Fifty-Four
"You knew? You knew and you didn't tell me!"
"Kerri …"
"How could you not think that's maybe something I'd want to know?"
"Kerri, will you let me get a word in sideways, love?" came her mother's surprisingly patient voice from the other end of the phone. "Don't go getting all offended over who knew what and when. Your da rightly thought if anyone should know first, it's me. Or he did once he knew himsel' anyway. But then he wanted to be the one to tell you, so I promised I'd gi' him the space to do that. Although if it's taken this long …"
"It's ridiculous. He's too old to have a baby and he didn't even tell me!" Kerrianne fumed, her eyes and the back of her throat burning with tears and pent-up emotion as she sat on the floor at the foot of her bed in the guest room, cell phone pressed to one ear and picking furiously at the hole in the knee of her jeans with her free hand. "I had to see them all over each other and it was bloody obvious either she's a fat cow or … or-"
The teenager couldn't even bring herself to say it, but she didn't get the chance anyway as her mother cut her off sharply, shocking her with the anger now infusing her tone.
"Kerrianne Larkin-Telford, you have no business calling any woman the likes o' that, especially when she's expecting! No, you listen to me, my girl – whether you like it or not, that girl's pregnant and I will not have it said that my daughter caused her unnecessary stress. I raised you better than that."
"Must have imagined you calling the ones hanging round Sambel tarts and sluts then …"
"You're lucky you're on the other end o' a phone," Fiona warned. "Speaking back to your mother on top o' everything else. Do not test me, Kerri, I'm serious. Look, your relationship wi' your da or his … partner is not for me to interfere in. I won't stand in the way o' you spending time wi' them, but I won't force you to do anything you don't want either. So I'm not asking you to like this Eden, but you will not be disrespectful. Especially when you're a guest in her home. And for your da's sake, if nothing else."
"Why are you being so calm about this?" Kerrianne asked plaintively. "He's supposed to be your flaming husband. He's shacked up wi' some other woman, getting her pregnant, and you're pissed off wi' me!"
"Oh, sweetheart," her mother sighed. "Look, don't you be worrying your wee head about me. You and your dad are what's important in this. Don't let this get in the way o' having him in your life. I know how much that would mean to the both o' you."
The teenager snorted at that. "Aye, right. He's not gonna want me now he's got a whole new life and a baby."
"That really isn't how it works, pet," Fiona said softly. "We've had a lot to contend wi' over the years, me and your da, but he loves you, Kerri. He has always loved you so much and I could never claim otherwise. Lord knows he has his faults, but your dad has the biggest heart o' any man I've ever met. And it's soft – like his head," she added wryly. "Go easy on him, yeah?"
Brushing away a few tears that had escaped down her cheeks, Kerrianne mulled that over, considering what it meant that even her mother could be so apparently accepting of the situation. And, of course, part of her had known all along that she was being childish. Trying to cling to her father now, having missed out on so much with him when she was actually small enough for that behaviour to perhaps have been more justified.
She could see she'd handled it all so badly.
And now, she didn't know how to climb down from the position of hostility she'd put herself in. How could she expect Eden to welcome her when she'd treated her so appallingly in the face of nothing but kindness? And what if her dad couldn't forgive her either for upsetting his … his girlfriend – no, fiancée – and when she was pregnant to boot?
"Kerri?" Fiona tried tentatively, hearing the sniffles down the phone. "You still there, love?"
"I don't know what to do, mum," the teen whispered, still focusing on the frayed denim surrounding the hole in her jeans in a bid to keep from totally dissolving into tears like a baby. "I've made a hash o' everything. They'll not want to put up wi' me."
But her mother gave a little laugh at that.
"There isn't a parent in the world who hasn't had their patience tried by their child," she said. "They don't just give up and set them out on the doorstep. Now, come on, you're not such a wee girl anymore – you understand consequences. If you've been rude to Eden, you can't be expecting her to think too kindly o' you until you make amends. And if you've made your da angry, well, he might have every right to be by the sounds o' it. And maybe he'll shout and lose that temper o' his, but it'll blow over. Especially if you do your part to make up for it. Have you tried saying sorry?"
"I … don't want to go down there," Kerrianne muttered, flushing just at the thought of it, as hurt and anger gave way to embarrassment at the thought of what everyone must think of her. She liked to think she was so grown-up, but she'd now repeatedly kicked off like a spoilt child, throwing her toys out of her pram at the thought of anything taking her dad further away from her.
She was supposed to be thinking about university and what she wanted to do with her life, for crying out loud. Although what the hell were her friends going to think about her having a half-brother or half-sister so far apart in age she could be their ma …
Her own mother seemed to know at least some of what was racing through her mind, waiting patiently on the other end of the line.
"Just say sorry, Kerri," she said softly. "I know it's hard, but your da'll forgive you. He'd forgive you a hell o' a lot more than a wee blow-up 'cause you've had a shock. And I'm sure Eden will understand too. And if she doesn't, as long as I know you've tried, I'll soon set madam straight, pregnant or not. I'm on your side, you know, love. Always."
"Even when I've been a stupid eejit?"
"Even then," Fiona insisted. "Doesn't mean I won't set you straight too. I'm your ma. It's what I'm here for."
"I love you, mum."
"I love you too, baby. Now, dry those tears and go make me proud. Gi' your dad a hug from me."
"I will," Kerrianne promised. "Bye, mum."
Having washed her face, splashing cold water on her red-rimmed eyes, Kerrianne reluctantly crept down the stairs to hover near the bottom, trying to hear what was going on. She was sure her father's girlfriend would be giving off about her behaviour and, sure enough, she could hear Eden's voice drifting from the lounge.
"At least she knows," she was saying. "Now we just need to give her time to get used to the idea."
"Aye," her dad sighed, his Scottish accent unmistakable and his voice carrying more easily. "But either way, she apologises to you."
"Filip-"
"No, love, I ain't having her being disrespectful and that's the end o' it."
"Just … go easy, okay?" Eden soothed. "It's bound to be a bit weird for her. You're her dad and she doesn't want to share you. Especially if it rules out any chance of you and her mom getting back together."
"She should know that ain't gonna happen …"
Even without the talking to from her mother, Kerrianne knew she couldn't begrudge her father his anger, but she was still taken aback to hear his girlfriend defend her somewhat. She couldn't help feeling like she didn't deserve that, as she strained to hear the couple. The conversation was clearly continuing, but their voices had dropped and she could only make out the occasional word – at least until her dad's voice noticeably lifted.
"It'll fucking kill me not being there to take care o' you …" she could hear him saying.
"I know, I know …"
That was Eden again, still softer and harder to make out as Kerrianne listened, only just making out her own name amid the next bit.
"… so I really think I should just go and ..."
Fresh guilt seemed to settle in the teenager's stomach, as the bad feeling she was getting about what was going on and her part in it took hold. She hadn't meant to cause quite so much turmoil in making her feelings known, but now it sounded to her like Eden was actually talking about leaving. Surely she couldn't be serious though? She was pregnant – she couldn't just take off, could she?
The guilt was already turning to near panic at the thought of having driven the older woman out. As weird as it was and as uncomfortable as it made her to think of her silver-haired dad as someone's boyfriend, never mind the father of a tiny baby, even she could see that he was happy. If she had managed to destroy that, she couldn't imagine how he could forgive her – no matter what her mother might say.
"You agreed it was for the best …"
That was Eden again, seeming to stand her ground on whatever it was they were talking about.
"I wouldn't go that far, love. You leaving me ain't ever gonna be best ..."
Kerrianne's stomach lurched in disbelief as her father seemed to confirm what she had thought she was hearing – Eden was going to leave and her dad would be heartbroken and the baby would have to grow up without a father and it would all be her fault and literally everyone would hate her for being a hateful bitch.
Oh god.
"Please don't leave my dad because o' me."
Eden and Chibs both looked up at the small voice from the doorway, exchanging a glance when they saw Kerrianne looking at them both anxiously, her eyes red-rimmed.
"I'm sorry for what I said. I won't be disrespectful again," the teenager managed, the words coming tumbling out even as she couldn't seem to help dissolving into fresh tears. "Please don't leave because o' m-me, I didn't mean to-"
"Oh, hey, hey, hey," Eden soothed, holding out a hand to hold Chibs back, but immediately jumping up herself and heading for the girl to slip an arm around her shaking shoulders, all the animosity she had been shown forgotten in the face of such distress. "Kerri, please, don't cry, sweetie – it's okay."
"It's n-not! If you l-leave 'cause o' me, dad'll h-hate me!"
"Your dad could never hate you, Kerri. Never ever. Come on, come and sit with me for a minute. Filip, maybe you could go and make some tea? Go on, we'll be fine here."
Ushering Kerrianne over to the couch, Eden guided her down on it and then sat herself, taking a deep breath as she tried to consider where best to start and the teenager struggled to pull herself together, wiping at her eyes with end of her sleeve.
"I'm sorry for being such a bitch to you," Kerrianne tried tentatively, looking like she wouldn't be surprised to have her apology thrown back in her face after everything.
"And I'm sorry you've had such a lot dropped on you all at once. I do it get it, you know. When my mom started dating after my dad … I hated the thought of it. No one was ever going to be as good as my dad."
"Your parents split up too?"
"My dad died when I was pretty young," Eden said softly, looking down at her hands.
"Oh," came the response, loaded with fresh guilt at having put her foot in it. "Sorry."
"It's okay, you didn't know," Eden said, offering the sniffling teen a little smile. "It was a long time ago. I still miss him though, so much. I was such a daddy's girl. So, yeah, I know how hard it must have been for you not having yours around growing up. You have that chance now though and I promise you, I never want to get in the way of that. And I don't want to disrespect your mom, or be forcing myself into your life. But I would really like if we could just get along. For your dad's sake. Because I do love him, Kerri. The last thing I want is to make you uncomfortable, but I just want you to know that."
"If he can't be with mum, I don't want him to be alone or miserable, I just never thought …" Kerrianne trailed off, not even really knowing how to explain, but Eden seemed to understand anyway. Some of it at least.
"I was shocked when your dad first told me he was married," Eden admitted. "I … I really liked him and I just hadn't realised. I really didn't want to be getting in the middle of something like that. But then he explained and … I gave it a chance. I guess I didn't really expect all this to come of it. Look, Kerri, like I said, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I don't want to patronise you either and you deserve to know what's going on. You were right, about me and your dad being irresponsible. We didn't plan for this baby and that was dumb. Kids are a big deal. But we are happy now we've got our heads round it and I'm so glad I've got your dad in this with me. But none of it changes how important you are to him. He loves you so much and he hates that he hasn't always been there. It would mean the world to him to be able to at least try to make up for that."
Avoiding looking at the woman sat with her, Kerrianne turned her attention back to the hole in her jeans, trying to force herself to sound way more casual than she felt.
"I thought he wouldn't be interested in me when he's got a new wife and a wee baby to worry about it," she mumbled.
"Oh, Kerri," Eden sighed, hesitantly reached to squeeze the teenager's fingers, unsure how welcome the gesture would be, but wanting to get her attention and make her look up. "You'll always be his baby, honey. And you're this baby's big sister. You'll always be family. And much as I don't want to be forcing myself into your life, I don't want you to think you don't matter to me. You're important to your dad, so you're important to me. I always want to make you welcome here. And I know you've got your mom and I'd never try to push her out or anything, but if you ever need someone to talk to … well, I'm here."
They both looked up at the clearing throat to see Chibs stood leaning in the doorway, any pretence of having been making tea gone as he simply crossed the room and leaned down to drop a little kiss on top of Eden's head and one on his daughter's.
"My girls …" he murmured, just as Kerrianne threw herself into his arms.
"I'm sorry, dad, I'm sorry for everything," she tried.
"Hey, hey, it's okay, baby," he soothed, wrapping her up in a tight hug. "You're all right, yer aul' da's got ya."
Chibs' eyes met Eden's over the top of Kerrianne's head and she offered her old man a small smile, before getting up to slip out and give them a chance to talk.
"Thank you," he mouthed.
