Author's note
I'm a fed-up Ron Weasley fan. I'm fed up with people bashing Ron again, again and again, right and left, back and forth. So I thought, 'Why not write something different?' The result is this fic.
This is a crackfic, yes. And note that I love other characters dearly. (I don't like Draco Malfoy though.
I decided to add this only in Harry Potter world. This won't be a crossover because this only revolves around the wizarding world and stuff. Read and tell me what you think. Don't be aggressive in comment sections.
I don't own anything.
Chapter – 01
Making of Ronald Weasley
Chaos was bored with many alternate timelines of the wizarding world.
You see, there are many versions of Harry Potter and Hermione Granger that were given the chance to go back by the death. Almost all of them became superior versions of them due to the powers different personifications of death have offered them. Massive amounts of them pushed their friend Ron Weasley away because deaths said so. Some let him die in gruesome ways while others humiliated him and left him to live a rotten life. Some others murdered them. Some other versions of Hermione Granger use him and chuck him away to be with others etc.
But the few (relatively) versions of Ron Weasley who were offered the chance to go back, even with their superpowers didn't do the same to others. Why?
The versions of Ron Weasley who was sent back at the time when he was eight saved Lovegood matriarch and started their journey Slytherin or Ravenclaw. They became best friends with many versions of Cedric Diggory and Luna Lovegood, neutral or normal friends with versions of Harry Potter and Hermione Granger.
10-year-old versions of Ron Weasley became chess champions and formed iron-clad relationships with versions of HP and HG.
Post battle of ministry versions of RW found Horcruxes and destroyed them, saved his friends. Are they even aware of what do other versions of HP and HG do to him?
Let's do something interesting.
Tendrils of Chaos wrapped around a version of Ron Weasley. This version was 14 years old, suggesting he was a pre–tri wizard tournament version. But what made things most interesting was the fact that he was the Ron Weasley in a timeline that had one of the most powerful Harry Potters in the universe.
This guy was under heavy compulsion charms of Albus Dumbledore. Also, his Harry sneered at him daily with his harem of Slytherin girls, Neville Longbottom, Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott, and Hermione Granger. He and Draco Malfoy used to have shouting matches back and forth as a result of being under Dumbledore's compulsions and the latter being himself. Molly Weasley who was also under compulsions neglected him due to the twins bringing Potter money home. No one cared for this boy while the sun shined up from Harry Potter's backside.
Well, this is going to change.
He is going to be mixed with a being with so much power. He will fight his version of death and defeat it to become new death. This version of death envied Ron for being her master's best friend and decided to 'reset' Harry and remake things. Let's see when she tastes her own medicine.
Chaos enjoyed how Ron's eyes widened with every scene downloading to his mind. Their story in the original timeline and how the Ron Weasleys in different universes ended up. The entity knew they were breaking his mind, but they didn't care.
A black tattoo appeared on his chest. A black sun, wouldn't that make him hot? The lanky boy's body changed into a muscular one. Chaos didn't need to make him taller; he was already tall. He would be six and a half by the time he's fully grown. Let's make his eyes more shining. Not to forget ten-pack abs. Now we have an Adam. Would he need an Eva? Nope! He can find his own; Chaos wouldn't be busy searching for soul mates to a Ron like the death is finding soul mates to HP and HG.
Instead, he combined someone dangerous born in another universe with Ron. His qualities heavily influence Ron to his destination.
Ron breathed heavily as he woke up. He felt oddly good. He was better than ever!
Letting out a cheer, he jumped from the bed. He snapped his fingers and an epic song started to play. Humming to that tune, Ron looked at the mirror. Hmm, his haircut didn't look good. Maybe that's one of the reasons why all the hot legs in Hogwarts despise him. With another snap, the hair looked pretty decent, not like Malfoys.
This room was too hot. Ron looked down at his ten-pack abs. He was amazed. How? He was already handsome, but this? Ron Weasley hit puberty, baby!
"They gonna love me!" Ron cheered, dancing to the music. He winked at the mirror and danced down to the bathroom. Ginny, who was searching for her Transfiguration book watched Ron's awesome dance to the bathroom with an open mouth. Enchantments in her mind that drew her to lord Potter were broken. Ginny fell onto her knees, clutching her head. She had a big brother more awesome than Lord Potter any day! She let out a happy squeal.
Within fifteen minutes, Ron was fresh and back in his bedroom. He decided that he needs a change, not Bill's old robes. Who in the blue hell wears these rags anyway?
Within ten minutes, he made attire worthy of Ronald Weasley. He didn't care if the ministry bans young wizards to do magic at home. If Lord Potter does magic at home, why can't Ron Weasley? Weasley blood was pure than any other pureblood family, even Malfoys, and Blacks. They just didn't claim such cause they didn't want to be seen as those people to muggles. The rules are always meant to be shown up in the asses of the rule-makers, so Ron didn't care.
Ron just loved this classy outfit. The transfigured black cloak added beauty to his red t-shirt and blue trousers. He put on the hood and sunglasses to complete the transformation. He smirked, then clapped and swayed his hip, before danced down to the dining room, levitating his trunk behind him. (Also worked on, now looking like just out on market.)
When she saw her son's dance, Molly returned to her sanity. She cried, remembering how she had treated her youngest children Ron and Ginny. She would never accept any Potter money Fred and George bring. Damn Dumbledore and damn Harry Potter! She had the best son and she wouldn't need to trade him for Harry 'the sun shines up from his backside' Potter.
Fred and George almost licked his feet before they went to King's Cross. Ron figured this must be the fact that Ron kept levitating his trunk behind him.
"Please Ronnie, tell us how do you do magic outside of Hogwarts! We will never help Harry to prank you again!"
"We will get you a puffskein! We can do much mischief this way!"
Ron simply shrank the trunk and put it inside his pocket. Then he turned back and moonwalked towards Ginny who giggled. Ron twirled her and high-fived before entering their chimney and saying "King's Cross!"
Unlike that arse, Ron didn't fell on his arse. He brushed the dust off of his cloak and danced his way to the nine-three quarters through the barrier.
"They love me!"
Ron grinned crazily, sensing dampened undergarments. Even Lord Potter's betrothed Daphne 'Ice Princess' Greengrass made a giggle when she saw him. Her right hand touched the betrothal ring, debating whether or not to remove it. Potter looked dumbstruck. He must be wondering who's this. Yeah, you midget! This is the real Ron Weasley for you! Not the shit Weasel he was before!
He sat in a compartment full of sixth and seventh-year girls. Not to say that he enjoyed their treatment of course, but he had things to do. This Ron Weasley can't sit idle.
The girls gasped and squealed when Ron conjured a red and blue portal and walked through it to disappear from the compartment. Such magic was never taught in Hogwarts.
"Don't you ever knock?" Hadrian Potter, the Lord of most ancient and noble house sneered. He despised it when he was interrupted in such a serious moment with his friends and betrothal.
"I'll knock when you locked this damn door!" Ron retaliated.
"Who are you anyway?" the pug-faced girl next to the blonde bimbo asked.
"Guess you will know at Hogwarts," Ron winked at her and then turned towards Harry and said, "By the way, you're hanging out with trash, Harry!"
Lord Potter was losing his cool. "Whoever you are, get out of this compartment right now!" He thundered.
The ten compartment – briefcaseTM of Lord Potter opened up and the invisibility cloak jumped up to Ron's hand.
"I will!" Ron conjured a portal to jump into the compartment where that loser Malfoy rocking in with his two husbands Crabbe and Goyle (Now, Ron was pretty fine with being gay, he didn't mind boys looking at him, he saw some universes where Harry and him being a couple and he was hella sure that Dean and Seamus had something between them going on but who would date these orcs?) and some third-year Slytherin girls.
He saw a thunderbolt coming towards him from the portal and no doubt that was sent by Lord Potter. He just ripped it out from the air and showed it up between the ferret's legs. As Malfoy doubled over in pain, he danced. His two ever-caring husbands tried to attack Ron. But in few seconds, they were unconscious due to interrupting the dance. That's what you get ferret! For stealing my girl in many universes!
Ron returned to his compartment and chilled with everyone in it. With few snaps and there were pizzas. Ron opened up a sizzling Champagne bottle and waved it over their heads.
"Pizza time! Woohoo!"
Every girl in the compartment was in a competition for the next thirty minutes. What's the name of it? Yeah, feeding Ron pizza, that's the name.
Ron was eating his 20th slice when he heard a knock on the door. Fuck it, Ron had serious things to do in here. This must be poor Lord Potter missing his love of life, the invisibility cloak. He will embarrass Potter later. When he's eating, the rest of the world can go die including Potter.
"Open up the door Weasley! Twins told us everything! If you don't, I'll take this to the Wizengamot!"
This guy is begging for it, isn't he?
Ron opened the door with a flick of his wrist. Harry and Neville jumped into the room with wands in their hand. Hadrian Potter tried to look cool by grabbing Ron's neck and demanding the invisibility cloak but Ron beat him to it.
"Stop hitting yourself!" He grabbed Harry's left hand and directed it at his face. The Lord of house Potter stumbled back. Neville jumped at Ron but Ron was way faster than him. He flipped over Neville's head and started dancing.
"Stop! That damn music!" Harry said, falling onto his knees.
"You're on all fours in my compartment mate. Do you prefer if I just give it to you? The ladies like this kind of stuff," Ron turned towards the girls in the corridor who were watching the fight. Squeals of approval were heard from every direction.
Ron conjured a banana, peeled it, and shoved it in Harry's mouth.
"Don't you dare interrupt me when I eat pizza," he looked at Neville, "Longbottom! Take the dumbo to your compartment! And if he tries to take me to the court," he dramatically paused, "It would be a waste of his money."
Ron kicked in Harry's face lightly that Lord Potter hit the door of the next compartment and fell unconscious.
"You don't have money for a lawsuit," Neville muttered while half carrying and half dragging Potter away.
Ron waved his hand and real Galleons started to flow from the floor of the compartment. The girls picked them up real fast. Ron winked and smirked at Longbottom who was awestruck at that performance of magic.
"I can help you to your compartment," Ron said to Neville. He made another portal opens to Harry's compartment.
"Thanks, Weasley," Neville said, dragging Harry to the compartment. Ron really needed to help these guys so he kicked Neville's butt. Ron saluted them and conjured a mouth organ and played it until the journey ended. The girls danced as Ron played the instrument.
There were four ways for students to make their grand entrance at Hogwarts.
1. If you're a firstie, by boats with Hagrid. That's awesome.
2. If you're not a firstie, then use Hogwarts carriages pulled by Thestrals. That's awesome too.
3. If you missed the train and if you're a Weasley, use the Flying Ford Anglia! That can be deadly but super awesome!
4. If you're a proper version of Ron Weasley, just moonwalk in the air to the damn thing while your official fan girl gang follows you and play your theme song!
Of course, Ron resorted to the fourth and final. Two fairies flew from the trees and sat on his shoulders. Scabbers can go rot in hell. At the main door, he jumped from the sky and bowed to his girl gang who clapped at him. Perhaps he should get a re-sorting.
Hogwarts is going to blow up, that's for sure.
