A/N: I only own the OC
Thank you for reviews!
This is a darker chapter, so avoid if talk of suicide and depression bother you. The chapter also contains adult themes so don't read if that makes you uncomfortable.
I sat in the zoo looking at the ponds, near the tiger exhibit, as I was lost in my thoughts. I had finished up the assignment Nick had given me for the day, and needed some fresh air. I still hadn't talked to Bucky or Steve. I spoke to Sam under the understanding that he wasn't to tell Sam or Bucky that I was talking to him. I still didn't know how i felt about them, and I was well aware that I was avoiding them... but I didn't know what else to do. I felt like I would be the reason they wouldn't be friends anymore, and I couldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. I found myself wondering if they missed me, and then I realized that wasn't something I needed to worry about. I had started to work out more, and focus on intel for Nick as I avoided my life in New York.
"You are a hard person to track down." the person said as they sat down next to me and I smirked.
"Really? With all your connections?" I asked Sharon as I turned to face her and she chuckled.
"I will admit that when you don't want to be found you are good at making yourself invisible." she said and I chuckled.
"Thanks, took some of it from your books." I said and she nodded as she handed me a folder.
"What's this?" I asked her.
"It's something you need to read if you want to move on. I know that you will understand it and will also understand where they are at right now." she said and I raised an eyebrow as I glanced down at it. I opened it and realized that it was Steve and Bucky's latest evaluations. We all had to have them after missions. I had done mine and everything was fine as far it could be after what I had dealt with from Walker.
"Thanks, I appreciate it." I said and she nodded.
"They do miss you." she said as I slipped it in my backpack.
"They shouldn't." I said and she smirked.
"We are something... one if us wants them to remember us and other wants them to forget." she said and I laughed as I nodded.
"And Nat would want them to know she could kick their asses at any moment." I added and she laughed.
"What are you doing now?" I asked her.
"We are close to moving in on Karly and the group from Europe... and after that... I'm going back to Europe. I had a lot going there." she said and I nodded. I knew that she had built a good business after the USA turned it's back on her.
"Are you joining us anytime soon?" she asked me and I shrugged.
"I don't know. I have recovered over the last few weeks, but I don't know if I'm ready to go back into working with the boys." I said and she nodded.
"Just stay in touch. You still have me." she said and hugged me before leaving me sitting in my own thoughts again. I finally started back towards my house when the zoo began to close for the day. I made my way back and found a small package on my porch. I glanced around but didn't see anyone that stuck out as I picked up the package. I walked inside and was greeted by Butterfinger. I fed him before I turned my attention pack to the small box that had been sitting on my porch. I knew who it was from just by the writing on top and that's why I was debating on opening it. I shook my head and walked back to my bag. I pulled the folder out and looked at it. I was debating when my phone buzzed. I pulled it out and looked at it.
Come in tomorrow at 0700.
Nick wanted me in the office early tomorrow morning. I didn't respond, but he didn't need me to because he knew that I would show up. I was still debating when my curiosity won out and I opened the folders. Steve's psych evaluation was on top and he was the one I was most interested in since this was the one since he had come back to the present. I read over it and Steve was still Captain America through and through, but he seemed jaded almost. A few of his answers lead him to be cleared, but to have evaluations every 6months instead of yearly. I knew that answers that stuck out to me showed me that Steve's darker side was coming out more than it used to... Steve used to get really angry and act on it, but it was so rare that most people didn't see it; but judging from what I just read Steve was not afraid to go there now. I can't say I was surprised... I could tell that Steve had changed since he came back just from that time he spent with me on the balcony. I looked at the next sheet and was more afraid of what I would find in Bucky's.
I glanced over and saw the bottle of vodka... I was probably going to need it to get through this. I took a shot, chased it with some juice, and took a deep breathe. I was ready for anything in Bucky's file because I had read his previous ones before I had him as a patient. I opened it before I lost my nerves and started reading... I wish I hadn't. Bucky's anger issues had returned. He was not getting along with Sam or Steve as much, retreating into himself, and kept talking about it not being worth it. I was reading over all the answers when I knew what I had to do. I walked over to the package a ripped it open. I found a beautiful silver necklace with a mystic topaz pendent on it. I also found a note in the box.
I wanted to give you this ever since you told me you like to one in the store window in Europe. I do love you, and I'm sorry if I ever made you think that I didn't... please remember the good in me.
I slid the necklace on, grabbed my keys, and my phone before locking up and hailing a taxi. I had to hope that I wasn't too late.
Bucky POV
I was sitting in my dark apartment alone with my thoughts and memories... and my memories were not good ones. I had found it harder and harder to fight slipping back into him. I found it easier to give in and be angry. I had tried writing it down, but it didn't even help anyone. I thought that having Steve back would have helped me, but it didn't. Steve had changed and not for the better. I felt that he fighting his demons like I was, and we were both close to giving into them. I missed Sarah... I didn't know why she wouldn't see me. I hadn't seen her in weeks. I wanted to chance to talk to her, to give her the necklace I bought her, and honestly, I would just be happy to see her again. I felt safe talking to her... I wanted someone that I trusted to tell me that it would all be ok. Sam was still around, but it seemed like since Steve got back no one knew how to treat us. I was used to people tiptoeing around me, but most people were flat out avoiding us. I had tried to talk to Steve about it, but he just kept telling me he was glad to be back or what he missed from when we were growing up in New York before life got out of hand.
I looked down at the gun on the kitchen counter and sighed. I didn't feel like doing this anymore. I had been doing it for over 100 years and I was tired. I took a breath and picked it up. I looked around my apartment and my eyes landed on my two pictures. I had a picture of all of us from before the snap, and then I had a picture of me and Sarah. She had taken a selfie of us, printed it, and given it to me in a frame. I picked it up and looked at it... she was beautiful. How could she ever have loved me? I had treated her horribly in the beginning, tried to kill her, ruined her life at one point, and then been a horrible friend. I didn't deserve her. I sat the picture down and checked the gun to make sure there was a bullet in the chamber. I raised it to my head when someone knocked on the door. I froze... I would wait for them to go away. They knocked again.
"Bucky..." I heard a familiar voice say on the other side of the door and my eyes widened... there was no way that she was here.
"Bucky, please... please open the door." she said and I quietly went over to the door. I peaked out to see Sarah standing there. She looked upset, but she was here.
"Bucky, open the door." she said with more urgency. She sighed as she pulled out her keys. I had given her a door key and she was about to use. I sat the gun down on the counter and quickly opened the door. She looked up at me and I got ready to say something when she pulled my lips down to hers. I was so surprised that it took me a second to react. I finally did and pulled her closer as our bodies collided. I pulled her with me into the apartment without my lips leaving hers. I pushed the door shut and pressed her against it.
"You came." I whispered as I pulled away and she nodded as I saw the necklace on her neck as she ran her hands from my shoulders up to my cheeks.
"I'm so sorry you felt alone." she said and I kissed her again. I felt as much desire from her as I felt in myself. I let me hands roam down her body and found the hem of her shirt. I carefully slipped my hand under the edge of it and settled it on her side. She was very responsive to my touch as my metal hand rested against her cheek.
"I missed you." I whispered as I edged her shirt up her side and kissed down her jawline.
"I'm sorry I stayed away." she said as I looked back at me. She stepped up a little bit and took her hands off my cheeks; I watched as she pulled her shirt over her head and dropped it on the floor next to us. She was beautiful and perfect as I watched her breast move as she took breathes or the way her pants set low on her hips. She then reached down and pulled at the hem of my shirt. I lifted my arms to help her as she pushed it up and over my head. She carefully ran her fingers over my scars that attached my arm to my shoulder. She carefully pressed a kiss to it and I moaned softly as I felt her soft lips brush against my skin. She looked at me as her fingers ghosted down my stomach and to the waistband of my jeans. I kicked off my boots and took her face in my hands as I kissed her. I felt her fingers slip my belt open and undo the button. She made quick work of the zipper as I groaned when her hand came in contact with my bulge. She pushed the jeans from my hips and pulled away from the kiss. She looked at me with surprise when she figured out that I didn't wear underwear.
"I don't like how they feel." I said and she chuckled.
"You are overdressed." I told her as she kicked off her shoes, and went to undo her jeans but I put my hand on hers. She looked at me as I kissed her again. I took her hands and put them on my chest as I went back to her waistband. I undid the button and pushed them from her hips. She was in a black bra and underwear in front of me, and was the most beautiful thing I had ever see. She was perfect. I saw the scars from her encounter with Walker and carefully placed a kiss to her arm, and kissed up to her neck. I carefully nipped at her neck as she moaned and I slipped my hands up her sides and around to her back. I hadn't done this in awhile, but lucky I didn't fumble too much to get her bra off her. I pulled it off her as I pulled my hands back around her ribs. I dropped it on the pile and brought my hands back to her prefect breast. I rolled her nipples between my fingers as I began to nip at her neck again. I could feel her fingers flexing against my shoulder and back as she moaned while pressing her breast further into my hands.
I carefully got down on my knees as I kissed between her breast and down her stomach while holding onto her hips. I pulled her underwear off her hips as I kissed over a scar she had on her lower stomach before looking up at her. She was looking down at me as her hair had fallen to frame her face. She nodded as I carefully kissed her hip and pulled her leg over my shoulder. I carefully placed a kiss to the inside of her leg and let my other hand side up her thigh. She whimpered as my fingers caressed her slick folds, and her hands entangled into my hair. I carefully pressed two into her and her head leaned back against the door. I was pumping them in and out as I carefully placed my mouth around her bud. She gasped and tugged on my hair. I continued to swirl my tongue over as her my fingers sped up. She was making sweet sounds as she tugged on my hair. I felt her walls tighten around my fingers and curled them slightly. I felt her juices coat my fingers. I carefully removed them with a whimper and kissed her knee before placing it back down on the ground. I stuck my fingers in my mouth and savored her sweet flavor as I stood up. She was breathing hard with her mouth slightly open, and her eyes were closed. She was beautiful, and perfect as I looked at her she looked at me with heavy eyes.
She pulled me to her and kissed me as her hand roamed down my body and closed around my shaft. I moaned into the kiss as she slowly began to run her hand up and down my length. I hadn't felt a woman's touch in so long that it was like ever nerve had come alive.
"Fuck." I panted as I pulled my lips from her and she began to nibble down my jaw. She was slowly speeding up as her thumb swiped over the tip and I was close to loosing it. I grabbed her hand and pulled it away before kissing her. I reached down and pulled her thighs up as she wrapped her legs around me.
"I need you." I said between kisses as I walked us over to the bed. I carefully laid her down and kissed down her neck. I nipped at her nipple as I stroked myself before brushing the tip against her entrance. She whimpered and looked at me.
"Please, Bucky." she begged. I leaned down and kissed her as I pressed my tip against her slick flesh. She arched her back as her body greedily pulled me into her. I groaned as I bottomed out in and her beautiful moan reached my ears. I kissed her as I carefully began to piston my hips against hers. She wrapped her legs around my hips as I entwined our fingers on both sides of her head. She met me thrust for thrust as they became harder and faster.
"Fuck me hard." She begged as I picked up the pace yet again.
"Do you like that?" I growled in her ear as she became a moaning mess beneath me.
"Yes, Bucky... yes..." she begged me as I let go of her hands. I leaned back on my heels and pulled her legs over my shoulders to deepen the angle. She moaned in pleasure as I began to pick up the pace. I felt her getting close as she moaned louder.
"Please." she begged as I pressed deeper into her.
"Fuck." she screamed as I pressed her hips further into the bed and I felt her walls clinch around me. I held her legs as they shook against me and let her ride out her orgasm. I felt my feeling grow and the familiar sensation in the pit of my stomach as she gripped my biceps. I felt her getting close again as I continued to thrust into her. I was close, but I wanted her to feel good again.
"Bucky... please." she whimpered as I felt her walks start to clinch again. I pressed my thumb to her clit and kissed her as I thrust as far into her as I could reach. She screamed against my lips as I growled when our releases came at the same time. I gave a few more lazy thrust and fell over beside her. She pulled me into her arms as the only sound in the room was the traffic below and our harsh breathing. I was glad she had knocked on my door that night.
A/N:Please review
