Hearing the murmur of trees
And endless echoes of waves,
I stand on the edge of sand,
And wonder, where do you stand?
Are you –
Looking at the ocean too?
Are you –
Grasping at old, hazy dream
As you also search for me?
Are you –
Giving up on what we were?
I have worn loneliness a size too big,
It swallows me whole, hiding me, blinding,
The hope of ever finding you again
In flesh this time – in our reality.
The smell of salt in the breeze
And gunpowder in my hand,
I am reminded of my own
Mortality, bitterly.
Am I –
That girl you are looking for?
Am I –
Filling your thoughts with longing?
Am I –
Still in your memories that
Wrings your heart and eyes dry?
I have worn loneliness for far too long,
It now fits me perfectly, molded to
Cover my insecurities and fear
To the very shape of my solitude.
So, forget me; leave me here
Alone in our dreams, watching
You build your happiness with
Someone else, somewhere not here.
For alone is all I have ever been
And loneliness all I have ever known.
But not so with you; so, go and maybe
I will find happiness in letting go.
