Harry woke up and found himself in a field of lilies. Oh, and his mom, Lily, was there too! He looked at her, as if he never really saw her for the first time! She looked at him… they looked upon each other!

"Hey, mom! So, does this mean I'm dead? I still feel hard like a beast!"

Lilly smiled at her son.

"For now, but it is not your time. Listen Harry. It is true that you are a strong man with strong powers! But there is an evil that is coming to your world. A dragon who knows no fear! Only Ron has the true power to stop such a beast" Harry could not believe what his mother just said.

"Sorry mom. I hate to break it to you, but there's no way Ron can handle any type of action. He knows not the way of the beef cake like I did!"

"That is why I will send you back for you to train him. Around 2 AM, the great evil will appear and I fear you cannot stop it on your only. You must have Ron's help.

Harry brushed his hair from his eyes and looked hard into the blue sky, knowing his mother spoke the truth! "I reckon that's the only way to do it! I sure will miss you mom. But I rackon I gotta roll on and be tough!"

"You will see me again, in the next world. Now go!" And with that, Lily used her Heaven magic to teleport Harry back to the realm of the living.

Harry fell hard on the ground. Yet his body knew no pain. He was alive, for now. Looking up, he saw he was on the school grounds. He quickly looked at his watch. It was 2 in the afternoon.

"I don't have time to fuck around," said Harry. He quickly ran inside and looked for Ron. He didn't have to look far. Ron was in the Great Hall, eating as usual. His fat face was covered with fat. Hermione could not look upon him.

"Hermione. I know you're sad that Harry's dead, but don't you wanna get laid? I could help you with that. Ya knooow?" Hermione got up to leave, but not before spotting Harry walking towards her.

"HARRY!" she screamed. Everyone turned to look as Harry ran down the hall, grabbed Ron by the shirt collar and dragged him outside.

"Sorry Hermione. I literally have no time to talk," said Harry. When Ron and Harry were in the Great Entrance, Harry stopped to take a look at him. He could tell he had his work cut out for him.

"Harry! I can't believe you're alive. I thought you were dead."

"There's no time for that Ron. Listen, I've only got twelve hours to make you a real man. Follow me!" He dragged Ron upstairs to the Common Room.

"Listen Ron. I know you love the ladies, but you're not very good at layin it down. The main thing you have to remember is to have confidence in yourself."

"How do I do that?" Harry couldn't believe how completely ignorant Ron was being. Yet, it was his responsibility to make him ruff and tuff.

"Look, it's all in the mind. First thing is to feel good about yourself, and if you look good then you feel good. You understand where I'm going with this?"

"Not really" Harry was getting tired of playing paddy-cake with Ron.

"Listen, you just need some new threads man! You understand!?" Harry went to his closet to look for a pair of tight Levis and a red London Fog jacket. He looked, but it was in vain.

"Damn! Someone's been in my closet. Neville! NEVILLE!"

"Ye ye... yes?" Neville walked in carrying a cup of tea.

"Where's all my clothes?"

"I'm real sorry Harry. We all thought you were dead, so I thought I'd take them."

"Well you thought wrong! Now go get my clothes! And don't forget my pair of Chapmen black leather boots! He'll need those too no doubt." And then it happened, like lighting striking across the night sky. A terrible sound came from the sky as ten thousand skeleton dragons soared through the air. Each flew on rainbow wings that emitted pure light from them. Their battle cries tore the sky apart. In front, leading the army of dragons, was Bahamut, king of all dragons. He landed with a mighty WOOSH! and thrashed his tail violently. Trees were uplifted from their roots as his tail raped the forest.

"I come for Harry Potter! Word has reached my kingdom that he is the most roughest, most baddest bad-ass in town! I wish to challenge him! Then, once after I smite his body on the blacktops, will I become the true alpha of the universe!" Harry opened his window and called out to the dragon.

"I will challenge you! All I ask is that you give me time. A mighty foe like you requires time to prepare!" The dragon blew a might wave of fire which signaled his approval.

"Ok Ron. New plan. You're gonna slay that dragon! Then, and only then, will your training as a man be complete. If slaying a dragon doesn't give you confidence, then I guess I'm going to Hell!"

Later that day, Harry and Ron were at the gym lifting weights like real men. Harry was working overtime bench pressing a billion tons. He did not need a spotter. You could almost hear his muscles scream as they tore themselves apart. Sweat poured down Harry's body as he roared out his manly grunts while lifting the universe. Ron was working on the two ten pounders Harry gave him.

"Graaa! Alright! Good set! Good set!" roared Harry as he finished bench pressing and walked over to see how Ron was doing.

"I don't know Harry. I don't feel any different." Harry dried the sweat from his body with a towel.

"It's not about instant results my man. You just gotta make an effort and keep workin hard!" Just then, Susan Bonds, along with some other tertiary characters walked in. "Let's give these ladies a show!" said Harry as he flexed.

"Afternoon ladies! Don't mind us. We're just working hard!" The girls stopped to see the bronze god mountain of muscle that was Harry.

"Wow Harry! I think I just came!" said one of the girls.

"Well that's mighty fine! But don't forget about my boy Ron! Go on Ron. Give the ladies a taste!" The girls looked at Ron who was trying desperately to make a muscle. Nothing was happening. The girls laughed and walked away.

"Ok Ron, so maybe brawns isn't your strong point. Maybe your a brains kinda guy. TO THE LIBRARY!"

It was around 7 in the afternoon. Harry was busy reading Beowulf, in its original Anglo-Saxon version, while Ron was jacking off to Twilight.

"Graaaaa CHARLEEEEEEE!" shouted Ron as he blew his load all over his hand. Just then, a couple of knock out sex machine seventh years walked up to them.

"Excuse me, but my friend and I are in a debate. I say Macbeth was written in the late sixteenth century, but my friend instead it was written in the early seventh century."

"Well ladies, I'm not sure the exact date, but I know it was at least written after 1603."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Well, Macbeth is an allegory to King James the first of England. You see, in 1603, Queen Elizabeth died, and since she had no heir, England brought king James the 6th of Scotland over to England to rule. Thus, making him King James the first of England. Macbeth not only takes place in Scotland, but also illustrates King James's political views as, once you are a king you will always be a king and you can not be over thrown. Obviously however, that's not exactly how the play went down." They all laughed as Harry's brilliance was too fucking brilliant.

"But don't forget about my friend Ron. Maybe his input in the Jacobean era would also help you." The girls looked at Ron who was busy wiping the cum from his hands.

"Screw Edward and Jacob! Team Charle all the way! Like, O.M.G he is so hoooooot!" The girls quickly walked away, not quit knowing how to react to Ron's idiocy.

"Ok so you're not the sharpest tool in the shed." said Harry as he held his finger and thumb in the shape of an L on his forehead.

"Let's face it Harry. I'll never be a real man like you," said Ron. It was just around 9 in the afternoon. Harry was beginning to get worried.

"Listen Ron. You don't need to be strong or smart to be a real man. All it takes is confidence. You just gotta believe in yourself. You know what I'm sayin?" Before Ron could say anything, Bahamut, the dragon king, burst through the library and let loose a mighty roar.

"I have waited long enough! We shall do battle on the grounds!" He flew away leaving nothing but broken dreams in his wake.

"Alright Ron. You're gonna help me slay that dragon," said Harry as he geared up.

"But I-"

"No buts! Come on Ron. It's time to RUBMLE!"

Both Ron and Harry stood in front of the school, waiting for Bahamut to show up. Hermione, along with Cho and a few other sexy sex gods were in the bleachers. They cheered for Harry's swift victory against the mighty foe. Just then Bahamut slammed down on the ground about 120 yards away from them with a BOOM SHAKA LAKA! Harry drew his sword and charged at the beast.

"COME ON RON! GRRAAAAAAA!" Harry shouted with a fierce battle cry as he charged towards the dragon with his sword held high. The dragon let loose a burst of his fire breath. Harry held his sword upward and absorbed the flames. His sword was now a Fire Sword . He took out his wand and pointed it towards his sword.

"Leather Daddy!" he shouted. The fire on the sword began to glow black. It screamed with the sound of a thousand submissive whores as he fired his bukkake blade at the dragon.

"Lord Bahamut! Watch out! He wields the Sword of a Thousand Bukkakes!" shouted one of Bahamut's roller dragons.

"Do not quote the ancient scriptures to me! I know them well!" roared Bahamut. He covered his face with his wings, which were like a shield of steel. The cum blast that shot from Harry's sword was deflected. Bahamut swiped him with his spiked tail. Harry quickly grabbed the end of his tail and began swinging him around. Once he gained enough speed, he released him.

"So long King Bahamut!" shouted Harry as he let go. Bahamut flew high in the air, but opened his wings so that he began to fly. Bahamut swooped down to Harry. His teeth ready to tear him apart. When Bahamut was mere inches from Harry, Harry quickly grabbed hold of him and pulled himself up over the dragon's head. Bahamut swung his head violently trying to shake him off. Yet Harry stayed true to the course and toed the line as he rode out this mighty beast.

"Ron! Don't just stand there! Do something!" Shouted Harry. Ron had been standing there the whole time, not knowing what to do as he saw this epic battle unfold. He saw a small rock nearby. Picking it up, he threw it at the dragon. It did not have any results.

"The fuck was that Ron!" shouted Harry. Harry jumped off Bahamut and swung his sword. It cut Bahamut deep in the face.

"Graaa! You've drawn first blood! But the battle is not yet over! Bahamut spit out a green fireball. Harry tried to block it with his sword, but the fire was too strong. His sword melted by the green flames.

"Well, I guess we're gonna do this the old fashion way! Rough and tumble! No holds barred!" Shouted Harry as he put up his dukes. The dragon swiped at him with his claws, but Harry blocked it with his forearm. Harry, with a mighty battle cry, pulled back his fist and punched Bahamut in the face. It was a powerful blow that pushed Bahamut back several yards. Harry ran towards the dragon while he was still phased and delivered a might Ox Kick to the dragon's side.

"Graaa! You wound me so!" Shouted Bahamut as he held his ribs with his hands. Bahamut was not yet defeated. With one final effort he released a barrage of fireballs towards Harry. Harry began to swerve around the flames as he ran towards the dragon. Yet, he was not able to dodge the last one. A fireball hit him dead in the face. It burned him badly, yet he was not morally wounded.

"Hmm! Gotta admit that one kinda hurt! I won't last much longer with a couple more of those!" said Harry as he shook the flames off his manly face. While he was doing so, the dragon took this opportunity to punch Harry in the balls with his dragon fist. Although Harry's balls were made of the strongest brass iron steel that ever came out of Pittsburgh, the dragon's fierce punch was able to damage them. Harry knelt over in pain as Bahamut loomed over him. Ron realized that if he were ever to act, this would be it. He could not let his friend die a second time. Summoning what little courage he had, Ron charged at the dragon, his wand at the ready.

"KaaaaameeeehaaaameeeeHAAAAAAA!" A wave of blue energy shot from Ron's wand. At the same time Bahamut released a wave of green fire. The two forces collided with each other. Ron fought hard to push back the green flames, but it seemed as though he was not strong enough.

"You have to believe in yourself Ron!" shouted Harry over the sound of the colliding energy waves. Ron looked deep inside himself and fought to unleash the power that slept within him.

"KAAAAIIOOOKEEEEEEEN!" A red aura engulfed Ron as power flowed all around him. The energy wave got stronger and began to push back the green flames. Bahamut wasn't done yet. He increased the strength of the flames so now they turned a mixture of green and black. It began to once again over power Ron. Ron's hair stood on end as he concentrated focusing his power.

"More Ron! You have to reach your limits! This is the time that men are made!" shouted Harry. Ron looked back on his life and saw the failures he made. All the times he let himself be defeated by doubt. He turned those negative feelings into courage as he fought hard to forgive his broken past. He was a man. He had the power within him to overcome anything just like a man should! Red lightning surrounded him as his power increased. Ron let out a mighty roar as he let the power over take him. He was covered in a brilliant red light that emitted from his body and shined through the grounds.

"It's time to get DANGERIOUS!" Shouted Ron. He lifted up his wand and broke the beam connection. The green flames rushed towards him, but he quickly jumped away mere seconds before they consumed him. Bahamut looked up to see Ron flying in the air. He was like a red star of death bringing chaos to his enemies. He held out his hand and a spiral red ball of energy began to form. It grew stronger and larger until it bathed the entire grounds in its red light. Ron zoomed towards the dragon with his hand outstretched.

"RASENGAAAAAN!" Shouted Ron.

"Oh shit son!" shouted the dragon. It was too late. Ron came down upon Bahamut like a radiant god of manly essences. The dragon's body was tore to pieces from the spiraling energy that Ron released. The other dragons, seeing their master defeated, quickly flew away. Ron walked to Harry and helped him up.

"Looks like they shook ya pretty bad," said Ron.

"Yeah, they laid the hammer to me."

"Well, shake it off brother. All wounds heal in time. Let's go inside and warm up," said Ron.

"Sounds good my man. Oh, and nice team work." Harry extended his fist.

"I just did what any man would do," said Ron. They fist bumped, and it was a fist bump of such magnitude that the heavens trembled before the shear amount of testosterone that was emitted. Once inside the castle, Hermione ran towards Harry.

"OH Harry! You were such a man!" she sad.

"Now hold on there pretty-lady," said Ron. "Harry fought well, but don't you be forgetting who delivered the final blow." Surprised, Hermione turned to face Ron. It was as though she was looking at him for the first time. She could see a change in him. Nothing physical, but more like she could see the confidence flowing from him.

"Yes, I suppose you did fight well." She leaned over to give him a kiss, but Ron puled her in close and held her tight. "Oh!" gasped Hermione in surprise. She never knew how forward Ron could be. She liked it.

"Hermione! I'd love it if you joined me for dinner tonight. I'll even cook for you," said Ron.

"Why, that sounds lovely. Let's go." Ron held Hermione close to him as they walked arm-in-arm up to his room.

"Thanks for making me a man Harry," said Ron as he turned back to face his friend.

"You did it yourself brother." Harry smiled as he watched his friend go up the stairs. Life was going to be easier for him now.

"Hey Harry! You'll Chevy just pulled up in front of the castle," said Cho as she looked out the window.

"How could that be? It was destroyed in the drag race with Elvira," said Harry. Yet, sure enough, as he and Cho went outside to see, there was Harry's 57 Chevy in all its former glory.

"I wonder how this happened?" said Harry.

"I don't know, but look what's on the hood," said Cho as she picked up a flower and handed it to Harry.

"It's a lily," said Harry as he brought it close to his nose and inhaled. "Thanks mamma!" he said as he fist pumped the sky.

"Harry?"

"It's time for me to go now pretty-girl. This time for good," said Harry as he handed her the flower. "Now don't you cry. Everything is gonna be ok." Harry got in his car and started the engine. It roared like a real fucker!

"Where are you going Harry?" asked Cho.

"1956 if I'm lucky... If I'm lucky. I'll think of you while I'm gone honey. You're the one I could have loved." With that Harry drove off, leaving Cho standing alone in the darkness.

Harry kept driving down the road, not knowing exactly what to do next. It was around midnight. In two hours his time on Earth would be over. There was just one more place he wanted to visit before that happened. A few minutes later, he pulled into Bruno's bar and walked in.

"Well I'll be DAMNED! It's Harry!" said Bruno. "Come in and let me order you a round!" Harry sat down at the bar and drank his Scotch like a warrior. Misty soon joined him.

"It's been real boring since you've been gone Harry," she said. Her eyes never left his face.

"Sometimes boring can be a real cool hand," said Harry as he finished his drink and ordered another. He sat and talked with his friends until it was closing time.

"You come back and visit us real soon. You hear me talkin boy!" shouted Bruno.

"I hear you Bruno. You're one hell of a man!" He leaned over to kiss Misty on the cheek, "Goodbye honey. You'll make a man proud one day." Harry left the bar and vanished into the night sky. He continued driving down the road until he ran into a red light. He stopped and waited for the light to change. As he did, he noticed it was just now 2 AM. Just then, a car slowly pulled up beside him. Old school Rock n' Roll could be heard from the car's radio. Harry looked over to see a 1956 pink Cadillac. And the man behind the wheel was none other than the king himself. Harry starred unblinkingly at Elvis.

"Say man, that's a pretty nice car you got," said Elvis as he turned to look at Harry's Chevy.

"It's a smooth ride. I'm diggin your caddy. That's a sweet color man," said Harry.

"Why thank ya brother. Say, does that car of yours go pretty fast?" Harry smiled, but played it cool.

"It's shut a few hot-rods down in the past."

"She's a tiger huh? well what say when the light changes, you and me tear on down the line and see what happens?"

"Anyway you want it brother!" said Harry as he revved his engine. The light shined green and both Harry and Elvis tore down the street leaving nothing but a blaze of fire in their path.

END!

Be on the look out for a prequel taking place in the 70s staring Lily "the streetwalker" Evans.