Chapter 10
The rest of the week went pretty well. Amanda had a routine where she would talk and then shutdown some. She threw herself into work, but work was hard. A missing kid was found dead. It hit everyone hard and made Olivia hold Noah a little tighter as they switched custody on Wednesday.
To make matters worse it was the week of Thanksgiving. The holidays didn't stop police work, but they were able to celebrate Thanksgiving as a family. David had everything catered so food was easy. Thanksgiving morning she checked on Amanda. "How are you holding up? Do family holidays bother you? Amanda shook her head, "Not really."
They hadn't talked about anything major since the last confession. Amanda would give small details about her family and living in foster homes, Olivia figured out they weren't so different. Even down to family disease, Amanda took care of her junky sister like she took care of her drunk mother.
Olivia hadn't given Amanda any keys and she hadn't tried her luck. The squad and family met at David's. Noah wore a onesie that had a bow tie and a turkey on it. It said "Everyone is Thankful for me!" His pants had turkeys everywhere. Amanda even got to meet Lucy's dad, Kyle and stepmom, Ashley.
David played photographer, because it was what he liked to do for fun. Everyone was in pictures. Lucy and Olivia sat on the couch with Noah. Olivia rolled her eyes, "Amanda, let's go, family photo time." Amanda smiled, she was actually happy. Olivia and David were really good parents, they took a photo together, just for Noah.
Olivia played the mom card with Lucy big time. She pulled her in the kitchen, when Lucy refused to take a picture with her dad and stepmom. She did it but she wasn't happy. "Luce, what's the deal with your stepmom?" She rolled her eyes, "Leave me alone, Liv already got on me." Amanda pulled her back, "I'm not the mom, I'm the sister remember?" Lucy sighed, "She's nice, but she tries to do stuff that my mom did. She even tried to ground me once."
Amanda laughed, "Liv just reamed you out and you did everything she said. Luce, disciplining isn't the problem. So?" Lucy looked at her dad laughing. "He was fucking her way before they split. He thinks I don't remember, but I do." Amanda got it because her parents had similar issues. "Luce, that's adult stuff and you don't have to love her because she's not your mom. Lucy smiled, "But Luce, if you love your dad, even if you're mad and disappointed, you should respect her."
After Olivia put Noah to bed, she popped in on Amanda. "I saw you talking to Lucy and she apologized to her dad, stepmom, and me. What did you tell her?" Amanda shrugged, "I just gave her some good advice." Olivia nodded, "I need you to give yourself that good advice. Night."
Friday was back to work as usual, but the day was light. Weekends when Olivia had Noah were always about family. Olivia looked in Amanda's room, "Someone wanted to say good morning." Amanda smiled when she saw Olivia waving Noah's little hand. Amanda was used to him now, she even helped at night if she heard Noah cry. She held him as he smiled and bounced. "I'm glad you're dressed. David's coming over and we're all going to breakfast and to pick out two Christmas trees. One for his place and one for ours."
Amanda frowned, "What does David think about me and living here?" Olivia shrugged, "Well he doesn't really get an opinion Amanda. We aren't together, but he knows you love Noah. That's all that matters to him." Amanda walked in the family room with Noah in her arms, and Lucy was ready. Olivia answered the door, "Morning David! We're ready."
They had breakfast and went to Rockefeller Center. David knew a vendor that way. Amanda saw the biggest tree ever. Olivia stood beside her, "They light it on Wednesday, if you want to come back. It's too cold for Noah, but David has him." David agreed, "Yeah, you should!" Lucy was all about that, "Can we skate too?"
David had the trees delivered so they had to get back. He set up the tree at Olivia's first, "Ok. You're all set. Let it fall out and tomorrow you can decorate it. I'll check the water when I pick up Noah this week. Bye little man. Take care guys." They watched a movie and ate pizza. On Sunday they all helped with the tree.
Monday it was back to work. "Amanda, I'm going to see Dr. Hanover today." Amanda shrugged, "Shouldn't you get home to Noah instead of worrying about me." Olivia knew bringing it up may upset her, but she was going to keep asking. "I'm good, but let me know if you change your mind." Work was busy. They were looking for a missing 14 year old who was working as a prostitute after running away. Amaro was on it, because the dad said he and Nick's wife served together.
Olivia sat on the desk next to Amanda. She was feeling her out. She wasn't rude, but she stayed away all day. "Amanda, I'm leaving and Fin can take you home." Amanda typed on her computer, "I can go myself. I've been here over a month, you know." Olivia sighed, "Hey, one, watch your tone with me even if you are pissed. Two, I talk to her about myself also, not just you."
Olivia stood up and grabbed her stuff, "Liv?" Olivia turned around, "If I come with you, do I have to go in?" Olivia didn't smile, but she wanted to, "No, I can go myself. You can meet her if you want." Olivia told her she was going to tell Cragen they were leaving. She wanted to get her out before she changed her mind. On the way Amanda had a question, "What do you say in there?" Olivia smiled, "If you want to know that, you have to come inside."
When they got to the office Amanda was like a scared kid and Olivia thought she pushed too much. "Are you ok?" Amanda shook her head. Amanda saw a woman with blonde hair come out. She looked nice and smiled. Olivia texted Alexis and gave her a heads up. Amanda watched as she hugged Olivia, "Hey Liv!" She immediately introduced herself to Amanda, "Hi! I'm Alexis!" Amanda shook her hand, "I'm Amanda." She smiled again, "Nice to meet you. Liv, you ready?"
Olivia looked at Amanda, "I'll be right inside and if you need me, text me and I'll come right out." Amanda sat and waited, but looked at the door. Olivia was filling her in on the big conversation they had. "Wow Liv! That's a big one." Olivia agreed, "She's been good."
Olivia was happy, but Alexis wasn't sure, "Just watch her carefully. Liv, this started at 15. If she's not leaving the house and letting someone hurt her, she may be secretly hurting herself. 15 year old girls don't start by having sex or…" Olivia knew, "They cut or do other things. Thanks Alexis. See you next Monday."
Olivia went to the door and hesitated, "The more time I spend with her, I like her." Alexis looked and smiled, "Talk about a doorknob comment." Olivia was sure she was falling for her, "I'm scared. I mess up every relationship, but I can't afford to mess this up because I could break her." Alexis quickly reminded her, "You could also heal her. Is the glass half empty or half full?"They both came out and Alexis just waved.
They got in the car and headed home. "Did you talk about me?" Olivia wasn't going to lie, "Some, but I also talked about me." They had dinner and Lucy gave Noah a bath while Amanda cleaned the kitchen. Olivia came back with keys, "I'm giving these back to you. We're going to make some rules as we go. Fair enough?" Amanda shook her head, "If you go out after 8, I want to know."
Amanda said, "Ok." Olivia continued, "If you ask someone to hurt you or you hurt yourself, I want to know." Amanda hesitated, "Why?" Olivia hugged her and rubbed her back, "Because I care about you and if that's what makes you feel better and you need it. Let me take care of you if it happens. Hey, no punishment, I want to know because I care." Amanda looked down, "What if I break your rules?" Olivia narrowed her eyes at her, "Do you want Liv or Sergeant Benson? Think about that before you break my rules."
On Wednesday they went to Rockefeller center and saw the big tree that was lit and they tried skating. Amanda fell so many times, they eventually gave her something to hold on to. Before bed Amanda appeared at Olivia's door, "Come in. What's up? Did you have fun?" Amanda asked, "Can I have Tylenol?" Olivia's eyes shot up, "I fell too much!"
Olivia laughed, "Ok, hold on." She gave her Tylenol. "Amanda, how are you feeling? Honestly. I'm not dumb, you didn't just stop wanting punishment and pain because I took house keys away." Amanda shrugged, "Running helps. I run until I hurt. I do like that you run with me. I used to cut Liv. I don't anymore. I haven't since high school, it became numb. Lately if I need it, I turn the water up in the shower until it's burning hot. I'm crazy right?" Olivia shook her head, "Did you tonight?" Amanda shook her head no and smiled, "The ice was punishment enough."
Olivia thought, "Hey, do you still have a crush on me?" Amanda turned bright red, "Ahhhh I have my answer. So you like me running with you. What else do you like about me?" Amanda shrugged. "Come on. This is just like, I tell you something bad, you tell me something bad. But we don't need bad stuff now, let's keep it light."
Amanda smiled, "Why?" Olivia was quick, "Because you have a crush on me and it better not just be for my body. I want to hear why." Olivia smirked, "And I want to get to know you, because I have a secret. So you play my game and I will tell you my secret." Amanda rolled her eyes, "Fine, but I said I like running with you, it's your turn." Olivia laughed, "Ok you got me. I like how you check on me whenever I come back to the squad room."
Amanda did do that and she didn't realize Olivia noticed. "I like when you get worried or upset your brown eyes turn fiery." Olivia looked at her, "I like how you act tough, but your big blue eyes show how sensitive you really are." Amanda shut her eyes, "I like, no I love when you wear your belt and hang your badge on the front of it. It's sexy."
Olivia laughed, "Hmmm, do you like the badge or the belt?" Amanda fell out laughing on the bed, "Are you joking about my illness?" Olivia smiled, "Never." She thought, "I like that my authority rules. I like having control." Olivia continued, "Change up. Tell me something you don't like." Amanda thought, "I don't like when you wear that tank top." Olivia looked down, "Why?" Amanda shook her head, "I don't have to tell you that. It's not part of the game."
Olivia sighed, "I don't like that people hurt you and I'll tell you why because you deserve so much better." Olivia looked into her eyes, "Are you ready for my secret?" Olivia was so close to her and Amanda felt like she had never felt before. "Sure Liv, what's your secret?" Olivia leaned forward and placed the sweetest softest kiss on Amanda's lips. Amanda had never been kissed like that before. It was also rough and hard. Olivia pulled away gently. "I'm falling for you and I've been dying to see if your lips are as soft as they look."
