A/N: Hey, there! It's me, MBAV fan66! And I've got another rad songfic tune for y'all!
So, this song was dedicated by none other than Bennyweirlover17. So, I hope you like it because this one's for you girl! Ow! ;P
You all might want to grab some tissues because things are about to get sad up in here, again. I've listened to the song and let me tell you...it's a sad one, alright. So, that means the fic part is gonna be just as sad, too.
And just so you know, this one takes place a fews after high school and both boys are living together and are already dating each other.
Anyways, enough with my jibber-jabbering! And let's get on with the tune! Shall we?! :D
Shout outs:
Pink cupcake gamer- Thanks for the follow and favorite on this story! And thanks for following and favoriting me as an author, too!
TiredOfBeingNice- I haven't really seen the movie yet. I had to look that part up once Bennyweirlover17 requested it. But I'm glad that you loved it! AAAHH! THE PRESSURRRE! Lol! Just kidding! Here's the next one now! ;P
Bennyweirlover17- You're welcome! I'm glad that it could make your day and that you still loved it! :) And I'm glad that you liked some of my other songfics on here, as well! Truth be told, on some of them I can't even listen to the songs now because when I do, I tend to think back to the songfic that I used it in! Lol! :P And thank you for adding this fic to your follow list!
Disclaimer: I do not own My Babysitter's A Vampire or any of the characters in it. I also don't own the song used in this chapter, either. All I own is this fic and any OCs that may appear.
Songfic #36
Song: Paralyzed
Artist: NF
Pairing: Ethan/Benny
For the past 3 months now, Benny hasn't been the same ever since his grandma had died. She was the only family he had left, which was hard on him. He refused to except it, as he still grieved the loss of his grandmother. For Benny, life wasn't the same without her anymore and so as a result he lashed out at the world by going down a dark and destructive path.
When did I become so numb?
When did I lose myself?
All the words that leave my tongue
Feel like they came from someone else
The once cheery and goofy spell master was now reduced to nothing more than a sad and miserable low life, who used his magic to lie and cheat his way through life mostly by manipulating the situation into his favor.
Of course, magic couldn't save him from getting fired from his job or from getting kicked out of college when he was so close to graduation.
After all that had happened, Benny then turned to a more darker lifestyle by spending his days lounging around doing nothing but sleeping, while at night he would be out roaming the streets until about 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning. And what he did on those nights, wasn't anything good, either.
While he was out, he would be spending the time either selling drugs or he would be drinking himself drunk. He's even gotten into a few fights, as well, seeing has he would sometimes return home with bruises and scrapes all over him. Some of those fights even landed him in jail for a few hours, until his faithful and loyal boyfriend would come to bail him out.
I'm paralyzed
Where are my feelings?
I no longer feel things
I know I should
I'm paralyzed
Where is the real me?
I'm lost and it kills me inside
I'm paralyzed
The whole thing was much more harder on Ethan, seeing his once beloved Benny turning into someone he didn't even recognize anymore. It was like he was living with a stranger instead of his best friend and boyfriend. It broke Ethan's heart seeing him like this. And Benny's behavior for these past 3 months was starting to take it's toll on the poor seer. Most people in situations like this would probably of gotten tired of it eventually and would've just left by now, but Ethan wasn't like that. He loved Benny too much to just abandon him in his time of need, but to be honest...the thought has crossed his mind a few times before.
It was like Benny had become hollow and empty inside after Mrs. Weir's passing. Ethan knew it would be hard on Benny losing her like that, but he never imagined it would ever lead to this. A practically soulless Benny, who's lost his way in the world. Ethan had no idea of how to bring back the Benny he once knew and cherished so much except for just being there for him to look after him and to support him the best that he could, but it was getting more and more difficult each day just to be by Benny's side to help him get through this rough patch in his life.
Even their love life has taken a hit. Benny would hardly ever say a word to Ethan nowadays. Well, he did speak to the seer, but no longer in the soft and gentle way that he used to. And whenever he did try to say something romantic to Ethan, to Ethan it felt like empty words with no real meaning behind them. Even when he showed him love, it didn't feel real but forced instead. Like as if he was trying to convince him to stay or something.
And then there was the arguing. Whenever Benny would come home late at night (drunk) all they did was argue. None of the arguments never got violent or anything, but there has been a few objects thrown and turned over here and there on occasion and a few hurtful words thrown around, too. Even though the fights never got physical it still scared Ethan enough to keep his silence for awhile the next day or whenever they were around each other until Benny finally came around to apologizing a few hours later or the next day.
When did I become so cold?
When did I become ashamed? (oh)
Where's the person that I know?
They must have left
They must have left
With all my faith
On the inside, Benny hated himself for how he's been treating Ethan lately, but he just couldn't bring himself to stop. It was like he was being possessed by some kind of dark entity or something, that had a strong hold over his thoughts and actions causing him to be this way.
He was glad that the seer had stuck around for this long, but he always wondered just when that luck would run out and he would just one day decide that he's had enough and leave.
Benny just wished he could go back to who he used to be before all of this crap had happened in his life, but he couldn't. Well, he could probably, but he was in too deep now. Depression had sent in and it wasn't going away any time soon, as his demons had their claws sunk into him so deep that they weren't going to ever let go.
He felt like a useless empty shell of a human being without his grandma around. She was all he had as family and now she was gone. He should've expected that she wouldn't be around forever and he knew that the day of her death would someday arrive, but he could never bring himself to face that reality. Not even when she was still around. But now the reality was here and he had to face it head on. He felt lonely being the only Weir left in Whitechapel, now. He felt...paralyzed on the inside.
I'm paralyzed
Where are my feeling?
I no longer feel things
I know I should
I'm paralyzed
Where is the real me?
I'm lost and it kills me inside
I'm paralyzed
One night, Benny had came home slightly drunk. Ethan was awake when he had returned and could obviously smell the alcohol on him. He tried to get through to the drunken Benny about his self destructive behavior since his grandmother had died, but Benny wasn't having any of it which quickly lead to an argument between the two.
Furious and upset now, Ethan had finally had enough of it and wanted to get out of the house for some fresh air to clear his mind. But when he reached the stairs Benny had abruptly stop him from going, by harshly grabbing him by the wrist tightly, yelling at him not to dare walk away from him when he's still talking to him.
It caught Ethan off guard a bit, as Benny never got physcial with him during their usual arguments, but he quickly brushed it off and tried desperately to pull his arm out from Benny's stong grip. But when he finally did, he had lost his balance and fell down the stairs landing with a loud thud, where he laid unmoving.
Benny stood there in shock, as the whole scene seemed to happen in slow motion for him. As soon as he saw that Ethan wasn't moving, he quickly rushed down the stairs to check on him.
"Ethan! ETHAN! Open your eyes! Come on, babe!" he called out frantically, as tears ran down his eyes. He placed a shaky hand down to stroke Ethan's hair, but then pulled it back once he felt the wet sensation that covered it. Blood. He silently gasped and covered his mouth with his other hand as he stared at the blood covered hand. "Oh my god...what have I done?" he said shakily in disbelief and despair, as he then broke down in tears.
I'm paralyzed
I'm scared to live but I'm scared to die
And if life is pain then I buried mine a long time ago
But it's still alive
And it's taking over me where am I?
I wanna feel something, I'm numb inside
But I feel nothing, I wonder why
And on the race of life time passes by
Look
I sit back and I watch it, hand in my pockets
Waves come crashing over me but I just watch'em
I just watch'em
I'm under water but I feel like I'm on top of it
I'm at the bottom and I don't know what the problem is
I'm in a box
But I'm the one who locked me in
Suffocating and I'm running out of oxygen
Benny sat there holding his unconscious lover's hand in the hospital room. He never once left Ethan's side the entire time, as he couldn't shake the feeling of guilt and regret that he felt seeing him lay there, unconscious and lifeless. It was like he was asleep or something. Well in a way, he is as the doctor had told him that they were able to stop the bleeding in time, but the fall had caused him to suffer a concussion and that it had resulted in him going into a coma, in which he may or may not wake up from. So, basically it was all up to God now whether he'll make it or not.
Benny hated himself more now than ever before, for being the cause of Ethan's pain like this. He knew how much it had hurt the seer seeing him act like this, but he still refused to change. And now look where they are as a result of his stupid behavior.
He cried again, thinking about what a jackass he's been in the past 3 months and how this was all his fault, too. He couldn't lose Ethan. Not now. Not when he needs him so much in his life, especially now when he's done already lost his grandmother just a few short months ago. Losing Ethan too would finally be the push over the edge that would ultimately lead to his downfall, to the point of no return.
Benny now realizes that. Then it occured to him...he wasn't alone after all, after losing his grandma. Ethan had been there by his side this entire time, even when he had pushed him away. Ethan was still there for him. And that he did still have family left in this world. Maybe not by blood, but by heart. And that Ethan was that small bit of family. So, he wasn't the last Weir left in this world, after all! Or at least...if they manage to get through this major obstacle currently standing in their lives right now and if Ethan makes a full recovery, then he plans on making him his husband if Ethan can find it in his heart to forgive him for his latest royal screw up, that is.
It was like for the first time in a long time the light that once flickered inside of him had finally returned and at full force, too. He was going to make things right. Not just for himself, but for the love of his life, too. He wanted to get back to that happily ever after that he once had with Ethan. Of course, he knew the road would be long and difficult ahead with him having to face and get over some major issues in their relationship now, but he was ready for it. No matter what, he wasn't giving up on himself or on his relationship with Ethan, either! He needed this! No...He wanted this! And for the first time, he looked forward to the future once again and to making everything right again.
I'm paralyzed
Where are my feelings?
I no longer feel things
I know I should
I'm paralyzed
Where is the real me?
I'm lost and it kills me inside
He stared at Ethan with blurry and teary eyes that held nothing but love in them, as he gently caressed his cheek. "Please, wake up for me, E. I'm sorry for the way I've been acting lately. I think that this time was my WORSE screw up yet and I'm so sorry for all of it, too. This should've never of happened in the first place, but guess what?" he said speaking tenderly to the sleeping Ethan. "That's all going to change now. I promise. I promise to become a better man and boyfriend to you from now on, Ethan. And possibly even husband in the near future, if we get through this. All you have to do is just open your eyes and come back to me. Please." declared Benny softly, getting choked up now.
A small tear had fallen from his eye and on to Ethan's face. Then something amazing happened. Ethan opened his eyes. It was like Benny's promising words and his tear of regret and hope was enough to bring him back.
"B-Benny?" croaked out Ethan weakly, making Benny's face light up with a big happy smile.
I'm paralyzed (I'm just so paralyzed)
Where are my feelings? (yeah, I'm just so paralyzed)
I no longer feel things (I have no feelings)
I know I should (oh how come I'm not moving why aren't I moving ay yeah)
I'm paralyzed
Where is the real me? (where is the real me, where is the real me?)
I'm lost and it kills me inside (I'm paralyzed, I'm paralyzed)
I'm paralyzed (I'm paralyzed)
After the docter and nurses had came in to check Ethan out real quick and left, Ethan and Benny sat there in silence for a second before finally talking everything out. The air in the room was a bit awkward and tense at first, but soon it had changed to a more lighter one as Ethan forgave Benny for his appalling behavior for the last 3 months and for the accident.
Benny couldn't help the stream of tears that came flowing down his cheeks, as he lurched forward to embrace Ethan in a hug. Ethan hissed a bit from the slight bit of pain it caused him for a minute, but he didn't care as he hugged him back. He was just glad to have his Benny back. The real Benny.
And for Benny, in the first time in months he felt as if he could feel again as he finally allowed himself to grieve over his grandmother's death properly by allowing all those pent-up emotions to finally escape. The tears he was shedding now were a mixture of both joy and grief, as he continued to cry into Ethan's shoulder in bed as Ethan held him there, rubbing small circles on his back. He was so thankful to have Ethan in his life, even to this day when he was so close to losing him from his most recent dumb decision making here, lately.
After Ethan's recovery and release from the hospital about a few weeks later, Benny stuck true to his words. He went to counselling and meetings every week and focused solely on getting his life back on track and on Ethan's at home recovery process. He even managed to find himself a good decent job and had planned on going back to school to finish getting his degree. Things were finally looking up for the two, now. Especially, when Benny had presented a shiny diamond ring to his lovable seer boyfriend, who gladly said yes to becoming Mr. Ethan Morgan-Weir.
A/N: *blows nose* That had to be my darkest one yet! *blows nose, again* But I'm glad it all worked out for them in the end. :)
Just to clarify, the last paragraph was a time skip to a few weeks after the accident.
So, what did you all think? Love it? Hate it? Or just a plain old bleh? Please review to let me know! :)
Until next time, you cool cats, this is your dj; DJ MBAV fan66 signing out for now! PEACE! *holds up two fingers, making the peace sign* :D
