On the Road to Los EGGas

Chapter Two: Scourge of the Desert

Chuck was a bit hesitant to let this stranger come with them, but soon Sans began to talk him down. "Let him in; if he tries to kill or rob us, I doubt he'll be able to take us all at once." Chuck looked at the man again and said, "We got a seat left. Come on, hop aboard!" The youthful hitchhiker slid over the back-right door of the car and buckled up in the door seat. He put out a hand to Tingle and said, "Name's Scourge!"

Tingle shook his hand and said, "Nice to meet a fellow faerie-lover on such a nice day!" Scourge made a face of bafflement. "Mind explaining that in layman's terms?" he said. "Your fur," said Tingle, "it's green like my spandex! That tells me that you're a fairy enthusiast who too has been blessed by the great Uncle Rupee!" Scourge chuckled a bit, "It was more of a Master Emerald…"

Link looked at the mysterious creature and said, "You look a little familiar, mister." Scourge rubbed the little hylian's golden hair. "I get that a lot," he said, "I'm actually a bit of a political figure where I'm from." Chuck, who had already began driving, scoffed and said, "I never get involved with politics. The last time I did I was drafted into a war I didn't want to be in. Do you know what it's like to go to war, then get back on the field and suddenly go into self-defense mode?

"I spit on the name 'Koopa'; the name of the king who sent me to hell and back." Chuck had then realized he was going on another rant, so he decided to introduce himself. "Name's Chuck, by the way, Chargin Chuck. Patrick Star right here's named Sans." Sans put out his hand for Scourge to shake, but as soon as he shook it a large fart sound erupted from their palms. "Heh," chuckled Sans, "the old woopie cushion in the hand trick. It's always funny."

Scourge was looking a bit annoyed at this point. "Heh," he said awkwardly, "funny…I take it you're the funny one of this four-man-band?" Sans shrugged and said, "What can I say, I'm good at tickling funny-bones." A rimshot could be heard out in the distance. Scourge looked around for the origin of the sound, but soon realized there wasn't any point. "So," he said, pointing his thumb at Tingle, "whose fairy-creep over here?"

Tingle threw out some confetti which had enviably blown off in the high-speed winds. "Ha-HA!" he laughed, "I am the FANTASTIC Tingle! Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah!" Chuck looked back in the mirror and said, "Translation: 'I'm a crazy man-child obsessed with fairies and rubies.'" Tingle looked at Chuck with an expression filled with rage. "Don't pretend it isn't true," Chuck said smugly.

"I hereby declare that you have insulted me," Tingle said bitterly, "and I demand you apologize!" "Sorry," said Chuck, in a tone that did not sound genuine. Tingle didn't seem to pick up on this and went back to acting quite cheerfully. Scourge looked over at the little boy sitting next to him and asked, "And you are…?" Link looked up at the stranger. "I'm Link," he said, "It's nice to meet you, Mister Scourge.

"But…I can't shake the feeling as though I've seen you somewhere before." "Let's not try thinking about it too hard," said Scourge nervously, "so why're you guys heading to Los EGGas?" Sans, Chuck, and Tingle all simultaneously said, "Cash." "We've been strapped for cash for months," said Chuck, "we've been thinking of making a gamble on some games there. But enough about that; what's your story?" Scourge stopped to think for a second about what he was doing.

"Well," he said, "I've been needing to get away from…my house…so I decided to hi—hang…hang out in EGGas." Sans looked over at him and said, "Your parents must be having a heart attack if you're just out here in the desert. If you were planning on being a pilot, I'd be afraid of them grounding you." Scourge chuckled nervously. He held up a fist and said, "You want to say that again, punk?" "Nah," said Sans, "I can't take a hit very well."

"Wise choice," said Scourge with a grin on his face. Chuck looked back in the mirror at Scourge and said, "You aren't trying to start any trouble, are you Mister Scourge?" Scourge nervously looks around and said in a paranoid tone, "N-no! Of course not!" "You'd better not," said Tingle, "or else I'd have to dish out a can of Tingle-styled whoop ass!" "Heheheh," chuckled Sans, "you'd do less damage in a fight than I would, and that is saying something."

"Guys," Link said disappointedly, "please don't fight like this. This is supposed to be a fun trip." "Look what you did," said Chuck in an aggressive tone, "you upset Link." Scourge pointed at the skeleton in the blue jacket and said, "He started it!" "I was only wondering if your parents knew you—" but Sans could not finish that thought, because the car began to sound like a gun being fired. Chargin Chuck pulled over on the side of the road and went to check on the Cadillac's engine. "Damn it," he uttered as he looked under the hood.

"What's up?" asked Sans. Chuck looked up at the four and replied, "Bad news, guys. Engine's busted…"

To Be Continued