Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
~0~
~~Bella~~
It was a dream; the whole thing had been a wonderful, erotic dream. I could feel his body; he was holding me with relaxed arms that made me feel precious and loved. I slowly opened my eyes, and felt disoriented.
Instantly a flash of panic tore through my body, but I didn't flinch.
It wasn't a dream.
Edward's body was wrapped around me protectively. His constant steady breathing indicated he was asleep. I didn't dare move an inch, in case I woke him.
My head was resting in the curve of his armpit, my chin facing his chest. His t-shirt where my mouth rested was slightly wet. Oh fuck, I've been literally drooling on him! I cringed. His side wedged one of my arms; the other was resting across his firm stomach.
I was in another reality, surrounded by Edward's smell, feeling the soft rise and fall of his chest as he slept. The morning was slowly illuminating the room. I could hear birds chirping high up in the trees and the soft clinking sound made by the cord on the venetian blinds that bashed slowly in the breeze against the wooden window frame.
I took in a shallow breath. My eyes scanned everything, my body didn't move. I took it all in; the soft grey fabric of Edward's t-shirt, his blue and grey plaid pajama pants, his glorious morning erection bulging deliciously under the thin cotton.
Oh God.
My undies were still soggy from last night then the vision and feel of Edward's body released a new wave of desire through me.
I started fantasizing about waking him up with my mouth all over his skin. What would he do, if I just pulled down his pants, straddled him, dragged my undies aside and...oh God. I could imagine pulling him inside, slowly, lazily rocking my hips with him deep inside me. The thought filled me with intense longing. The audible groan escaped my throat unconsciously.
Edward's body shifted slightly. I could hear the faint sound of his tongue wetting his lips then the slight movement as he gulped.
I watched as his hand left my waist and he adjusted his massive bulge. His beautiful fingers and palm touched himself, then returned to hold me, squeezing me to his chest as he sighed. I snuggled close. I'd never felt more totally blissful, but I knew it wouldn't last. I was still in the same predicament as last night.
Could I change who I am, could I suppress my morals and stop thinking about other people for a change? Could I just think about me, about what I want? I'd promised myself, after Riley, that I would never throw myself at another man again, but Edward was in my bed. He had initiated our first kiss; our erotic and emotional first embrace.
The glass pane started rattling in my mind then I fixed it in place and I slowly licked my lips and kissed Edward's chest. I kissed him again, and again. I flicked my tongue out. I wanted it to be his skin, not his soft grey t-shirt. I shifted my body up, my hand grabbed the v-neck and I pulled it, so my wet lips could reach his chest, my eyes drinking in the soft pulsing skin at the hollow of his throat, the perfect view of his sharp collarbones, the thick rough growth of dark stubble on his jaw, contrasted against his pale skin, his prominent Adams apple.
Oh God. I closed my eyes; the visual stimulus in combination with the feel of his body was too much to process.
"Bella," he whispered.
"Hmmmm," I hummed. I tried to lock my brain down. I tried to give my body the power to do what it wanted, and right now, it wanted to feel Edward Cullen. I need him.
I felt Edward shift to turn on his side. I pushed my body closer to him and glided my leg slowly over his thigh.
"Kiss me, please," I moaned and wiggled, straining my neck so my lips could find his, my eyes still closed.
It was a soft, lazy kiss. My hand found its way into his hair. I wanted to stay in control; I wanted just to feel him. Edward's soft moist lips were kissing me gently, like I would break if he exerted too much force.
We kept kissing, slowly, no tongue. I was so aroused, but I stayed cocooned in the lazy embrace. I felt his arm dangle across the curve of my waist, his large hand on my back. His touch felt so good. I was determined not to force myself on him. I would leave it up to him.
He's the one that will bear the brunt of the guilt, for cheating on Rosalie.
Rosalie. The image of her leaving the trailer after they'd... NO! I don't want that image in my head.
The hole in my gut started filling with air. Would Victoria have broken up with Riley if she'd known about me...would Rosalie break up with Edward if she knew he was here, lying in my bed, kissing me?
My stomach dipped. Stop! This is not who I am! I should NOT be kissing another woman's boyfriend.
I pulled my lips away and buried my face against Edward's chest. "I'm sorry," I squeaked. "I'm so sorry," With one last deep inhale; I removed my leg from his thigh, and placed my hand on his shoulder.
I don't just want his body, I want, everything.
I pulled away in anguish. I rolled on my back, away from Edward and off the bed, standing on shaky feet. I opened my eyes as I tried to balance, dizzy from his delicate, attentive kisses.
"Bella, stop, please." Edward grabbed my hand tightly. My knuckle made a cracking sound.
"You need to listen to what I have to say, please Bella." His whispered plea caused tears to fall and I stood motionless as he slowly wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me back on to the bed. This time he lay me facing him, his eyes in line with mine, one arm surrounding me. He wiped the silent tears off my face with his other hand.
"Bella, I want us to be together. I know what it looked like to you back in the hotel, in my suite. I'm not and I never will be with Rosalie Hale." He said forcefully. "I only want you. I know you love me. I know we can make this work. These last days have been hell not being able to talk to you, not be able to sit next to you, or hear your voice." He sucked in a deep breath. "Bella Swan, I'm in love with you. I love you. I'm sorry; I should have made all this clear before kissing you last night. I just…it felt so right, we feel so right together. Please, tell me you feel it. Tell me you can feel how much I love you?"
I stared at him. His soft whispering voice was like a dream, he was telling me he wasn't with her, he was telling me he loved me and that he knew I was in love with him! But something didn't seem right. Some piece of information was missing and I couldn't help doubt he was being honest with me. Something about his words sounded familiar – it unnerved me.
"That night in the suite," he continued hurriedly. "All those things I said before Rose came in? Do you remember? I was talking about us, Bella. I want us to be together. You're my friend, I don't want that to change, but I want us to be in a relationship. I know it will be hard for us, but I'll do whatever it takes."
I stared at him, uncomprehending.
I heard the soft click of a door and footsteps. Emmett leaving to go on his run.
We lay in silence. My eyes focused on his lips, his flawless skin, the rough stubble on his jaw; I listened to his soft breath. He was so intimately close to me, like last night. I could feel a pulsing connection flowing between us; everything was completely out of my realm of believability.
Edward Cullen, the Edward Cullen, is telling me he wants me.
This is too perfect to be real. There has to be a more plausible explanation for this. There is something missing, something just doesn't add up.
I heard the crunch of gravel outside as Emmett sped to a jog, I assumed down the trail that ran along the lake.
"Do you believe in destiny?" Edward said at normal volume. There was no need to whisper now Emmett had left the cabin. "Do you believe that two people are meant to be together, no matter what?"
He was brushing his fingers along my hairline, slowly gently caressing my face with his large beautiful hand. I tried to decode what he was asking.
"If someone would have asked me three years ago, I would have said yes. But now, I don't believe in destiny."
I had believed in destiny, once. I had believed that Riley and I were meant to be, were made for each other. Now I knew that was untrue. Destiny is a farce. There is no such thing. If you want something, then you make it happen.
"I can't believe in destiny any more," I whispered back.
I saw he looked pained and upset. My words and thoughts seemed contradictory to me. If I want him, then I can make it happen, right? His gaze flicked between my eyes and my lips. I could sense his desire for me. He was a sexual red-blooded man and I was lying in my thin cotton dress, no bra. Emmett had gone. I could tell Edward wanted me. I wanted him too. The electric buzzing was drawing us closer, dictating that we copulate.
Is this what he means, the sexual pull between us, he thinks its destiny, even when he's technically with someone else?
Then the pane of glass that I had erected in my mind was shimmering, glistening. I want this, he wants this until he tires of me, or until he's finished filming in Vancouver and can be with Rosalie. He would go back to his LA life, his Hollywood schedule, then off to film in Europe. He'd forget about me. But I would never forget this – lying with Edward. I would regret not being with him while I had the chance.
I could try this. I could let him have me; anyway he wanted, right now, for the next three months then he would leave my life. I would have the memory of Edward all to myself. I wouldn't tell anyone, he knows I wouldn't tell anyone. The words he uttered to me in the hotel lift when we returned from Laurent's came back in clear detail.
'I trust you,' he'd said.
Even after the pain I went through when I realized Riley didn't love me; I knew I wouldn't have changed being with him. I knew this would be a short-term affair with Edward, a secret, silent connection. No one would find out. No one would be able to judge me for sleeping with a man I knew was taken, who had promised himself to another woman. It would be my cross to bear.
The pane of glass needed to be stronger. I morphed it into a steel security screen, impenetrable, temporarily impervious to destruction. I knew it had a three-month life, and then when Edward was gone, it would crumble to pieces, but maybe, just maybe I'd be able to survive it.
Edward looked like he was trying to think of words to tell me something. But there was only one thing now, one thing he needed to do.
I took in a deep calming breath. I looked into his eyes. "Edward, I want you," I said. A wave of anxiety swept through my body. I felt my skin flush and my heart rate jump. The look in Edward's eyes was hypnotic.
"You say you love me. Edward, show me, show me love."
He stared at me, he was breathing heavily through his nose, the sound was meditative, arousing and erotic. He was a living, breathing man pulsing with life, and he was touching me, he was with me.
I will remember this, always. I love you. Silent stinging tears flowed from my eyes.
"Bella..." he whispered, his soft fingertips gently brushing my tears away.
His lips were on mine. Slowly, his tongue slipped into my mouth and his hand cupped my face gently as he kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his back, and pulled him to me. I could feel his arousal, the hardness and heat. His hand left my face and ran down to touch my breast, to slowly cup and squeeze it through the thin cotton of my dress.
I tentatively started tugging his t-shirt up and he let me take it off. If I thought after touching his back and seeing him wet in the lake yesterday was enough of a vision, this was supremely more erotic; touching his chest again, the feel of his skin and the warmth emanating from him. I was mesmerized as my fingertips glided gently over his nipples.
Our kisses almost instantly became heated, and then Edward's hand left my breast and slipped down to squeeze my bum, he pulled it closer to him, shifted me slightly so his erection made direct contact with me.
Oh God.
It had been three years since I'd been made love to. I wanted Edward to make love to me, but his level of passion was slowly ramping up and the way he was eagerly manoeuvring me, so his weight could push roughly against me, made me snap to the realization that Edward was desperate for me, maybe even more desperate than I was for him.
Is he going to make love to me slowly, or is he going to fuck me? I couldn't tell and I started to panic. My split desires were in conflict.
This is not how I imagined it.
Of course I'm just a fuck, what did I expect?
I pushed against his firm chest. "Edward," I panted.
He stared at me blankly, his hand leaving my bum. He looked out of it.
"Please," I said, the tone of my voice laced with anguish.
He wasn't with me. His eyes were glazed over and he wasn't consciously there.
Oh my god, he's thinking about her, I just know it!
Dread filled me as I suddenly recalled the words he had spoken to me and why they sounded familiar.
~0~
~~Edward~~
Bella wants me to show her my love. Fuck, her lips, her heat, her body. I need to slow down. I need to be in control when I have her naked.
Fuck, it's been two years since I've had intercourse. Oh God, It's going to be fast, frantic, blissful.
Shit, the feel of her tongue, her taste! It's so good. I need her, now, I'm so ready.
Wait.
She doesn't believe in destiny. She won't believe me when I tell her about Alice's dream. Jasper's right, I can't tell her. I want to tell her, I don't want to hide anything from her.
Fuck, I need to stop kissing her and get her dress off. I need to get her panties off. Her hands on my skin, her soft delicate hands feel so fucking good.
Fuck!
Fuck, I don't have any condoms. The unopened box in my vanity at the hotel had expired. I didn't replace them. Maybe she's on the pill?
I could come like this, just feeling her body against mine.
Something doesn't feel right. She hasn't admitted her feelings for me. She was calling out to me and her ex-boyfriend in her dream. Maybe she still loves him. I want her so badly, but I think we should wait..., we have to wait. We have to wait, we have to wait.
I registered Bella's hot hand pushing against my chest.
"Edward! Please," she begged.
The look on her face and her tone instantly sobered me from the inebriation of lust that had clouded my mind. I realized I had rolled her flat on her back, my dick pushing indecently against her, my arms, torso, hands smothering her, almost suffocating her petite frame. She was panting, staring at me with wide wet eyes; she looked frightened.
I quickly rolled away from her and onto my back, pulling her light body up and on top of me; my hands on either side of her face, staring into her eyes.
"I'm so sorry," I apologized. "I want you so badly, Bella. I'm so turned on. I want to make love to you, slowly. I want to make love to you all day...it's just that I..." How could I explain?
I knew she was confused. Jasper's words flew around in my head. It took him months to be with Alice. What I said to her last night about waiting until she actually knew how I felt about her and believed it, I should stick to that. I shouldn't make love to her until I know she accepts the love I feel for her. We shouldn't make love until she believes, I'm not with Rosalie.
I stroked her hair softly. She closed her eyes and pushed her face into my neck. I could feel her hot panting breath on my throat.
"I want this to be, I want our first time together to be everything, to us both..." I tried to calm my breathing. I closed my eyes, but all I could see was Bella's eyes, all I could feel was her soft milky skin, her mouth, her firm breasts.
I was trying to calm myself, desperate to get myself under control. My mind was having difficulty composing the words she needed to hear.
I felt Bella shift her body, she slid so she was back in the crook of my arm, her leg draped over my thigh then she shuffled, her hand brushed my leg and her lips were on mine in a passionate hungry kiss. I kissed her back, straining my neck to push my mouth to hers.
She pulled away, "Edward, I understand now..." she said.
I opened my eyes, she was looking at me, biting her bottom lip, and then I felt her hand at the waistband of my pants.
FUCK!
Bella's warm–wet–hand slipped into my pajamas, stoked me and then encircled the base of my dick. Her lips smothered mine as she expertly squeezed and started masturbating me, up, down, up down.
Holy fucking hell.
"Bell–" I tried to talk but she cut me off by sliding her tongue in my mouth.
I opened my eyes to see her brow furrowed, her eyes closed as she kissed me passionately. Her grip on my dick was firm and it felt so fucking good. I didn't want her to stop, but fuck; I needed to be touching her too. One of my hands grabbed her ass while the other slipped into the top of her dress to softly squeeze her breast and rub her nipple.
Bella pulled back, and gasped, her eyes flew open and she stared at me, but she never broke the rhythm of her thrusting hand. We watched each other. All I could focus on was the sensation, the feel the way she looked as she touched me. I wanted my hands between her legs, I wanted to be giving her pleasure too, but the way she was angled against me made it impossible to get my hand where it needed to be and her long firm strokes were stupefying me.
I tried so desperately to keep my eyes focused on her, but the pleasure became too intense, my eyes rolled back into my head and I gripped her tighter as I felt the unmistakable flow of my orgasm rushing up and out in long thick bursts of pure ecstasy.
"Bella."
~0~
~~Bella~~
The words made everything become clearer. I'd worked it out. Of course; he was making Rosalie wait, he wanted me, correction–a clandestine fling while he was filming in Vancouver. He trusted me not to reveal it, he trusted me, but not with the truth. He was going to use me, but maybe the sex part was just an added bonus. I now knew why.
Edward was a method actor and I was, physically at least, pretty much a spot on match for the description of Georgia in the book. Edward has the part; he had been so requisite in his need and so excited about securing the role. This was his chance at winning an Oscar, 'I don't plan on doing anything less than a winning performance.' he'd said...so it made perfect sense that he would try his hardest to fucking nail the part of Nicholas, right down to the way he spoke and the words he'd said to Georgia in the book!
'Do you believe that two people are meant to be together, no matter what?'
I knew I had two choices. I could tell him no, that I maybe deserved more than to be just an avatar for him to practice on. Or, I could let him use me to help him become the character of Nicholas. This time I wouldn't fall apart, because I knew. I could make memories with Edward regardless of how masochistic and delusional they were, because this was all an act anyway.
I could play along; I didn't have to be the emotional stalker teen I was with Riley. I could be with Edward Cullen consciously. Was he really using me if I was aware? Did that make me a horrible person? I knew that this was the worst possible time to sort through it all, but I had a choice this time. Yes, it was a moral choice, but it was my choice to make.
"I want this to be, I want our first time together to be everything, to us both, but..." he was conflicted too. I could see it. I didn't want to believe that Edward was a manipulative person, but everyone is out to look after number one. Riley had been, why would Edward be any different? He was just trying to make it as an actor, just like I was trying to make it as an author. Maybe if he really was like Riley, then it would be easier to deal with the fallout after this...relationship? Experiment? Fling? Role-play? ended.
I needed time to sort through all this. The pain in my head, the mental exhaustion I felt was almost debilitating. I had to make a decision. I couldn't make it in the heat of the moment.
I slowly glided my hand in between my legs. I felt some fabric bunched up there. Edward's shirt? I pushed my fingers into my undies. God I am positively saturated with need. I slowly rubbed myself, moistening my own fingers.
"Edward, I understand now..." I said.
I slowly slipped my hand into the front of Edward's pajamas and firmly wrapped my hand around his shaft. The look on his face told me he was completely shocked. I kissed him passionately as I started stroking him.
Edward was bigger than Riley, and he was uncircumcised. His silken skin, warm and throbbing in my hand, made me feel so powerful, made my body zing with pleasure.
He's just an ordinary guy, a man with needs. Men only want one thing...uncomplicated sex, pleasure without consequence.
I could give him pleasure and I could take it from him. His shirt between my legs rubbed right where I needed it to when I squeezed my thighs together, the friction making my heart rate spike while the feel of touching Edward was better than any fantasy, or any dream. He grabbed at my bum, the heat of his hand sending a blissful jot through my body, just as his other hand slipped into my dress as he fondled my breast roughly. Oh God, yes.
When he came, when I felt him twitch and pulse and the warm liquid spread with my hand up and down as he rode through it, I came too. Silently. Edward's bunched up blue plaid shirt squeezed between my thighs in combination with feeling that I had given him an orgasm was enough for me.
"Bella."
I collapsed onto him and pushed my face into his neck. We were both panting, we were both motionless, apart from our chests rising and falling. Edward's hand left my breast and he held me tightly; I could feel his pulse hammering.
I had nothing to say to him. Not yet, not now. I would need to make a decision. I knew the consequence of the choice I had to make. I had to evaluate, write a list – pros and cons. It made my head spin when I thought about the time frame, and how almost everything in mine and Edward's friendship seemed to be mirroring details of the relationship I'd had with Riley – the failed relationship.
They say history never repeats. I wanted that to be true.
I slowly pulled my hand from his pants, reached between my legs to grab his shirt and wiped my hand on it. I threw it onto the floor.
Edward's arms gathered me up, his face buried itself in my hair and he breathed me in deeply.
"I love you," he whispered. "I love you more than anything."
His fingers combed through my hair, lovingly. I absorbed his touch, his smell, his warmth. The climax hadn't shut down my manic mind though. Just live in this moment, just feel it and remember it.
"Please, don't move." He pushed me away from his neck and he kissed my lips and then he got off the bed and walked out.
I looked down at myself, at my wrinkled cotton dress bunched around my waist, my saturated undies, the crumpled bed sheets.
I got off the bed and walked to the dresser to look in the mirror. My face was pink, my lips swollen and red. I closed my eyes as I felt the after-tingle of his stubble where he'd kissed me. My once straight hair was now a tangled mess. I opened the top drawer of the dresser and pulled out a clean pair of undies. I peeled off my saturated ones and kicked them under the bed. I pulled my crumpled dress down and tried to smooth the wrinkles out over my thighs.
I was about to pick up the new undies and put then on when I felt Edward arms surround me.
"Edward," I said as I turned to face him. He was wearing pale blue boxers, and nothing else. He smiled and pulled me down onto the bed. He started kissing me, slowly, sensuously...but I was in a panic. I hadn't had a chance to put the clean undies on. I tried to pull away from him but he wouldn't let me. He rolled me onto my back.
"It's your turn," he said softly and I felt his soft warm hand run up my thigh.
"Edward, no," I said, grabbing at him, but it was too late, his hand was on my hipbone, it was obvious my undies were no longer there.
"Bella," he groaned then I felt his fingers grip my skin. His face contorted, his nostrils flared as his firm hold on my hip loosened. I held my breath; desire and longing encompassed me.
I should stop him; he doesn't know I'd already gotten off, just by feeling him come undone at my hand.
I forced my eyes shut, feeling his long cool fingers slowly glide through my pubic hair and explore me, circling around, touching softly then with more urgency, eventually pushing one finger inside. I felt swollen and hot; his finger was slim, hard and cooling.
I wrapped my arms around his shoulder blades, pulling him tightly to me. He's touching me!
"Aghhh, Ed-ward!" I tried to stifle the pitiful sounds coming from my lips, by pushing them into his shoulder.
No one has touched me there in three years.
Edward started kissing me, and glided another finger inside my wet sensitive heat. He tentatively started pushing them in deeper, moving them in a circle. His mouth traveled in a slow descent to my neck, licking and flicking his tongue, nibbling with his teeth. It was too much and simultaneously not enough.
He yanked the top of my dress down with his teeth. I heard a tearing sound, but I didn't care when his mouth covered my nipple. His tongue swirled in a relentless circle, stopping only to suck lightly, as his fingers curled inside me and hit a spot that had my body trembling.
"Oh god!"
Then Edward pulled his mouth away. No! my mind screamed.
I opened my eyes to see him scramble down my body hurriedly and lower his face to me. His fingers resumed their prodding at the same spot; Edward's tongue touched delicately to my clit and started swirling around in a dizzying circumference of determination.
"Edward!" I moaned. My hands found their way into his hair. I was overtaken by pleasure.
The security screen was no more.
It had been ripped away, gone as if a tornado had swept in. My self-constructed mental shield was gone; I was completely exposed and unprotected and I reveled in every pleasurable second. I gave myself over to it. I gave my body to Edward in a way I never thought possible.
It started deep within, right in that spot that his fingers expertly pushed and rubbed against, and radiated out of me with a gush of air and an embarrassing whimper. It was like I'd been underwater, holding my breath for twenty-three years. My lungs expanded, sucked in air, breathed in Edward's scent. My resolve wiped away.
"I love you," I cried out, hyperventilating from the extreme orgasm as it rolled through my entire body. I was sobbing yet smiling with relief as all the anguish left me.
Edward's lips and fingers kept the pleasure going in a wave. I gasped for air, as my trembling body expunged itself of all negativity.
He slowly withdrew his fingers. I felt his body hover over me, and his mouth pushed softly against mine, sucking my lips, his arms pulling me to him as I sobbed and panted from the sublime intensity.
~0~
