I slowly turned in a circle. Taking in the scene around me.
A graveyard.
Already, I didn't want to be here.
Cautiously, I approached one of the headstones.
Nihlus.
Joker.
Garrus.
So on and so forth, everyone I cared about. Even her name was on one. Which clued me in on this being a nightmare.
I doubted Death would ever take her.
Taking a breath, I gave the area a second glance around, this time spotting a temple outside the gates.
"Hello, my child." A woman, wearing a Priestess of Mara's robes, greeted upon my entry.
I blinked. That was weird, but okay. I could roll with this, with her acting this way.
"Are you feeling alright, child?"
"I- Yeah. Just. I didn't expect you, is all."
"I am wherever Love needs to be."
A man walked in behind me, in mortician's clothing. Another, from a side door, wearing a suit.
"Mara, my dear." Arkay spoke softly. "I'm afraid I must tell you that she's aware. Even though you do like playing at being a simple priestess."
A soft sigh left the woman. "I just wanted to make her feel at home."
Akatosh shook his head, a fond smile on his face when he looked to me. "I know you don't enjoy being spoken of as if you weren't present." A stern glance toward the other two. "Quite the dream to have."
"Are you worried your friends will die?" Arkay asked, voice still soft, moving to sit in a pew.
The others joined him. I took the hint and sat in front of them, sitting sideways so they were all in my line of sight.
"I don't think so."
The windows lit up as lightning struck outside. A clap of thunder following soon after.
"This doesn't feel like an ordinary dream." Akatosh mused, eyeing one of the windows. "I don't like this."
The three of them exchanged glances.
That gave me pause. When a god felt uneasy, you listened.
"What can I do?" I asked, centering myself against the rising anxiety. Something told me I wouldn't have my meds on me in this dream. Even if I did, I doubted they'd have any effect since I wasn't actually taking them.
"Try to wake up?" She suggested, trying to be helpful. "Explore? See what's out there?"
A sigh left Akatosh, his eyes closing in disappointment. He knew which one I'd choose.
"Exploring sounds enticing." I stood, looking toward the doors leading out.
"Be careful." A hooded woman spoke up, stepping out of the shadows.
Nocturnal had joined us.
"I will." I smiled at each of them, before walking out.
Taking my time, I spotted a path that I'd either missed earlier or that hadn't been there. Added after I'd gone into the temple? Possible.
Eventually, as I followed the path through the grassy landscape, I noticed building rising up in the distance. Growing larger the closer I got.
And they were on fire.
Crumbling, destroyed. Ruins of buildings, fires raging throughout.
And it looked an awful lot like one of the... I looked up. Around. The scene had shifted while I'd taken in the destruction.
I was on the Citadel, now, the arms spread out above and around me. One under me. And all of it was burning.
My anxiety picked up, my breathing quickening.
"Who are you?" I called out, struggling to keep my voice even. "Why are you showing me this?"
Silence answered me, the only sounds I heard for a long while being my own breathing and my heart hammering.
And then, I wished I'd chosen to wake up.
A Reaper came down from the sky, settling not far from me.
I took a step back, my eyes wide.
"You cannot win. You will fail, and those you love will die. The cycle will continue."
It was speaking aloud, but the words tumbled around in my head as if it were telepathically communicating.
"You... Why are you here? No one invited you." My voice shook, but I hid my mounting fear behind a little sass.
"You will fail. There is no hope for you to win against us. Accept your fate. The cycle will continue."
Anger filled me, and I glared up at it. "You can get the fuck out of here, if that's all you've got to say. We will defeat you. The cycle will not continue. And you... can go fuck yourself!"
I gathered up energy between my hands, throwing it at the Reaper. Electricity sparked around it, and slowly it fell apart. Collapsing to the ground in pieces.
With its dying breath, it said, "We are... legion. The cycle... will con... tin..."
A long while passed, where I just stood there, frozen.
Why was this affecting me so much? Normally, I would've been okay, but something about this dream was... I was anxious, I was afraid. The anger had faded as quickly as it had appeared.
The scene shifted, and I was on the Normandy, people screaming as they cowered at their stations.
"Get to the escape pods!" I shouted as a beam of energy tore through the ship to my right, bodies hitting the floor. I flinched at each one. "Hurry!"
Everything sped up, a blur I couldn't follow, until I was thrown from the ship.
This is just a dream. Just a dream. It's just a dream.
Yeah, that was believable, right up until I realized, with growing horror, that my oxygen line had been severed during the chaos.
Suffocating isn't fun, let me tell you that. As my vision began fading, my lungs no longer burning with lack of air, I felt myself slip free of my body.
And woke up, drenched in sweat.
"What the actual fuck?" I whispered.
Dream visions had skipped me. Or so we'd thought. But it'd felt so real, like how my family often described it whenever they had one.
I laid in bed for a long time, after popping my morning meds and the anxiety pill to take the edge off, my thoughts racing. What had I seen? What was that? The Normandy being cut through like butter, my crew dying left and right. My own death. And try as I might, I couldn't force a vision to better see the incident. Nothing came to me, just the darkness of my room filling my field of view.
After a while longer, another hour having passed, I dragged myself out of bed. Took a shower to wash off the nightmare, to wake myself up the rest of the way.
I dropped my toiletries off in my room, going to get a water bottle from the kitchen. But before I could go the short distance, I heard-
"Viridian Shepard."
The stern tone of voice instantly had me lowering my head in shame.
I slowly turned, facing Chakwas.
"You are late. You were supposed to come to me days ago, for a checkup." She started to walk away, tossing over her shoulder, "Follow me. Now."
"Yes, ma'am." I murmured, rushing to catch up.
The checkup didn't take long, she just checked my vitals and did a blood draw. Just wanted to see if the stress went blood-deep.
I warned her that she'd find my anxiety pill and told her it was just a nightmare. She didn't ask, so I didn't tell.
Once free, I made my way back to the kitchen, praying no one would stop me. I just wanted a water.
Liara, Tali, and Garrus were all sitting at a table together, when I turned around. The asari waved me over.
"Is something bothering you?" She asked, eyes searching my face.
"Had a nightmare." I offered a fake smile.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"What was it about?" The quarian asked at the same time, a sympathetic lilt to her voice.
"Well..." I hesitated, Kaidan joining us, nodding to me. I returned the gesture. "It started in a graveyard. Everyone I cared about had a headstone there, save for family. Once I realized it wasn't real, I spotted a temple. Mara, Arkay, Akatosh, and Nocturnal were there. I'm not sure why, honestly. They just show up sometimes. Anyway, Akatosh said basically that there was something off about the dream. Being me, though, I wanted to see where it would lead." I frowned, dropping my eyes to the table. "I walked along a path that eventually had me on one of the arms of the Citadel, everything around me destroyed and burning. When I realized where I was, the other arms came into view, all in the same state as the one I was on. Then, a Reaper came down. Landed a bit in front of me, and it spoke to me. said we'd never win, that the cycle would continue. Regardless of what we did. Told me to accept 'my fate,' that there was no hope. I got angry, so angry, and threw," A glance around, seeing more people were walking through the area. "my biotics at it. It fell apart, the last time it said being about the cycle. It was... rough."
"That sounds awful." Tali shuddered.
Liara reached across the table and covered my hands with hers. "Are you- How do you feel?"
"Tired." Another, more genuine smile. "I had to take something for anxiety, remnant from the dream. So, I'm a little fuzzy. Chakwas also took some blood, but it was only a vial, so not enough to affect me."
"How'd you know it was a dream?"
I glanced at Garrus, surprised by the question. "My ex's name was on one of them. I highly doubt she'll ever die, honestly. She's far too stubborn."
"Shepard." Joker interrupted in my ear. "Ambassador Udina wants you to report back to the Citadel."
I pushed up from the table, hand to my ear, walking away without a word. Heading up to the flight deck.
"The Council is massing a joint-species fleet to deal with Saren and his geth."
"That's nice." I mused, standing on the CIC deck, inputting the coordinates. "Take us back to the Citadel, then. As if we haven't seen enough of that place."
"Will do."
"You're the best, Joker."
"Don't I know it."
We shared a laugh before cutting the link.
"Shepard." Kaidan had followed me up the stairs, standing just off to the side.
I stepped down, smiling apologetically. "Sorry for rushing off like that. Udina wants us back at the Citadel."
He looked like he had something to say, but didn't. I motioned for him to follow me, leading him to the chairs at his post. Sitting down.
I waited until he was parked in the other chair, before asking. "What's on your mind?"
"It feels like it's been a while since our last chat. One on one. A lot was said."
The conversation that had led Perse to say he liked me. My heart skipped a beat, unusual for me.
"Mmm. It does. Did you have anything to add? Or just looking to talk again?"
He started fidgeting. Cute. "I don't want to distract you too much. Every mission feels like life or death, chasing after Saren, and I don't want to be the reason you couldn't keep a clear head."
A small smile played at my lips. "Can you keep a clear head?"
His cheeks pinked. "I-"
"Relax." I reached out, patting his knee. He still looked like there was more to say. "What else?"
With a little prodding, he opened up about an incident at BAaT. About how they cut corners, referring to me as "important" to him. I felt myself begin to blush.
"Important?" My smile grew.
Yeah. Out of everything in what he'd said, that's what I took away.
"If I'm out of line, just say the word." It seemed as if he was waiting for the shoe to drop.
"No, no. You're not. But we have time for that later. You were saying?" I gestured for him to continue.
The conversation took an unexpectedly dark turn. From the girl he'd loved, to the instructor he'd killed.
"Sounds like an accident, but I know the guilt that can come with it. Not only killing someone without meaning to, but your first kill, too? Not a pretty combination."
"I'm glad you understand." He sighed, like a weight had been lifted. "This could all be over soon, huh?"
Switching gears, changing up the conversation. Understandable. He'd wanted me to know, but didn't want to dwell too long on it.
I nodded. "Yeah. Udina told Joker they're amassing a multi-species fleet."
"I'll be glad when it's over, and that you'll be there, Shepard. I'm looking forward to some shore leave."
"You mean longer than a few hours?" I chuckled, thinking of the times we'd gone to the Citadel over the last few days.
He laughed with me.
We couldn't help but sober up after only a few moments. This was it, after all. The Council was mobilizing, we were on our way there. The enormity of the situation was even giving me pause.
A shake of his head. "I've never met anyone like you before."
Quiet. Hushed.
It was lost on me.
"Be grateful." I snorted. "My family tends to bring chaos wherever we go. Rather, we find it and make it our mission to fix things. Bring order. But things always get worse before they get better, you know?"
"I meant you, as a person. Shepard."
"I'm never going to hear my name again around you military types, am I?" I groaned, elbows on knees, covering my face.
The picture of miserable.
There was a pause, then a quiet, "Viridian" left him.
I shot upright, startled. Blinking, unable to believe he'd really said it.
"Say it again."
He stubbornly refused, his whole face, ears, and neck flaming red.
I was just about to try another tactic, when Joker informed the ship we were at the Citadel. Kaidan bolted from his chair, my cackling following after him.
