As Olivia entered her apartment, she knew immediately that Elliot had been there. Judging from how clean her apartment was, he was there often enough to keep things neat. Her mail was stacked neatly on her countertop. Her fridge had food in it. She sighed. She pulled her phone out of her back pocket, she looked at it and sighed. His every call was unanswered, his voicemail and text messages remained unheard. She needed to be able to clear her head and make decisions without having to hear his voice. She had no doubt he missed her. She had no doubt that he cared about her. Love her even to some degree, but she was done. If they kept going the way they were, there would be nothing left of them.
Elliot let himself into her apartment, as he did every night after work. Sometimes he stayed for a few minutes, bringing her mail in, straightening up, sometimes he stayed for hours. Sometimes he couldn't bring himself to leave and he would stay the whole night. Immediately he sensed that she had been home.
"Liv," he called out as he walked in,
"In the kitchen," she answered. Elliot found her sitting at the table with a bottle of water, clearly expecting his arrival. She had messaged Munch asking him to let her know when Elliot had left the office.
"Hey,"
"Hey," she replied.
"Listen Liv, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. You are better at this job than I am. I am a better person in and out of the job because you. I'm so sorry." He said so sincerely that it pinched at her heart and softened her resolve a little. Olivia let out a breath,
"I know. For what it's worth, I know you're sorry. I've always known. But El, you were right. We've come as far as we could. We've come too far and there's no going back. The thing is I will always choose you, and if I'm going to be honest, whether it was now or back then, I would have always chosen you. The only reason why it's different now is because there's so many other things weaved into it." He nodded. It was complicated. It was always complicated, but even more so now and it was just so hard.
"We can't be partners," she said softly but definitively. He raised his gaze to meet hers.
"I have watched you this last year, Kathy leaving you, you losing your kids, I saw what that did to you and it broke my heart to watch. You're my best friend and I couldn't do anything to make it better for you. I couldn't help you."
"You did. You were the only thing I felt I had. You kept me going. You kept me breathing. Liv, you're my best friend too. That's why I said what I said, but I guess the jokes on me, because if I learned anything in the last couple of weeks without you, it's that I can't do this job without you."
"El, I understand why you felt like you had to say it. You're wrong El, you can do this job without me. You did it long before I came along. You will do it long after me. I could only guess that you and I not working together will probably help with Kathy too."
"Liv," he breathed out desperately, begging for understanding,
"It's okay. She's still your wife right? You want your kids back and now you have another one on the way. You're not perfect Stabler but you're a family man through and through and you will always choose to do what you believe what is right.
"It was before," he tried to explain,
"Does the timing really matter when it doesn't change the outcome?" she asked somewhat rhetorically. Elliot looked down at his hands, unable to look at her.
"Can I ask you something?" Olivia asked as she watched him,
"Of course," he answered, forcing himself to look at her.
"What do you want?"
"It's not that simple Liv and you know it."
"First thing that comes to mind," she challenges refusing to make it easy for him,
"Liv,"
"Just say it Elliot,"
"My kids, to have my family again. Liv," Olivia nodded, knowingly.
"Then be with your kids El. Go home to your family."
"Liv,"
"There's nothing left to say El. We're done here." Elliot turned to leave, until she spoke again.
"El, do something for me."
"Anything,"
"You don't get to be angry Elliot. This is your decision. You can't be angry at everyone you come across in the precinct, perps or your colleagues. They don't deserve the brunt of your feelings. You are a great detective. You're a great father. Be both because I believe in you, no regrets." He looked back at her.
She was saying goodbye and he knew it.
Wordlessly he walked towards her pulling her to her feet and into his arms hugging her tightly against him. Liv didn't allow herself to wrap her arms around him scared that if she did she would never let go. Elliot only held her tighter, so tight she could barely breathe.
"Don't make me go," he begged, his lips against her temple,
"You're already gone El. The moment she told you she was pregnant, you were gone."
"Let me stay for a little longer,"
"Why, it's not going to be easier? It's only going to make it harder to watch you leave."
"You mean the world to me Liv," he murmured,
"You need to go El."
"Liv,"
"Please," she pleaded her voice breaking with emotion. As much as it hurt, it was the kindest thing he could do. He kissed her forehead and allowed his arms to untangle from around her, immediately feeling to loss of her in his arms. She watched as he headed towards her door,
"Hey El," Elliot turned to her,
"Yeah Liv,"
"Keys please?" Olivia said dropping her gaze, Elliot could only nod understanding. He unhooked her keys from his keychain and placed them the table by the door before walking out of her apartment. Not daring to look back. Olivia gasped suddenly feeling as though someone had knocked the wind out of her. Her eyes welled with tears as she slid down to the floor and buried her head into her knees. Elliot stood outside, his forehead against his door. He could hear the muffled sobs that came out of her. His heart broke, knowing he did that. His heart broke, knowing he broke her heart.
