He wasn't going to be late today.

He looked at his watch. Three hours left until the shift started. He planned to go in early. He wasn't sure how busy they'd be. Mostly, this was his best chance to have any time with her. Bite the bullet and just ask her how she was doing. See if the case impacted her like Warrick suggested it may have. He could at least do that.

He walked through the lab. Searching each room thoroughly, intent on finding her but coming up empty. She was always early, it didn't make sense.

"Hey Judy, any messages?"

She handed him a small grouping. He could already see the yellow message slip. It stood out from the white carbon copy assignment ones. He felt his heart sink to his stomach when he thought it may be from her again. It was.

While You Were Out

For: Gil Grissom

From: Sara Sidle

Message:

"Need another sick day." -S.

He was glad he got there early. He had time to sulk in private for a bit. Just days ago he told himself that his chance with her was over. He was choosing work. Such a coward move and he knew it. He didn't like to admit how weak she made him feel at times. But it was the right call, for the both of them. She deserved someone better and it was time he let her go find that. Explaining that to his brain was easy. It was logical. But his heart was a different story. It wasn't ready to let her go.

Walking down the hall of the lab, he passed his office and went into the locker room. Distraction was his next best effort. To lose himself in his work like he had done many times before. He held the combo lock to his locker and entered his code.

10 - 22 - 99

He had used the date he first met Sara. A day he knew he wouldn't forget. As he put in the last digit and pulled the lock down to unlock it, it hit him how intertwined she was into his life. He slowly lowered himself onto the bench behind him, staring into his locker. Much of a symbol of his life. Everything in it's place. Every item had a specific purpose and place, a box if you would, that it belonged in. Compartmentalization. He was good at that. But Sara didn't fit in a box. She was a part of his work, a part of his minimal social life, a part of his mental space, definitely desired physically, and emotionally…well…despite being unable to admit it. She consumed him emotionally. She was everywhere around him. Letting her go would not be easy. He leaned over, putting his elbows on his knees, interlocking his fingers and hanging his head. Stretching out his neck. He had to get her out of his head but the thought of where to even start was impossible to pinpoint.

Maybe you should leave the lab…

He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there when she walked in.

"Hey Gil, you alright? Migraine?"

"Hi Catherine. No migraine, I'm fine."

Catherine leaning against the door frame, squinting her eyes, analyzing his posture and not believing something wasn't up. She tried a different route.

"We have a full team tonight?"
"Uhh, no. down one. Sara is out again."

"She's still sick?"

Grissom opened the lock on his hands and held them both palms up. He tensed his shoulders and tilted his head.

"Her message said she needed another sick day."

"You mean you haven't talked to her?"

"Not directly. She left a message with Judy."

"That doesn't sound like Sara. Unless she's pissed."

Grissom took his eyes from the ground to Catherine. Trying to understand what she might have been implying. Was it possible Sara was mad at him? For distancing himself on the last case? While it'd be valid to be hurt by, it wasn't like he hadn't done it before. She never took days off to 'cool down'.

"So. What did you do?" she asked.
"What do you mean?"

"Gil, I can tell when you two are at odds."

"I don't know Catherine. She just said she needed the day. I didn't pry."

"You should go check on her."

Grissom looked perplexed. Trying to determine if that was really the right call.

"Is that normal?"

Catherine shrugged and rolled her head from one side to the other.

"Gil, there's not much normal about this job and the stresses it cause. We're a family, we have to look out for each other. And you're probably the only person she'd let in anyway."

Grissom knew at times Sara felt disconnected from the team. She was often called out for taking cases too personally. It made it hard for her to open up her more vulnerable side.

Grissom pulls up his wrist to check his watch.

I have the time…

"Really, you should go. I'll cover handing out assignments."

"Thanks, Catherine."

He quickly grabbed his coat from his locker and shut the door.

As he got into his car, he sat there paralyzed with his hands on the wheel. He wasn't sure how he was going to do this. He needed to put aside his feelings and be a supervisor. A supervisor that makes house calls? That doesn't sound right. He tapped the wheel with his right index finger thinking of how he'd justify the visit.

Food. I'll bring food.

Sara's favorite veggie joint was just a few blocks from her apartment complex. Surely they had some kind of vegetable soup he could grab.

With the soup sitting in the passenger seat, he rounded the corner into her complex. So focused on what he'd say, he didn't notice that her parking spot was empty. He drove past the resident spots and pulled into visitor parking. He'd only been here once or twice, but was sure it was the right place.

As he turned off the ignition, he sat and closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

This was your choice.

He exited the car and walked to her door with his head watching his steps. Making sure they kept moving forward and didn't coward back to the car. He took another deep breath, held up his left hand. His fist hovered over the door for a second confirming he was sure he wanted to knock.

*Knock knock…*

He let out his breath and waited. He thought about the furthest point in her apartment and tried to imagine the time it'd take her to walk from there before he'd consider knocking again. Slightly stretching out his ear to listen for any sign of movement. Footsteps, a quick, "just a second…", but he heard nothing. He scrunched his eyebrows and began to knock again when he heard her.

"What are you doing here?"

She was standing behind him.

He spun around and it was as if someone had punched the air out of him. He was frozen and couldn't speak. She caught him off guard. She looked tired but yet the sun glistened off of her brown hair, making it almost glow. He loved it when her hair did that.

He looked down at the bag and held it up. "You said you were sick, I brought you soup."

He knew that's not what she said. but he was testing the waters. If she was sick, she'd say thank you. If she wasn't, she'd be upset that he misread what she said.

"I said I needed a sick day, not that I was sick."

Got it. Not sick, just pissed. Great.

He pursed his lips and scanned the dead space between them, looking for what else to say.

"Catherine thought it'd be a good idea to come check on you."

"Oh, so you're here because Catherine sent y…" He cut her off.

"No. I wanted to come. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I just wasn't sure if I should."

Sara looked down and then away from him. His eyes were easy to get lost in. She had to shift her focus. She walked towards him and then passed him to get to her door.

"Did you want to come in?"

"Yes, please."

She was standing in front of her door putting the key in and turning the lock. He never moved from his spot. Putting him just to the right of her back. She smelled amazing just like he remembered. It was like summer in a bottle. He looked at her face of what he could see. She wasn't happy. She looked sad and upset. His eyes traced her hair line and followed a strand that had strayed away from the rest. Laying on her cheek in front of her ear. He imagined a time he would have been comfortable being able to push it back. His eyes tracing his imaginary movements to the back of her neck where he'd imaging kissing her more times than he could count.

The door opened and she moved forward. Leaving him lingering over the lost moment. He closed his eyes, suppressing his frustrations. As he opened them to look down at the door step as he walked into her place; he canvased the room. His eyes widened.

Something isn't right…