Alright! This is something I have wanted to do for awhile, but have not really had the energy or motivation for it. But, recently catching up with the newest season I have gotten my desire to write this once more! I do want to note, that this will not include any of what has happened in the newest season, as to both circumvent spoilers and to fit into the plot that I have had in my mind for a few months! Now that we got all that out of the way, please enjoy the first chapter of "Fix Me"!
Amity
Amity Blight sat at her window, staring out at the rising sun that slowly covered the Boiling Isles with it's orange rays of light. This is a scene she has seen many times before, recently now more than ever as her sleep schedule, or rather lack there of, has slowly deteriorated these past few months. This day no different than many before, as the golden eyed girl sighed and leaned her head against the window, closing her eyes as the cold glass pressed against her pale forehead. She hadn't even attempted sleeping last night, she knew it would be in vain as she would lay awake... Thinking about her...
She sighed, running her hand through her hair. Maybe if she slept once and awhile, she would be doing better in school... It's not her fault, though. She couldn't sleep even if she wanted to. She tried, every night. Sometimes she would get a few hours, but would just wake up in the middle of the night again, tense, sweaty, and tired. Last night she didn't even care to try, she saw no point in laying down and tossing and turning.
She raised her head to look out at the town, the morning sun glimmered on the windows as it's rays bounced off the translucent glass. Her gold eyes were dark in comparison, the circles around her eyes becoming more and more noticeable as she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window.
She shook her head, not wanting to see herself anymore, and hopped up from the ledge of the window. "Time to get ready for the day..." She muttered, going to her closet and changing from her lilac nightgown into a black blouse and violet leggings. She didn't usually put much thought in her outfit...
She went down to the kitchen, empty of course. Nobody else was ever up this early in her house, normal people weren't up this early anywhere. She stood at the doorway for a few moments and sighed, and walked out. She thought if she kept walking to the kitchen, maybe she would eventually muster up the feeling to eat, but still she found no desire to eat anything.
Amity didn't really know why she didn't want to eat, she had no problems with her body, in fact she would have preferred to have a bit more weight on her, as she often disliked her slim and tiny frame. Regardless of this, she just didn't feel like eating, her body not calling out for food as it once did. And when she forced herself to eat at dinner, she often felt sick afterwards...
Sitting on the couch, she slipped her shoes onto her feet and wiggled her foot around in a circle, idly staring at her shoe as her mind blanked. She liked it when she was thinking about nothing, it made her feel far more relaxed. In those moments, just staring off into nothing... She could feel at ease. No more thoughts about her "perfect" siblings, no thoughts about her parents thumb over her, no thoughts about... Anything.
Her siblings told her she had been doing it a lot more often than usual, and that they were a little worried. She didn't care, though. They should be the opposite of worried, I am far more content when I feel and think nothing than when my mind is running.
"Hello Mittens, up early again I see." Her mother cut off her sacred silence within her mind, and she looked up at her mother, her eyes narrowed at the woman she had grown to despise for the past 14 years of her life.
"Hello, mother." She said quietly, and standing up, looking up at the slightly taller woman.
"I'm glad I caught you! I wanted to see if you would like to help make some breakfast?" Her mother asked cheerfully, and Amity wanted to laugh.
She knew what that meant, despite the pleasant mother daughter bonding experience it sounded like on the surface, she knew that in reality it would be Amity cooking food while her mother chastised what she did, and then complain about the food to the rest of the family in a hushed tone while telling Amity that it was amazing.
"I'll have to pass, I already ate." She lied, and turned around, walking towards the front door, grabbing her bag that hung next to it on a black hook, "Now, if you will excuse me mother, I have some studying I need to do that I would prefer to do at Hexside. I will see you after school." She said in an ice cold tone, opening the door and slamming it behind her.
As she made it outside she squinted from the bright sun burning into her retinas, shielding her eyes with her arm she began walking to school. The streets of Bonesborough were sparsely filled with early workers and the occasional homeless citizen sitting on the corner sleeping. She walked past the closed stands that wouldn't be open for another hour or so to catch the school kids on their way to Hexside. The silence the streets carried would be eerie to most, Amity found it relaxing.
She made her way to the school in silence, her mind scrambled with so many thoughts it made her head hurt. Her head always hurt nowadays.
She walked up to the front of the school, the big double doors standing in her way of entering the famed academy. She tugged on the handle, despite knowing that it wouldn't open. And with little to no surprise, it did not budge. The doors usually wouldn't open for another hour or so as to prevent any troublemakers from entering and vandalizing the school. She made her way to the steps and sat down next to the wall, placing her bag on the step in front of her. She leaned her head on the stone wall next to the stairs and closed her eyes.
"Maybe I'll just close my eyes for a moment..." She muttered quietly, shutting her eyes as the cool stone spread it's chill throughout her skin...
After what felt like seconds later Amity was shaken awake by an unknown source, she quickly put her hands up in defense and pushed away the assailant blindly, hearing a quiet 'Ouch' following a thump on the ground. Amity's eyes focused as she opened them, and saw Willow sitting on the ground in front of her, adjusting her glasses on her face.
"W-Willow? I'm so sorry! I didn't know who it was and I got startled..." Amity croaked the apology out, receiving a gentle head shake from the plant witch.
"I understand, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just shook you like that, I just saw you asleep on the stairs and I got worried. Are you okay, though? Why were you sleeping on the stairs...?" Willow asked, confused as she stood up and walked towards her, sitting next to her on the stairs.
"Oh... I... Well, I just kinda came here really early and I guess I was tired and fell asleep..." She answered half-heartedly, still guilt ridden about pushing her friend onto the ground.
"Why are you here this early? School doesn't open for another twenty minutes and I imagine you have been sleeping here for awhile..." Willow asked, placing her hand on the pale girl's shoulder with concern.
Amity lightly shrugged off the warm hand, still not used to the comfort she had been given and her body still wanting to reject it. "I don't know. I just didn't want to stay home, I guess. Why are you here this early?" She asked, trying to steer the conversation away from herself.
"Oh! That's because I like to come here early and water all the trees! Nobody else takes care of them so I have to!" Willow exclaimed with enthusiasm, and Amity couldn't help but crack a smile.
"That's very sweet of you Willow, I imagine they appreciate it a lot." Amity awkwardly patted the girls shoulder, receiving a raised eyebrow from the plant witch.
"Uh, thanks... Well! I'm gonna go do that, try not to fall asleep again, okay?" She said sweetly before walking off and watering the trees next to the academy.
Amity just stared off into space... Why was she the way she is? She hated it. She hated herself with a passion. She was awful to everyone for so long, why does she deserve anything? She didn't deserve Willow as a friend anymore. She kicked her out of her life and let her friends bully her for years. She even bullied her herself...
She wanted to vomit. She wanted to run away and cry. But, she couldn't. No matter what she did she couldn't muster up tears. She had not been able to for years. Crying shows weakness, and Blight's are not weak. Blight's do not cry. Blight's do not cower. Blight's are the best at everything...
No. Blight's were the worst of everything. Evil and cruel liars and cheats. That is what her family was.
That is what she is.
She heard the opening bells scream and she click of the door unlocking behind her. She stood up and made her way to the door, pulling it open and hurrying inside. She wasn't in the mood for socializing, and she wanted to escape the flow of students that were surely on their way.
...
5th period... Her favorite period. The class she had was boring, the history of abomination magic. She already knew the origins, as they had been pounded into her head as child, her mother making sure Amity knew the power that created the riches of the Blight family.
No, it wasn't the class that she liked. It was the people in it... Or rather, the girl who sat diagonal from her two rows in front of her...
Luz.
Her name sent chills down her spine as she stared at her. She hated it. She hated the fuzzy feeling in her stomach. She hated the swarm of emotions that littered her mind.
She loved all of it.
She despised herself for pretending she hated it.
Amity watched the ambitious girl scribble down notes as fast as the teacher spoke, making the green haired girl smile. She loved how dedicated she was in school, she cared so much about every subject. She just wanted to learn more and more... It made Amity want to do better. Everything Luz did, Amity wanted to do too. Amity wanted to smile and laugh like her, she wanted to be silly like her, she wanted to have emotions like her...
She wanted her.
She shook her head and pushed those thoughts back into the pit of blackness within her mind they belonged. Out of everything that ever crossed her mind, that ever entered the dark cavern that was her mind... Those were the ones she hated the most.
She hated them because she knew they were true, and it hurt her to the core every single time it popped into her mind.
She wanted her, she wanted her so much it hurt. She wanted to hold her, she wanted to kiss her. She wanted to dance with her again... She wanted everything. Yet, she knew that she would not have any of it. She knew it was a pipe dream, a fantasy.
Even if it was feasible, she didn't deserve it. She does not deserve Luz. She didn't deserve her as a friend... She definitely didn't deserve her as anything more than that. Yet, she yearned for it more and more everyday. Every time she felt her hand on her, her body was lit with her warmth. She feels so cold when she is gone...
Amity didn't know what the teacher was saying. She didn't really care, she was just... Transfixed on the girl who sat two rows ahead, and diagonal.
And someone else in the room took notice of her staring.
...
The final bell rung and Amity was released from school to go home and... Work on schoolwork.
"Yay..." She muttered under her breath as she made her way out of the doors holding her books under her arm, her bag slung on her shoulders hanging down to the small of her back.
She didn't want to go home, she never wanted to go home. She much preferred just hiding away in the library and writing away in her diary, or reading Azura, or just being able to think in silence. Or not think at all.
Her thoughts were broken by a tap on her shoulder, her eyes once again meeting Willow's for the second time today. Thankfully, this time not while she was on the ground.
"Ah, is there something you want Willow?" Amity asked politely, turning to face her friend who had a serious look on her face.
"We need to talk, Amity." She said in a flat tone, which considering Willow's naturally pleasant nature... Took her way off her guard.
"Uh... Is something the matter...?"
"No, but I know that there probably will be," Willow took her wrist and dragged her away from the school campus, and into Bonesborough.
"Willow! Stop it! Just talk to me already!" Amity yelled, annoying with Willow's actions.
She stopped and turned to Amity, crossing her arms. "You have a crush on Luz." She stated with conviction, causing the green haired girl to jump, her eyes widening a bit as she was accused.
"I-I..." She croaked out barely a whisper, she didn't know what to say. She felt her throat dry up and her palms become sweaty. "Y-Y-You... You can't... You can't say anything..." Amity stammered and lunged at Willow, grabbing her collar like a madwoman, "Promise me you won't say anything! Please, I beg you..." She pleaded, and Willow looked at her, shocked at her former best friend's actions.
"Woah woah hey... I'm not going to tell anyone anything. It's not like you don't make it obvious anyways... You're lucky Luz is more dense than a bucket. I had an idea for awhile... But needless to say this solidified it." She said softly, patting the top of Amity's head. "Your secret is safe with me."
Those words lifted quite a lot of weight off of the poor girl's shoulders. She had never been more terrified in her life... "T-Thank you..." She mumbled, letting go and turning away, her face a bright red.
"Look, Amity... I wanted to talk to you because... You look awful. You look exhausted, your performance has been slipping, and I found you asleep on a staircase this morning! I'm... I'm worried about you. What's going on? Is your crush getting to you this bad?" Willow asked with concern, causing Amity to look to the ground in shame.
"I... I don't know. Lately I haven't been able to sleep... Or eat. Or... Do anything. I keep thinking about myself, how much I hate myself... I keep thinking of my parents and how I can't stand to be around them. I keep thinking of Luz... And how I want nothing more than to hold her. I've been so confused, Willow. I don't know what is going on anymore... I used to never have any of these thoughts. I was content with being the "top student" and just being who I was... Now looking back I want to wring that girls throat and stab her. Now... Now I'm so confused. I don't... I don't even know who I am Willow..."
Her vision blurred, and there was a hot sensation in her eyes as her sight was obstructed. She felt a warm liquid flow down her cheeks and she put her hand to her face and looked down at her fingers...
Was... She crying?
Before Willow could get a word out, they both heard a familiar voice emerge coming towards them. "Hey! Willow! I was looking for you! Oh, uh, Amity! I'm glad to see you too, I was wanting t-" Luz was cut off as Amity quickly turned and squeezed her books to her chest, tears streaming down her face.
"I-I have to go! I'm sorry!" She sprinted off, ignoring Luz's call for her, her warm tears flying into the wind. She hated this. She hated everything. She hated herself. She hated everyone.
She hated Luz. She hated her because she made Amity fall in love with her.
She didn't know where she was going, all she knew was that it was somewhat in the direction of the forest outside Bonesborough. She stopped next to tree as she was out of breath, her face red, eyes puffy as she slid down the tree and dropped her books and bad next to her. She curled up at the trunk and cried into her legs, sobbing loudly in the empty forest.
She was broken. She didn't know who she was anymore, all she wanted was to lay there and die. She was in love with someone she didn't deserve. She had friends sue didn't deserve.
Amity laid there curled up crying until she couldn't cry anymore, and slowly within the empty forest, laying on the grass, she fell asleep in silence, cheeks still stained with fresh tears.
And that, ladies, gentlemen, and those of unspecified gender, is the first chapter of "Fix Me"! I really hope you enjoyed it, I put a lot of time and effort into it and I am looking forward to continue this. What I am looking to do is trade perspectives of the narrator every chapter! I have never done something like that and I really want to try it out! Tell me if you like it or not, heh. Anyways! That is all, please leave a review if you have anything to say! I love reading what my readers think, even criticism is appreciated! Have a lovely day/night!
