Chapter 11
Amanda just looked at her, but her breathing was so hard. Olivia placed her hand on her chest. "Calm down and breathe for me. I thought that might be a shocker." Amanda finally found her voice. "Liv, we can't. We work together and…" Olivia cradled her face, "Calm down. I didn't do that to stress you out. Usually my kisses have a better effect on people."
Amanda settled down, "I'm sorry. Want a secret of mine?" Olivia shook her head, "I've never been kissed like that." Olivia felt bad, but then happy. "I'm so happy to be your first. Look Amanda, I don't know where we are taking this, but I want to go slow. Amanda no matter what, I want to always be friends." Amanda listened, "Like you and David?"
Olivia immediately said no, "Absolutely not. I want to be your friend, but if we work it out, I want to be so much more." Amanda wasn't sure it would work. "Think about it and like I said no matter what, friends first." Amanda went to bed and thought about the kiss.
By the time the weekend came Olivia, Lucy, and Amanda decided to do some Christmas shopping, especially since David had Noah. Olivia and Amanda had their first argument since the kiss when Amanda handed her an envelope of money. "Liv, what's the problem? I've been here over two months and you don't seem like you want me to move. I have money and I want to pay my way." Olivia knew she wouldn't win, so she settled. They agreed to a monthly fee and Amanda would do groceries starting in January.
They all agreed to handle Noah first together. Amanda found the cutest thing. It was a plush playset that had 5 stuffed sports balls. "You're going to be David's favorite." Lucy found an inflatable tummy time water mat. It even had sea creatures. Olivia found some clothes for the cold weather. "Guys this reminds me, we need to order matching Christmas pjs." Olivia picked up a 3 ways to play walker. "It's cute. I can sit him in it for now. He can move his legs to start walking and then he can push it himself." Amanda being from Atlanta, "It doesn't hurt that it's a Ford F-150. That's the truck I had."
They put everything in the car and moved on to another store. "Amanda, if you want a hint for Lucy, Apple anything. Her dad is getting her the new iPhone. He has a bigger gift for her next birthday. David and I got her a MacBook for school. So, AirPods, watch. Your pick."
They split up for an hour. Amanda picked AirPods and an Apple Watch for Lucy. She picked up a Yankees hat and hoodie for David. She was on the hunt for Olivia when she got a call. "Yeah Liv, do you miss me?" Olivia smiled, "Not really." She waited. "Damn, that's cold." Olivia laughed, "3 gifts tops. Are we clear?"
Amanda shot back, "You can't tell me what to buy." She felt someone tap her shoulder. When she turned around she hung up the phone. "One, watch your tone and that's your second warning. When we get to 3 we'll discuss something else." Olivia was trying a few things. She had been reading up on people who struggled like Amanda. Sometimes they really didn't want to be punished, sometimes it was about control or knowing their partner cared.
She wasn't looking forward to the day she was going to have to punish her, but Olivia loved her, so she accepted it. Plus there were other things than hitting. "Two, I didn't tell you what to buy, I told you how many. See you in 45 minutes." Amanda picked up a whole set of Olivia's favorite Gucci perfume. Then she saw this Michael Kors black puffer jacket. She only had 20 minutes and she was next to jewelry. She saw a beautiful gold double chain with two separate gold bars one thick and one thin. It was called the "Through Thick and Thin" necklace set.
It came with a card that said, "Everyone needs their person, you know, the one who has been there through it all. The one who has been there through the laughs, cries and everything in between. The one that takes bad days and turns them into better nights. The one that helps put back the pieces. The one that always reminds us of who we are and the love we deserve. The one who is down for any adventure, no matter how ridiculous it may seem. You see, some people come into our lives to make it better, to make the music louder, the days brighter, and the happiness longer. Thank you for not judging me when I did something really stupid, for laughing until the sun comes up and for always being there. You will always be my ride or die, through thick and thin, friend for life. She pushed the limit and picked up an Apple Watch and she had another gift idea but she could grab that online.
She met back with Lucy and Olivia. She peeked in Olivia's bags and Olivia popped her hand. "Ouch Liv." Lucy laughed, "Yeah Amanda she's heavy handed." Olivia whispered in Amanda's ear, "Imagine that on your ass. Are you sure you want my punishment?" Amanda was left with her mouth open wide.
They picked up wrapping paper and went to dinner. Afterwards they all wrapped the gifts and put them under the Christmas tree. Amanda was a true smart ass. She put the watch and necklace in the same box, so 3 gifts would appear. She made a call after looking online. "Four Seasons New York, may I help you?"
Amanda smiled making the reservations. She explained she wanted the weekend of February 7th since it was her birthday, but she was a police officer and sometimes work came first. They were awesome. They booked and said it would be in the mail Monday wrapped in their holiday card. If for some reason they couldn't make it, dates were open. "Thank you so much."
She went out and saw Olivia and Lucy putting gifts down. She joined them and put their gifts under the tree. Olivia warned them, "No peeking and I mean it." Olivia opened her MacBook, Lucy was drooling, "I want Apple stuff. My dad said he just bought this phone and it's just a brand." Olivia ignored her, "Ok, Christmas pjs." Amanda had never seen so many pajamas. "Amanda you pick." Amanda shook her head, "I can't, it's too many."
Olivia huffed, "Fine, Lucy and I will make a top 3, then you pick." They narrowed it down to Green plaid pants with a shirt that said "Dear Santa they're the naughty ones". It had an arrow through the word "the" pointing in both directions. The other set had red plaid pants and the shirt said "We are Family". The last set had red and green stripes and the shirt had the Grinch on it and said "Naughty and nice".
Lucy looked at Amanda, "Your turn." Amanda knew this was supposed to be fun. Olivia was sad that she was making it so hard. Amanda picked, "We are Family is cool. Our first Christmas together." She looked at them and they were smiling. Olivia ordered it for them all. "Amanda heads up, David is spending the night Christmas Eve and Christmas. So you sleep with me." Amanda froze immediately and Olivia watched. Lucy held her hands up, "Maybe she wants to sleep with me!" Olivia got up to put her Mac away, "Not a chance kid, you're wild in bed." They sat with popcorn and watched a Christmas movie.
On Sunday night after dinner, Olivia asked to speak to Amanda. She wasn't going to wait until Monday to talk about Dr. Hanover and last week Amanda went with her. "I finished my shower. You wanted to see me?" Olivia patted her bed and asked her to shut the door. Olivia asked, "Do you want a kiss before I ask my question?" Amanda thought about the first kiss. Amanda also knew what was coming. "Can I have one before and after?"
Olivia loved it when Amanda was bold and free. "Definitely before and after no matter what you say." Olivia leaned forward and kissed her softly and she made sure to kiss her top and bottom lip separately. "Tomorrow is Monday. Would you like to come with me to see Alexis?" Amanda had to admit Olivia was trying, so she needed to try to. Amanda shook her head, "Ok Liv."
Olivia went a step further, "Will you come inside with me?" Amanda was scared and Olivia knew it. "I will be right there. If you don't like it and you want to stop, you call the shots. I'm trying Amanda. I know you need things that I'm not used to. She helped me a long time ago and I think she can help us now." Amanda shook her head, "Ok Liv. Can I have my second kiss now?"
Olivia laughed, "This is so wrong, it's bribing, but come here." Olivia kissed this time longer and deeper and slipped her some tongue. "Holy shit!" Olivia winked, "That's a reaction I like from my kisses." Amanda liked the way Olivia made her feel, but she knew she wasn't fixed. She tried not to ask Olivia to cause her pain. "Liv, remember when you said you wanted to know when I hurt myself?" Olivia shook her head. "Liv, I haven't, but…" Olivia finished, "You want to."
Amanda said, "It's stress and I keep reliving something bad that happened and sometimes I can't sleep. And I don't know why I want the pain. It's been less since you, but…" Olivia put her forehead against Amanda's forehead and it was like an instant calm. She heard what she said, something happened that she wasn't ready to say. With what she already heard Olivia knew it was bad.
Olivia wasn't about to put her over her knee, so she tried something else. Olivia ran her hands softly through Amanda's hair. "Liv, that feels amazing, but it's far from pa…" She didn't get to finish. Olivia pulled her hair back hard "Ahhhhhh!" and her neck was exposed. Olivia kissed her then licked until she reached her earlobe. She used her lips to firmly press down, then pulled it with her teeth. "Ahhhhh!"
Olivia had rough sex before. People like different things, so she did what guys had done that caused discomfort but she liked it. She let her hair go which she had a tight hold on the entire time. "Do you need more?" Amanda smiled and thought it was painful, but she never had pleasure with it. She had never felt like that before.
Amanda stood up, "Where did you learn that?" Olivia smiled, "I'm 38, which is way older than you. I have experience. I've also been reading, so I can deal with you." Amanda frowned, "Deal with me? I don't need…" Olivia narrowed her eyes and then "Whack!" Amanda jumped up and down like a toddler holding her ass. Olivia bite her lip, "I warned you about that tone." Amanda became a kid immediately. "Ok! I'm sorry!" Olivia looked at her, "How do you feel? Do you still want to hurt yourself?" Amanda shook her head and rubbed her ass, "No."
They both felt confused and said goodnight. Olivia didn't want to hit her, it felt like abuse, everything Olivia fought against. Amanda was confused, the pain was what she needed, but with Olivia it felt so different. She no longer wanted to hurt herself, but she felt like Olivia was mad and disappointed in her. She looked at the clock and saw 1:22 AM. She got up and went to her door and knocked, but no answer.
She opened it and saw Olivia sleeping peacefully. "Hey, what's wrong?" Amanda jumped when she heard Olivia's rough voice, "I'm sorry it's only 1 in the morning and I woke you up. I couldn't sleep." Olivia was worried about this. "Amanda, I'm sorry I hit you. I thought reading and trying would help, but I won't do it again and I won't stop you from getting what you need."
Amanda shook her head, "I loved what you did and it is what I needed. When it happened I was shocked because I haven't felt that way before. I got the pain, but I felt love. And I know you don't understand it or get it. I thought you were mad and disappointed. I feel like I'm making you be this person you don't want to." Amanda cried and Olivia pulled her into bed and held her.
"Shhh! It's ok. I'm fine, but with your reaction I wasn't sure if you were. We just need to talk after things happen ok?" Amanda shook her head. "Are you ok now?" Amanda shook her head. "Do you want to sleep in here?" Amanda sat up, "I do, but I don't want to confuse Lucy." Amanda got up happy and headed to her own bed. "Liv, no running this morning. I need sleep."
