Summary: A former Akatsuki member made the decision to correct fate. Despite not having asked for this, Kakuzu and Sasori do not feel like complaining. Facing their new reality still feels difficult to deal with at times but maybe it is helping after all that they both are together in this challenge.
Pairing: KakuzuxSasori
Author's Note: Written for narutorarepairweek at tumblr: Thursday (29): "Every moment is a fresh beginning." - T.S. Eliot
Glimpses of Starlight
The most distracting about having a biological body again was how restless it was. Sometimes even downright noisy. It was no comparison to the efficient manner his former body as a puppet had used to work.
Feeling his shoulder becoming sore from leaning since way too much time on it, Sasori shifted into a more comfortable position, trying to concentrate on his book.
The movement made the joint in his elbow pop, loud and clear.
Feeling his face turn red (another distraction he had to deal with again these days!) he turned his head, checking if Kakuzu had noticed any of the noise. But Sasori's worry seemed to have been unfounded. Kakuzu had his entire attention directed at that odd string monster of his, trying to make it understand some command: "No, not staying beside me. You need to learn how to move and act independently. Go, walk around the base a bit!"
The string monster tilted its head, making a disappointed sound: "Mnyu?"
"Just for a while. So you learn how to make decisions on your own. Why don't you go and see what Hidan is up to right now, how about that?"
"Mnyu!", the string creature announced, looking pleased with the suggestion and finally walking out of their shared room, closing the door behind it.
Sasori, who had silently watched the entire display go down, no longer could stay quiet: "Trying to deal with a misbehaving pet?"
Kakuzu turned his head, looking caught off-guard, as if he had forgotten for a moment that for the time being he shared a room with Sasori. But then, that was probably what had been happening; they hadn't ever shared a room before Orochimaru had revived them both with his edo tensei.
Blinking as if to regain back his composure, Kakuzu finally started talking: "This heart here is new. It needs to synchronize with the mask, now it has gotten used to belonging to me."
Sasori nodded in understanding. It wasn't the first time he had witnessed the process of Kakuzu adjusting a freshly gained heart to its new surroundings.
It was the first time though he had seen four hearts getting trained at the same time though. When they had been reviewed, Kakuzu had been equipped with his returned original heart only. Given the fact this -as Orochimaru had stressed- vastly improved version of Edo Tensei cast upon him and Sasori would grant them immortality on its own, Kakuzu didn't really need them.
But then, the main reason he had gathered together fresh, additional hearts had to be for the sake of having a wider choice of elemental jutsu at his disposal. At least Sasori assumed so. He hadn't asked about the reason directly, an atypical hesitation preventing him from doing so.
No matter how you were looking at it: Their synchronized revival had led to the fact that Kakuzu now was the person sharing the most similarities with Sasori. Shared struggles, shared experiences and all that stuff. At first the realization had felt invasive, but without noticing it, a part of Sasori had grown weak: He had already started using their shared circumstances as a crutch before he had realized he had been doing so. And now that he was aware of the fact it was too late to change anything. Part of him downright insisted on keeping to rely on Kakuzu's company, a forgotten weakness that must have sneaked back with Sasori's flawed biological body having returned.
Trying to stop thinking about this entire sorry matter, he gestured at the door the black creature has just used to leave their room: "It doesn't want to roam around on its own then?"
Kakuzu shrugged his shoulders, making a noise that was half sigh, half agreeing confirmation. "It's a bit of a clingy one, this new one."
"Is that bad though?" The question had been out before Sasori had decided he wanted to say something.
"The thing is, it needs to be able to act on its own. At latest once we start entering fights again."
Sasori lowered his gaze, nodding in understanding. He was familiar with how these string creatures worked but did not know enough details about those beings to feel that he had something of additional value to add.
They were both adjusting, he thought, lowering his gaze to keep reading. It was a book he had read several times, from start to finish, to the point that its content wouldn't offer him any new insight. The only thing to gain from it was familiarity.
No one had expected him to return. With his puppets all gone and disposed of, "The Art of Puppetry" (written by Sato Haruka) was one of the few things he had left now.
Deidara had kept it out of sentimentality, refusing to abandon all that had reminded him of Sasori, refusing to throw everything away until nothing but the memories would have been left. A pathetic act of sentimentality. Sasori felt he should laugh thinking about it but for some reason he couldn't help but fall quiet every time this proof of the scope of Deidara's feelings entered his mind.
He heard a soft rustling of fabric, despite of it firmly keeping his gaze fixed on the page in front of him. The sound of Kakuzu's voice broke the silence between them: "Thinking about what kind of puppets to create next?" His voice had sounded hesitant, the tone of someone afraid to impose. It was not a sentiment fitting Kakuzu at all, but part of Sasori's biological body (his heart had grown so much weaker now) understood the intent behind it instantly, without having to try.
"In fact, I do", Sasori confirmed, tearing his gaze away from the secure familiarity of the page to meet Kakuzu's gaze. "At first I thought to just replicate the puppets I tended using the most. But that won't do. I might as well think about of how to improve their concepts further."
Kakuzu nodded, looking thoughtful: "I get it. At first I just wanted to replace my hearts quickly too, but now I might as well can try to get strong ones."
"Depending on what poor sod is unlucky enough to cross paths with you?"
A knowing smile showed up on Kakuzu's face, chasing away the last bit of his cautiousness. "Same with how you plan to replace your puppets, I assume."
A huff escaped Sasori's lips, and the next moment he felt himself smile back. He knew it had to be a content expression; if anything he felt glad Kakuzu understood the core motivation of these things on his own, without needing much of an explanation. "That's the other reason mere replicas won't work, yes. No human puppet turns out quite like the other."
"Otherwise, what would the hassle to make them mean."
"Exactly."
The smile on Kakuzu's face widened, accentuating the stitches keeping his expression in place. Oddly this defect only seemed to deepen the appeal of his features.
Not for the first time it occurred to Sasori that if circumstances had been different, Kakuzu would have been exactly the kind of specimen he would have liked to add to his collection. For his abilities but also for his appearance: It was one of those cases every aspect seemed to be drenched in aesthetics, begging to be made into eternal art.
Yes. If things would have been different. But they weren't Sasori decided, the gnawing pain that was still intensifying in his shoulder an annoying reminder. He groaned absentmindedly, sitting up.
Kakuzu looked at him silently, a knowing shadow setting over his face. "Got a sore neck?"
Sasori shrugged his shoulders, lowering his gaze. "Something along that line, I guess. Kind of woke up with it."
"I see."
An element in the guarded tone of Kakuzu's voice had opened a barrier that had contained the cumulated annoyance of the past few days deep into Sasori's mind. Pressure was building up in places he would have claimed to be devoid of any ability to feel whatsoever: "And my head's been hurting since the beginning of the week. I can't even figure out why."
"Sasori..."
"I can't adjust to having to eat regularly again either! I constantly forget."
"Try joining us during mealtimes?"
"I tried just that in case you haven't noticed. But eating something during every mealtime that's just too much, I can't eat that often. Having a biological body again is weird, I hate it!"
"Well..." Looking unsurprised Kakuzu averted his eyes, looking at the stitches holding his arms in place. "Planning to become a puppet again then?"
Sasori felt his anger deflate, the absence of rage leaving him empty and hollow. "That wouldn't work again. Not with Edo Tensei in place."
Realization spread through Kakuzu's face, rendering him silent.
"This aside, turning into a puppet didn't work out in the end. What's the point of going through this entire hassle again if I already know it has flaw?"
"I suppose."
Sasori huffed. "Orochimaru should have revived me as a puppet."
A conflicted shadow set itself over Kakuzu's face. "I don't think that would have been possible."
"Probably not", Sasori reluctantly agreed. He knew that himself, knew that Orochimaru's jutsu was limited when it came to letting people rise with body modifications this complicated. The alterations Kakuzu had gotten back were so much simpler in comparison. But this wasn't the point. Sasori knew he was objectively unfair with his accusations but blaming Orochimaru for not trying enough felt like the few choices he had left to act upon.
Sasori felt like he was supposed to say more. Something that indicated he wasn't blaming Orochimaru that much for real, something to show that he was trying despite feeling at loss more often than not these days. He didn't really know. All he could feel was that strange urge to make Kakuzu understand his point of view, some disgustingly weak part in his mind afraid to be misunderstood. Yes, he was afraid to be judged. Sasori was used being judged and didn't care, not in the slightest. But the thought of being judged by Kakuzu hurt for some reason he could neither pin down nor form into proper words.
Kakuzu looked like he wanted to say something but before he got the chance to do so there was a knock at the door. "I'm coming in, right?"
The next moment Hidan had already opened the door, his free hand placed at the nape of the string creature that had just left. "Kakuzu, your buddy here was bothering me while I was in the middle of praying. Again." He had made no attempt to keep the disappointed accusation out of his tone.
Kakuzu looked completely unimpressed. "It's still learning. Shove it to the side and it will eventually understand."
"I kept telling it to leave, but it wouldn't listen!"
As if stressing Hidan's point the creature looked up at him, making an appeasing noise, not unlike a dog that insisted it was time to play instead of aimlessly sinking into a bad mood.
Standing up from where he was sitting, Kakuzu let hear a sigh, taking over the creature and guiding it inside the room. "Fine, fine. I'll keep it inside for now. As long as you're done praying."
"Thank you", Hidan said, still looking like was feeling at loss about the situation.
Sasori knew he was staring but couldn't bring himself to stop. Hidan's arms, his torso: It all was covered in bright white scars, lines that hadn't been there before Sasori had found his end as a puppet.
It was scar tissue from what Sasori now knew were weeks and months ripped apart into pieces while buried alive underground. He had no doubt those last reminders of the incident would eventually vanish fully; they had faded during the time he and Kakuzu had been here: But seeing these new scars made Sasori realize the amount of the time he had lost. The time between ending his time as a puppet and returning in human shape was a lack of time that felt like mere days but in fact had been many months. Sasori still has trouble understanding this. Being a puppet, his aim had been to become something eternal and now the flow of time had attacked him once again.
But maybe it was time to stop thinking in those lines. The reason he had made himself a puppet to begin with had been to achieve a beauty that could last forever. In the end, the approach had proven to have a fatal flaw. But given this new old body revived by Edo Tensei, he was once again placed in a vessel not affected by rot and decay and instead had the chance to last forever, given the right circumstances. It was an unexpected turn of events but ironically, still one fitting his dreams of an improved self.
(It couldn't be Orochimaru had deliberately placed him in this vessel instead of the body of the puppet Sasori, right? That he had decided this form of existence would fit Sasori best, given the options? It just could not be. Orochimaru would not be this thoughtful. No, it had to be some sort of smug taint coming from the snake. Right?)
Over at the door Hidan was still going on about that prayer practice of his. Standing next to him Kakuzu was silently listening, his eyes gradually gleaming up with that absentminded kind of affection he sometimes would direct at Hidan these days.
That was good, that was normal. It certainly was preferable to the mutual nagging and complaining they had used to direct at each other. A lot more peaceful and quiet.
And still. Sasori couldn't help but to feel oddly excluded in such moments. (Not that he had a desire to belong. Not much of it, anyway.)
Focusing on his book again, he made a point to appear indifferent. He guessed up to a certain point it just could not be helped. No longer having the artificial clean and logical body of a puppet, forced into the flawed shell of a biological body, some sensations and impressions were arriving rawer these days. Unfiltered and direct. At times painfully so. People had loved to assume the body of the puppet would have felt numb and detached but that hadn't been the case at all: It had felt balanced, allowing the impressions of his senses to arrive in Sasori's mind in a way that for once hadn't felt overwhelming. It was one of the reasons adjusting back to a biological form felt so painful at times.
Sasori heard a rustling noise and the next moment a shadow was falling on the pages of his book. He turned his head, getting greeted by the birdlike mask of Kakuzu's string creature. The beast managed to look curious despite its face showing an eternally frozen depiction of appearance. Apparently, it had come to the conclusion that detailed discussions concerning prayer practices were too boring after all and that Sasori's company looked more promising.
He felt at loss, gaze wandering over towards the door where Kakuzu and Hidan were still immersed in their talk about prayer practices or to wherever the stream of conversation had taken them for now. For a moment Sasori considered standing up and searching Deidara, for the mere sake of going away and searching Deidara. But only the next moment he dismissed the idea. He didn't really feel like drawing unneeded attention to himself right now.
Questioningly he looked at the string creature. It was perfectly able to understand speech and probably was just bored and curious, so why not simply start talking to it?
He gestured at the opened page of his book: "This here are elaborations of different base structures for creating basic models. For creatures, I mean."
"Mnyu?"
"Creatures, yes. Animals and the like."
The string monster angled its head, demeanour still questioning but now less so.
"Imagine the limitations of using puppets if you would strictly use humanoid models only. Look at this crocodile based model here for example: The comparison here shows the options and variations it holds in difference to humanoid ones. See how having this kind of variety would come in handy?"
The creature nodded, making an agreeing noise.
Being met with this much interest he felt encouraged to elaborate: "This kind of strategy also helps catching the enemy off-guard. They are used combatting fellow humans and maybe an animal summon from time to time. Puppets, especially unusual looking ones, manage to spread a certain kind of confusion."
"Mnyu?"
"Not only with their ability. Their entire way of moving is not of how you're used to interact in battle. Because no matter how unusual a jutsu might be: It's still a fellow human displaying it and those you can read."
"But wouldn't just the same be true for how a puppeteer moves? You would be able to predict their movements as well."
Sasori looked up, meeting Kakuzu's eyes. He hadn't noticed Hidan leaving the room nor had he noticed Kakuzu walking over next to him.
The only thing not feeling like a surprise had been the objection because it was one he got confronted with a lot: "To a certain degree, yes. That's why it is the goal of this art to look as unaffected as possible during battle and move only one's hands when fighting."
Hearing this Kakuzu looked sceptical: "I've witnessed you very much not looking unaffected during a fight."
Sasori felt his face turn red. "I have some leeway because I'm good."
"Oh?"
"Plus, the puppets do distract after all. Something looking like a human, almost but not quite moving like one: It puts people on alert."
Hearing this Kakuzu went still, looking thoughtful.
"I show you what I mean. Look, right here", Sasori said, turning the page. "This page is breaking down the mechanics behind it: As humans we subconsciously expect human-shaped appearances to move in a way that looks familiar. In the moment it looks almost but not quite human in the way it presents itself, that is when our mind sends alarm signals."
"Oh?"
"It's the kind of distraction that is hard to turn off, even if you're aware of it." Noticing for seeing the page Kakuzu had to stand in an angle that looked quite uncomfortable next to the bed to get a clear look on it, Sasori patted the spot next to himself.
Following this silent invitation Kakuzu sat down next to him, ordering the string creature to retreat in its place on his back the next moment. Sasori couldn't help but starting to feel curious: "Are those things sleeping when they're not roaming around on their own?"
"Sleeping? Well, it's debatable if they have a strong sense of self to begin with but… yes. I'd say they're asleep like this."
"I see." Lowering his gaze again Sasori gestured at the page he had just turned around. "See, here Sato-sensei talks about the ways that are most efficient to get that effect." He had made a conscious effort to keep his voice stable. Kakuzu being close like this, it always made his heart beat faster. His lungs started to feel heavy and the next moment a leaden weight had arrived in the pit of his stomach. All of those were the kind of sensation that had been present when he had used to be a doll as well, but back then they had felt more manageable. These days they felt like a current of distress that was holding him at its mercy, only getting more intense the more he tried to suppress any of it.
Everything felt kind of weird since he had come back from wherever he had been during the time that was lost in his memory, time that felt like mere hours but in fact had been entire months. His changed body was only able to pick up the existence of those changes, not the actual source of it. The only element in his life that felt halfway familiar these days was Kakuzu, not only because he dealt with the same kind of issues but because he felt stable in a way other aspects of Sasori's surroundings didn't anymore.
His puppets were gone now, all of them, his entire collection. Deidara had changed as well, reduced was his impulsive sass when they were interacting, replaced these days by a sombre shadow that indicated he couldn't quite believe they had gotten reunited. It was practically tangible how he feared Sasori might vanish again due to some unexpected malfunction any second now. It was the kind of fear Sasori could empathize with too well, despite his attempts to shut himself off from it all.
He could empathize only too well. Grandma Chyo no longer was a hypothetical option to return to anymore. Though she had won their fight, it had reached Sasori's ear that she had thrown away her life only moments later, due to some idiotically sentimental reason. Some outlandish idea that must had affected her mind in a bout of madness. He had no other explanation for it, forbidding himself to think about it whenever he caught his thoughts wandering back on the subject.
Yes, Sasori forbade himself to think about her. The puppets on the page in front of him were models she had been especially fond of. She had used their very structure as a base often and had found sheer endless ways to bring in variations and surprises of the deathly kind. He forbade himself to think about her.
Kakuzu leaned in closer, gesturing on the page. "Isn't that a puppet you used to have?"
"The same base model, yes. I'd like to recreate it in some way."
"As soon as you'll find a fitting raw model?"
"As soon as I'll find one", Sasori confirmed, giving in to the restless exhaustion in his mind and leaning in further, until his back was resting against Kakuzu's chest. When it came down to the reality of the moment, Sasori found himself unwilling to hold up resistance against this kind of impulse these days. Maybe it had to do with a biological body getting tired faster than the shell of a puppet. Maybe. He didn't know.
Kakuzu seemed to find the turn of events agreeable. Withdrawing his hand where it had still gestured at on the page of the book, he laid his arm around Sasori's waist, pulling him in closer. "I still don't quite get how you get to make those human puppets work."
"It's quite similar of how you use the heart of your defeated opponents with your mask monsters. The only difference is that they have a bit of a sense of self and can act on their own. While my puppets are mere machines: Holding the ability of who their raw material once was as a potential but getting controlled by me alone." And only by him alone.
"So, there is really a similarity there then?" Kakuzu's voice had sounded distant and Sasori felt unable to say if he just had been talking about the puppets and the mask creatures or if he had… acknowledged something else.
So Sasori decided to keep his answer equally vague (not vague at all, he knew exactly what he wanted to say right now, he just was terrified of the idea of Kakuzu catching the entire scope of it): "As far as I'm concerned: I see a lot of similarity."
Kakuzu made an agreeing noise, the gesture causing the breath leaving him to rustle through Sasori's hair. It was the kind of sensation that left Sasori confused and undecided, the warmth and soft pressure against his skin was feeling so detailed that the intensity of it left him scared. Closing his eyes and leaning in further into their embrace, he decided that this was just a sign that he still needed some time to get used to having his biological body back again. That's why he also found it strangely easy to decide that it wasn't that much of a problem he somehow had ended up developing a strong sense of affection towards Kakuzu. Biological bodies had flaws, he had always known that, their entire structure was making the mind placed in them more vulnerable of getting affected by feelings. So, if Sasori had ended up falling in love with Kakuzu, it really wasn't something he could not be blamed for. It was simply one of the malfunctions to be expected with those new circumstances into place.
Noticing that the steady pace of Kakuzu's breath tousling his hair was still present, Sasori continued explaining how the right way of making a puppet move would unsettle and thus distract the opponent, keeping his eyes closed the entire time he was talking. He didn't need to see the pages of the book to remember any of the information they were displaying, he knew more than enough about the effect in question due to his own experience of using puppets for fights. Kakuzu kept listening, asking the occasional question. Yes, Sasori would start building a new collection of puppets and though he wouldn't have admitted it out loud, he wasn't even considering making Kakuzu into one of them. (Maybe he would have admitted it though, if asked about it.)
Regretting the words he was about to say already before they left his mouth, Sasori started talking: "You know what? I don't regret it at all that Orochimaru used that suspicious Edo Tensei of his on us. Despite everything."
Beside him Kakuzu went still, body getting all tense. Then he tightened the grip of his arm around Sasori. "I don't regret that either. We're going to make it work."
Sasori took a deep breath, opening his eyes again, glad Kakuzu's face wasn't in his line of vision right now. "I haven't told you before, but I'm kind of glad we're together in this." Sasori had needed to say this, he had just needed to. Even though his face was now all hot and his mind had started to feel dizzy when realizing what overemotional garbage had just left his mouth. But well, now it was too late to take it back. And anyway, displaying this kind of sentimentality was not Sasori's fault. It was simply the way a biological body would happen to malfunction sometimes.
The End
