The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer, Summit Entertainment and anyone else who may legally claim ownership. No copyright infringement is intended.


Chapter 8: Defining

Bella glanced up at Carlisle as they made their way to the dining area of the Cullen home. He gave her an encouraging smile. The day before they had spent several hours discussing her upcoming change. There were many decisions to be made, but only one that the whole family would have a voice in. It was this that had caused Carlisle to call a family meeting.

When they entered the dining area, Carlisle moved the arm chair from the foot of the table to the head beside his. As he held it for Bella he gave her a winning smile. She returned his smile as she sat. She wondered why Carlisle had seated her at the head again. Last time the family meeting had been solely about her, but this time it wasn't. She glanced around the table. She expected everyone to already be here. Instead, only Alice and Jasper were present, seated in side chairs to her left. She didn't have long to wonder, as the others began to arrive. First Emmett and Rosalie came in and took seats on Carlisle's right. They were engrossed in a heated discussion that was too fast and low for Bella to comprehend. They were soon followed by Esme who gave her a happy smile. When Esme sat, Alice and Jasper's chatter ceased, as did the almost inaudible discussion between Emmett and Rosalie.

Carlisle looked at each family member in turn as he spoke. "We have a decision to make. As you all know, the Volturi have demanded that Isabella change." He smiled at Bella. "So too, is she unwavering in her desire to become a vampire."

Bella retuned his smile and nodded in agreement.

"Isabella and I have spoken about the date of her change. We have decided that I will change her directly after the New Year, instead of after graduation. I have conferred with Aro and gained the Volturi's approval of the timing. So, in a few months, we are going to need to leave Forks. We need to decide where we would like to settle. Of course, in the beginning, we will need to stay somewhere more private, while Bella adjusts to this life. It is my hope that we will be able to find an appropriate place for Bella's transformation that will be somewhat near where we choose to settle next."

Jasper smiled. "We bought some land off a logging company just east of Clayton Lake in Maine. It's nice and secluded. There are some logging camps a long ways out, but that's it. No residents, no utilities, just a whole lot of nothing. Even hikers don't tend to venture that deep into the North Woods."

Alice took up where Jasper left off. "I saw that Maine would be a good place to settle when Bella is ready to be exposed to humans. So we thought having our own little piece of wilderness in the same state would be helpful. Maine's North Woods is a little over three million acres. We bought sixty-thousand acres, right in the center for our house. "We could log if we want to, but I was thinking more of a Cullen Forestry Conservation." Alice slid a folder to Carlisle. "The deed is in all of our names."

Rosalie snorted indelicately.

Alice glared at her. "If you don't want it, Jasper and I can have your name struck from the deed."

Emmett protested loudly. "Are you kidding? Of course, we want it. Think of all the black bears!"

"And all the moose," Alice added, her glare turning into a laugh.

"Herbivores, no way. You can keep your moose. I'll take black bears every time."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Anyway, we weren't presuming to make a decision. We just have it now, in case we want it. If we do want it, we can build a great big house right in the middle."

"Thank you, Alice," Carlisle said with a knowing smile. "Can I assume you had a vision?"

"I did, but it can change if we don't decide to settle in Maine when Bella's ready."

Carlisle nodded, then regarded the others. "Does anyone else have another place in mind to settle for the next few years?"

Ever the voice of dissatisfaction, Rosalie answered Carlisle. "What about Edward, doesn't he get a say? He should be-"

Uncharacteristically, Carlisle interrupted her. "No, Rosalie, Edward has no say in the matter."

"You've thrown him out of our family and our life. You never even asked us how we feel about it.

Carlisle's tone softened. "I would never keep you from Edward. You are free to associate with him as you please. I thought you knew that."

"He belongs here with us. He's family!"

Carlisle's tone held only patience. "We'll discuss Edward's future role in our family at another time. Right now we are deciding where to settle next. And no, Edward will not be a part of this decision."

"He should be."

"We will discuss Edward at another time."

"When?"

"Rosalie-"

"When?"

"Will tomorrow evening suit you, Rosalie?"

"I'd rather discuss it now." At the look on Carlisle's face Rosalie hastened to continue. "But, tomorrow will be fine." She crossed her arms over her chest."

"As you seem to have our attention, do you have any objections to settling in Maine next?"

"We were planning on staying in Forks for a few more years. If we can't do that, then one place is as good as another."

"I want to go to Maine!" Emmett's excited pronouncement lightened the mood. Esme smiled indulgently, Alice and Jasper laughed and Carlisle's features relaxed somewhat.

Carlisle looked to Esme. "Do you have any other suggestions?"

"Not at all. Tell me, are there good hospitals in Maine? You'll want to work after Bella's transitional period."

"There are some excellent hospitals. If Maine is where we choose to go, I will look into openings in some of the smaller ones." He smiled at Alice. "I assume you and Jasper are hoping for Maine."

Jasper answered. "More expectin' than hopin'."

"We're all going to love it there!" Alice declared. "And you'll find an opening in the perfect hospital, Carlisle."

Carlisle smiled and turned to Bella. "I plan to buy or build a new home for us when you are ready to be exposed to humans after your change. We can go anywhere in the world. Does Maine sound good to you, Isabella, or is there somewhere else you would rather go? "

Bella's eyes widened. "I shouldn't have any say in this, I'm only human. I don't..." She stuttered. "...I don't want to be the cause of problems or-"

Rosalie cut her off. "You don't want to cause problems? You've been nothing but problems ever since you came here." Rosalie's face was thunderous. "Listen to you, you're only human? Are you insane? Don't you know that is preferable to this?" Rosalie gestured to herself. "If you don't want to cause problems for yourself, hold on to your humanity and get as far away from this family as you can."

Emmett stroked his wife's arm and spoke soothingly. "Babe, you know Bella can't stay human. The Volturi would execute her if she did."

Rosalie didn't immediately acknowledge her husband. "No one should have to suffer being a vampire. You still have your humanity, Bella, you should cling to it. Don't be so willing to cast it aside to become a monster."

Rosalie had grudgingly allowed Emmett to tell Bella the story of her change just a few days ago. The knowledge had weighed heavily on Bella. Bella was sad for Rosalie, but she couldn't let her go unanswered. "You are not monsters."

"We have been turned into the worst kind of monsters. It's better that you be executed. Being damned to an eternity like this is beyond cruel!"

Bella could not allow Rosalie to continue. She shot to her feet. "How can you be so ungrateful? The pain and terror you must have suffered at the end of your human life is unimaginable. It's utterly horrific that you were left to die like that. But, you were left to die and you would have died. Carlisle saved you!" Bella slapped her hand on the table in her vehemence. "What he did for you was the opposite of cruel!"

"Saved me? Humanity is so precious. Before I became this, I was young and I had my whole life ahead of me, just like you do. I would have had a family, I would have had children and grandchildren. To wake up as this is a horror that no one should have to endure."

Bella was thoroughly disgusted. "I've never heard anything so selfish. To listen to you, anyone would think that Carlisle took all that away from you. He didn't. He took nothing from you. That was already taken from you. Carlisle gave you a precious gift. Without Carlisle, you would have died."

"You aren't dying, yet, you're willing to throw your life away. I had a chance at a perfect life and I ruined it by making the stupid choice to walk home alone. Just like you are making the stupid choice to become a vampire."

"I'm sorry, Rosalie, it's not my place to comment on what your life might have been. I know you think your opinion is important and that I should hear it. Well, I've heard it before, and now I've heard it again. I still disagree with you."

Bella glanced at Carlisle who was sitting stiffly beside her. She turned her focus back to Rosalie, her fury evident. "Now it's time for you to listen to me." Her tone was serious and emphatic. "Carlisle Cullen saved your life. It's time for you to grow up and see what your callous words do to him. He questions himself, constantly. He wonders if he should have let you die a mortal death. The burden of guilt that you put on his shoulders is wholly undeserved. He gives you nothing but love and acceptance and you make him feel like he's to blame for your unhappiness. He is not. Carlisle is not the monster who sealed your fate. Royce King was that humanmonster." Bella's eyes swam with emotion as she sat back down.

Bella's passionate defense left Carlisle speechless.

Jasper spoke before Rosalie could, his voice was commanding, as it must have been when he served as a major. "Bella's right. I feel the guilt and sadness comin' off Carlisle in waves. Not just now, but most times he's with you, Rosalie. And it's all mixed up with the carin' and fondness he feels for you. That's one hell of a thing to do to him. If you think Bella should allow the Volturi to execute her because Edward brought her into our world, you might well consider this, if you hate your life so much, walk away from Emmett and go straight to the Volturi. You certainly could provoke them into endin' this life for you. If you hate it as much as you make it seem like you do, end it."

Rosalie looked sadly at Carlisle. Her voice was so quiet that Bella could barely understand her words. "I don't blame you, Carlisle. Sometimes I wish for what might have been, but I don't hate my life. I love Emmett, and I love our family. I long for my missed opportunities, but I don't place the blame for that on you."

Carlisle nodded his acknowledgment to Rosalie. "I know you love Emmett and all of us. But sometimes, I wonder if I did you a grievous wrong. It seems to me like you spend quite a bit of your time steeped in regret about what I turned you into."

"I'm sorry, Carlisle. I don't mean to come off like that. I wish I was still human, like Bella. But, I wouldn't trade this life for death. You did save me, and I do appreciate that. I'm sorry if I make you think otherwise. In the here and now, I only want what's best for my family."

"Bella is family, too." He gave Rosalie a stern look. When he turned to Bella his eyes softened. "Now, Isabella, you need to remember that you are a member of this family, an equal member, being human doesn't change that. Your opinion is just as important, and just as valid, as anyone else's, understand?"

Bella looked up at Carlisle through her thick lashes and blushed. This time, she nodded her agreement. Carlisle smiled at her.

Jasper gazed into space with a sappy grin on his face. Esme looked at him inquiringly as Alice jabbed him sharply with her elbow before anyone else could notice.

"So, are we going to Maine next year?" Alice asked.

Carlisle turned his smile to encompass his whole family. "Is anyone opposed to Maine?" When no one voiced opposition he turned to Alice. "Yes, Alice, we're going to Maine."

"I knew it!" She kissed Jasper's cheek and stood. Carlisle laughed, as everyone began to filter out of the dining area.


Bella sat beside Carlisle in the gazebo Emmett had made. She thought about her recent conversations with Jasper. He had said that Carlisle felt the same for her as she did for him. The trouble was that she had been afraid to face her feelings for Carlisle. She knew that she preferred Carlisle's company to anyone else's. She could talk to him for hours and she never got tired of it, and much to her surprise, he never seemed to tire of it either. They were both addicted to reading, and second to that, they both loved simply enjoying the peace and beauty of nature. They had many other common interests, as well.

Although Jasper had led her there, her realization was nonetheless true. There was no one she would rather be with than Carlisle. They shared the same world views and they were both bleeding hearts. They really had countless things in common. Bella smiled as she realized that they both even loved doing absolutely nothing together, just as much as they delighted in sharing their common interests. Carlisle was special to her, of that she had no doubt. After all, she was willing to accept gifts from him. That was something she had never wanted from anyone before.

Her smile broadened as she thought about the fact that she could be herself with Carlisle. No matter what, she didn't have to hide or put on a front. She knew with absolute certainty that Carlisle accepted her as is, with no strings attached. He even seemed to like some of her odder tendencies, like her proclivity to blush, stammer, and trip. Instead of irritating him, he had made it clear that he found those things endearing.

Carlisle interrupted her train of thought by extending his closed hand to her. "I thought you might like this." He uncurled his fingers and exposed a miniature grouping of natrolite needles on basalt. "I found it after my hunt last night, down in Pierce County."

Bella took it from his hand and held it up to the light of the fire. She turned it around to see all of its nuances. "It's amazing."

"When I saw it, I was reminded of what you told me about the time you went to the mine and didn't have a chance to find any minerals because you fell. This isn't as good as finding one yourself, but it will be something to look at until you are well and I can take you to explore a mine for yourself if you'd like that?"

"Of course, I'd like that. Thank you." She laughed. "I know you have an enhanced memory, but I'm going to have to be careful of what I tell you if you're going to think about it."

"No, please, you know that I want to know everything about you."

Her eyes sparkled with happiness. "I think you already do."

"Hardly." Carlisle smiled with her. "I don't know what you did this afternoon."

She pulled her lip in between her teeth and glanced at Carlisle through her lashes. "I... I was thinking about Edward. I was wondering if you are missing him. If you'll be bringing him home?"

"How are you feeling, about Edward?"

"It was just an accident."

"Just an accident? A friend doesn't endanger their friend. Would you take your narcotic pain medication, then put a friend in the passenger seat of your truck, without a seatbelt, and play chicken with a drunken truck driver who was texting and speeding on icy cliff face roads?"

Bella laughed. "I don't think Edward was that reckless."

Carlisle's anger with Edward was undisguised. "He was worse than that. He knew better! He knows what we are, what we can do. He's known for decades. He was much too cavalier with your safety."

"It's okay, Carlisle, really."

Carlisle stopped and looked at Bella, his demeanor and tone relaxed. "It is most certainly not okay."

"Will you allow him to rejoin the family?"

"It's not my decision. I want to do whatever is best for you."

"But, if you were to decide, if you had to decide, and could only consider your feelings, what would you do?"

"It's your feelings that are important in this," Carlisle insisted.

"Hypothetically, Carlisle, if it were your choice alone, what would you want?"

"I wouldn't bring him back. I don't want him here where he can endanger you again."

"No, Carlisle. I mean if I were indestructible, what would you want? You must miss him."

Carlisle ran his hand through his hair. "I do miss him. But you aren't indestructible, not yet. I can't stand the thought of you being in danger."

"I can't-" Bella's voice filled with emotion. "I can't be a wedge in your family. I can't be the cause of a division, an estrangement. Your family is too important to you."

In a swift and fluid movement, Carlisle was before Bella. He took her hands in his and looked earnestly into her eyes. "Isabella, you, your safety, your happiness are the most important things in the world to me."

Bella was taken aback. She wondered if Jasper were right if Carlisle did feel the same way about her as she did for him. She might not have put it in words when she thought about it, but she knew that Carlisle meant more to her than anyone or anything.

Carlisle's voice brought her out of her thoughts. "This afternoon, when you were thinking about Edward, I was with your father."

Bella was surprised, and it showed. "Why?"

"I wanted to spend time with him. To allow him to know me. I desire his good opinion, second only to your favor."

Bella was clearly confused by his answer. "What?"

Carlisle paced away, then back again. He sat down beside her again. "I'm speaking in seventeenth-century terms to a twenty-first-century woman. I want to impress you, but I'm doing this very badly. I'm almost four hundred years old, I should able to do better." His laugh was self-deprecating.

"Carlisle, I don't understand."

"Isabella, I find that I care for your wellbeing and your happiness above all else. I have come to rely on your opinions. I trust you entirely and without hesitation. You are the first person that I think of when I have something to share, good or bad. I want nothing more than to become the same to you and..." He trailed off and gazed into her confused eyes. "I'm being inept, I'm going too fast." He shook his head. "I lose all my sense, all my restraint, when I'm with you."

"I'm sorry, I never want to make you feel uncomfortable." Bella's voice was filled with concern.

He smiled tenderly into her eyes. "You could never make me uncomfortable. When I'm with you I have a lightness of spirit I've never felt before. You change me in a good way. You make me feel like I really am twenty-three." He chuckled. "And I seem to be acting like I am right now." Bella's look of concern deepened. He grinned at her. "It's good. I never felt twenty-three, even when I was only twenty-three human years old."

"You had a difficult life." Bella smiled softly into his eyes.

"It's not been so bad. It's actually been quite wonderful since you've been in it."

"I can say the same about you." She blushed.

His smile was disarming. "Let me take you away from here. May I take to dinner?"

"I'd like that."

Alice swooped in seemingly from nowhere and squealed. "She'll be ready in half an hour. Go dress, Carlisle."


As Alice pulled her away she heard Carlisle mumble, "There's no privacy here." She saw him take out his phone. "I'd like to make a reservation, please..."

Once they were in her room, Alice was a whirlwind of activity. Alice was moving so quickly that she didn't have time to protest the fact that Alice was undressing her.

Before she knew it, she found herself sitting on the edge of the setee in a light mauve long sleeved, pintucked blouse. Below that she wore a matching fully gathered skirt. Both pieces were adorned with ivory colored lace.

Alice spoke as she began to brush her hair. "We don't have time for a fancy coif. I think if I just brush it back and pin it behind your ears... yes, that will do."

"This isn't necessary, Alice."

Alice laughed and moved on to her make-up. "Don't be silly, Bella. Of course, it's necessary."

Alice applied smoky eye shadow and swept lightly tinted gloss on her lips. "Just some mascara and you're good to go."

"You know I don't like make-up, Alice," Bella complained.

"Don't pout. I'm not putting it on you heavily. It's just a touch to highlight your natural beauty."

Bella harrumphed and was silent as Alice finished fussing over her.


Bella felt bad, she thought she was putting a damper on Carlisle's driving. "Don't you want to go faster?"

"Why would I want to go faster? I'm driving through a lovely area with a beautiful, intelligent woman. I don't want to rush that." His smile turned thoughtful. "Unless you would rather go faster."

"No. Absolutely not, I like this. I just thought you might be holding back because you thought I'd prefer it, which I do. I just didn't want you to feel pressured to drive at human speeds."

"Your desires would never make me feel pressured. I enjoy nothing more than pleasing you. I can think of nothing that makes me happier."

"There is nothing in the world that makes me happier than just being with you, Carlisle."

He switched driving hands and reached over and took her hand. He moved his eyes from the road and gazed intensely into hers for a few moments, before giving her a devastating smile.

She was pleased to see that, as always, he made no attempt to dazzle her. "I'm glad I'm getting to spend time alone with you. I love them all, I often feel closer to them than my own family. It's just really wonderful to be with you and be out of a house full of eavesdropping vampires."

"Do you have secrets to tell me, Isabella?" He teased.

Bella laughed. "I don't think I have any secrets left, not in a house full of vampires."

Carlisle's tenor was soft and somehow intimate. "I'm very glad for this time alone with you too."

Bella smiled.

Carlisle returned her smile and commented lightly. "You never told me how the rest of your afternoon went."

"Jake came to visit. I met him outside. Esme insisted on feeding him. She was very good with him. It must have been difficult, I know the smell is unpleasant for all of you."

"Esme has a very caring soul."

"It's sweet, the way she is with all of you."

"It was odd at first, being mothered by someone centuries younger than myself. I came to realize that how long a person has walked the earth is irrelevant. It's the age of their soul that matters." He smiled fondly. "I'm sure Esme was glad to see Jacob."

"He was reluctant to take food from her, but it was Esme, so even he couldn't refuse."

"I imagine not."

"Jake and I walked outside. In the forest, he made a move on me, again."

Carlisle's brow furrowed with worry. "Did he do anything untoward, anything that made you uncomfortable?"

"No, he didn't do anything serious. I felt uncomfortable, but that's because it's a complicated situation. Jake was really great when all of you were gone. I don't know how I would have made it through those months without him. I do love him, dearly. It's just that I love him like I would love a kid brother. I just can't connect with him in the way he wants me to." Bella was silent while she gathered her thoughts. "I don't want him touching me in a romantic way. I don't want to hurt him, or lose his friendship, but I can't encourage something that could never work. I have to make him understand that I will never change my mind."

"Is it simply that you aren't ready for another relationship yet?"

"No!" Bella blushed.

Carlisle smiled. He raised Bella's hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. His breath washed over her hand as he spoke. "I am gratified to hear that, Isabella."

Butterflies ran riot in Bella's stomach for the rest of the ride to the restaurant. When they arrived, she didn't remember a word of their conversation after Carlisle kissed her hand and told her that he was happy that she was ready for a new relationship.

As she heard Carlisle say, "Cullen, table for two," and the hostess respond, "yes, we have the table you requested, right this way, sir" one question began to take over her thoughts. Then, as she took Carlisle's extended arm for the walk to their table, the butterflies began waging war. Her mind was focused on that one burning question, was this a... date? Was she on a date with Dr. Carlisle Cullen?

Carlisle held her chair for her and she settled into her seat. As Carlisle sat she took in her surroundings. Their table was very secluded. The ambiance was soft and intimate. There was a gorgeous view of the sunset over the sea out the window to her right and there was a crackling fire to her left. The white linen tablecloth was a pristine backdrop for a vase of red roses and crystal that glittered in the light of a single candle.

They engaged in light conversation as she enjoyed a sumptuous meal that she didn't really taste. Her mind was formulating a plan to find an answer to the question that kept running through her mind. The very thought of what she was considering terrified her.

She smiled as Carlisle excused himself. She knew he had gone to the restroom to purge the undigested steak from his stomach. This was the opportunity she'd been waiting for. When she was sure enough time had passed, she rose and went to the corridor. The men's room was several feet down the empty hallway to the right, the ladies' room was in a corresponding area down the hall to the left. She walked swiftly to the ladies' room, grateful that the corridor was deserted.

She positioned herself to look like she was exiting the ladies' room and waited for Carlisle to emerge. She knew that when he saw her he would pass the restaurant door and come to escort her, it was his way. It was one of the small things she loved about him. After a minute, she began to change her mind. She wondered if she was going insane. She couldn't do this! What on earth had she been thinking? As she began to close the door of the ladies' room to make her escape back to their table, Carlisle came into the corridor.

He smiled at her. As he passed the restaurant door she sped up and met him halfway. She didn't think anymore, she just acted. When he stopped to offer her his arm, she kept going. She walked right up against him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She hadn't considered their height difference, but fortunately, he bent his head down to her in question. She stood on her toes and closed the distance between their faces. She pressed her lips to his. For an interminable moment, Carlisle seemed frozen. Then to her relief, he returned her kiss. She thrilled to the sensuous feel of his lips retuning her caress. He backed off with several more small kisses.

"Isabella." Her name was a prayer from his lips. He ducked in and gently kissed her again. His breath was on her mouth as he spoke. "Isabella, are you sure?"

Her heart pounded in her breast and she didn't know how she managed the oxygen needed to answer. "Yes, Carlisle."

Those words seemed to unlock something in Carlisle. His arms came around her waist and pulled her to him. His lips brushed hers with slow deliberate movements. She couldn't help herself; her hands moved up of their own volition and sifted through the flaxen silk of his hair.

She trembled in his arms. He pulled back briefly to discern the meaning behind her trembling. Her lips were red from his kisses and her eyes were filled with desire. They looked at each other in wonder for a few moments. She knew he had read her right when he pulled her back to him and spun her around. She found herself pressed between the wall and his body. This kiss wasn't tentative or nearly as gentle. She didn't know who deepened the kiss; she only knew that she was lost to the exquisite sensation of his tongue on hers.

As they kissed he pressed his body more firmly to hers. Heat pooled in her abdomen when his mouth left hers and trailed kisses over her heated cheek and down the side of her throat.

When his mouth returned to hers, his fingers danced at the base of her skull and behind her ears. The feel of his cool fingers on her heated flesh intensified her desire. She was almost frightened by how much she wanted him. His mouth left hers again and she instinctively tilted her head to the side. His lips slid down the other side of her throat and back up to suckle her earlobe. After a few moments, he reluctantly began to pull away. He dipped quickly back in, to give her one sweet longing kiss.

Flushed and breathing hard, with mere inches between them, Bella righted herself with Carlisle's help.

After a few more delicate kisses, they headed arm in arm, with their sides pressed together as close as decently possible, to pay the bill.