Lumas

The rain begins to fall as I walk through the streets of District 1.

Binah managed to buy disguises without any problems. I managed to drop off Fawkes' glasses at Coin's office without any problems. Now all I need to do is get a little help.

I walk up to the house and knock on the door. I takes a few seconds for Gloss to answer but he does. Hatred flares up in me. Even though he was part of the plan to kill Snow, I'll always see him as the man who took Ramona away. I try to ignore the pain.

"Taffeta," he says. "What do you want?"

"I need a favour," I say. "Can I come inside?"

"Okay," Gloss says, beckoning me in.

"What's Lumas doing here?" Gloss' sister, Cashmere saunters over with a flirtatious smile. "Looking for a new girlfriend?"

"No," I say.

Cashmere seems genuinely disappointed. "Oh, you're cute."

"Even after what I did in the war?" I ask, blushing. I'm not used to being flirted with.

"Yeah," Cashmere says. "Especially after what you did in the war. I like a bad boy."

"Shut up, Cashmere," Gloss says, looking horrified. "Taffeta didn't come here for you. He's got a girlfriend."

"Actually, we broke up," I say. "I'm here because I'm going on the run with a couple of friends. We're getting the train to District 3 in two hours. We need someone to distract the guards."

"I'll do it," Cashmere says, eagerly.

"What?" Gloss asks.

They start arguing with each other. I can't really keep up because it's mainly through whispers and hand gestures that only they understand. Eventually, Gloss sighs with exasperation.

"Fine," he snaps. "You can go and distract some guards as long as I get to come with you. That way, if they try to hurt you, we can fight them together. Also, I want to chaperone you and Taffeta."

Cashmere rolls her eyes. "Why do we even need a chaperone? I'm not thirteen. I'm almost thirty. It's not like Lumas likes me anyway."

"I like that idea. Two distractions are better than one," I say, walking towards the door. "I'll meet you at the station."

I'm about to leave but something stops me. Maybe the answer is here. Ramona kept telling me to move on. Maybe I should do it with someone who wants me for who I am now. I've never really talked to Cashmere much but I know she's pretty and smart. She's kinder to outliers than most Careers. Maybe, if I give her a chance, I'll grow to love her.

I turn around.

"Cashmere," I say. "If I'm still alive a month from now… maybe we can go on a date somewhere. I just need a bit more time."

"I get it," Cashmere says. "Whenever you're ready, call me."

I walk out into the rain, feeling guilty. Maybe I'm making a mistake. Maybe it's cruel of me to let Ramona die and then start thinking about a new girlfriend before she's even been killed.

But I can't deny that this is what she told me she wanted.


Fawkes

I felt sad dying my hair and cutting it short. I feel even sadder doing it to Binah's hair.

Binah's hair was the first thing about her I found beautiful. Even when she was just a stranger on the reaping stage, she had these magnificent waves of black hair with a single white streak. She told me, when I was running my fingers through her hair one night, she'd dyed it that morning. Her parents were going to dye it back after the reaping but they never got the chance. Then it became a fashion craze in the Capitol and they did an operation on her scalp to make it permanent.

I'd always liked the white streak because it made her look like the Bride of Frankenstein and I was a horror nerd. Now I've grown to love it because I can use it to recognise Binah instantly. It's exactly what I need to see when I wake up from a nightmare. Now her hair is a dirty blonde. It feels just as soft as usual in my hands as I cut it short but I have to look a lot closer to recognise the woman in the mirror.

Binah catches my expression in the mirror and frowns.

"You still look beautiful," I say.

"So do you," she says. "Red hair suits you."

"It's my favourite colour," I say.

"What do you think of my outfit?" Binah asks. She's already wearing a faded pink fleece, a gold miniskirt and a white tank top. A far cry from the black clothes she usually likes to wear.

"It looks like something you'd only wear on a dare," I say. "What do you think of mine?"

"It looks like something you'd only wear on a dare," she says. "I picked it out especially because I knew you'd never wear anything like it."

It's true. Binah had bought this ratty khaki hoodie and the world's most boring pair of jeans for me. I've replaced my cane with a much less impressive broom handle. With my hair a different colour and no glasses, I look like a completely different person.

"You know me so well," I say. "I'm done."

I set the scissors down and stroke Binah's hair. She smiles but her eyes are sad.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Nothing," she says.

"Binah, there has to be something wrong," I say. "The acting president is trying to kill me and we're going on the run. You can't be perfectly happy. I'll worry less if you just tell me."

She stands up and turns around to face me.

"I'm just wondering where I screwed up," she says. "If there was something I could've done that I didn't do. Lumas almost killed you."

"If I had a denarii for every time someone almost killed me…" I say. "I reckon I'd have at least ten denarii. That might not sound like much but what if the entire economy was based on how many times someone almost killed you. I'd probably be the richest man in Panem."

Binah laughs. I'm glad I can still make her smile. Lumas' knife at her throat terrified me a lot more than his knife at mine. I felt strangely calm when I thought I was going to die. It must have been the certainty of it. Now everything's uncertain, I'm more anxious. I could be in danger for a long time. The longer it takes to escape the threat of Coin, the harder it'll be for me to hold myself together.

And it's not just myself I'm worried about. The line on Binah's throat tells me everything I need to know - she is collateral damage. I dragged her into this.

I can't forget about the fear I felt when I first saw Lumas threatening her. I've never had to worry about Binah before. She's always been safe. But seeing her tied up and gagged with a knife at her throat changed something in me. The fear was overwhelming, even worse than the fear that I was going to die. All I could think about was saving her. Now I understand a fraction of Lumas' pain over losing Ramona.

I hope I'll never understand more of it.

"I'm sorry," I say. "It's my fault Lumas attacked you. If you ever get really badly hurt, it'll be my fault."

"Don't be sorry," Binah says. "Look, Fawkes, whatever happens, the last three months with you have been the best three months of my life. I had twenty-one years before that and not a single day of those twenty-one years was as good as those three months. Have you done anything you regret over the last three months?"

I think for a second. I have a lot of regrets. Some of them have kept me awake all night and in bed all day. But when I think about my time in District 13, all those propos, and tearing up the treaty, all I can think about is how I did the right thing. I tried to be someone who deserved Binah's love. I tried to be someone who deserved a happy future. I tried to help people, even if it was only by reaching out to them through a screen. I tried to fight all the dark feelings that threatened to make me ruin everything.

And maybe I did ruin everything. Maybe I've doomed myself and Binah. But at least I did it my way. At least I never let the monster in me win.

"I don't have any regrets," I say. "I'm still scared."

"It's okay to be scared," Binah says. "I remember you once told me that when you're afraid, you can move mountains-"

"Or you can crumble," I say. "I remember that."

I was in the arena sending voodoo dolls to the Careers to freak them out. I remember saying it because I thought it was something they'd put in the recap after I won to make me sound cool. It didn't happen. I didn't win.

"You can do both Fawkes," Binah says. "I've seen you do both - sometimes at the same time. So I'll be there to help you move that mountain and hold you together every time you feel like you're crumbling."

She wraps her arms around me and pulls me close. I rest my head on her shoulder and let myself relax a little. This isn't like the second arena. Binah is here to protect me. This isn't like the first arena. This time, we can both make it to safety.

This doesn't have to be like the games at all.

Suddenly, the front door opens. I'm briefly startled but then I remember Binah gave Lumas the key when he left. We rush out of the bathroom to find him frantically trying to turn the TV on.

"What's wrong?" Binah asks.

"Coin is bombing the Capitol," Lumas says. "This might be my last chance."

"What, to save Ramona?" Binah asks.

Lumas shakes his head, eyes full of tears. I understand.

"He wants to say goodbye," I say.


This chapter is a bit of a breather between two very intense chapters. All the characters get a little relationship moment. Lumas considers getting a new girlfriend and Binah and Fawkes get some time together. Maybe these moments would be happier under different circumstances but now all of them are in a lot of danger.