(Dark Room in an Unknown Location at an Unknown Time)
"You ladies know what to do, right?"
(Cemetery)
An uncountable number of people had come.
Who wouldn't, when the person whose funeral they had come for was the legendary Kakashi Hatake, of the Icha Icha. Once renowned for his Sharingan, but later known for his law reforms "for the benefit of Icha Icha" in his tenure as Hokage.
Kakashi's tenure as Hokage had been an interesting one. Filled with various attempts to slip a law past the Civilian and Shinobi council in an effort to make peeping on the Ladies' Hot-springs in Konoha legal.
He had been utterly defeated in that regard, as he never did manage to push for such a law to be had by the two councils, who, for once, had decided to work together to stop the perversity that was the 6th Hokage.
He did manage to, somehow, push to have one of THE main new roads in Konoha be named "The road of life". So, kudos to him for that one.
The women had come to see if they could spit on the body or kick it one last time.
Sasuke was here just to check with his Rinnegan to see if he was truly dead this time, or if it was like the other time his once-upon-a-time Sensei had decided to fake his death.
Sakura was here to perform yet another check to see if it was actually his body, even though she had already checked it multiple times to check for any hints at it being a fake.
If she discovers anything pointing to it being a fake, she was prepared to kick her old and, supposedly, dead teacher hard enough in-between the legs to permanently cripple him down there. Treason be damned! SHANNARO!
As for Naruto, on the other hand?
"WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE! HE DIED SO SOON!"
The blond Jinchūriki was busy trying to create a new river in Konoha with just his tears alone…
Some had come because they had truly respected the guy. Some had come because they hated the guy, but he had their grudging respect. Some had come to see the man who had brought down Konoha's respectable image and made it seem much more depraved to people than ever before. And others? Well, some others were there because they were rivals with the guy.
"YOOOOOUTTHHHHHH!"
"GAI-SENSEI!"
"LEE!"
Sakura tuned them out as they did their regular routine.
Sometimes she just wished that Naruto hadn't helped Gai live after he entered the 8th Gate.
She shuddered as she realized that she should never let her teacher in the medical area find out about that thought. Tsunade would cause her a lot of pain for thinking such negativity about a patient of theirs. Especially one so respectable after his sacrifice in the war.
Speaking of Kakashi, she looked around, checking to see if his corpse had arrived from Tsunade's house. Tsunade had personally been asked to check if it was the real thing.
Sakura had been offended that the old hag was asked to check first, instead of her. She WAS Tsunade's successor in the ways of being a medic-nin, after all.
If only Tsunade didn't live on literally the other side of the village from the Hokage Graveyard site.
"Heh," she chuckled under her breath, it was almost like Kakashi would have gotten his dreams to come true and be late to his own funeral. Everyone knew he secretly wanted that to happen at his funeral.
Of course, that wasn't going to happen.
Not on her watch.
"Shino," she called out, "could you check what's taking so long with the transfer of Kakashi-sensei's corpse from Tsunade-sensei's house?"
However, before her fellow ninja could reply, her sight was bombarded with Green. SO MUCH GREEN!
"Did you ask me to check on my rival!?
"What!? No! What part of what I said made you thin—"
"Yosh! If I do not get back here in one minute, then I shall go around Konoha 10,000 times in my wheelchair!"
And before she could even say anything, he was gone.
"It should be illegal for anyone to be that fast on a wheelchair." To her surprise, it was Sasuke who said that.
Squashing the long-ingrained instinct to fangirl, she prepared to reply before she realized that her legs were drenched up to her knees. A quick glance caught the cause of the issue. Naruto had somehow managed to cry enough tears to fill up the entire graveyard up to her knees in depth. Nevermind how it was possible for his body to produce so much fluid—it was probably the work of that damned fox, anyways. It probably found this amusing—If the water/tear level got any higher, Naruto would start drowning some of the kids, who had come to the funeral, with his tears.
"Cut that out!" With a blow that should have vaporized anything it touched easily, and yet, her hand hurt like the first time she had to punch a training log.
What the fuck was his head made of!?
'At least that took care of the Naruto issue for a while,' she thought as she watched a trail of liquid going as far as the eye could see. It would take him a while to come back from that one. Hopefully, the impact with the ground would render him unconscious, so she wouldn't have to deal with him for the rest of the day—if only she could be so lucky.
She hadn't even fully turned around when—
"Sa"—No—"ku"—fucking—"ra!"—WAY!
How was he already back!?
Quickly turning to face him, she saw the last of faint flickers of orange and yellow in the air around him.
He must have just exited one of the forms granted to him by that thrice-damned fox.
Come to think of it, couldn't it/he also sense negative emotions? Yup, that settled it. The fox was playing a game with her. A game of "How much can you piss off Sakura?"
Well, she refused to lose this match to it!
Still absentmindedly ignoring Naruto as he went on about whatever he was going on about, she suddenly wished she knew some Water Release Jutsus. Maybe she could have used them to manipulate Naruto's comically large amount of tears out of the area.
Suddenly she saw a green blur getting near.
Finally, some good news.
"Young Sakura, we have a problem!"
Or not…
"What is it, Gai?"
"The YOUTHFUL YOUTHS who were supposed to bring my worthy rival's body are being occupied by many other YOUTHFUL tasks!"
Exhaling to calm down, which really did nothing to help her, she turned around and punched Naruto again. Sure, her fist hurt like hell, but God did it feel right to watch him fly into the horizon. Almost cathartic, really.
"Gai," she whispered, "what could be more important of a task than to bring the 6th Hokage's corpse for his funeral proceedings?"
.
.
.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN A HOARD OF OLD WOMEN NEEDING A HAND WITH GROCERIES ARE STOPPING THE ANBU FROM BRINGING HIS CORPSE HERE!?"
(Dark Room in an Unknown Location at an Unknown Time)
"Of course, young man. After all the times you helped us with our groceries, I think none of us could say no to a simple favour from you."
(Cemetery)
God, she needed to punch something right now, and Naruto still wasn't back yet from his latest journey via her fist.
Time to improvise. What was the closest thing she could punch?
A RinneSharingan enhanced glare warning her not to do what she was thinking of doing set her straight pretty fast.
"Well, why can't they just come here via rooftops?"
"GREAT IDEA, YOUNG SAKURA! I'LL GO ASK THEM!"
"Wait! N—" And he was gone before she could complete her sentence…
Also, were those… skid marks in the air? How damn fast was Gai going in that wheelchair of his?
Seeing blond from the corner of her eye, she punched towards it, only realising halfway through punching that she was seeing blonde hair that went down to a person's back. Naruto didn't have long hair…
She barely managed to avoid punching Ino… not that it mattered much when the shockwaves from her punch still blew her childhood friend away.
"You really need to do something about that anger problem of yours."
"Shut up!" she yelled at Sasuke in return.
"I… never said anything," he confusedly answered back while backing away from her like she was mentally unstable or something.
"I mean, you kind of are unstable."
'Inner?' she thought back.
"That's my name, don't wear it out."
Before she could get used to the miraculous—and probably not so good—reappearance of Inner after years of silence from her, she felt the chakra signature of Sai coming close.
"Hello, Ugly."
Something in her jaw definitely broke from how hard she was clenching it.
"He's not wrong. You definitely didn't get any prettier over the years," she stated in slight annoyance. "You could have at least tried to give yourself bigger boo—"
Annnnnd she was ignoring her now. Where was a Yamanaka when you needed one?
She deliberately, or unintentionally, ignored the bloody form of Ino floating in the flood of Naruto tears.
"Hello, Sa—"
She was interrupted via the unnecessarily loud sound of her once-upon-a-time-sensei, Yamato, arriving.
Eyes twitching, jaw already clenching from before, she opened her mouth to greet hi—
"Is it true this all isn't water from a water Jutsu gone wrong, but rather is all Naruto's tears?" Only for him to beat her to the punch in speaking.
"Ye—"
"Are those skid marks in the air?"
"Ye—"
"Were you just talking to yourself?"
That was the line that broke her VERY limited patience. Not the line itself, but rather it being the third time she was interrupted.
Her face darkened with shadows formed from a non-explicable source. The shriek that followed may as well have ruptured the ears of those nearby.
"COULD EVERYONE PLEASE JUST SHUT UP FOR THREE SECONDS?
And, as if the universe was listening, everything went quiet; whether by everyone's fear of her or the universe, listening was yet to be known.
"Finally! Some peace so I can think!"
And, if the universe was, indeed, listening, then the universe was one amused and meticulous thing, for it granted her ONLY the three seconds that she had asked for and no more.
She heard a faint sound.
"Yoooo—" Her heart sank.
From the distance, a green blur was seen incoming.
"Oh, no…"
"ooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTHHHHH!" Gai came wheeling back in.
She facepalmed in turn.
Her instinctual usage of her sensei's super-strength/impact did not do her well here, a fact that she was willing to acknowledge half a second later when her face just started gushing blood in-between the cracks between her fingers.
Gai, in a feat of ignorance, seemingly did not notice this, and continued to report the situation, "THE MOST YOUTHFUL ANBU TRIED TO COME HERE BY ROOFTOP, BUT THEY CAME ACROSS A BLACK CAT AND HAD TO GO AROUND THE ENTIRE VILLAGE SO AS TO AVOID HAVING BAD LUCK!"
.
.
.
She didn't get paid enough for this.
Actually...
Why didn't she get paid enough for this? Both the previous Hokage—ignoring Danzo, because no one was gonna acknowledge his brief period of Hokage-hood—AND the 5th Hokage were her teachers. By all means, she should have been swimming in riches, except that one teacher was a drunk and a gambler that wasted all the extra money Sakura could have had, and the other was a cheap, late, bastard of a sensei, and wouldn't spend a penny over the minimum amount possible in most cases.
"Well, well, well, you just gave away the answers yourself." Inner-Sakura was masterfully ignored by Sakura in a feat of willpower that showed just why she had such a big forehead; to store away all that willpower.
So… let me get this straight. A cat. A simple, fucking cat, stopped the ANBU from coming here via rooftop?" she asked in a deathly calm voice, hiding her true anger in a voice that simply screamed "Try me, I dare you to try me."
"No, YOUTHFUL SAKURA, I believe you got it all wrong!"—her sigh of relief came too early. Why she ever thought there would be a reasonable ending to this sentence, no one would ever know—"It was not just a cat, YOUTHFUL SAKURA! It was a BLACK CAT!"
She felt like she had been temporarily deafened after hearing that at point-blank. Was it too much to hope for that Gai would stop his eccentricities on the day of his "Eternal Rival's" (supposed!) funeral?
… And, also, did that make Gai racist? The emphasis on "black" seemed quite strong there.
After hearing silence for a few seconds and seeing Gai still speaking/yelling, she came to the conclusion that she was actually deafened. An epiphany that made her oddly happy, as it meant that she didn't have to hear the things Gai would have to say—at least for a while—or have to hear Naruto cry for the rest of the day; or, at least, not for a while.
The only disappointment in this scenario was that this was most likely temporary, and her hearing would be back soon. She would have tried to deafen herself purposefully if she didn't know Tsunade-sensei would catch onto her sooner or later, and she would punish her…
She shuddered. Yes, she thought; going through Gai's spiel was better than punishment via Tsunade.
So, there she was, staring blankly at Gai as he went on and on about something she couldn't hear. And, sure, she could have read his lips, but she'd be damned if she put that much effort into understanding the—most likely—headache-inducing stuff he was saying.
And then, just like he came, he left.
Wait… no, something seemed different.
Before she could contemplate what was different, she saw Sasuke walk and stand next to her, Rinnegan wide in disbelief.
Unlike with Gai, she was forced by Inner to read his lips. Inner's psychotic devotion to Sasuke had not weakened, it would seem. Her increased control over Sakura was worrying, though.
"Did he just leave skid marks in Limbo?" was what she could only presume he said via lipreading. His face showed more shock and emotions than she could ever claim to have seen on him.
'Limbo?' she wondered.
"That dimension from which Madara had his clones attack us from."
'But, doesn't one need Six Paths chakra to interact with that dimension?'
"Well, Gai beat the shit out of Six Paths Madara, so why the fuck would he care about the rules of Six Paths' techniques?"
'That's not how it works!'
"And how would you know how it works? You have no understanding of Six Paths chakra."
Sakura had no response for that.
'Maybe Sasuke made a mistake? I mean, he doesn't use his Rinnegan much, so mayb—'
"HOW DARE YOU QUESTION SASUKE'S ABILITIES! HE IS—" Oh god, was this what it felt like to be on the receiving end of her—as Sai called it—"screeches"?
"Ugh," she grunted in pain and held her head.
Sasuke, who most likely remembered her earlier signs of mental instability, slowly backed away from her.
And Gai was back. The shockwaves that followed his return? Well, they were bad enough that a few buildings collapsed and a lot of the people in the procession were thrown incredibly high into the air, already in various chakra cloaks as Naruto was apparently fast enough to put those on them. Before she could do more than stare blankly at it all, there were thousands of Naruto clones saving everyone.
How the fuck was he getting faster each time!? That shockwave alone would have instantly deleted everyone molecule by molecule if not for Naruto's cloaks, forget Sasuke's disbelieve at skidmarks in limbo, there was probably a whole fucking crater there now!
Fixing her ears herself, she ignored whatever he was yelling and growled, "Where. Were. They. Last. Seen?"
Gai, to his credit, actually realized the danger he might be in, even if he was a disabled man and medical ninjas were not supposed to just hurt them. "They were at the Road of Life."
"Fuck!" She just knew Kakashi was laughing from the afterlife.
And so she decided to take matters into her own hands. She went to bring the corpse of her sensei herself. Forget the ANBU, forget the procedures!
She summoned a large slug that quickly spread out into smaller slugs, helping Naruto in case they were injured and Naruto couldn't help them in time, she ran… straight through a house. Oh right, she had a cloak, too, which was augmenting so many abilities of hers including physical. Would be a bit of a pain to get used to this.
Using less strength and chakra than she usually would to achieve such a feat, she blasted up to the rooftops.
In no time, she found herself at the accursed street her now, supposedly, dead sensei had named.
The cloak Naruto had given her faded as she ran down the road… and found herself outside the village? What?
She was so sure she went the way that went to the inner parts of the village! Running back, she… found herself back where the funeral was supposed to happen?
'What is going on?'
(Dark Room in an Unknown Location at an Unknown Time)
"For your sake, I hope your genjutsu is good enough for this. Your child's chances at a great lifestyle depend on it, after all.
And remember, only do it on the Road of Life."
(Cemetery)
Sakura stared in shock as she realized something; the cemetery was completely fixed from the aftershocks of Gai's earlier arrival.
"What? Bu-but, how!?" she stuttered.
"Naruto and his clones are good at fixing things, apparently." She jumped, not having even noticed Sasuke next to her.
This couldn't be possible, it looked better than it did before Gai utterly destroyed everything!
Most of that could be attributed to the fact that it was basically full of Naruto's tears before, to the point where it was drowning most of the people, though. Now, it was devoid of any such liquids.
"Why do good people die so fast!?"
Nevermind, it was quickly being filled up with such liquids again.
And, yet, no one left. She had to respect the women/men that stayed just because they wanted a chance to spit on his body; whether he was caught peeping on them, or made them wait 7 hours for a meeting. Or worse. "Worse" had so many other things Kakashi did…
He basically single-handedly changed their reputation from the fearsome Village Hidden in the Leaves to the perv paradise village, after all.
Going back to where she came from, she ran. And ran. And ran. And kept running some more. And, just for good measure, she ran some more.
She should have run past the entire village. Thrice!
"Kai!"
Looking back, sure enough, she was back where she started: the cemetery.
Now that she was confident that she was devoid of genjutsu, she went back onto the path while trying to catch whoever it was that had the balls to put her in a genjutsu on this day. HER of all people! Sure, she was no Uchiha or an Uzumaki with a nine-tailed chakra beast in a seal on his stomach, but her perfect/near perfect chakra control did mean it was no easy feat to get a genjutsu past her without her noticing irregularities in her chakra.
Whoever did this was good. Too good. It had to be someone that had made a name for themselves, but who?
"Oh, hey, Sakura."
Looking up, she was greeted with the sight of the mother of the child of the late Asuma Sarutobi.
"Oh, hey Kurenai. What are you doing?"
"Oh, I was making my way to the funeral, I hope I am not late. I didn't think it would take so long to find someone to babysit Mirai. It seems everyone wants to be there."
Thinking about warning her about how dangerous it is there, she remembered just how many civilians were there even AFTER Gai almost killed them with shockwaves. Safe to say, a retired kunoichi probably wouldn't be stopped by just a mere warning if civilians were risking their lives just for one last jab at Kakashi.
The idiots… They probably didn't know their showing of dislike was just proof of how much Kakashi had annoyed people, and Kakashi loved annoying people. They were basically making his funeral be one that Kakashi would have been happy with.
"Well… you aren't exactly late…"
Picking up on the hesitation in those words, Kurenai came up with her conclusion.
"He actually managed his dream of getting late to his funeral!?"
"No! No!... Just no."
"That just sounds more like you are trying to convince yourself by just saying it loudly."
Ignoring Sakura's glare, she continued, "It has been nice meeting you, Sakura, but I must go because I wish not to miss the funeral."
As the woman left, Sakura continued on her way, continuing her previous train of thought: who could be good enough at genjutsu to capture her in one?
She was unaware of Kurenai's red gaze on her as she smiled and looked at a mission scroll that she had, something which only ninjas should have but Kakashi had been willing to make an exception, and she was very grateful for it. It was her last mission as a kunoichi.
She watched Sakura walk into an advertisement billboard pole for 3 minutes while still in the sound-based genjutsu from when she said her last line to her. She had trained for years to become this good at genjutsu, which was very impressive if she said so herself. As a civilian, she no longer had access to the resources she had as a jōnin, which made things harder than they had to be. While being adopted into the Sarutobi clan had its benefits, they weren't much as she wasn't quite seen as a true Sarutobi so she wasn't granted access to anything useful. Mirai, thankfully, would not face such discrimination. The Sarutobis' seem to be fine with half-Sarutobi's for the most part.
Although, if Kurenai had her way, Mirai will never become a ninja in the first place. She did feel pressured by other Sarutobis', though. They stated that the child of a great shinobi like Asuma, and someone with relations with the Third Hokage HAD to become a ninja.
Shikamaru and his team often helped but they weren't always around. If she completed this mission, the rewards Kakashi had promised would be more than enough that she would never have to worry about the threats she'd get about losing funding from the Sarutobi clan if she didn't let Mirai become a ninja. And with the rumours of Naruto becoming the next Hokage, she was sure the future was looking up for her. She knew the man was honourable, a trait that wasn't good for a ninja to have but the young man made it work for him.
As she watched Sakura FINALLY walk past the pole while still in a genjutsu, she felt her confidence build at her ability to do this task. She walked up to the girl and attached something to her. As long as she didn't have any secret Sharingan, her sound-based genjutsu would do the trick. Seriously, though, what was up with those eyes? She would get it if they were useful against visual-based genjutsu, but sound-based? How!?
Sakura may soon be an Uchiha in name, supposedly, but she wasn't an Uchiha by blood or any random individual with a Sharingan. She'd know, she had asked Kakashi if he ever found Danzo's or Orochimaru's secret stash of Sharingans that everyone was sure existed. Sure, her eyes were green and not permanently in a Sharingan state, but you never know when it comes to that eye and the bullshit that comes out of it. If Kakashi had found any such stash, and he had gifted one to his students—because why not? The man was certainly crazy enough that she could see him doing it—then she didn't want in on the mission. She was humiliated enough as it was when she tried to use genjutsu on Itachi—I-can-genjutsu-everyone-to-death—motherfucking Uchiha!
She had trained enough that, if Gai had seen her, he would have shouted on about how her youth was blinding him. The trauma of the Sharingans remained, however.
"Kai!" Well, would you look at that, Sakura broke past a genjutsu. Emphasis on "a".
"I wonder how much longer it'll take for her to break past the other layers?"
Shrugging to herself, she continued onwards. She did her part, she wasn't required here any longer lest she actually gets caught. The small bell she attached to Sakura secretly was an invention of hers that continuously sent sound-based genjutsu after sound-based genjutsu. It was placed near her ear and the bell hardly made a sound. Only Sakura would be affected.
(Back to Sakura)
This couldn't be happening. This was ridiculous. No… just no!
She was lost on the Road of Life.
There was also this infernal bell ringing sound in one of her ears and it was driving her nuts!
This was like a bad joke.
"Kai!" Nothing seemingly happened.
"Kai!" Same results.
"Kai, kai, kai, kai, KAI!" The world seemingly cracked for a second but that was about it.
'Damn it! I knew I should have said yes when Kakashi offered to give some Sharingans from the secret stash of Sharingans he found!'
Sure, keeping it a secret from Sasuke would have been hard but the eyes would have been handy in this case.
She got pissed.
"Dew it."
'What?'
"Nevermind, I should have known you wouldn't get that reference."
'What reference! You are in my head! You shouldn't know anything I shouldn't!'
"Meh."
Eyes twitching, she brought her first down. "Shannaro!"
The ground wasn't the only thing to crack, as the impact blew away the bell in her hair, the genjutsu around her blew up, it being incredibly weak without the continuous reapplying of it, the small amount of chakra spiked when she hit the ground was enough to break it.
She was around the area where she met Kurenai and, according to how her face/forehead felt, she must have been walking into something for a while…
On the bright side, because of seemingly EVERYONE being at Kakashi's funeral, no one saw her causing property damage.
Looking at the crater on the ground, she realized that few people could cause such craters. Naruto's would be too round because of seemingly all of his techniques being round and causing damage in perfect spheres. Sasuke's would most likely just superheat the place, whether with lightning or fire.
There was only one thing she could do.
She would blame Tsuna—
"Like hell you are."
Speak of the dev—
"Are you insulting me in your head? And turn around when your sensei is talking to you!" The voice from behind her barked at her.
She slowly turned. "Oh, Sensei, I didn't see you there."
"I bet you didn't. Or you wouldn't have caused all this damage. Now, what is this all about?"
Blanching and sputtering to come up with an excuse, she said, "You don't understand, I was in a genju—"
"All I hear are some excuses. Come with me so I can punish you like I did in the good old days." The knuckles cracking spoke clearly of how 'good' the good old days were.
Sakura knew what she had to do.
She ran.
(Dark Room in an Unknown Location at an Unknown Time)
"You understand what you must do? That you must diagnose my body or you will not be paid. You will have to slow down any who try to fail this plan of mine, or you will not be paid."
"Yes, I get all of that, but I just have to ask something."
"Hmm?"
"Why are you looking the other way and not facing me? Also, are you petting a cat? Are you copying this from one of those Princess Gale movies where the evil guy is facing away from the camera?"
"I assure you, I have no idea what you are talking about."
"You totally do! Hell, you even have the lighting low so that I can barely see you! Why are you doing a terrible villain portrayal, Kakashi?"
"It's 'Hokage' to you."
"Whatever, I am not getting into this with you."
"So, you aren't going to hel—"
"Of course I am going to help. You offered too much damn money for me to say no!"
(Sakura)
It took so long to get away from Tsunade that it had gotten dark. Her heart was sinking as she realized that Kakashi was late now.
And, if it officially got to 12 AM/midnight, then he was officially late.
As she heard some hissing sounds and people yelling, she hopelessly made her way there.
Only to come across a street full of injured ANBU!
What was going on?
And there was a body on the ground they were all around?
Wait, she knew that body…
Eyes widening, she realized it was her now—supposedly—dead sensei's corpse.
"What is going on over here!? I was told you were being held back by black cats!? And who or what did this to you!" That last one was gestured more to a man who was almost missing a leg with how cut up it was.
She saw them look among themselves unsurely, a look she recognized as one she and her teammates had when something too ridiculous happened and they didn't know how to explain it.
"Lady Sakura," a deer masked ANBU began, "we weren't held back by black cats. We were held back by one black cat."
Well fuck.
It was always back when the explanation made it sound even easier than it was before.
"Well, there were many black cats in the beginning but they didn't do enough to bother mentioning much. It was when the final one using juts—"
Sakura would not hear that word because of a sound.
"Meow."
Looking back, she was greeted by the sight of a cat. Focusing on it, she realized it wasn't even some sort of summoning! But, then, why was the voice in her head screaming at her to run?
"Run! Run! I hate cats so much!" Oh, right… that's why.
But, then, why was her gut yelling at her to run?
As the cat got closer and she noticed some more details on it, she couldn't help but gasp, "Tora?"
But, no, that couldn't be right. Tora was a brown cat, and this was a black cat. Surely, it must have been the trauma that Tora gave her that was causing her to be wary of this cat.
As it got even closer and hissed, she started wondering if it had been dyed black.
"Meow: Meow Meow."
"Please… not another fireball!" she heard an ANBU whimper, and she couldn't help but wonder if it was too late to leave.
As the cat's paw got covered in a VERY familiar lightning technique, her legs failed to support her at that moment. And then the chirping sounds started.
"I hate Kakashi Sensei so much." Yes, she was staring at the infamous Lightning Blade/Chidori.
And, yes, Kakashi's involvement in this was almost guaranteed now.
"Meow, meow, meow..." What was it doing? Wait… was it counting down from ten?
As it got to the final three countdowns, if she was right, it started hissing per count instead. Sakura got the message.
And then its eyes turned a familiar red.
She bolted faster than the time she raced Ino to get to Sasuke or that time Naruto's thousands of Shadow Clones, without his knowledge, ALL decided to try their chances at her romantically.
Screw getting Kakashi's corpse. He can be late if he wants!
As she heard screams from those that stayed, she could only be more sure that this was a showing of survival of the fittest and smartest. They weren't either if they decided to face THAT.
(Days Later)
It was dark. In the thick of the night, a dyed black cat made its way into a poorly guarded Hokages' graveyard section.
As the cat stood before one particular grave, it let out the closest thing it could to a grin as it remembered the way to get past the seals on it.
(Dark Room in an Unknown Location at an Unknown Time)
The door was slammed shut as Tsunade left. Kakashi slowly rotated his seat until he faced a desk, making sure to keep up the exaggerated petting movements lest the cat gets offended.
"I have need of you for something."
Its narrow, suspicious gaze and the hiss suggested it was close to attacking him, so he quickly continued. "I am willing to give many things in exchange for you helping me, such as not giving any missions to find you, giving incorrect information on where you are at when I am forced to give one such mission, and if things get worse, I'll switch you with another cat."
The cat seemed all too happy with that last one. The thought of identity theft seeming nice to it.
"Although, I will need to have to dye you some other colour for that last one."
Hiss
"Look, dyeing is the only thing I have because anything else is too chakra extensive for you."
He got a paw to the face for that.
"Alright, since you seem to think you can expand your chakra reserves, I'll teach you another method later, but the dye will be needed initially. It'll be a black dye, for your information."
"I will need you to run interference when some ANBU have my corpse and are guarding/transporting it."
The cat jumped away from his lap, its body tense.
Growls came from corners of the room as Kakashi's summoning dogs revealed themselves.
"You seem to think this is me trying to get you caught by ANBU. How about this, I teach you how to walk on walls and water and, in return, you trust me."
The only sign that the cat was listening was the slight loosening of tenseness.
(A Long Time After)
A dyed-black cat came to a darkened chamber after Kurenai left.
"Ah, Tora, it is nice to see you here. I almost thought you weren't going to come."
The cat warily stared at the dark corners of the room where it saw some dogs last time it was here.
"They won't harm you as long as you don't do something that offends them."
The cat warily walked to the desk and jumped on top of it.
"Have you thought about my proposition?"
A nod was his answer.
A mask covered smile was Tora's answer. Which then became creepy as it became an eye-smile.
As the cat pondered on how that was possible, Kakashi began, "Now that you can walk on water, how would you like to be able to spit fireballs and maybe even use a certain technique I made?"
Needless to say, the 'smile' the cat showed was beyond creepy and almost as impossible biologically as Kakashi's eye-smile.
"If you do well, I might throw in a Sharingan or two from my secret stash of Sharingans."
That really sealed the deal. It also made the cat's smile just as biologically impossible as Kakashi's.
(Later)
Kakashi was a paranoid ninja. He was also one that had seen his fair share of people come back from life and could honestly say that he was done with that bullshit. So, when he thought about dying, he thought about it being a "final death" not some temporary thing. So, he had come up with contingencies against Edo Tensei.
The biggest of said contingencies?
"Meow."
He fell out of his seat in surprise.
As the cat stared at him in the "I don't care" way that most cats did, he said, "Maa maa, Tora, I forgot you were there."
It turned on its Sharingan, annoyed at, apparently, being ignored.
Avoiding its eyes, he began with what would likely be the last conversation he would have with this cat. And the last contingency would be set.
"I was reading a book the other day about how cats are fine with eating human corpses." Looking at the cat—avoiding its gaze while doing so—he wondered if it would have anything to 'say' about that.
When no body language changes were shown, he continued.
"I'll cut things short, how would you like to eat me?"
The cat perking up really did show how much it hated him.
Understandable, really, he had been late to his meetings with the cat on many occasions. VERY late.
As it opened its mouth and got ready to pounce, he quickly held a hand up to stop it. "I meant when I am dead."
The cat going from being all perked up to depressed was amusing.
"Well, you see, when I die, I will be put in a fuinjutsu array, which is honestly pretty pitiful if so many people managed to get DNA from those gravesites protected by it. But you won't be able to get through. If anyone gets to my body after I am put in there then I could be used for Edo Tensei, a technique that I don't like. I will give you a key for the array if you promise to eat or take care of ALL of me."
As he watched the cat bow to him, he relaxed.
He knew that it had honour and would honour their dealings. It honoured their bond as sensei and student, something the Inuzuka would probably see as an insult to all that they stood for. That thought amused him.
As he gave the cat the array and, thus, the final reward he would give it for its deals between them, he only relaxed for a second before his dogs started growling at the cat getting a reward and not them.
He sighed… Life was stressful.
(Tora, Gravesite)
As the seal allowed Tora in due to the Seal Key it had, it came across its final reward.
Yes, it was good to be Tora, even if it did have to keep its colours different.
End-ish.
I put a terrible RWBY reference in there. You won't find it because of how terrible it is.
I wrote the last 3k words of this in a hurry because I wanted to post this, a chapter of Toad-pocalypse, and Forge Dude meets Sage.
I don't know if I am keeping that name for that last one. I don't exactly have a name for it yet. If I edit this, it is most likely going to be to extend the Author Note or add a small chapter about… meh, I am too lazy to explain.
