"Phenethylamine," Peter murmurs. "That's it, I got it!"

"Got what, honey?" May asks, taking a sip of her tea.

"Oh, just a breakthrough on this thing I'm working on for school."

"That's nice. Too bad you have to work on it during the weekend, though."

"Eh, it's not that bad."

"Must be something interesting, then. I'm guessing . . . science?"

"Yeah, more or less."

"Sounds fun, what is it?"

"Just a research project about this chemical, phenethylamine."

"That's an odd name. What is it?"

"It's hard to explain, but it's kinda like a love drug. We produce it naturally, but it's also in chocolate and a few other foods as well. It's basically a mood regulator, and it helps produce endorphins and dopamine."

May nods, feigning understanding. "Interesting."

"Yeah, it is."

"Well, you have fun with that," she says, getting up and putting her mug in the sink. "I'm going to bed, don't stay up too late."

"I won't, good night."

"Good night, love you."

"Love you too."

Peter lets out a breath when May closes the door to her room. He'd have to tell Eddie and Venom that he'd probably just found the solution to their problems. Glancing at the clock on the microwave, which read 9:23, he decides that there was no better time then tonight. Might as well kill two birds with one stone, patrolling with Venom and letting them know what he'd found.

. . .

Peter: going on patrol tonight, u wanna join?

Eddie: Sure, same meeting place?

Peter: yep

Peter closes the text app and pauses when he sees Deadpool on his contact list. It had been added rather unsolicitedly, and he wasn't sure why he hadn't just deleted it yet. Probably because Wade was pretty harmless most of the time, and just seemed lonely and wanting to talk with Peter (or, whoever, honestly) about any and every thought that crossed his mind.

Sighing, Peter clicks on Deadpool's contact, and then the little 'Message' icon that appears underneath it.

Peter: hey DP, wanna go on patrol with me and V tonite?

Deadpool: OFC, where u wanna meet up?

Peter: roof of the daily bugle, be there by 9:45

Deadpool: k, see u there

Peter closes the app and turns his phone off before plugging it in. He was already vaguely reconsidering texting both Venom and Deadpool, but it wasn't like he could do anything about it now. Resigning himself to his fate, Peter pulls his mask on and crawls out the window.

. . .

Venom is the first to arrive, sitting down and leaning against one of the air conditioning units. It was quiet for the most part, up really high it was just the hum of the AC and the faint sound of cars down below.

Peter gets there a few minutes later, swinging onto the roof and stumbling a bit when he lands.

"Smooth," Venom says, chuckling.

"You try web-slinging and see how easy it is," Peter mutters, sitting down next to them.

"Are we going to start, or did you call us here just to debate the finer points of your vaguely impractical method of transportation?"

Peter gasps in mock offence. "Says the guy who jumps from roof to roof. And yes, we're gonna start soon. Just, give it a few minutes."

"Why? Is the Spiderling tired already?"

"No. I—look, chill, okay. I don't have to explain myself to you."

"Ah, yes. Because communication is certainly the downfall of all things. Totally."

"Oh, can it. You have the time?"

Venom glances at their wrist. "No. We must have left our watch on our other suit."

"Wasn't talking to you."

"The Spiderling has voices too? And here we thought it was just us."

"No, the AI in my suit, Karen."

"Fancy. Why do you need to know?"

"You'll see."

A minute or so of semi-awkward silence passes before Venom says, "So, Karen. What is she like?"

Before Peter has the chance to respond, he's cut off when a voice shouts, "Hey! Spidey, Venom, I made it!"

They both turn to see Deadpool walking up to them before putting his hands on his knees and hanging his head, panting. "Sorry it took so long, this building is really tall. But, hey, it's only 9:47, so I'd say I did pretty good."

"Why is the knockoff Spiderling here?" Venom asks, sounding more amused that anything.

Deadpool gasps in mock offence. "How dare you, if anything he's a knockoff me. I've been doing this whole caped-crusader-nix-the-cape thing for, like, so much longer that him."

"Oh my god," Peter says, hiding his face in his hands. "This was a bad idea."

"What? No, Spidey, don't say that, they started it."

"Yeah, whatever," he mutters, standing up and stretching. "You two need to behave if we're gonna be doing this, so no funny business."

"Sir yes sir," Deadpool says, saluting.

"We have no problem with that," Venom says, also standing, and looking pointedly at Wade.

He glares at them for a few seconds, before walking up to Peter and slinging an arm around his shoulder. "So, where we goin' first, Spidey?"

"Wherever the crime is," he says, shoving Deadpool away. "Just, try to keep up and don't kill anyone, please."

"Of course, my fine arachnid friend." Wade glances at Venom, who was preparing to jump after Peter, and leaps onto their back shouting, "Piggy back ride!"

. . .

"Ugh, this is boooring," Deadpool whines.

"Yeah, well, you're the one who wanted to come along," Peter says, swinging his legs on the edge of the building.

"I thought it would be more fun, like it is in the movies."

"Sorry, but this ain't a movie, pal."

"That's what you say, but I know the truth."

"And that is?"

"Not telling. It would probably break your brain anyways, and this author doesn't really do action scenes."

Peter nods slowly. "Ah, yes. Because all of that totally made sense."

"You're just not on my level."

"I don't think I wanna be."

"Tch, that's what you think. What about you, Venom. Penny for your thoughts."

"Our thoughts cost more than a penny."

"Aw, c'mon, V. It's an expression."

"We are aware."

"You're no fun," Deadpool pouts.

"Excuse you, we are super fun. And to answer your question, you are crazy, but we are not any better, so I would say we are pretty much 'on your level' already."

"Such stirring sentiment," Peter deadpans.

"Thank you, thank you, we will be here all night," Venom snarks back.

"Well I, for one, could not agree with you more," Deadpool says, wrapping his arm around Venom's. "We can start a group! 'People who're fucked up in the head'."

"Sounds wonderful."

A minute or so of semi-awkward silence passes before Deadpool looks up at Venom and asks, "So, you come here often?"

"Yes, this is our favorite brooding spot."

"Really? I took you more for a church guy."

"Why?"

"Dunno. Just a feeling."

"We were joking, it was a joke. We usually come out here whenever we get hungry," Venom says, grinning wider.

Peter sighs, and Karen informs him of a robbery going on via police scanner.

"Yo, guys, we need to get going," Spider-Man says, standing up and stretching.

"Why?" Wade asks. "Your Spidey-Sense tingling?"

"Uh, sure. Let's go with that."

"Great," he says, jumping up. "Lead the way."

. . .

They arrive within a minute, hiding themselves on an adjacent rooftop.

"Okay, here's the plan . . ." Peter trails off when he realizes they weren't listening to him.

Venom was already preparing to leap down, but before they could, Deadpool grabs their shoulder and says, "Hey! What's the big idea here?"

Peter feels a relief that soon turns to astonishment when Wade continues, "It's my turn to take down the bad guy!"

"What makes you say that?" Venom asks, sounding genuinely confused.

"Uh, you caught the baddie last time, duh. It's my turn now."

"I was not aware we were operating on a turn-based system."

"We aren't . . . technically. But I wanna take him down this time," Deadpool whines.

"Why should you, I thought we were a team, shouldn't it be all together?"

"Tch, you would say that."

Peter sighs, watching the two of them going at it, and has an almost realization. Children. He was dealing with children. Two adult children, fighting over, well, fighting. He glances at the liquor store, and decides he could stop the robber on his own, so he leaves his two charges arguing on the roof while he swings over to the adjacent store.

. . .

"It's my turn goddamn it!" Wade exclaims.

"There are no turns!" Venom yells back.

"There are too."

"Oh, for Pete's sake," Venom starts, gesturing to where Peter should've been standing. "Wait, where is the Spiderling?"

"What do you mean he's right—shit. Fuck, we lost the minor, he's got no supervision, we're such bad guardians."

"I was under the impression he was watching us."

Before Wade could dispute that, there's a gunshot followed by a scream from inside the liquor store.

"Should we—"

"Yeah."

They jump down and charge the store, not really worried the weapon the robber had. When they enter, they see Peter sitting behind a shelf, clutching his shoulder. Deadpool and Venom glance at each other, an unspoken conversation passing between them before Wade slides down next to Peter, while Venom rushes the robber.

"Hey Spidey, you okay?"

"Do I look okay?"

"It's just a flesh wound, you'll be fine."

"I'm shot!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, we'll get you patched up after V deals with this guy."

"All done." Venom says, holding up the unconscious bad guy.

"Great!" Deadpool says, helping Spider-Man up. He turns to the poor cashier cowering behind the counter and says, "The police'll be here soon, watch that guy." The girl nods and Venom drops the robber next to her.

"Okay, let's get outta here. Little help, Venom?" Wade asks nodding to the top of the building they'd been watching from.

Almost begrudgingly, Venom picks them up and carries them to the roof. After setting them down, Venom retreats under Eddie's skin, re-appearing over his shoulder as just a head.

"Is the Spiderling okay?" they ask, sounding more amused than anything.

"Yeah, he'll be fine," Deadpool says.

"Not if you two just leave me here," Peter says, sounding hysterical. "I'll bleed out!"

"It just hit your shoulder, Eddie'll get you some stuff to patch you up and you'll be good to go."

"Uh, when did I become a part of this?"

"Well, I can't just walk into the nearest convenience store in full regalia," Wade says, gesturing to his outfit. "And poor Spidey here definitely shouldn't. So, that leaves you."

"You don't have any first aid stuff?"

"On me, nope. At home, also no. I've got crazy regeneration, I don't need it."

"Jesus Christ," Eddie mutters, shaking his head.

"Uh, anyone wanna ask how I feel about this?"

"Hush, child, the adults are talking."

"I'm more capable than both of you combined!" Peter exclaims, his words falling on deaf ears.

"So, Eddie, you're gonna go buy some stuff. I noticed a CVS nearby."

Eddie sighs. "Fine, but only if you're paying. I don't have my wallet on me."

"And you think I do?"

"Just take me home, I've got stuff there!" Peter says, practically pleading with them at this point.

Deadpool gasps. "Really? Spidey trusts us to know where he lives? I'm so honored!"

Peter grimaces. "On second thought, you can leave me a few blocks away."

"Yeah, not happening, kid," Eddie says. "It'd be irresponsible of us to let an injured minor walk home alone."

"You two are the reason this happened in the first place! That's it, rule number 2, during team-ups, have each other's back. Which means we work together and don't squabble like children over who gets to take down the bad guy."

"He started it," Venom says, nodding to Wade.

"Did not."

"Did too."

"This is what I'm talking about!" Peter interjects. "Behave, or I'm calling off the patrols."

They all pause.

"Fine," Venom mutters.

"What he said."

"Good. Now, if you could call me a cab or something, I'd like to be getting home so I don't bleed out on some random rooftop."

"Do you even know what to do for a gunshot wound?" Eddie asks skeptically.

"Not really, but I can just look it up."

"Or," Deadpool starts, "you could let the professionals handle it."

"Yeah, I'm not going to a hospital."

"Not those quacks, me."

"I thought you didn't have any first aid stuff."

"Oh, I don't, but I do know how to use it."

"Really?"

"I'll have you know, I'm former Canadian Special Forces, so I know what I'm talking about."

"Yeah, I'd rather just figure it out myself."

"Aw, c'mon Spidey."

"Where'd you get the supplies?"

"Eddie probably has some stuff at his place."

Eddie, who'd been talking with Venom, perks his head at the mention of his name. "Uh, I've got what at my place?"

"First aid stuff."

"Well, yeah, but I don't think Mary would much like it if all of us barged in there."

"Mary is . . ?"

"My sister."

"Shouldn't she be asleep?"

"Probably, but that doesn't mean she is."

"Well, then you can just sneak in there and get the stuff, then meet us outside."

"Or you could just take me home and let me deal with this?" Peter suggests.

"Nope, like you said, this is our fault, so we must take responsibility."

Peter sighs, vaguely regretting trying to instill a sense of morality in two villains. It only really seemed to cause him problems. Then again, it might've been worse if they hadn't been there to help him after he got shot, so . . .

"Well, who says I want you knowing where I live either," Eddie says, crossing his arms.

"What, you think I'm gonna kidnap your sister or something? That's not really my shtick, so unless she's some kinda evil, you don't gotta worry."

"How comforting," he deadpans.

"Look, just get the stuff and meet us back here. Shouldn't take you more than a couple minutes."

Eddie groans. "Fine. If I'm not back soon, it means Mary kicked my ass for being out so late." And with that, Venom creeps over Eddie's skin and they leap off into the night.

Deadpool sits down next to Peter, whistling a random tune.

"I'm still mad at you," he mutters.

"You'll be fine," Wade repeats, sounding a little more subdued than normal.

"You keep saying that."

" 'Cause it's true. You've got a healing factor too, right?"

"Yeah, but it's not as impressive as yours."

"Eh, my point still stands. Just give it a few days."

"Says you. You're not the guy that has to walk around school with a gunshot wound. I probably can't write with my right hand, so that's just wonderful."

"Aw, poor little Spidey."

" 'M not little."

"Says the kid still going to school."

"It's college," Peter says, and it isn't exactly a lie. He may take college classes, but he's still in high school.

"Hm, you're a good fighter, but a crap liar. 'Sides, I'd recognize teenage whining anywhere. I'd say you and Negasonic would get along, but you're more fresh-faced and naive than her, so maybe not. Although, you do remind me a bit of Yukio, so maybe I'm wrong. I'm probably wrong."

"They friends of yours?" Peter asks, going with the flow of the new conversation.

"You could say that. I'm more like the charming pest that bugs them whenever I get a new movie."

"You're not a pest."

"Aw, thanks for that Spidey. Your kindness truly knows no bounds."

"We are back," Venom says, landing on the building and setting down a plastic case.

"Great! Then I'll patch Spidey up and call Dopinder so he can be on his way."

"Who's Dopinder?" Peter and Eddie ask simultaneously.

"Jinx," Peter says, mostly out of habit than anything else.

"Y'ain't gettin' a soda from me, kid."

"Dopinder's a cabbie friend of mine. You can get a free ride, and he takes the privacy of his customers very seriously, so you can keep your secret apartment to yourself."

"He gives out free rides?"

"Superhero discount," Wade says cryptically.

"Uh-huh," Peter says slowly. "Normally I'd pry, but right now I'd rather just not bleed to death. So, if you could fix me up, I'll be on my way."

"M'kay. Eddie can call Dopinder," Deadpool says, tossing his phone to Eddie and opening the plastic first aid kit.

"Uh, what?" Eddie asks, fumbling with the phone.

"It's not locked, just look under my contacts."

"But . . ."

"I'm kinda busy here."

Reluctantly, Eddie opens Wade's phone and scrolls through his contact list, which was small, but colorful with the many varying names and emojis spread throughout. He quickly finds one that says 'Dopinder' with two taxi cab emojis flanking it. Steeling himself, Eddie clicks the contact and then the little 'Call' icon that appears underneath it.

"Mr. Pool?" Dopinder asks with a yawn. "Why are you calling this late?"

"Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were asleep."

"Who is this?"

"Uh, Deadpool?"

"No, it's not. How did you get his phone?"

"He gave it to me."

"Then let me talk to him."

"It's for you," Eddie says, holding the phone up to Wade's ear.

"Oh, come on. Dopinder, just get here soon."

"Sorry, Mr. Pool, right away. Uh, where are you exactly?"

"I dunno. Eddie, find some street signs."

"We're at (address)," Peter says through gritted teeth, the adrenaline finally wearing off.

"I'll be right there."

"Just avoid the cop cars and you'll be fine," Deadpool says, just before the call cuts out.

. . .

It was only after the madness was over, and Peter was safe at home, that he realized he'd forgotten to tell Venom and Eddie that he'd found a way to help them. And with his shoulder out of commission for the next week-ish, he wouldn't have another time to tell them for a while.

Peter glances at his phone and considers calling them, but decides against it. The explanation was just a little too complex to convey over a single call. He'd just have to wait until he was healed enough to go back out as Spider-Man again.