Author's Note: I'm sorry this isn't a proper update, but as it's been a long-ass time, I felt I owed people an explanation for my sudden, unplanned disappearance. And to soften the blow for anyone still hoping for a new chapter (thank you so much to all those who have left reviews or PMs to that effect and apologies I've not been able to get back to you all), I'll add below this a mini sneak preview of a future scene, and a couple of little excerpts that may or may not make the final cut, although they do come with the proviso that it may still take me a while to get back to writing, which I'm hoping you'll understand once you've read this note.
Um, where to start? Basically life since my last update has been a total rollercoaster. I know it's been a tough time for everyone and I know my situation could have turned out worse than it did, but it has still just been a lot to handle and I haven't coped particularly well.
To cut a long story short, on top of the upheaval of day-to-day life due to the pandemic – which still hasn't returned my life to anything like normal some 16 months on – I've had to undergo treatment for pre-cancerous cells. Which sounds awfully straightforward when I put it like that, but it's been months of tests and uncertainty and crushing anxiety that isn't really over yet, although I'm hoping I will be able to draw a line under it eventually.
The timing sucked. Not that it would ever be ideal, but there was already a lot of stress around work and so forth, plus – and I guess this is the high of my rollercoaster, although it certainly added an extra layer of complication to the whole situation – navigating a new relationship. I've tried so hard to carry on like it's not a big deal, knowing that there are people in far worse positions, but the weight of that has crushed me and it's taken all my energy just to deal with everyday life. The anxiety is something new that I'm also going to have to address properly as I don't think it seems like it will just vanish even if/when I get the all-clear. It's like my head is a cupboard you've been shoving all your unwanted crap in until one day, you just can't get the door to close anymore.
Writing has always been my crutch in the past, but this time… Any shred of creativity just dried up completely. For a long time, I couldn't even settle my head enough to take pleasure in reading or watching TV/films. I binge-watched Schitts Creek because the short episodes were all I had the attention span for (plus it's so pure and I love it and I now rewatch it for comfort – by contrast, the intensity of something like SOA during this time would have probably finished me lol). I haven't written anything, not even my usual little draft scenes, this year and I can't even say I've hated it because I literally just haven't had the headspace to even think about it. I turned my personal laptop on this week for the first time this year.
So that's why I've been gone. I hope not forever because I was looking forward to sharing the rest of Chibs and Eden's story with you, but it may take a minute to pick up the threads where I left off and try to remember the direction I had planned to take them in. I've got a particularly busy time ahead for the next few weeks with real-life shit, but maybe after that I'll be better placed to think about writing again.
In the meantime, below is a little glimpse of a future scene I'd already written so very long ago and those other little excerpts I promised…
Be well,
Torrie x
FUTURE SCENE
At first, Chibs steeled himself to keep his distance, remembering Jax's firmly held belief that his boys would be better off hating him and everything he had held dear. But at the sight of little Thomas running towards him, gurgling with happy laughter, the biker president's resolve crumbled and he dropped to his knees to catch the child and sweep him into a cuddle.
"Didn't think this wee lad would even remember us," Chibs said roughly, looking up at Wendy with tears burning in his eyes. "It's been a long time."
"I know," she said softly. "I wasn't even sure I was really going to come here until … well, here we were."
"And Abel, look at the size o' you, young man," Chibs exclaimed, but the solemn older boy simply looked back at him without expression.
"We're … working on it," Wendy said, by way of explanation, saying nothing and everything with a look.
"Ah. Good, that's good," Chibs managed, reaching out to ruffle his hair as his heart ached for what the boy had lost much too young. "And you? How've you been, sweetheart? Nero gives me the broad strokes …"
"It's been tough," she admitted, forcing a sad smile. "But we're all just getting on with it. Nero's been amazing. He's great with Abel – so patient, you know?"
Chibs rose to his feet with Thomas still in his arms, a hand caressing that shock of fine blond hair as he pressed a kiss to his head. "Let's go in, huh? There's someone I want you to meet …"
DRAFT EXCERPT 1
"Don't tell me my big, bad biker's gone all shy 'cause of my mom," Eden teased, her fingers lightly tracing over the million dollar bill inked high on his chest as she pressed tiny kisses to his lips, his jaw, his neck, snuggling into his side and letting her lips linger against the warmth of his skin.
"Hey, I just don't wanna end up in yer ma's bad books permanently. Pretty sure I'm already on thin ice for knocking up her wee girl," Chibs grinned, an arm curled around her.
"True," his old lady mused. "Of course, that just means it's a bit too late to try to convince her your intentions are pure. Call me crazy, but I think she might have worked out that we're sleeping together."
"Don't think it's the sleeping that bothers her," he muttered, making Eden laugh softly.
But instead of settling down beside her old man, she eyed him coyly as she sat up again, toying with the tie of her silky robe before slowly undoing it as Chibs tucked an arm behind his head to watch through hooded eyes.
"You wouldn't be trying to lead me astray again, would you, lass?" he drawled.
"Didn't think I had to try," she replied, letting her hair down from its ponytail and shaking it loose, her robe now falling open over the delicate lace of her underwear and the swell of her stomach, making Chibs stifle a longing groan. "I just missed you. Like really missed you …"
"You know I missed you too, you wee minx. C'mere," the biker ordered, reaching out to take her in his arms.
DRAFT EXCERPT 2
"Chibby, finally - what ya doin', brother?"
"Trying to have a nice wee shag wi' the missus, if you lot would ever gi' us a bit o' peace for five bloody minutes!" the president groused, with a little grunt as Eden's pillow caught him full in the face in protest over his candour.
"For Eden's sake, I hope you'd need more than five," Tig retorted, the grin obvious in his voice from the other end of the line. "Sorry, man. Club shit. You, uh, think you'll be long?"
"What d'ya want, Tigger? A blow-by-blow account?"
"Maybe …"
"Look, is anybody dead?" Chibs demanded.
"Uh, no—"
"Is anybody likely to end up dead in the very near future?"
"No, probably-"
"Bye, Tig."
