"Did you tell her about Eli?" Kathleen asked,
"No Sweets, we didn't get that far. I also didn't want her to think that's why I decided not to get back with your Mom. That wasn't the time line. I don't want her to think that it was. I appreciate that she told me about Mal, that she's not bolting. For now, that's enough."
"Who are you and what have you done with my father?" Kathleen teased knowing patience was not a Stabler strong point. Elliot draped an arm around his daughter as they walked along the ocean.
"Having this time away, from your Mom, from Liv. It allowed me to see things from another perspective. I was so angry all the time because I felt like I was being pulled in so many directions never being able to be fully present. I felt so guilty about not getting enough time with you guys, to always having to be at work, the weight of the job, all of it."
"Dad, for what it's worth when you were with us, you were with us. Kids anyway, I can't speak for Mom. For her she never saw it being your job that kept you away but Liv. I think she needed something tangible to blame and Liv was it. Dad, I know you and Liv well enough to know that it was never your intention to fall in love. That you fought it and each other because you were married with kids. Dad in the end you weren't just sacrificing your time for our livelihood, you started sacrificing your happiness and in turn, Liv's. With your line of work, with what you do, the horrible things that you see, and all of the hours you work, it's not surprising that you have a short hand with each other, that you have a bond and connection. Let's be honest, if there weren't already cracks in your marriage to Mom, with how determined and stubborn you are, you would never have gone there. And you didn't until you and Mom were already separated."
"Well we did blur the lines when we slept together," Elliot slipped in wryly,
"Dad, you weren't the only one at fault there. Mom was dating too, and clearly she was also sleeping with someone else. You waited so long for Liv, just because you made a mistake doesn't mean you don't deserve her love, and she may be hurt right now and guarded but she would be the first person to tell you that you deserve to be happy."
"Thanks Leen,"
"You're welcome Daddy,"
Kathleen and Elliot returned home from their walk to find Liv on the couch with Maleah resting on her chest. Both sound asleep. Kathleen watched her father's eyes tear up, love so evident in his eyes and stature.
"Want to help me with dinner or you going to stare for a little while longer?" Elliot wiped the tear that escaped,
"I might stare for a little longer if you don't mind."
"Not at all. Enjoy them." Elliot gave his daughter a grateful hug before she left him by the door as he continued to stare at his girls.
"Take a picture Stabler, it lasts longer." Olivia said without opening her eyes. Elliot grinned and walked over to the couch to join them. As the couch dipped with his weight Olivia opened her eyes to look at him,
"Hey," she said noting the redness in his eyes and the moistness of his cheek as she placed her hand there. Elliot covered her hand with his before kissing her palm and keeping her hand in his,
"I'm just really happy to be here," he confessed hoarsely. Olivia squeezed the hand heL held,
"We are too. Why don't you spend some time with Maleah while I help Kathleen with dinner."
"Okay. Liv, will you go for a walk with me after dinner. Kathleen said she'll watch Mal," he needed to be with her too. There was a flicker of hesitation on her face that he didn't miss,
"Please,"
"Of course,"
"Thank you," Liv nodded and gently placed their daughter in his arms before joining his in the kitchen.
Olivia watched as Kathleen moved around the kitchen as though she had been living there the whole time with Liv. Without a word she walked over to her and draped and arm over her shoulder,
"I'm really glad you're here Leen," Kathleen looked up and smiled,
"Me too. You guys okay?"
"Yeah, we're getting there,"
"He's so scared he's blown it," Kathleen confessed softly,
"I know. We just need some time. I'm not bolting Leen. You know I'm going home to New York at the end of the summer. I'd never make it hard for him to be with Maleah or keep her away from him. He's an amazing father and does not give himself enough credit for how you guys turned out."
"I know and he knows. I think he's more afraid you won't let him back in your heart again."
"I know that too. I wish I could give him the answer he wants to hear right now, but almost a year is a long time Leen. For awhile there he was so angry and I thought it was because he wanted to be with your Mom and be with you kids. It's just always been so complicated between your Dad and I. We have a short hand for most things. Feelings and expressing them appropriately, not so much."
"You've both repressed your feelings for so long how could you not struggle with it now. Dad sacrificed his happiness to honour his vows to Mom and his love and dedication for us. We're not little anymore and we all get that, and so grateful for it. We also know what that cost not only him, but you." Olivia took a breath,
"Leen, your Dad didn't make the wrong choice. I've never wavered on that. You kids come first. Your Mom was his wife and he wouldn't be the man I fell in love with if he didn't stay true to that. I may have been hurt but I don't begrudge him that choice. I never would. I always knew he'd pick your Mom. But I loved him, so when we had that window when they weren't together and it seemed as though we were finally on the same page, I took the chance. I leapt. He was worth the risk. I don't regret that. Especially as I got Maleah out of it. When your Mom told your Dad she was pregnant, I knew it was game over. When I asked your Dad what he wanted. I knew he was going to say "you kids" because above all else, he is your Dad first. He will always do right by you. He will always choose you. Just like I will always choose Maleah and what's best for her. But Leen, I have to tell you that came with a cost and whilst he may be here and he's saying all that I thought I wanted to hear. There's a part of me that's not ready to believe that we're finally here. That he's finally chosen us, and even if he has, I can't help but wonder if it's Maleah that would make him stay." Olivia confessed. She looked up and at the corner of her eye she saw Elliot, she knew for however lowered her voice was, he was standing close enough to have heard what she had just said. Elliot was about to put Maleah in her crib when he stopped as he heard Kathleen tell Olivia that he was scared to have blown it. Whilst he didn't want to eavesdrop who couldn't bring himself to announce his presence. She looked at him somewhat apologetically knowing he had probably heard most if not their whole conversation. Kathleen looked from Olivia to her Dad,
"Why don't I take Maleah and put her down?" She offered walking over to her Dad to take her little sister. She gave his arm a squeeze encouraging him to continue the conversation, as Olivia checked the stove and lowered the setting to simmer. She knew the conversation wasn't over,
"Liv," Elliot began,
"I don't suppose we can table this conversation?" She asked with a shrug,
"Sorry Liv, not a chance."
"Yeah, I didn't think so, but you can't blame a girl for trying. Look Elliot, I'm sorry you had to hear that third hand."
"Liv, I didn't choose us because of Maleah. I choose us because I know there's no one else I want to wake up to every morning, fall asleep holding at night, sharing every happy thought with, go through hard times with. Liv, you have been my partner for what 8 years. You know everything there is to know about me and Liv you don't just accept me for who and what I am, you love me in spite of it all."
"Elliot, I love you because all of those things that make you, you. It's what makes you who you are."
"And Liv, do you even realise the magnitude of that? Whether you try to or not, you make me feel whole and you make me want to be the very best person I can be. Liv, you see me. All of me. Just like I see you. I see all of you. I know how hard you're fighting to protect yourself and Maleah and I know why. But Liv, I swear to you. I am not going anywhere. If you choose that you just want to be friends, co parents, I will take that. I will take what you're willing to give because if there is one thing I've learned, it's that I am better with having you in whatever way, that no way at all. In saying that, I am begging you to give us a chance. Give me the chance to earn back your trust. Let me be worthy of someone you love Liv, because I know how I took that for granted." Olivia walked over to him and took both his hands in hers as she looked up at him.
"Okay," she said fear evident in her eyes, she was showing him that she was willing to try despite how much it frightened her. Elliot drew her in his arms, holding her tightly to his chest, burying his face into her neck. Olivia's arms wrapped tightly around his waist as she lay her head against his heart, she knew without even trying to, her heart beat fell in sync with his.
"Liv, there's something you should know."
"What is it?" she murmured not moving,
"Eli, he's not mine." Olivia stiffened in his arms in surprise. She looked up at him,
"Are you okay?" was the words that she uttered first making him chuckle. He placed his lips on her forehead and met her gaze not releasing her from his arms,
"How? What? When?" followed,
"It would appear that she was also dating in our time apart. Which I guess I should have assumed. She only told me after I told her that I didn't want to move back home. That I was going to stand by her and raise the baby, but I didn't feel that it was right to move back home when I was done. I went there after I left your apartment. I told her about how you and I started seeing each other, how I felt about you. I told her about our conversation in your apartment. How I chose her, well the kids, but I realised that was wrong. That if I moved home, I would be doing everyone a disservice. How I had planned to beg for your forgiveness as soon as we had sorted us, me and her out. It was then she said that she had been seeing someone on and off. At the time she just assumed it was mine but admitted there was a possibility the child she was carrying could not be mine. We couldn't really find out without danger to the baby so I agreed to wait it out. We told the kids. Liv, I wanted so badly to tell you, but I didn't want the time line to be blurred. I didn't want you to think that's why I chose you, that I chose us. I wanted you to know that I had chosen us for all of the right reasons. Despite waiting out to find out Eli's paternity, I told her we were done. That I wanted to refile for divorce. That night, of your farewell. Well you know that part already." Olivia caressed his cheek as he leaned into her palm,
"Fast forward a few months, she admitted that this pregnancy was a lot different to the three prior so she suspected that he truly wasn't mine. When he was born, at first glance I knew he wasn't mine. She did too, but to be sure we did the paternity test. She asked me if she could name him Elliot. She said whilst he wasn't mine, she had hoped he would grow up to be like me because in the end, I was a great father. That she wanted to honour me for sticking around even though I didn't have to." Olivia smiled at him and kissed his cheek before wrapping her arms around his shoulders,
"I'm really proud of you. Maleah Elinor Benson Stabler is incredibly lucky to have scored you as her Daddy." She murmured into his arms and he tightened his arms around her.
"Liv, will you go on a date with me?" he asked. Olivia grinned and pulled back to look at him,
"I would love to go on a date with you,"
"Good," he replied hugging her once more.
