Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
~0~
~~Edward~~
I'd spent most of the night pacing, practically wearing a track in the carpet, and tugging at my hair in frustration. Bella hadn't called me. She thinks I'm here, doing god knows what with Rosalie!
I jumped with anticipation when I heard knocking at my door.
For the second time that night I flung it open with force. It wasn't Bella.
"Mr Paul, I have a note for you." the bellhop dipped his head and handed me an envelope then turned abruptly, not even waiting for me to tip him.
I held the note as if it was a bomb, as if any sudden movement would rip my arm off.
I recognized Bella's small neat handwriting then my heart sank to the fucking floor. It was addressed to Mr. Paul - my alias, not me. It was addressed to the fake name I used to try and stay anonymous, and I instantly knew that whatever she had written inside was going to be devastating.
I couldn't prolong the inevitable. I walked back into the living area and sat down. My hoodie was still draped over the seat next to me. Pathetic really, like keeping a piece of clothing that she'd briefly worn next to me would be enough.
I opened the envelope.
Hi Edward,
You don't need to worry, I would never dream of betraying your trust in me. I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to reassure you that things won't change. I still want you to have the lyrics.
I hope you survive all the media and fans while you are away.
Bella.
I looked, unblinking, at her words.
Bella thinks I trust her not to talk about a relationship that doesn't even exist. She doesn't want to see me until I'm back from the junket? She still wants me to have the lyrics? Did she think that was the only reason I spent time with her?
Fuck!
She hadn't even signed it with the word I wanted the most from her. Love.
I stood, determined, and grabbed my room swipe card. I went back down to the lobby, my eyes scouring for Mike, the concierge. He was nowhere in sight. I walked up to reception. The female behind the desk smiled widely at me.
"Good evening Mr...Paul, how may I help you?"
"I need to speak to the concierge, please."
"Mr. Newton has left for the evening. I can request the hotel Night Manager assist you?"
I sighed. "When will Mr. Newton be back?" I queried.
"He begins his shift at eight a.m., sir. Would you like to leave him a message?"
"No, that's OK." I suddenly remembered that Bella had a rental car.
"Can you tell me, does my room card allow access to the basement parking garage?" I handed her my card and she swiped it over something.
"It does now sir," she smiled sweetly at me but then looked nervous. I knew that look, so I pre-empted her request. "Thank you. I really appreciate it, can I do anything in return?''
She grinned. "Would it too forward of me to get an autograph for my friend?" She slipped me a magazine. My face was on the cover. I remembered the shoot; it was over six months old. The media were re-hashing old studio shots of me because I hadn't had the time to do any recently.
"What's your friend's name?"
"Mandy."
I wrote directly across the middle of my face with the black Sharpie she had placed on the counter.
"Thank you!" she smiled and I strode back to the elevator, deliberately not looking out of the foyer doors, to the fans I knew were congregating.
I was in the basement parking garage in a flash. The rental car was gone. Either Bella had returned it sometime today or yesterday, or she'd left the hotel in it.
I stood in the cool concrete bunker. I could hear the high-pitched buzz from the fluorescent light above me and, with a sinking heart, I conceded she was gone. I knew it; I felt that she wasn't in the hotel.
Bella has gone.
~~Bella~~
I arrived at the B&B Mike booked me into and was greeted by a heavily pregnant woman in her late twenties.
"Hi, I'm Kate. You must be Bella? Welcome, did you find us OK?"
Kate possessed a distinct Australian accent and I smiled knowingly. Why did I get the impression Mike had known this would perk up my somber mood? I couldn't help but smile.
"The drive was fine. Kate, you're Australian?" I queried.
"Yes," She gushed, a huge smile spread across her face. "Mike told me you're from Sydney. He told me to take great care of you. How long are you staying in Vancouver?"
"Um, I'm supposed to be staying for six months." Even to me, it sounded like I was having second thoughts. Kate didn't notice.
"I'm from Adelaide originally, but I've been living in Vancouver with my husband Garrett for nearly three years now. As you can see, I won't be traveling back for a while." She glided her hand over her rounded tummy affectionately.
"Come inside, Bella. I'm not being a very good host, chatting your ear off before I've even shown you to your room."
Kate led me up a winding staircase and passed a large living area.
"This is the sitting room," she gestured.
The room was decorated in a homey, yet old-womanly way, with lace doilies and shabby chic throw pillows, pastel pink carpet, pale green velvet upholstery, little collections of ornaments and knickknacks. Not at all what I expected for an Aussie girl from Adelaide.
We continued down a hallway to a door on the right.
"Here's your room Bella. Everything you need is here; the share bathroom is just at the end of the hall. We only have three other guests here at the moment. I'll be hanging out in the sitting room for a while. I hope you can join me if you don't want to go to sleep straight away? I've got some cheese and Jatz and I can make some tea?"
I sensed that Kate was eager to have a chat. For my part, I was excited I had an Aussie to talk to.
"I'd love that Kate. I don't suppose you have any Milo?"
She laughed. "Yes, of course I do! And not that crazy stuff they sell here in Canada; I've got real Milo, my mum sends it from Adelaide! You get settled and I'll meet you in the sitting room in ten minutes. How many spoonfuls?"
"Um, four?" I blushed.
"Don't tell Garrett, but I have six!" she laughed and started walking down the hall.
I placed my bag next to the bed and sat down. The room was decorated in a pale lemon color, the bed had too many throw pillows and each skirted bedside table displayed a plastic flower arrangement. I closed my eyes. The room reminded me of Grandma Swan.
I wish I could talk to you Gran. I miss you. I miss everyone.
The drive had only taken half an hour and I was so focused on not getting lost that I hadn't let myself dwell too much on Edward. Now I was sitting alone in a strange room with unfamiliar decor and that distinct sickly sweet fake flower smell from a plug-in air deodorizer. I felt weak and broken.
Fuck Bella, grow up. Get out of this self-pity. It was your own stupidity for even contemplating something that was unachievable. Stop.
Edward is happy, I can be happy for him.
I sat with Kate as she chattered non-stop about Vancouver, about her husband Garrett, who turned out to be a chef that sometimes filled in at the hotel. They had met when Kate was twenty. She had left Adelaide to backpack around Canada and they had been together ever since.
"So the couple that own this place are in their mid-sixties. They decided they needed a holiday. I can't really blame them, it get's a little frustrating when you speak to holiday makers all day every day and hear about their wonderful adventures."
"How long are the owners away?" I asked, as I savored the just right Milo, smiling to myself as I sunk into the squishy velvet chair. The weather was too warm to be drinking Milo, but it was a little piece of familiarity that was doing wonders at relaxing me. That, and the fact I was chatting to Kate, a friendly fellow Australian.
"They've been gone eight weeks already. They don't plan on coming back for at least another three months, and they said they might even stay away until after Christmas! My parents said if we were still here they'd come and stay! Perfect, in fact my whole family could come and visit, help with the baby and there'd be a room for each person!" she laughed.
"We're saving up to buy our own place, like this. Well, not quite like this, there will be absolutely no dust collectors or fake flowers and definitely no pink!" she giggled, gesturing to the decor.
"What about you Bella? Why are you in Vancouver?" she added.
"I won a writing prize," I said sheepishly. "I get to stay in the hotel, all expenses paid for six months, and write my novel."
"Get outta here, that's bloody fantastic! How long do you have left? "
"I've been here for just under a month. Five more to go." As that fact sunk in, I felt my good mood since talking to Kate slip.
"You don't sound like that's a good thing. Homesick?" she said softly.
"Yes. That's one of the reasons I'm catching the ferry. I'm going to surprise my dad in Forks." I sounded sort of deadpan, and Kate picked up on it.
"Is there another reason?" she queried, raising her eyebrow slightly.
Kate was a stranger, and I needed to tell someone, without specific details.
"Um, I met someone. I knew it couldn't go anywhere, but still, I went and..." I was going to say 'let myself think there could be something between us,' but I halted.
Kate finished for me. "You fell in love," she smiled knowingly.
All I could do was nod my head slightly, feeling even more depressed.
"Bella, never say never. I thought that Garrett and I couldn't make it work, but I didn't give up. Now look at me, I'm going to be a mum in less than five weeks and we couldn't be happier!" she beamed. "So, does this person love you too?"
"No, he's dating someone else." Actually saying the words made me feel hollow inside.
"Oh," she said. I looked up; she looked like she was trying to think of something to say.
I smiled and changed the subject. "Do you know if it's a boy or girl?"
"Not officially, but I know it's a boy—I can feel it in me waters!" We both burst out laughing, just as a tall man with sandy blonde hair entered the room.
"Quoting from 'Kath & Kim' again, Kate?" He laughed. He smiled at me before leaning down to kiss Kate affectionately on the lips.
"Garrett, this is Bella, she's from Sydney! Mike sent her over from the hotel, she's leaving on the 5 am ferry to Schwarz Bay."
"Nice to meet you Bella. Kate's been ear-bashing you, right?" Both Kate and I laughed.
"He tries so hard to do a convincing Aussie accent and he won't believe me when I say he's absolutely crap at it." Kate rolled her eyes.
"I resent that, you weren't complaining the other night..."
"Garrett!" Kate swatted him playfully. "Just ignore him, Bella."
Watching them interact was so refreshing. It was obvious they were in love. The way their eyes lit up, the way he kissed her, now he was standing next to her chair with his hand on her shoulder, gently squeezing, over and over.
"I should get to bed." I stood abruptly, suddenly jealous and uncomfortable. "Thanks for the chat and the Milo, it was so delicious. Um, Mike said that I needed to be at the ferry terminal ninety minutes before the boat sails, so maybe I should, you know, pay my bill now, so I don't have to wake you?"
"No need Bella, Mike's taken care of it. And you really only need get there forty minutes before. You'll be getting off at Swartz Bay to get on another ferry, so your car will be one of the last ones loaded on." stated Kate.
"I'll make sure you're awake at ten to four, that gives you time to get ready and down to the terminal in plenty of time." said Garrett. "What would you like for breakfast? I can make you some pancakes, or eggs?"
"Oh, you don't need to do that. I don't think I'll be able to eat anything that early." I smiled. "But, thank you."
I watched as Kate gripped the armrests of the chair and hauled herself to standing. "Have a great time with your dad, Bella. Don't be a stranger, feel free to pop in on your way back, OK?" She stepped over to me and gave me a hug.
"Thanks Kate, thanks Garrett. I will."
I got ready for bed, lay down and let my mind wander. Kate and Garrett's interaction was comfortable, genuine. I thought back to how Rosalie had accused Edward, the look of panic on his face.
Are they in love?
Rosalie seemed so rude and up herself. Is that who Edward really wants? He's so gentle and caring, she seems completely wrong for him!
But I suppose what they say is true, opposites attract? Rosalie is exceptionally beautiful; of course any man would want her. She understands Edward's life better than I ever could, because she lives the life of a celebrity as well.
I allowed myself to conjure the image of Edward holding me before I left his suite, his warm, hard body, the strong smell of his spicy cologne and fresh soap, the feel of his arms touching my back and his soft skin. I imagined him pulling me tighter against him and slowly kissing me, happy, and in love.
That will never happen.
I quietly cried myself to sleep.
~~Edward~~
I sat in front of my Mac, opened iTunes and created a new playlist – 'Bella'. It's about fucking time I did this, after I'd promised her I would, a week ago. I didn't even know when I'd get to give her the damn playlist, not now.
Every song I clicked on, every fucking sappy lyric and smooth harmony reminded me of Bella. I tried to relax, but I couldn't, I was awash with emotions, mainly regret. I should have just told her.
Then my phone started ringing. I almost dropped it in my haste, but the sudden hope I felt was short-lived.
"Hi Jasper," I said sullenly.
"Don't sound so enthusiastic to hear from me, Edward, " Jasper replied sarcastically.
"Sorry, but I'm sure Alice has filled you in? I was hoping it was Bella calling me."
"Bella hasn't contacted you yet?"
"She had a note sent up to me. I'm pretty sure she's left the hotel."
"Oh, sorry man. Look, I want to tell you something. It may, well, it could help you get through the next few days, you know, before you get to see Bella again. I never really told you about what happened when I first met Alice."
"What? I know the story, Alice told me everything." I went back to sit on the sofa.
"No, she didn't," he sighed.
"What do you mean?"
"Edward, when Alice met me, I was in a relationship."
"Really? She definitely left that part out."
"Look, I'm going to tell you this, because even though I now completely understand Alice's...gift. Back then I just thought she was kind of, you know, New Age psycho. I mean here's this cute energetic girl, telling me that we were made for each other, that I was her soul mate and that she had been looking for me since she had a dream at age fourteen. It's not like I initially took her seriously, and I was dating someone else, so I just kind of tried to blow her off."
"But, I thought you guys hooked up immediately? Well, that's what Alice implied."
"We didn't. I was a bit of an asshole to her at first. I told her she was delusional and God, I cringe now when I think about it, I told Alice she wasn't my type. I fucking made her cry, she was crushed."
"What? Why in the hell did you do that?"
"I know, I feel sick about it now Edward, but, like I said, I was with someone. I was seeing this girl, Maria. Alice came on to me hard, confident; she was convinced I'd immediately feel the same. Don't get me wrong; if I hadn't been with Maria, I would have taken Alice home with me there and then. I felt the attraction Edward, the static pulsing when she touched me. It freaked me the fuck out. I did the only thing I ever did when I felt out of control, I shut her down."
"She never told me any of this." I sighed.
Poor Alice, she knew Jasper was the one, she said she saw him, an image of him in her dream, just like she had seen Bella. She knew what color hair he had, she knew he had grey/green eyes and a distinctly Southern accent.
When she had introduced Jasper to my family, she had implied they had met recently. All I saw was they were definitely together and they were obviously and definitely in love.
"Well then, how long was it, before you guys were together? I always assumed it was instant."
"The attraction was instant, but like I said, I fought it. It was weird and scary. This girl turns up from nowhere, telling me we were meant to be together and God, I believed her in my heart and I knew what she was saying was true, but I rejected her anyway. Don't ask me why, I just freaked out. It was four months before I accepted it. Alice gave me the space, what else could she do? She wasn't going to just give up on me."
"Four months! How in the fuck?" It was crushing for me to know that Alice had lived through Jasper's rejection alone for four entire months. It would have devastated her. I felt sick that she hadn't confided in me.
"Please Edward, can you keep this to yourself? I feel wretched about it, and Alice said that she knew it would all work out in the end, so even though it hurt her to step back and wait, she did it for us, she said she sensed I needed the time to process the enormity of what she was saying to me.
I closed my eyes. I remembered Alice's words from earlier in the evening, when she had called to calm me. Alice had a point; Bella's feelings for me wouldn't change, and the misunderstanding over Rosalie had been ill timed, but expecting Bella to just throw caution to the wind and accept me when I did eventually declare myself to her was a long shot.
I'd known her fifteen short days. I had no idea about her previous romantic history, except that she had looked sad when she had talked about her ex, and some music reminded her of him. She said she hadn't had a boyfriend in three years. I had no way of knowing if Bella would accept our inevitable bond quickly or just shut me down, like Jasper shut Alice down; a coping mechanism, a way to protect herself from being hurt again?
"Four months? It took you all that time to believe Alice and trust your own feelings? I barely know Bella, and she's never even met Alice. I've told her nothing about the dream, or Alice's gift."
"Then don't tell her," said Jasper urgently. "I guarantee it will freak her the fuck out. Let Bella and Alice meet first; no one would believe Alice's talent if they'd never met her. You need to take things slowly. You don't have to be together straight away."
"Jasper, I'm dying here. She thinks I'm with Rosalie Hale! I don't want her to think that! I want her to know she's the only woman I've ever felt this way about!"
"I know. Can you imagine how hard it was for me? I felt the connection, and I was with someone else. I had to do the right thing. I was so conflicted. God I fucking couldn't stand it! All I wanted to do was get your sister in my bed," he groaned.
"OK, too much information," I scolded half-heartedly. "It's the same for me with Bella. She's all I think about and those thoughts are, well, highly fucking distracting. But it's not just about the sexual attraction. She just gets me, I feel like I can be myself around her. When I'm with her I'm not Edward Cullen the actor that the paparazzi go ballistic over, I'm Edward, the ordinary guy who went to school in Forks and plays the piano."
"I feel for you, Edward. All I can say is, stay positive, wait for her, give her all the time she needs. You know it should all work out, just not instantly, OK?"
"Yeah, thanks. I can't do anything anyway until I get back from this junket. I'll be in LA Friday night. I don't have my schedule, but I'm going to try and see mom and dad and so, if you guys are around?"
"Yeah, make the time Edward. If Alice doesn't get the chance to see you face to face while you're here, she'll go nuts!" he laughed.
"I'll make it happen."
"OK, see you Friday then."
"Bye, and thanks Jasper."
I sat, thinking about Jasper's words and trying not to wallow. It would be so much easier if I just knew where she was, if I knew she was safe!
~~Bella~~
I sipped the cool liquid and gazed at the view from the bar, so inspiring and opulent. I felt calm, relaxed, at peace. My writing flowed freely again, no writer's block, just focused direction.
I looked up out of habit as the door opened and I audibly gasped with shock at the sight.
Rosalie Hale stood, breathtakingly beautiful, tall and sexy in a black designer dress, next to an equally beautiful ethereal woman in green with luxurious auburn hair that flowed in soft waves around her shoulders.
They walked to one of the tables beyond the piano, confident, and oblivious to me.
James brought them a bottle of Cristal champagne and four chilled champagne flutes.
Then they looked directly at me. Their cool demeanor never wavered as the redhead whispered to Rosalie. They stared at me and giggled.
Victoria?
My heart was pounding in my chest; my hand that was holding my wine glass started shaking violently.
This cannot be happening.
Then door swung open again and two men walked in.
Riley and Edward.
Edward was slightly taller, immaculately dressed, vibrant and alive with sexuality. Next to him stood Riley, athletic, bronzed, with an impish smile that lit up his whole face. Both men possessed a distinct individualism that was magnetic, and alluring.
The surreal dream then spun into the blackest nightmare. Edward looked towards 'our' table and gave me a shy smile before walking up to Rosalie, who rose from her chair to greet him. She wrapped her arms around his neck. His eyes never left mine as he cradled her face and kissed her slowly, sensuously on the mouth. His eyes stared at me as he kissed her, burning a hole in my heart.
Victoria jumped from her seat, alive with boundless energy and enthusiasm. She embraced Riley possessively, sliding her arms around him and burying her face in his neck. I watched in complete mortification as he smirked at me and then roughly kissed Victoria, tugging on her bottom lip playfully with his teeth, sliding his hands over her pert backside and squeezing it suggestively.
I sat, frozen, as I watched James fill their glasses, each toasting and laughing, each couple holding hands, casually caressing each other's faces. It was like watching some contrived television commercial, four beautiful people, high on life and love, perfect in every way.
They all turned in their seats to look and laugh at me, whispering and pointing.
I wanted to die.
I started to pack away my things, desperate to leave this nightmare behind me. Edward's eyes burned into mine, they were apologetic, yet, he sat motionless...with her. My heart felt like it was cracking in two.
I stumbled from the booth, dropped my bag and fumbled to pick it up. My legs were like jello, my face burned with embarrassment and anguish. I reached the door, I could hear them laughing… I turned my head to take one last look...
I woke up sweating, panting, as if I'd run a fucking marathon.
I looked at the clock. It was 3:37am. I grabbed the pillow and cuddled it, pressing my face into it to stifle my sobs.
I took deep breaths into my lungs.
I'm still at the B&B.
It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. I chanted.
I clutched the pillow, trying to breathe, trying to wipe the excruciating images from my mind. Eventually I pulled myself out of bed and grabbed my bag to walk like a zombie into the bathroom at the end of the hall.
I stood like a statue in the shower, my tears mingling with the steady pulsing pressure of hot water. I towel-dried my hair, pulling it into a haphazard ponytail, not caring that it would frizz and knot. Who cares what I look like anyway?
I got dressed, put everything into my bag and walked down the hall, passed the sitting room and down the stairs.
Garrett greeted me. He looked wide-awake and was casually dressed in sweats and a t-shirt.
"Hi Bella, I hope you had a good rest?" He smiled.
I nodded, tried to smile. "Yes, thank you."
"Can I get you some tea before you go?"
"I'd love some coffee, if it's not too much trouble?" I asked timidly. I needed the caffeine; this was going to be a long, tiring day.
"Of course, it's no trouble, come with me."
Garrett led me into the huge kitchen that had a breakfast bar with tall chrome and white stools. I perched myself on one of the stools and looked out the large windows. It was still dark outside but I could see there was swimming pool, bordered with a beautiful manicured garden.
Garret made me coffee and told me the logistics of the ferry trip. When it was time to leave he stood up and carried my bag for me. He also grabbed a small blue cooler bag.
"Kate made this up for you last night. It's breakfast and morning tea for you. She insists you take it for the journey."
"She didn't need to do that!" I smiled.
"Please Bella, she wanted to. She misses home, especially with all the pregnancy hormones. Last night—talking to you—was the highlight of her month! I hope you do come back to visit?"
"Yes, I will." I knew I would. If I was going to survive another five months in Vancouver not pining over Edward, a friend like Kate would be an amazing distraction.
Garrett walked me to my car, helped me load my bag, and showed me the map and the directions to the ferry terminal.
"Have a great trip Bella, see you soon."
"Goodbye Garrett, Please thank Kate for me." I sighed and took another look at the quaint home before switching on the ignition and driving off down the street.
~~Edward~~
I was in my trailer, about to go on set. I hadn't heard from Bella, and I'd left the hotel at six, so I hadn't seen Mike. I was obsessing about where Bella could be and who she knew in Vancouver. She wouldn't have gone to Ben and Angela's, they would have called me for sure. Unless she didn't tell them? No, even if she thinks I'm with Rosalie, she wouldn't tell them, would she?
Fuck! I called Angela's cell.
"Edward?"
"Hi Angela, how are you?"
"I'm good, how is everything with you? Did you get Bella's help on the script?""
"What? Have you spoken to Bella today?"
"No, I spoke to her yesterday. I invited her to come to the movies with me, but she declined. She said she'd be helping you with a script."
"Um, yeah, she did." I couldn't tell Angela what happened. I knew if I kept talking to her, she would figure it out. I was crap at lying to her, and I knew if I spoke directly to Ben he'd guess, just by the tone of my voice.
"Oh damn, Ange, sorry I have to go, they're calling me to the set." I lied. "Tell Ben I'll call him when I get to LA?"
"OK, when do you leave?"
"Tomorrow, I'll be back Tuesday morning."
"OK, say hi to Alice and Jasper for me?"
"I will, bye Ange."
OK, so Bella didn't go and see Angela. As far as I know, she doesn't know anyone else in Vancouver, except James the bar guy. No, he would have been working in the VIP bar last night. Who else does she know?
Laurent.
God, she could have gone to Laurent's last night, Fuck! That sleazy creep could have hit on her!
I was frantic now, my mind playing out different scenarios of where she could be and with whom.
I dialed the hotel, and asked to speak to Mike.
"Good morning, Concierge."
"Mike, it's Edward Cullen." I was sick to death of using my fucking alias, especially after receiving Bella's note last night.
"Mr. Cullen. How can I assist you?"
"I'm worried about Bella Swan. She didn't call me back. I got her note, but I have a feeling she wasn't in the hotel last night and I'm going out of my mind. She doesn't know many people in Vancouver and her phone is switched off. She could be hurt, she could have gone back to Laurent's and gotten into trouble or something."
I closed my eyes, my mind conjuring visions of that douche-bag Laurent kissing her cheeks.
Mike hadn't said anything. He fucking knows where she is!
"Mike, please! Can you tell me where she is?" I was shocked at how completely desperate I sounded.
"Mr. Cullen, I can assure you Miss Swan is safe and not in any type of danger. That's really all I can tell you. I hope you understand that if it were possible for me to elaborate, I most certainly would."
She told him not to tell me? I felt faint. I sat, feeling thoroughly dejected and sick.
"But she's alright?"
"Yes, I assure you, she is safe."
"I don't suppose you know when she is coming back to the hotel?" I didn't sound hopeful.
"I'm afraid I do not." I could tell he felt uncomfortable giving me any information at all.
The knock on my trailer door startled me. "Edward, they need you on set now!"
I looked towards the door. The sickness in my stomach rose to become an ache in my chest.
"Thank you Mike, I appreciate the information."
"You're welcome Mr. Pa- Mr. Cullen."
"Please, call me Edward. I'm sick of pretending, Mike. I'm sorry if I put you in an uncomfortable situation. I just need to know that she's OK."
"I understand. If it's any consolation, she will be with family. Enjoy your day." He disconnected quickly.
Family.
I knew instantly that Bella had left the hotel and that she was in Forks. I pictured Charlie's Swan's home in my mind. I pictured the Forks Police Station, then I remembered my old home, my bedroom, the memories of High School. Memories of Forks started flooding back to me.
The bashing on my door resumed.
I mentally thanked Mike. At least I know she will be safe with her dad.
Now, how in the hell am I going to get through my scenes with Rosalie and the next four days of pure hell at this fucking junket?
~~Bella~~
The morning had crawled by, but now I was well on my way to Port Angeles. I watched through the window as the seagulls followed the ferry. People were holding bread up high and the gulls were hovering, eating it out of their hands. It was surreal. It was only eight o'clock and I'd had a total of four too hot and very strong lattes.
I sat down and opened the little cooler bag. Kate had packed me an Aussie travelers feast; a drink bottle of milk, a small picnic bowl and spoon, three Weet-Bix- that's breakfast sorted, then SAO's with Vegemite and a thermos of Milo for morning tea. She had even included a little plastic container with extra Milo, and three Tim Tams. I couldn't help but smile. She would have had fun packing this for me. The thought perked me up. She'll be a fantastic mum.
I sat at a small table and poured the cool milk over the Weet-Bix. When I finished eating, I closed my eyes. I could feel the forward motion of the ferry. The very slight rise and fall, lulling me to try and relax, but the caffeine was still buzzing through my system.
It wasn't long before my psychotic mind wandered back to the events of last night. Edward was touching me intimately, he had me alone in his room, but he was waiting to finish filming with Rosalie before they were together. Did that mean, together, together? I thought of what the flirty cougars in the lift said. If they were 'together' surely Rosalie wouldn't let him out of her sight? Surely she'd want to spend every night with him. Was he not with Rosalie sexually, was he making her wait to actually be with her?
Oh god, did he get me to his room so he could...oh god! Did he just want me for sex?
Would he do that? Would he have slept with me, a warm body in his hotel room, a fan that he could fuck, without anyone knowing? He'd freaked out when I went to open the curtains, scared that I'd be photographed through the windows of his suite. Then I remembered how he had touched me when he was drunk, it was delicious and lustful. He was a red-blooded guy, a guy with sexual needs. Surely he knew the effect he had on women when he talked in that seductive voice and stroked my hand?
He said he hasn't had a girlfriend in two years, but he'd lied about Rosalie, so, maybe he'd lied about that as well. He's Edward Cullen for fucks sake; he's a heartthrob sex symbol. How could he have not slept with anyone in that time? Well, I suppose he didn't have to have a girlfriend to have sex. He could have hand picked any one of those women, he could have any attractive fan easily brought up to his suite for some personal one-on-one meet and greet! Of course he would have had sex in the last two years. He's alive with sexual energy and sensuality. He's fucking twenty-three, beautiful and desirable. Of course he has sex!
No, no, no. Had Edward got me up to his room just to have a one night stand with me, or make me his regular bonk buddy while we were both in the hotel? Is that why he didn't want our friendship to change, so he could rely on 'friends' with sexual benefits? Did he trust me to keep our liaison a secret, from Angela and Ben and from the media as well? That's it, he trusted me not to sell the story—'I've fucked Edward Cullen!'
I placed my head in my hands and groaned.
Fucking stop this now. Edward would never do that. Am I making up all these delusional theories to cope with the loss, the unbearable loss of what might have been? I'm trying to hate him, to make it less painful?
Would he be upset that I didn't call him? Would he still be worried that I'd reveal his secret relationship with Rosalie?
The media already suspected, the trashy magazines all claimed it, not in so many words, but still, it was implied they were together. Me knowing the truth didn't make any difference, surely? He probably felt relief that someone knew. The smile he gave me when I told him I was happy for him proved he was. So, maybe I could just be his friend, at least until he leaves Vancouver?
I should call him.
Could I do it? Could I call him and not freak out?
I recalled the nightmare, the image of him kissing her, kissing Rosalie Hale. I'd seen them kiss before—onscreen. It hadn't bothered me then. It shouldn't bother me. If that is what he wants, if she is what he wants, then I just have to accept it.
I pulled my phone out, switched it on and selected Edward's number before I could change my mind.
It went immediately to his voice-mail.
"Hey Edward. I'm sorry I didn't call you back last night." I tried to keep my voice, casual, light-hearted. "I hope you got my note? Um, so I'm away from the hotel for a while. I just wanted you to know that...you can trust me. I'm not going to say anything; you don't have to pretend, with me. I'm so glad we're still friends, right? I mean you said things won't change, you're not the type of guy that ditches your friends when you start...um, you know, seeing someone?" God, I was rambling and starting to get nervous. "Anyway, I'd say have a great time, but that probably goes without saying." Shit! "Bye."
OK, I could have done that better.
I could feel my face flaming with embarrassment. I sat staring at my phone. The battery was nearly dead. I switched it off.
I'll charge it when I get to Forks.
~0~
A/N: CandyTwi and LadyZoe, my praise once again.
To my regular reviewers, I adore you all, and even though you are about to tear your hair out with frustration…please remember, this slow burn will eventually turn into a full-blown inferno…can you wait…patiently?
Come and rant with me on the thread for Epiosode on the Twilighted forum: http:/www (dot) twilighted (dot) net/forum/viewtopic (dot) php?f=44&t=9959
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