Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**A/N: If you haven't already, you may want to read Ellipsis

www . fanfiction . net/s/6088589/1/Ellipsis

my flashback chapter that recalls Bella and Riley's first date or take a look at the banner for Ellipsis - the link is in my Profile:

www . fanfiction . net/~boydblog

it will give you the visuals to the photographs Bella describes in this Chapter. – BBxx

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~~Edward~~

Emmett did a sweep of my condo before he left. I protested, but he told me to just let him do his job, so I kept my mouth shut after that. He also told me he'd be back at 6:40pm to drive me to my parent's house. I was his responsibility, even though as far as I was concerned I was at home.

The cleaning service I employed came every Wednesday, so my home felt fresh and clean. I walked into my bedroom. How fucking luxurious to be able to sleep in my own bed, even if it's only for one night!

I thought of Bella. I tried to imagine what she'd be doing. There wasn't much to do in Forks. She's probably just hanging out with Chief Swan. Maybe writing?

I could call her house. Charlie Swan's number surely would be in the directory. I could call and speak to her, tell her she had misunderstood what she'd seen with me and Rosalie. But then, I wouldn't be able to see her face when I told her that I was in love with her. I wouldn't be able to hold her, to kiss her. Telling her over the phone wasn't an option.

I took a shower and rummaged through my closet for jeans and a T-shirt. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and checked my email. The junket schedule was in my inbox.

My meeting with Heidi would be in the hotel tomorrow at nine. We'd then be driven to a location for Rosalie and I to do a half-day photo shoot for Vanity Fair. Then back to the hotel for back-to-back interviews then the pre-taping of a television show.

Saturday's schedule was much of the same; although that's the day I had a meeting with Liam Berty about his new film. I thought back to how excited Bella was when I asked her to help me with the script; but we probably never would have gotten to it. If Rosalie hadn't barged in, I would have told Bella how I felt, and then, I knew all I would have wanted to do was to hold and kiss her, and...oh god, I would have wanted to make love to her...Fuck! I moaned and tugged my hair in frustration. The thought of being with Bella was all consuming.

I had been excited about the opportunity of working with Liam Berty. But now, when I thought about signing on to another movie, it made me feel sick; it would mean that I'd be away from Bella.

Saturday night would be torture; that was the evening of the official DVD launch party. Media, fans, celebrities, studio execs; a big fucking glam ego trip for the marketing and publicity teams, the distributors, all grabbing the final squeeze of official money they could get from our last film. Rosalie would be on form. I knew she would use this party as a way to create publicity for herself, under instruction from her douchebag manager, Royce King.

Sunday morning we'd fly to New York for more television appearances and another photo shoot. We were expected to attend the red carpet premiere of another movie released by our studio and yet another after party.

I reluctantly printed out the schedule and the script that I hadn't even bothered to really look at then snapped the lid on my laptop closed and grabbed another beer. All I really wanted to do was sit in the VIP bar with Bella. But even if she comes back to the hotel after this weekend, I won't be back in Vancouver until Tuesday morning. Would she be back by then? The thought of having to wait for her there was making me feel sick.

I spent the next two hours reading the script and taking notes. The character intrigued me, unlike any other character I'd played before. The film was adapted from a novel. I thought I should also read the book, and I made a mental note to get a copy to read on the plane to New York. That is if Liam Berty seemed interested in me taking the lead.

The character would be relatively easy to portray. He was a privileged college grad that meets an ordinary girl from a poor neighborhood. He falls in love with her; she initially rejects him and then realizes that she can't be without him. There's romance, sex, angst, tragedy, everything you would expect in a Hollywood movie. The twist was ironic, the dialogue well written. I could visualize how I'd portray the lead. Then I started thinking about who they would cast for the lead female role, the love interest. The description of her was playing on my mind; she was supposed to be shy, reserved, yet beautiful and intelligent, fierce in her opinions, a victim of circumstance. I couldn't help but sit in a daze and think of Bella.

Then I heard my intercom.

Emmett.

"Let me in the parking garage, Ed. There's a couple of leeches loitering!" I depressed the button to allow Emmett access. I internally laughed at Emmett's pet name for the paparazzi.

It was time to go to my parents' house.

~0~

"Edward!" Alice jumped into my arms as soon as I was out of the car. I lifted her petite frame and hugged her tightly. I'd seen her four weeks ago. I knew her embrace wasn't because she missed me; it was her way of telling me she would be there for me.

I wanted to tell Alice I understood; instead, I simply placed her back on her feet and smiled ruefully at her. I couldn't reveal what Jasper had told me, I was hoping she would maybe pick that up herself. We'd always been extremely close, even though we had that type of love/hate relationship all brothers and sisters have. In my youth I used to resent the fact that she had this 'gift', especially when Alice would offer her opinions on everything from what career direction I should take to what girl I shouldn't date.

I'd been a stubborn asshole sometimes. Now that I look back, all of Alice's warnings should have been heeded. Lauren Mallory - big mistake. Tanya Denali - another mistake, although Tanya taught me a huge lesson. If I hadn't witnessed the completely horrid way she treated some people, maybe I'd have turned into one of those egotistical douchebags that thought they sparkled in the sunlight...

Alice encouraged me to pursue my music rather than take on acting. Would I have met Bella if I wasn't an actor? My brain hurt just thinking about it.

"I missed you." I said.

"How are you, really?" Her brow furrowed with concern.

"I'm OK. Well, I'm not OK, I should say that I'm looking forward to when I see Bella and tell her how I feel, properly, without anyone distracting us."

I heard Emmett cough. "Ed, I'm going to walk the perimeter of the house, just to make sure there aren't any crazies lurking, OK?"

I acknowledged him with a nod of my head and he sauntered off through the garden.

I looked back at Alice. "So, what did you tell mom and dad, about Bella I mean?"

She sighed. "I just told them that you'd met her, that you know she is the one. I said there was a slight misunderstanding but you were going to clear it up as soon as you got back to Vancouver, and that everything is bound to work out."

"You sound more confident than I feel." I mumbled.

"Edward, have I ever been wrong before?" she playfully grabbed my arm as she started pulling me to the front door."

"Point taken Alice."

We went inside and all the tension left my body. I loved this house. Mom had made it a warm inviting family home. Her style, her eclectic taste was all around. I knew my mom loved our home in Forks, but she thrived in this house. She was happier here than I'd ever seen before. Not that she'd ever been unhappy, but this house was what she always dreamed about and she poured her heart and sole into its renovation, right down to the painstaking restoration of the intricate cornices and the original fireplaces.

Everyone, including Jasper, was in the kitchen.

"Edward's here!" squeaked Alice as she dragged me through the door.

Mom was the first to embrace me. "Edward, I'm so happy you're here," she sighed, then kissed my cheek and released me.

Jasper smiled at me and slapped me on the back.

Dad gave me an awkward man-hug that went on longer than was really necessary.

All eyes were on me. I could see it in all their faces; they were wary of what to say to me. I had to break this tension immediately. It was pointless not including them in this. It was destined that this day would come, since I was sixteen and Alice had 'seen' an impression of Bella in her dream.

"It's her, it's Bella. I have no doubt. I'm already in love with her. I'm not sure how she feels about me yet, well no, I mean, I think she feels something for me. I just, well, I need to talk to her. I need to tell her how I feel and then hopefully she'll feel the same." I closed my eyes. The thought of her not feeling the same made me sick with dread.

Mom broke the deathly silence. "Of course she'll feel the same Edward. What's not to love? I'm so happy you found her!"

"She found me, actually. I was composing in the VIP bar in the hotel; they have a piano. I had finished the piece, the only thing it didn't have was lyrics. Bella had been in the bar, writing. She heard me play the song and the next night she handed me the perfect lyrics," I recollected.

"She was embarrassed when she handed them to me and realized who I was. I mean, she said she was a fan of mine and she got all nervous and...I should have known straight away. When she touched me, I felt it.

"Dad, I think I need a whiskey." He smiled and proceeded to get me one.

"Alice, did you tell them about Bella's connection to Forks?" I asked her.

She shook her head.

Mom looked intrigued while dad handed me a whiskey and sat back down, quietly and patiently sipping his own.

"Bella is Charlie Swan's daughter." And with that statement, I downed my glass in one burning smooth shot.

There was silence all round. Even Jasper didn't comment.

"Police Chief Charlie Swan?" Mom looked confused.

"Yes. Bet you didn't even know he was divorced? Bella's mom took her to Phoenix and then to Australia. Bella had told me it had been arranged that she would live with her dad for a year in Forks. She obviously didn't. Alice dreamt of Bella when we were all sixteen; that was the year she was going to live with Charlie. If she had, I would have met her then." I held my glass ready as dad had already got up to get me a refill.

"So," mom mused. "Bella is the same age as you?"

"Yes, and mom, she's a writer. She's talented, creative, she's just..." How do I even describe her? "She won a writing prize. That's why she's in Vancouver. The prize was a publishing contract and six months in any Commonwealth Country to write her novel. She chose Vancouver to be as close as possible to Charlie."

Everyone was pretty much speechless.

Dad poured me another whiskey. I was suddenly anxious for my family to hear the song.

"I'd really like for you to hear the song; can I play it for you?"

"Yes!" Alice bounded off the kitchen stool and grabbed my arm in a flash. Everyone followed us into the formal living room, where my Steinway took pride of place by the window.

I sat at the piano bench while everyone got comfortable.

"Bella called it Episode." I played the song all the way through without singing then I took a gulp of the golden burning alcohol and began.

The whole time I played and sang I was internally singing it to Bella. To the beautiful Australian girl that had completely inverted my world since I met her three weeks ago. It was passionate and intense. When I played the last note, my head swam, overawed by it. It's perfection. Just like Bella.

I was drunk on amazement at how perfectly Bella's words went with my music. I wanted us to be the same, together, forever.

I slowly turned in my seat. Mom and Alice were crying. Dad was smirking at me and Jasper was shaking his head.

~~Bella~~

I woke when I heard my dad's cruiser start and idle for a few minutes, before the slick wet sound of the tires on the driveway faded and the hum of the engine got fainter as he drove to work.

It was Friday, exactly thirty-four hours since I'd seen Edward.

I groggily recalled the dream I'd had that had woken me up at two in the morning.

I was sixteen, awkward, shy and resentful. I'd started my first day at Forks High.

Edward had introduced himself to me when I'd had to sit next to him in the Science lab.

He was beautiful, popular, but he was Edward, my Edward; the Edward Cullen that would sit and chat to me for hours in the bar.

I remembered the distinct attraction in the dream and then I remembered he'd bent to pick up my diary that fell on the floor out of my bag. He'd smiled at me and handed it back, the photographs that I'd tucked inside had fallen out. They were all of Riley.

Edward had asked me if he was my boyfriend back in Australia. I outright lied to him and said yes, embarrassed that I'd been caught carrying numerous photos of a boy that I was obsessed with, but who I hadn't even spoken to since the night he'd kissed me at that party.

Then the dream went blurry, and suddenly Edward was in my bedroom in Forks. We were talking, about some science project we needed to do together when I threw the textbook on the floor and pushed Edward back onto my bed, overcome with lust and longing. He initially looked shocked. Then he asked me what the hell did I think I was doing and didn't I have a boyfriend? I started kissing his neck, slowly unbuttoning his shirt whilst simultaneously doing the same to my shirt. I was breathless and wanting. I asked him to touch me.

My face flamed when he gently took my wrists and politely told me he wasn't interested in me that way. I sat stunned as he bolted from my room looking all flustered and appalled.

I'd woken up with tears in my eyes and an overwhelming urge to suffocate myself with my pillow.

I groaned and rolled onto my back.

Riley. Edward. Why did I fall in love with people that would never love me back?

I was contemplating getting up when I had a flash of memory.

My diaries.

I'd written about Riley every day. My dairies from age fourteen to eighteen were all about Riley; little observations, pictures that I'd stolen or clipped from school newsletters. They had helped me to focus, to channel my psychotic obsession, my teenage lust and confusion. The diaries had been the start of my interest in writing.

Holy fuck, could they still be here?

I scrambled off the bed, suddenly wide awake. I slowly pushed the bed towards the door and knelt down.

The last time I'd been here, it was over Christmas. I'd headed back to Sydney in mid January, eager to start my first year of University in early February; even though I'd been thoroughly depressed that I would no longer see Riley at school every day. Jessica told me she'd heard that Riley was enrolled to study painting and sculpture at the University of New South Wales.

I pressed my hands on the floor and then, I remembered. I pushed on the end of one particularly loose floorboard and the other side flipped up enough for me to lift it completely.

Oh my God.

There they were; four years' worth of my teenage scrawling.

I'd slipped them in an old pillow-case before hiding them here the morning I left Forks to go back to Sydney; five years ago.

I lifted them out.

I held the dusty fabric. Could I read them? They were all written before Riley's accident: before I went daily to visit him in the hospital, before he turned up on my doorstep wanting to take me to dinner; before that night we'd had our first date and I'd thrown myself at him.

I lay the diaries on the floor. I instantly recognized the first one and my stomach sank like I was on a Gold Coast rollercoaster.

I opened the first page and there it was; the picture of Riley that had been burned into my mind for years. I opened the other diaries and frantically shook them so that all the pictures I'd collected of Riley fluttered to the floor.

I gathered them up, and crawled back into bed.

The first picture was of the school drama club. There Riley stood in his school blazer. He was fourteen. I didn't know the date the picture was taken, but it was the same year that he'd kissed me at the party.

Then Riley aged fifteen onstage in a school play. I couldn't even remember what the play was because all I could do was stare at him. It was like he was the only person on the stage, and when he wasn't onstage I'd simply close my eyes and visualize him.

I looked at another picture I'd cut from the local newspaper. It was of Riley wearing green and gold. His photo was in the paper because he'd made the quarter finals of the State under 17's tennis championship. I remembered being in the stands of all his local matches and I had even convinced Jessica to trek with me to Paddington to watch his tournaments at White City.

The next photo was taken when one of his paintings had made it into a student art exhibition. I'd been at the Art Gallery on the opening day of the exhibition, standing in front of his work as if it would give me some kind of exclusive window into his soul.

Riley. He was popular, athletic and creative, all in equal measure.

I opened one of the dairies and read the first page that fell open.

Maybe, just maybe I don't really love Riley. It could be that I just idolise him so much, I admire what he does, everyday. There's nothing he isn't afraid to try. Maybe I mistake his energy, the way he inspires me, for love - or should I say lust? Maybe just the thought of being in a relationship and the sexual desire he sparked in me, tricked me into believing its Riley that I want.

My handwriting was rushed, child-like, in cheap blue ink. The lined pages were slightly yellowed. I kept flicking through and reading snippets.

I saw Riley today outside of the school hall. He was talking to Austin. I kept pretending to read my book. Then I saw Victoria Marshall - she kissed him on the cheek! Why did my stomach go queasy and my breath leave me? I hate what has happened to me. I hate how I have changed since he kissed me.

Another page.

I have discovered the meaning of life.

Memory.

Life is what you make it.

It will be full of memories and dreams.

They may come true and if they do then still, they will end up being a memory. Yet, I cannot pursue to tell Riley how I feel because when he rejects me it shall be a memory that I will live with all of my life!

Maybe it sounds trivial now, but I shall look back upon this theory in a few years and find that it may be true.

I couldn't help but let out an ironic laugh.

Riley is now just a memory for me. Would I have changed anything, if I knew what I would be feeling now? If I knew my time with him would be a short three months. Would I have chosen not to repeat what happened between us?

The thought of never feeling Riley touch me, make love to me, whisper that he loved me; I just couldn't bear it. Even though I knew now that he hadn't loved me, back then it was real. I believed it. I was elated that he was mine and that he wanted me. That would be the memory I held on to.

In six months, Edward would be just a memory... it hurt me now, but in time, I would be able to feel pleasure at having known him, maybe even delight at hearing Episode as I sat in the cinema to watch the movie Edward was filming now.

I slipped the photographs back into the dairies and then the pillowcase. I didn't want to read any more. I didn't need to. I could remember all of those years of yearning for Riley. I could recall with intricate clarity the feelings he sparked in me. I would never forget.

I spent the day in my room with my laptop out. I continued with my story, glad that after the last thirty-six hours, I hadn't slipped back into the mental block that had previously affected my writing.

Occasionally, I'd slip into a daze, thinking about Edward. As soon as I recognized it I would busy myself, go to the bathroom, have a drink or something to eat. I looked at the time on my laptop.

Edward would be on set. Maybe I should send him an email?

No, I should email Jessica!

I opened my mail and found the message she'd sent to me. I hastily typed a response:

From: Bella Swan
To: Stanley, Jessica
Subject: RE: Jake

Hi Jess,

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your email. I've been writing up a storm, after a little down time (writers block).

I'm actually in Forks visiting my dad for the weekend. It hasn't changed; in fact everything is pretty much the same since I last visited. My dad still has all the birthday cards I sent him. The furniture is the same, and, surprise, surprise, it's been raining since I got here - usual Forks weather.

What has changed is that my dad is dating! He's like a new man. Love must agree with him, speaking of which...

Jess, I am so happy for you! I remember Austin was always really nice, and cute! I hope it works out for you both. You deserve to be happy. I hope Austin appreciates you for the wonderful person you are.

Don't worry about me or my past with Riley I feel awful for Victoria, losing her dad and then Riley? I'm so surprised he split up with her! I honestly thought they'd be married by now. It hurts to think about him still but at least I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that we were never meant to be in the first place. If only I'd worked that out sooner, but you know the saying, hindsight is a wonderful thing. You know I found all my old diaries from when I was age fourteen. I'd buried them under the floor! They make for some interesting reading!

I'm so sorry; I must have been the most annoyingly frustrating friend. It really was bad, wasn't it? Riley was all I talked about, he consumed my every waking moment. How in the hell did you deal with me? I feel wretched. I know it's probably too little too late, but I'm sorry. I promise I'll never do that again, ever!

I've met some wonderful people in Vancouver, but not in the romantic sense – even in Canada, the good guys, are already taken. I don't have time for a holiday romance anyway, I mean, I seriously need to get this novel somewhat finished…and it still has a long way to go.

I hope Jake is behaving himself now? It's only really loud noises that freak him out, like thunder and fireworks, so he'll probably do the same disappearing act on New Years. If you don't want to let him out of the balcony, that's OK, he can just wear it. Remember, he smells fear so don't let him walk all over you, metaphorically speaking that is!

I miss you heaps Jess. I miss Sydney. I know I have another five months in Vancouver and I seriously don't know how I'm going to do it. I know, I know, you're rolling your eyes at me. It's not that I don't appreciate this opportunity; it's just that I miss home. I did however meet a wonderful Aussie named Kate. I think she'll become my Vancouver bestie. She's from Adelaide and is about to drop a baby, but she's heaps of fun and she has a supplier of Milo and Tim Tams, so, I'm set!

I called my mum. Yeah, she said her and Phil were going to sail up to the Whitsundays over Christmas and invited me along. I politely declined, that would be hell on the high seas! I was actually planning to spend the New Year here with dad, and then go home. God knows I'll need a good dose of Vitamin D from being here in Forks! I hope you're still happy to mind my place until then?

OK, I promise that I'll send you a postcard from good old Forks and one from Vancouver when I get back there. I'm also going away to a wonderful cabin near a lake! It looks so fantastic! I can't – wait. Just me, a log cabin, nature and water. I won't have internet access there, so I'll email you some pictures when I get back to the hotel.

Miss you heaps Jess. Say hi to Austin from me and give Jakey a scratch under his chin!

Love you,

Bella xxx

I hit send and then mentally face-palmed myself when a dialog box opened saying I couldn't send the message. Charlie didn't have a wireless internet connection

Crap!

I wonder if any of the diners in town have free wifi?

I was supposed to email Irina as well, wasn't I?

I closed my eyes. I was going to tell her to have the copyright signed over to Edward. My devastation at him being with Rosalie set off another train of thought.

I knew Edward well that if I did have the copyright signed over to him, out of the blue, he would surely question why. I didn't want him to know that I had these feelings. I wanted him to think everything was still OK between us.

He's probably tried to call me.

I dug my phone out of my bag and switched it on. The battery was nearly dead.

Damn, I'd better charge it.

I emptied my overnight bag on the bed. My phone charger wasn't there. I must have left it in the power outlet in my rush to leave the hotel.

I should call him and just leave a message.

Before I talked myself out of it I called his number. The phone simply beeped to record the message - he didn't have a greeting...

"Hey Edward, it's Bella. I just wanted to call and say hi. You're probably on set though. Um, I left my phone charger at the hotel and my phone battery is about to die." I paused, unsure of what to say. "I just wanted to let you know I'm visiting my dad in Forks. He doesn't have internet access, so I feel like I've stepped back in time! It may have something to do with the fact I'm sleeping in my old room, which is exactly how I left it. It's pretty bizarre!" I bit my lip. Fuck! Hang the fuck up! "Um, sorry for rambling. I'm sure you're probably really busy, getting ready to fly to LA? OK well, um I'll see you soon. Bye." My phone decided to chirp a warning about the battery life just as I hung up.

I switched it off.

I looked out the window and thought about my diaries. So many years of my life I wallowed and pined for someone I couldn't have. When Riley had been in the accident, I used his recovery as an excuse to spend time with him. The night he took me for dinner should have just been that; a nice meal between friends, a 'thank you' gesture from him to me. Instead I allowed myself to tell him exactly how I felt. I threw myself at him; I tried to make him love me.

I can't be that girl again. I can't throw myself at anyone, ever again, especially not Edward Cullen. He has a girlfriend, he is in love. I'm not the one he wants.

I looked outside, tracing my finger over the rain droplets that slowly trailed down the cool pane of glass. I remembered a quote from a movie; slightly altered to lift my mood.

The rain is like a baptism, the new me, determined, a career–focused novelist, Bella Swan. My assault on the world begins now!

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A/N: OK, first reviewer that guesses the movie Bella's adapted quote came from will get a very special teaser ;) I'll be showing my age, but slipping back into Bella's 'teenage' mind with her diaries, well, it made me relive mine, if only briefly!

Several of my one-shot stories have been nominated in the Single Shot Awards! Voting is now open, so go and check out the nominees and vote before August 30.

link to nominees - http : /thesingleshotawards . blogspot . com/p/nominees . html

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