Disclaimer: Nope, i ain't Anzai. Sorry to disappoint.
Prompt: ChaosSoda's Underappreciated Characters Writing Challenge #44: I Hate That I Love You
So, that was his answer. Or it should've been. Kaoru had joined Team Hokage to fight in the Ura-Butou Satsujin because he'd been sure that with them, he'd be able to see Kurei again. He'd get close enough to talk to his brother, and demand some answers.
Well, Kurei had replied. Kaoru was a stupid kid, and Kurei wouldn't care if he killed him. Kaoru had stopped being his little brother as soon as he'd started to question Kurei. Kaoru was lucky to still be alive at all.
But he still couldn't accept it. Rank sentimentality, Kurei had said, but Kaoru still remembered the man who'd saved his life and took him in off the street. Kurei wasn't a bad guy, and Kaoru couldn't seem to convince himself otherwise any more than Kurei could convince him.
So Kaoru was stupid. He knew what Kurei had done to him. He knew Kurei threw him right back out on the street, told Joker to kill him, or at least wound him, and belittled him every time Kaoru tried to confront him. Kaoru knew that.
But Kurei had also done so much for him. He'd saved Kaoru's life when he stopped him from killing himself, and gave him a place to call home. He hadn't just taught Kaoru to fight, he'd raised him like his own brother.
Kaoru remembered that Kurei still. He was a good person, and yeah, he'd changed after he'd gotten the burn on his face, but Kaoru couldn't believe he'd changed that much. He still trained Kaoru. He still seemed like the same person.
Maybe Kaoru was sentimental. Maybe he should just give up. Recca-nii-chan's family had taken him in, and they were great. He was getting his first taste of normal life, and that was great too. He didn't need a brother who wanted him dead. Kurei was probably happy to be rid of him.
But he just couldn't give up. He couldn't believe Kurei was the monster he was acting like. He knew him. He did. There was no way his big brother Kurei was just an act. There was no reason for him to have fooled Kaoru before. He didn't have to have picked up some kid off the street who would have been dead soon. That meant something. He'd chosen Kaoru.
So, if Kaoru wasn't just lying to himself, Kurei was lying now. And Kaoru couldn't just let that go, not until he knew why. If he had to spend the rest of his life chasing after a dream of an older brother, well, Kurei didn't get to tell him what to do anymore. Kaoru could do whatever he wanted.
He just wished it didn't hurt so much.
Kurei had made a mistake. He was no hero. He was a destroyer, and a destroyer only. How could he have ever believed he could save someone? But he'd tried anyway, and it turned to ash in his hand. Just like everything else he touched.
He should have known. Kurei'd always known he was cursed, hadn't he, the elder had said so, and everything that had happened since then had borne his words out.
He never should have allowed this to happen. He knew what happened to those he loved. If he let himself become close to anyone, they would suffer and die for it. It always happened.
So what had made him think he could just adopt a brother?
He'd had a brother, and he tried to kill him. All it had done was to get himself and his mother ostracized from their clan, cast out for the first time but not the last.
In this life you didn't get do-overs.
And Kurei brought misfortune to everyone. If Kaoru stayed in Uruha, he would suffer too. It was just as well that he'd started to doubt Kurei, and everything Kouran Mori used Uruha for. Kaoru wasn't like Kurei. He wasn't a monster. He could survive and even live a happy life out in normal society.
Kurei'd thought he could avoid getting attached. A suicidal orphan was an easy recruit for Uruha. He didn't have anywhere to go – no attachments to the world. And he was a child, so his mind could be shaped and his body trained into that of a good ninja. He would make a useful weapon.
But Kaoru was no tool. He was bright, too bright to be a grunt. He was destined to rise through the ranks quickly once he became a full member of Uruha. Even as a reserve member, Kurei could send him out on missions without worry for the outcome. Even paired with someone like Mokuren, Kaoru would get the job done quickly and efficiently.
He was a quick learner, and agile and dexterous enough to put Kurei's lessons to good use. He was strong, in both body and soul. Kurei had liked his resilient spirit.
But that was no excuse. Kurei knew full well what happened to anyone he got close to. It would be so easy to blame Kouran, his second father, but it would not be entirely accurate. Kurei hated Kouran, feared and raged helplessly at him, but Kouran hadn't killed Kurei's original parents or wiped out his clan. It wasn't because of Kouran that he was left adrift in a strange time.
That was Kurei's own curse, the one he had carried since he was born. And if he kept Kaoru close, it would destroy him too. Perhaps through Kouran, perhaps not.
That was the fate of all Kurei loved. All who loved Kurei.
Kurenai's fate, Reina's, Ouka's, and Jisho's. it would be Tsukino's fate eventually as well.
He couldn't allow it to be Kaoru's fate too.
Kaoru still had a chance. He wasn't lost in hate and despair like so many of the Uruha. Like Kurei himself. He could still escape, he wasn't cursed, he could get away and live happily on the outside. If he would just leave, if he would forget about Kurei, he could evade the curse. If Kurei accomplished one good thing in his life of torment, this should be it.
Kurei's suffering was inescapable, but Kaoru at least should be free.
