Chapter 13

The work week was back and Monday they were swamped and had to cancel the appointment with Alexis. That wasn't good, but unless something totally crazy happened they had Friday off for Christmas Eve and the whole weekend to celebrate Christmas. Nick apologized to everyone and came clean about his problems. He agreed to be on call for the holiday.

David was staying with Olivia, so he could be there with Noah. Friday night, they had a family dinner. Lucy sat at the dinner table in between her dad and Dominick, "Did you guys get the Christmas card?" Her stepmom answered, "We did and it was adorable." They sent out Christmas cards with Noah wearing a "My First Christmas" outfit.

Dominick was a very sweet and charming young man. Olivia questioned him to death and didn't hear one wrong answer. David decided to open a huge door for him. "So Dominick, I hear you're a waiter, but going to school to be a lawyer." Dominick smiled, "Yes sir. Just trying to earn some extra money for school." David listened and shook his head. He passed him a card, "Come see on Monday for a real job to give you real experience." Dominick smiled and Lucy kissed his cheek, "Thank you sir!" Lucy hugged David, "Thanks David! You're the best!"

They all ate and everyone got one gift to open from Lucy's dad and stepmom. "This is our appreciation for letting us be your family." David opened his box and saw his favorite scotch. Olivia had a 200 dollar gift card to Macy's. David and Olivia helped Noah open his new baby gym. Amanda was shocked when she had a gift. She had the boots she looked at but refused to buy. "Luce! You told on me." Dominick smiled, "David already gave me the greatest gift." Lucy smiled, "Well, this will come in handy." It was a brand new leather case with an iPad Pro. Lucy winked and opened her box. All they heard was a loud scream and a cry from Noah. Olivia rocked him, "Shhh, it's ok Noah. Your sister is crazy." She hugged and thanked them for her new iPhone.

They all headed for bed after Noah was asleep. David tapped Amanda's shoulder, "Thanks for giving up your room." Amanda shook her head, "You're welcome. David, you know I like her don't you?" David hugged her, "I know it's weird our relationship, but I know Liv and she likes you too." They said goodnight and headed to their rooms.

Amanda climbed into Olivia's bed, "Is this like a Christmas gift, me sleeping with you?" Olivia smiled and kissed her lips. "How are you feeling?" Amanda had been good, but Olivia didn't know if she was hiding anything since so many people were around. Plus missing the therapy session wasn't in the plans. "You didn't eat a lot tonight, but I didn't push since we had guests."

Amanda smiled and Olivia immediately knew it was fake. "I just haven't been around a family in a long time. It's a little overwhelming." Olivia was happy she was talking. Amanda continued, "Liv, I have nightmares, but I don't want to tell you why. I've been really nervous to sleep with you." Olivia never pushed, "How about I hold you. If you start to have a nightmare, I'll be right here. I will protect you. I can't wait to celebrate tomorrow morning with you?" Amanda fell asleep in her arms.

Amanda blinked her eyes and the first thing she saw was Olivia's brown eyes looking back at her. "You didn't have a nightmare from what I could tell. I love looking into those blue eyes in the morning." She leaned in for a kiss and Amanda shot up and ran to the bathroom. Olivia ran behind her afraid she did or said something wrong. She knocked, "Amanda, talk to me. Please! What did I do?" Amanda opened the door and kissed Olivia hard, "Nothing, but I have a rule about brushing my teeth before talking in the morning so, I definitely can't kiss." She kissed her again, "Merry Christmas!"

They walked out and heard Noah babbling while David held him. "You know when he's older and realizes what Christmas is, you will have to wake up earlier." He pointed down the hall, "You have a bigger kid waiting at the tree though." They all headed to the family room to see Lucy sitting on her phone. "It's about time! I almost opened my gifts without you." Olivia raised her eyebrow, "Really, but you decided you would like to sit today." They all laughed.

David opened his stuff first, so he could keep Noah occupied. He loved the Yankees hat and hoodie from Amanda. Olivia gave him a Ninja Foodi Indoor Grill and a T-shirt that said, "Boy Dad All day Every day". Lucy gave him a luxury grooming kit. "Thanks guys! I love everything." Olivia smiled, "Good because we expect steaks on the grill for dinner tonight."

Lucy was bouncing up and down. "Ok Luce! Go ahead!" Lucy opened Amanda's first even though she went for Olivia and David's box first. She screamed almost as loud as before when she saw her Apple Watch and AirPods. Olivia leaned over and said "I thought I said watch or AirPods." Amanda just shrugged. Olivia laughed, "Ok, but I better only have 3 gifts or you won't have to ask for punishment." Amanda swallowed hard. Lucy opened her big gift, "Oh my gosh! A MacBook!" David laughed, "I think this is ranked as a number one Christmas. Your dad has more things at the house."

Lucy smiled, "Who's next?" David answered, "Liv, you go." She opened the small box and saw a ring with diamonds and rubies which was Noah's birthstone. In the middle, Noah's name was engraved. "It's beautiful! Thank you David and Noah." Lucy passed her huge bag with a NYPD jacket that had her name on it and a new title. "I love it!" Amanda passed Olivia her boxes, but a card was added on top. Olivia looked, "4 gifts huh?" She opened the card for the hotel and spa. "My birthday weekend, I love it. Are you coming?" Amanda smiled, while she opened her perfume. She opened her big box and saw the coat then tried it on. "This will keep me warm."

Amanda was a smart ass, but she was now worried. There were 2 gifts in the last box, well over her 3 limit. Olivia opened the box and saw the necklace, she smiled as she read the card. She rolled her eyes seeing the watch. Amanda tried to clean it up, "I thought it was good for our running." Olivia hugged her, "I love everything." Then she whispered, "The necklace might have saved your ass."

She passed Amanda 3 boxes. "These are all from me, Noah, David, and Lucy." The first box had 4 workout outfits and a pair of Nike running shoes. Olivia just smiled, as she opened her second box that had an Apple Watch and AirPods. Amanda thanked them and opened her last box. The last box was small. She opened it and found a key. Amanda recognized the keychain, because it once belonged to her. She looked at them, "Is this my truck?" Olivia shook her head, "From Atlanta, yep!" Amanda told Fin she had to call and sell her truck, because it wasn't worth going back for. They bought it and had it shipped. David smiled, "It's in the garage and ready to roll." Her and Lucy ran down to see.

They ate breakfast, watched Christmas movies, made Christmas cookies, and finally ate dinner as a family. Lucy left before dinner to spend the night at home with her dad and stepmom. She really was trying with a big push from Olivia. "Liv, I don't want to go. You and Amanda are my family." Olivia hugged her, "It's my Christmas gift remember. You promised." David asked Olivia if he could take Noah, even though it wasn't his time. "Sure, anytime. Plus your steaks were amazing." David smiled as he left, "Amanda, next weekend you have to see the ball drop."

Amanda headed to take her shower, "When you're done come see me." Amanda showered and peeked into Olivia's room. She knocked on the bathroom door and Olivia walked her backwards until the back of her legs hit the bed. "Liv, am I in trouble?" Olivia giggled, "You're worried now?" She pushed her, straddled her and pinned her arms down flat. Amanda bucked up but after a minute, she gave up. "This is why you should eat. You can run, but you aren't strong."

Olivia searched her eyes for fear. She knew Amanda had been through things, but she didn't see fear. "Liv your grinding on me." Olivia let go of her arms, "I'm not grinding." Olivia started grinding, "This is me grinding on you." Olivia was worried about having sex without the full truth. It was really the only thing holding her back. Amanda felt different. "Liv, we really need to talk and I need you to get up." Olivia kissed her and got up, "What's up?" Amanda shook her head, "You're teasing me with sex." Olivia felt bad, "I didn't mean to. I was just trying to see if I turned you on."

Amanda laughed, "Yeah, you do, but have you ever been with a girl before? I mean I go both ways and I have random hook ups. Aren't you worried about me? How is this supposed to work?" Olivia watched her pace and talk nonstop, "Amanda, come sit and calm down." She sat down with her hands on her head. "I experimented in college and you aren't the first woman who looked my way."

Amanda was so serious. "Amanda, I would like to take things slow. Maybe you sleep in here some, but you keep your own room and space. Maybe we can make out, but not go all the way. You tell me, what do you want to happen?" Amanda shook her head, "What do we tell Lucy and David and the Captain?" Olivia smiled, as far as Lucy and David, the truth. As far as the Captain, he knows a little but we have to be professional at work." Amanda was so uneasy the rest of the night. She didn't even sleep with Olivia.

The next morning she was so quiet and she refused to eat. "Amanda, eat and I'm not asking." Amanda pushed her food around the plate and Lucy walked in. "Morning!" Olivia smiled, "Hey baby! How was it at home?" Lucy shrugged, "Ok, but I was happy to leave." Olivia asked her to sit, "Luce, we need to talk to you." Lucy looked at Amanda and her face looked sick, "What's wrong?"

Olivia smiled, "Nothing, but Amanda is a little nervous about what I'm about to say." Lucy got serious. "Luce, we like each other." Lucy giggled, "Yeah, I know." Amanda looked, "No, we mean…" Lucy held her hands up, "I know! You mean like more than friends. I'm not baby you guys and I'm not blind. I think you make a cute couple. I'm only confused about one thing." Olivia bit her lip, "What?" Lucy smiled, "Can Amanda still be my sister and you my mom?" They all laughed. They also told David when he dropped Noah off.

Mondays always came fast and everyone was spoiled with the days off. Amanda was the crankiest of all. Breakfast was a struggle, she begged to drive her truck instead of riding with Olivia. Olivia eventually gave in and rode with her. "Amanda any other day ok, but we have an appointment with Alexis remember?" They hadn't been since the last one that Amanda did well with, but the mention of it threw her into a pouty fit. To make matters worse, New York driving wasn't Amanda's thing. She had to pull over and let Olivia drive.

Olivia grabbed her face and kissed her, which usually calmed her, but she was completely out of sorts. When they entered the elevator Olivia went a different direction with a stern warning, "Pull it together! We are at work!" Amanda walked in, sat at her desk, and looked at Fin. "Rough coming back off the holiday huh?" Amanda rolled her eyes. "Suck it Fin!"

Olivia leaned over, "Follow me now!" They went to the crib, "Pick a corner and stand in it." Amanda shook her head no, "We're at work." Olivia laughed, "Yeah I'm glad you realize that. I warned you." Amanda stood there with her fists balled up. When Olivia let her go she gave her some paper, "Write whatever you're feeling and I hope you're keeping track. This is punishment number 2.

They all helped Nick go over the closed cases and reports. In SVU something was always happening. Amanda did write down some before she was sent off to a case. Amanda and Fin were sent to check out an actress that was raped on stage during a theater production. Olivia and Nick were pulled into another case when a powerful CEO of a private military contractor was drugged and assaulted.

They all got back and agreed this would be a busy week. "Amanda, are you ready?" She stood up without a word and they left. "Do you want to drive?" Amanda scoffed, "Very funny." Amanda got in and slammed the door. Olivia calmly got in. "Amanda, you're pushing it. I know we have steps for punishment, but you should have blown through all of them today. That's your warning." Alexis came out and immediately felt the tension. "Come on in you two."

They all sat, "Ok, I'm not the kind of doctor to ignore things. What's going on?" She looked at both of them until Olivia filled her in on everything she missed, the punishment and rules talk and the blow up with Nick. Amanda stayed silent and Alexis kept looking for her to engage, but she didn't. "We had a great holiday. I think we're looking forward to a fun Friday night in Times Square. We have told David and Lucy about our interest in each other. Things have been crazy at work, but I can't answer for Amanda. She woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

Amanda knew what was wrong, she just wasn't telling. Her old Captain sent her a text saying he would be in New York after New Years and would check in on her. Alexis crossed her legs, "Amanda, remember we are here to help, but you have to talk to us. Sometimes the acting out and frustration comes from fear. Are you scared? Is the commitment or coming out too much, too fast? Do you need Liv to back off?"

Amanda heard her and she hadn't thought about that. She didn't want Liv to back off. She needed her, but this could push her away. She also knew if she said she was upset about Captain Reynolds coming, she would have to explain why and she didn't want to. Amanda finally spoke, "I got this text this morning." She unlocked her phone and handed it to Alexis, not Olivia. Alexis read the text.

Captain Reynolds: I will be in town next week. Can't wait to talk to Cragen and catch up.

"Can Olivia read it?" Amanda shook her head no.

Olivia moved to her and grabbed her hand and placed it on the bars of her necklace. "You gave me this, "Through thick and thin, I'm here." Amanda looked into her eyes, "My old Captain is coming next week. I don't want to see him." Amanda passed her the phone and she looked at the text. She didn't ask any questions, "You don't have to. I will protect you." They didn't get much from her, only she didn't want anything to do with Atlanta or anyone she knew from Atlanta. They made an appointment for the following Monday and headed home.

Amanda hadn't eaten all day and she was screaming for punishment. Olivia knew it, whatever this was, it was bad. "Luce, will you give Noah his bath for me?" Lucy agreed and picked him up. "Come on buddy, you're messy!" Olivia opened the drawer and grabbed a wooden spoon, "Get up!" Amanda looked, "Now!" Amanda stood up and Olivia kept going, "Put your hands on the table." Amanda followed the directions, "You've had your warnings, but I'm going to give you one more chance. You can eat without this." She held up the spoon, "Or you can get 5 hits and then eat. Either way you're eating something today." Amanda gripped the table, "I'm not eating."

Olivia popped her and it was pretty hard. After 5 hits, Amanda cried and hugged Olivia. Amanda knew immediately it felt different. She never ever cried when she was punished and she never hugged the person who did it. Liv was different, but she still needed it. Olivia didn't like doing it, but she didn't show it. "Now eat or it will be worse." Olivia was feeling her out, wondering if it was enough pain. She got her answer when Amanda sat and ate everything on the plate.

While Amanda took her shower, she spent time with Noah. She put him down and checked Amanda's room, which was empty. She went to her own room and found her asleep in her bed. She saw the folded up note sticking out of her pants pocket. She read it and frowned seeing the first two sentences. "I don't want to see Reynolds. He's a monster." She smiled when she saw the last two sentences. "I love Liv, Lucy, and Noah. David is even cool." Under that she saw, "The other monster is Pat" but nothing else. She knelt down and brushed her blonde hair back. "What are you trying to tell me baby?" She kissed her forehead, put the paper back, and fell asleep beside her.