Trigger Warning: Mentions of self harm.
Binah
Lumas knocks on the door while Fawkes is out buying groceries.
I don't like shopping in District 1. I don't like the thought of going out into the world and being surrounded by trained killers, with violence programmed into their brains. I'm only here because Fawkes wants to be where the government is and I want to be where Fawkes is.
Fawkes is fine with being around Careers, though. I think it's just me. I know I'll get used to it over time. As the Career academy's influence over the district fades, I'll feel more comfortable being here.
I open the door and scowl at Lumas.
"What do you want?" I ask.
"I need to talk to Fawkes," he says.
I laugh. "I thought you two hated each other."
"He saved Ramona's life," Lumas says. "I haven't thanked him properly."
"Since when did you thank people for anything? I thought you just blundered your way through life, looking for trouble."
"Please, I just want to talk to him."
"No," I say.
"No?"
"Say I let you in," I say. "Say I let you come into my apartment and sit on my sofa while we wait for Fawkes to come back. Say I tolerate being in your presence until then. And then he comes back, you thank him, then you leave. It's not worth it, Taffeta. If you really want to talk to Fawkes, come back tomorrow or something."
I move to slam the door but Lumas draws a knife and raises it to my throat.
"Don't make me hurt you," he says. "Don't scream. Don't test me. Just do everything I say."
"Wow," I say. "You've finally lost it. I knew Ramona was too good for you."
"Don't you dare talk to me about Ramona!"
The blade presses into my skin. I hiss as it draws blood. I'm lucky it doesn't go any deeper. I realise I could die today.
Lumas pushes me back into my apartment. He forces me into the bedroom and starts tying my hands to the bed frame.
"What are you going to do to me?" I ask.
"I'm going to kill your boyfriend," Lumas says. "I was going to let you live if you covered for me but I know you'd never do that. So I guess I'm going to kill you as well."
Before I can react, I hear footsteps. Fawkes. I need to get him out of here.
"Fawkes!" I cry. "Run! Get ou-"
Lumas slices a strip of cloth from the bedsheets and uses it to gag me. I hope Fawkes heard enough to get him to run away.
But he didn't.
"Binah!" He calls. "Are you okay?"
If I could answer, I would lie and say I was fine just to get him to run. But I can't. I can only watch, helpless, as Fawkes walks in. He gasps when he sees Lumas holding a knife to my throat.
"Scream and I kill her," Lumas says. "Now get down on your knees."
Fawkes nods and kneels on the floor, laying his cane down beside him. His hands are shaking. He won't look away from me.
Lumas walks over and stands behind him, pulling his head back to expose his throat. I tug at the ropes, desperate to break free and save Fawkes. It's no use. The knife inches closer to his throat.
I'm going to watch him die. I'm going to watch Fawkes die and spend the rest of my life knowing I couldn't save him, that I couldn't keep any of the promises I made to protect him.
"Any last words?" Lumas asks.
"Is this about Ramona?" Fawkes asks. "Because I'll save her. I'll convince Manel to let her go. I'm going to make this world a better place. I just need more time."
"You don't have time," Lumas says.
"What do you mean?"
I expect Lumas to answer or kill Fawkes. I don't expect him to gasp, stumble backwards and sink to his knees. His eyes widen with some new realisation.
"I can't," he sobs. "I can't. I'm sorry."
Fawkes turns around.
"What's wrong?" He asks.
"Coin told me to kill you," Lumas blurts out. "She said she'd bomb the Capitol and kill Ramona if I didn't."
Fawkes and I both gasp.
"Alma wants me dead?" Fawkes asks, his voice quiet and shaky.
"She thinks you're a threat to her power."
"And she'll bomb the Capitol if I don't die… I can't let that happen. I'm not worth all those people. You'll have to kill me. Just… let me have as long as I can with Binah first."
Fawkes looks at me with shining eyes and I lose it. I start crying. When I first met him, he would never have said something like that. But now he's changed. He's become almost selfless.
He wants to be a hero for me.
But I don't want him to die. It's selfish of me to want to sacrifice countless strangers to save my boyfriend but there's just this wild, animal part of me that wants to keep him safe. That's always my first instinct.
Lumas shakes his head. "What if I kill you and Coin bombs the Capitol anyway? She's scared of you, Fawkes. You're the only one powerful enough to stop her."
"Me?" Fawkes asks.
"You're the Phoenix," Lumas says. "You're the voice of the people. When you say things, people believe you. If you turn against Coin, the people turn against her and she loses power. You're going to make this world a better place. If anyone's going to save this country, it'll be you. You just need time. I'm going to make sure you have all the time you need."
"What about Ramona?" Fawkes asks. I feel a stab of guilt. I'm either going to lose my boyfriend or my best friend.
"Do you know what she really said the day before they took her? She didn't want to destroy the Capitol. She just wanted to destroy Snow and she did. She also told me to put the rebellion before her. And I never could. When they took her away, I lost sight of everything we were fighting for. But now I know. Fawkes… you are the rebellion. And if I had to choose between saving Ramona and saving you…"
He breaks off, crying.
"You'd save me," Fawkes says. His face is turned away from me but I can imagine the look in his eyes. It's that hard, serious look he wore when he made that speech and took up the mantle of the Phoenix.
Lumas nods. "It's what Ramona would've wanted."
Fawkes looks like he's going to give Lumas a hug but then he glances over his shoulder at me and limps over. He pulls the gag out of my mouth.
"Are you okay?" He asks. "Did he hurt you?"
"He cut me a little but it'll heal," I say. "I'm fine."
Fawkes looks at the ropes around my wrists. He frowns.
"Can you untie them?" I ask.
"Yeah," he says. "They're just wires. Really thick, tangled wires made of a completely different material and tied together by an expert wire-tangler. I know how to untangle wires."
He starts tugging at the ropes, trying to find a way to feed the end out of the knot. Eventually, he gets so frustrated, he swears under his breath. That just makes me laugh and, when I start laughing, Fawkes starts laughing.
"My hero," I say, when I get my breath back.
"Lovely damsel," Fawkes says, with a surprisingly good District 9 accent. "It appears I suck at untying knots. May I still kiss you?"
I burst into laughter again.
"You may," I say, breathless.
"Uh, guys," Lumas says. "You both realise that, when Coin figures out I'm not going to kill you, she'll send another assassin. We don't have time for role play. We need to get out of here."
"Okay," Fawkes says. "It would be really nice if you helped me with this knot."
Lumas sighs and walks over. He raises his knife and saws through the rope. I throw my arms around Fawkes.
"I did not do that so you two could start making out," Lumas says. "We need to go on the run. This'll buy us more time."
He snatches Fawkes' glasses from his face and stamps on them a few times.
"Hey!" Fawkes cries.
"I have to give Coin some 'evidence'," Lumas says, picking them up. "It'll get us a head start, give us time to get disguises and supplies. Now give me your arm."
Fawkes holds his right arm out. Lumas rolls up his sleeve and raises the knife. Fawkes yelps and pulls his arm back.
"What are you so afraid of?" Lumas asks. "It's just a little cut. Just so I can put a little bit of blood on your glasses so Coin thinks you're dead."
Fawkes gives me one of his wide-eyed, vulnerable looks. All the blood has drained from his face. I put my hands on his shoulders and guide him away from Lumas.
I know Fawkes can't explain to Lumas why the thought of one little cut on his arm freaks him out so much. He doesn't have the strength to explain how it'll take him back to that night before the Quell, where one little cut became two, and three, and four. But he doesn't have to. Because I'm here to protect him.
"Just back off," I say to Lumas. "Okay?"
"What's wrong with him?" Lumas asks.
"He doesn't want you to cut him," I say.
"Does he want to get hunted down and murdered?"
"No," I say. "But if you want blood on Fawkes' glasses, use mine."
I offer my arm.
"Fine," Lumas says. He makes a small cut, lets the blood well up and dabs it on Fawkes' glasses "Now, here's what's going to happen. You're going to go out and buy new clothes and hair dye. It'll look less suspicious if you do it. Then you're going to come back as quickly as possible. When you're back. I'll go out and take the evidence to Coin, run a couple of other errands. One of us will be guarding Fawkes at all times. He needs to stay away from windows as much as possible."
"Where are we running to?" I ask.
"District 3," Lumas says. "It's where Fawkes has the most power. We'll be able to set up a safe house there and work on overthrowing Coin."
"Okay," I say. "I guess I have to go."
I give Fawkes one final hug. He's pale and trembling. Lumas' threat to cut him must've really spooked him. The true gravity of the situation has set in. He's realised he doesn't need to be the hero anymore. He just needs to survive.
"This is real," he whispers. "They're trying to kill me again."
"And they're not going to succeed," I say. "I'll protect you. I just need to go out and get some disguises. I'll be right back."
I kiss him, give him one last loving look and walk away.
This isn't the end, I tell myself. You won't be gone long.
But I know it's not enough. This was what Ramona must've told herself when she let Gloss take her to Snow. She's been gone for three months. She might be gone forever.
But I keep telling myself that I'm not going to share my mentor's fate as I walk out to go shopping in District 1. My boyfriend's life is in danger and, whatever situation I get myself into, I'll fight my way out just to keep him safe.
This chapter is the turning point for Lumas. This is when he realises how to save Panem just in time to stop himself from dooming his country forever. Now he's on the same side as Binah and Fawkes.
