the curtain so I couldn't see her. I took a deep breath.
Friends, we'll be friends.
I couldn't get intimate with her. I had to do what I'd always done in work situations.
We'd be friends; business colleagues.
This was turning into my fucking mantra, but I couldn't be with her any other way until the song was signed to be on the soundtrack.
I did something I don't often allow myself. I let myself think about Tanya.
I met her when I was starting my career in acting. We had what she called 'a fling'. I'd wanted more. It still messed with my head to think about her. It had shocked me to see her use anything or anyone to get where and what she wanted. She had crushed hearts and trashed careers to get ahead. She abused her power, her beauty, her status as an actor; she had no morals and no professional ethics.
I'd been drawn to her, what did that make me?
I swore that I would never do what she did. I could never allow that to happen, especially not to Bella.
Thinking about Tanya made me want to smoke. I was worked up, and I needed to calm myself the fuck down. Smoking would be the worst thing I could do right now. Bella would be able to smell it on me and I hadn't smoked or wanted to smoke since I found out she hated cigarettes.
Fucking Tanya, her introducing me to my foul habit was another reason to cut it completely. I didn't want that constant reminder of her.
I took a deep breath and pushed Tanya firmly back to the recesses of my mind.
I could do this. I would do the right thing. I glanced at the stage and stepped forward to allow myself another peek at Bella, rapt while she moved to the music and watched the band.
The audience was wild, like the crowds that surrounded me every day of my life, every time I stepped foot in public. It would be so easy to use that. According to the media I was already some man-whore who had scores of willing girls for breakfast lunch and dinner. Girls like Bella.
It's not going to happen.
Once the song was recorded and all business was finished, I could be with Bella then. That is, if she wanted me.
As if it could get any more difficult, I'd finally met someone, and she lived in a different country. Not to mention, once I'd finished this film, I would be in Europe for four months after Christmas, and then straight back to the U.S. for my next film. Regardless of what Alice was going to say, Bella would have to want to be with me, for the right reasons.
Friends. That's all we could be, for now.
~0~
~~Bella~~
I kept looking towards the stage door, wondering what he was doing back there.
God, he can't even stand in the audience to watch his best friend's band play.
He couldn't leave the hotel without fans and paparazzi stalking him. I'd never appreciated my freedom until that moment, and I'd never actually theorized on the cult of celebrity. My gut bottomed out, I felt faint.
The crowd cheered and whistled, the atmosphere was electric. I asked Angela to hold my wine for a moment while I pulled my hair back, the proximately of people and my previous anxiousness making me hot and sweaty. Angela was whistling again and I laughed. Then Ben and his band walked onto the stage. Angela was glowing with love and pride.
The band was fantastic and their audience captivated by the mix of songs. Ben even off-handedly alluded to Edward and his popularity, causing more than a few women in the audience to scream their heads off.
I felt inadequate, I felt unworthy. I was crushed with jealousy and depression.
I couldn't be with Edward romantically. I'd have to rein in my lust. I would be his friend. I could pretend, even fool myself into believing that he didn't affect me physically. Mentally was another matter. How could I resist him? He was intelligent, thoughtful, creative, alluring.
He was everything I've ever wanted, but he could never be mine.
~0~
A/N: Have you ever been backstage? Please leave me a review…
