His words echoed in his ears the whole way home.

How could he have allowed himself to be so vulnerable and so publicly at that. He was thankful that only Jim was around to hear his words.

Grissom was known for his hard exterior, typically keeping cases from bothering him on a personal level. But this one, this one just hit different. He found himself unable to block out his feelings. Unable to focus without thinking of her. It was difficult to pull himself away when his body told him it was time. He was paying the price for it now. Pure exhaustion.

Neon lights paved the route home. He wasn't quite sure how he got to his condo, but he relieved a sigh when he realized he'd actually made it somehow. He switched off the ignition and grabbed his coat and bag off the passenger side seat. It slid without effort off the cold leather. He reached for his door and swung his legs out one by one, wincing at the ache in his knees. He knew he pushed it too hard this time. The air was cold and hit his lungs like a fresh piece of mint gum. He walked slowly to his condo, his coat bundled in his left hand along with the handle to his bag. His right hand in his pocket. Head down watching his feet lead the way. The crease in his pant leg long gone from a triple shift.

As he got to the door he sighed again as he leaned his head against it. The cold metal sending a shiver down his spine. The cold felt deserved. Like a punishment for denying the one true thing that brought him warmth. Pulling the keys from his pocket and sliding them into the lock.

Just another day alone.

He turns the key and grabs the slender metal handle and pushed down leaning into the heavy door.

Another day coming to an empty condo.

He scanned his living room, looking at the couch and wondering what kind of throw pillow she would have added. He had never shared his space with her.

Why was that?

He sat down his bag and slung his coat over it. Standing on one foot he slid off his shoe and then the next while he leaned against the wall for support.

He looked across the room towards the kitchen. Realizing he didn't even have the energy to eat. He turned left and hoped to make it to the bedroom for a shower. Walking into his room he lowered himself onto his bed face first. He wasn't going to make it. The exhaustion was overwhelming. The physical and mental strain was catching up. He rolled to his back, lifted his arm and pinched the soft bridge of his nose and flinched at the pain. Only a small amount of pain in comparison to what he must've put her through all this time. He knew he was so distant, and he knew she felt it too. He remembers her looking at him after the walkthrough trying to read him. He didn't know what to do other than shut her out. Why was it so difficult to let her in. He couldn't even bare to look at her over the last few days. Her eyes, they were so warm, so open. Like a book begging to be read. He could get lost in them, he knew he could. He needed her warmth more than ever before. As he closed his eyes, he pictured hers. Looking for them trying to pull whatever warmth they might bring him.

It worked.

There she was, standing in front of him. Watching him. He was sticky with sweat. Frustrated and feeling outsmarted. She was with him trying to bring comfort and assurance. They knew they were in the right spot, he could feel it. She knew it too. She always had his back, gave him confidence when he didn't even realize he'd been lacking it. He never told her, but she was the reason they solved that case.

She had surprised him. Her sudden touch across his cheek. It was an instant. But he could feel it with every bristle on his face. She was soft, and warm yet refreshing to his already hot skin. Her touch sent a charge down to his belly. Butterflies. She made him feel desired. He groaned reminiscing of her skin on his, never mind at how innocent it may have been. A bit of chalk she had said. He just had to focus on her. As long as he could picture her in front of him, he could still feel her near him. As his eyes flickered open and he started to come to, he was confused. He could still feel her touch. The sun that creeped through the blinds put a light heat on his left cheek. His smile quickly faded as he realized it was only a memory and light tricks. The sun was setting and it was almost time to head back to the office. He pulled himself to the edge of the bed and stood reluctantly in front of the window. As he close the blinds, he felt the cold return. And if anything, he felt she was further from him than ever before.