5AM. Jason woke up with a strange feeling. A long time ago, he often had to get up early, visit Neri's island, discuss with his family or watch the news to catch up with the situation, before he still had to go to the Bridge on duty. Always so much to handle. But right now, there was no world that needed to be rescued, no interplanetary political document to help to consider the terms, no virus needed to be cleared (at least... in the Red), and he knew Neri is safe and sound on her island, with her own family.
"No one needs me now! That's great!"
Crossing his arms behind his head, Jason looked through the glass window. The light of dawn hadn't reached down this depth yet, but with the artificial light, he could see some colorful fish walking around a small coral reef. The bottom of the ocean seems to be still extremely mysterious to most humans, but to his family, it was more familiar than things that are supposed to be familiar to humans, like a park or a supermarket. The early days of arriving at ORCA, he and Brett had to share a tiny, windowless room. Since becoming one of ORCA's youngest officers, he was entitled to a personal cabin in the crew module, but he refused. He wanted to keep his Mom and Brett company. Besides, the living space in Commander's quarter was more spacious and convenient than the first room. Now both Jason and Brett had their own personal spaces, separated by a partition, even though they still shared the same entrance. On the other side of the wall, his younger brother was breathing steadily in his sleep.
People just come and go. ORCA has welcomed and seen off the hundreds of scientists, traders, technicians ... and their children. Bates family is one of the longest-standing families in ORCA. Jason dedicated to this little underwater world the most important years of a teenager. And as a teenager, he also had passion for things like a volleyball match, music concerts, hanging out with boys and girls of age, or simply the eagerness of driving a car for the first time... But all of them were nothing, compared to what he had here. And Neri.
Jason knew it was time, he couldn't continue to deny his feelings anymore. This sentiment always stands beside friendship, family affection right from the beginning. Not that Jason didn't feel it, he still knew something completely different and sacred that he had for Neri, but it was just a distant thought. Everything seems still alright. They're still together, shared the same values, shared the happiness and the sorrow... But for now, it is not enough. Over the years, that feeling became stronger and deeper. One day, he naturally realized that what he really wanted to share with Neri, wasn't just the most important moments in his life but all of his life. Not that the returning from the dead of Neri let Jason realize his heart is full of her. He knew it before. But that terrible event was one of the reasons for the decision that he had to confess his feelings to her. Because since holding a dying Neri in his arms, he was aware he could lose her anytime, in the hands of Praxis or the rebels. And he himself could die at any time too, in a pyramid or in a minifin, in the middle of the ocean...
"What if one of us, even the two of us, die while we haven't even called the exact name for our relationship?".
He loves Neri. Too much. No doubt.
"One day, when everything was settled, nothing could stop me from telling her how much I need her, for the rest of my life." It was a swear.
That day seems to have arrived. But everything is not that easy, for him.
He sometimes wished that he and Neri could have a normal relationship like the relationship of other boys and girls, when all they worried about were, how their crush thinks about their lipstick color or perfume on the date? Or at most some competitions around. Absolutely, not how to shield them before the enemy and death. If they have a peaceful life, he will be able to love Neri peacefully, and calmly.
But damn, he was wrong! Even when the world calmed down, everything around returned to normal, it turned out that: A normal guy also struggled with his feelings. It turned out that there is no easy way to deal with a romantic.
These things are really strange to Jason. Indeed, he knew very well about his heart, but he wasn't sure about Neri's. His mind was a mess. Ironically, he found himself arguing to himself sometimes.
Isn't everything too obvious? Like a kiss in the windy afternoon on the beach. Do people often kiss like that as the friends?
Of course not, but it doesn't make much sense. They kissed a few times, and then they were still friends.
Those were just... kind of goodbye kisses when they thought she had to leave. But in that time they knew she could stay. Did it make sense enough?
That kiss is one of the most beautiful things. Until then, he could still feel her soft and warm lips on his lips. But, at all times of kisses, two of them are too emotional, happy or sad, for her left or her stay. He was afraid that the kiss is nothing but a sudden moments, made by a special situation. Like pebbles on a walk at his father's farm. Because they threw them into the river, the water surface stirring. But then a couple of seconds later, the surface was back to normal as if nothing had happened. He was afraid, when it comes to this, she would act as if nothing had happened, again. He wouldn't let that happen, somehow. Therefore, he wasn't ready to meet her privately.
In fact, one thing that transcends all evidence, reasoning or judgment, it was his feeling. Every time he looked into the brown eyes and the gentle smile she gave him, enjoying every touch as they held each other's hands, he felt that she thinks in the same way, she needed him as he needed her. But in the end, he still did not dare to assert. He just wasn't confident enough. This is too big, too important. What if she said that she hadn't thought about it, or worse, to her he was just a closest friend.
"Oh Neri, if so, you can keep that label for yourself. In this time, I'll reject it!"
No. He still cannot be ready to face an answer like that. Not yet. He'd better think about it tomorrow.
Thank you, for reading my story. ^^
