Chapter Thirteen
Made and Born
"When the hell were you going to tell me that Mom was here?" Garrus hissed at his sister. "Why is she even here? What are you thinking?" He looked panicked. "Do you have any idea how hard I-" He took a deep breath. "Do you have any idea how rare it is to get someone into a Helos trial? She could lose her spot! Something might happen to her and we wouldn't be able to fix it!" His face was contorted in rage. "What the hell have you done, Atala? Are you trying to-"
"Shut the hell up." Atala said, her voice cold in a way Shepard hadn't heard from her. Garrus looked taken aback and Atala didn't waste the opportunity; her voice was quiet and deadly. "You can be pissed with me for hacking the ship, and you can be mad that I took risks in the war" she said, "but don't you dare talk to me about Mom's care." She took an angry step towards Garrus. "You went off planet the second you could so that you didn't have to deal with this." Her eyes narrowed. "Because you couldn't deal with this. I have been the one holding everything together while you played cops and robbers on the Citadel. You barely call, you barely check in, you have made it very clear that you are not interested in being involved."
Garrus opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off. "Do you know how long she was at Helos? How the treatments were going?" Garrus stared at her. "Do you know where she was when the Reapers started invading?"
"I tried finding the three of you the minute it started. You know how bad communications were. I couldn't find any trace of her!"
"Because I moved her before it became an issue." Atala said softly. "I used Bloodhound to keep her location secret so that there wasn't a chance of someone using her to get to General Vakarian."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Garrus said in anguish.
"Because, despite you thinking of me as nothing but your troublesome little sister, I'm a damn good spy." She snarled. "There was no safe way of telling you where she was, and if you knew, it made her location less secure."
"Why didn't you tell me once the war was over? I've been asking you for information and you keep saying she's being taken care of by Helos and she's fine. But here she is in the middle of the mountains?" he asked incredulously.
"Spirits, Garrus," Atala said in frustration. "She's even more of a target now! Think about it." Her tone was bitter. "She had the highest security clearances before she got sick, her closest family are a Kabalim, the Chief of Security and the turian general that's always hanging around with the most famous member of the Alliance military." She glared daggers at Garrus and said softly, "And she can barely walk, much less defend herself." She snorted, "and I was telling you the truth. Her condition is stable and we've had a Helos doctor in residence continuing the treatments no matter where I've moved her." Her eyes were cold. "I handled it. Alone." Shepard saw the word hit Garrus like a bullet. He gave Atala a wounded look, but her gaze was unflinching. "Like I always have."
Shepard was extremely uncomfortable. She shouldn't be here. She shouldn't be a part of this. She wanted to yell that everything Garrus had done to stop the Reapers had helped save everyone, including their mother. She wanted to tell Atala just how much Garrus had done to get his mother treatment, but there was no way that she could do that without revealing to him that she'd read his personal messages without permission.
Garrus ran a hand across his head and crest of horns. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I'm not used to being out of the loop and not involved in everything that's going on. Thank you for everything you did."
Atala stood before the doors with her arms crossed. "It's my job."
His blue gray eyes held hers. "You're good at running Clan Vakarian." Atala snorted softly. Garrus shifted uncomfortably for a moment and then asked, hesitantly. "Can I see her?"
Atala nodded. "I'm sure she'd like that." She opened the doors behind her and gestured for him to follow. Shepard started for one of the couches in the living space but Garrus caught her hand and took her with him.
They followed Atala down a bright hallway till she stopped at a door about halfway down. Like many of the doors in the home, it was old and sat on a hinge rather than automated tracks. "Just give me a second." Atala said softly. "She was asleep earlier…" Garrus nodded and she slipped silently into the room.
"Garrus." Shepard said uncomfortably. "Are you sure… are you sure you don't want to see her alone?" His face was pale, his expression pained. She placed her hand gently on his arm. "Look, I'll follow you anywhere but… if you want privacy…"
"No." he said softly. "I spent a lot of nights thinking I'd never get to see them again." He finally looked from the door to her. "And the two weeks I spent wondering if you were going to wake up, thinking you would never meet them, were the worst of my life. I'm not waiting anymore."
They heard Atala call Garrus' name. "Come on," he said to Shepard.
He pushed open the heavy door and they stepped into a room bathed in the afternoon light. It contained a large bed surrounded by various medical equipment and a small seating area by the windows. A female turian sitting in a large chair facing the windows turned to look at them.
She had the same elegant horns sweeping back from her temple and cheekbones that Atala did, though they were several inches longer than her daughters. A series of smaller delicate horns also fanned out along each side of her face running from temple to jaw, framing her sharp features and deep blue eyes. Her face also bore scars, though not as heavily as either of her children. Her carapace was a darker gray than Atala or Garrus' - the color reminded Shepard of a bank of storm clouds on Earth. The deep hue contrasted starkly against three pale, wicked scars that sliced down her left temple, across her eye, and onto her cheek. Shepard noted, with some surprise, that she bore no clan tattoos, although the space across her cheekbones and jaw where it would be was a fraction lighter than the rest of her face. Her eyes were an incredibly deep blue and seemed to pin Shepard where she stood for a moment before shifting to Garrus.
"Garrus!" She said, her voice bright.
"Hi, Mom," he said, somewhat tensely. His mother began pushing herself out of her chair.
"Mom," Atala protested from a bench beside her mother's chair, trying to get her to sit back down.
Their mother swatted Atala's hands away. "I'm sick, Atala," she said, "Not some wrinkled, eon old asari Matriarch. I can stand to greet my son when he comes back from a damn war."
But Atala looked worried and Garrus quickly crossed the space between them so that his mother didn't walk across the room.
"It's good to see you," he said softly. Supporting one of her arms with his own. She ignored this and ran a hand across his face, eyes roving over every inch of him. "I missed you. I'm so sorry I-"
She hushed him gently. "It's good to see you, too," she said. Her eyes roamed his face hungrily. "Atala says you've made our clan proud, General Vakarian."
He placed a hand over his mothers, squeezing it gently. "They only called me that because they didn't have time to come up with something more appropriate. That and they couldn't call me Scary-Thing-We-Don't-Understand Specialist Vakarian in front of the other races without making the other Admirals look bad."
His mother raised an eyebrow. "You know I spent enough time working with those windbags to know that's not how it works."
"I'm serious, they've gotten lax since you weren't there to bang their heads together," he said with a grin." He looked her up and down. "How are you doing? How are the treatments?"
She scowled at him. "I might have trouble walking but I'm alive, and still better with a shotgun than anyone in this damn house, so you can all stop coddling me." She shot a glare at her daughter with these last words.
"Sure," Atala muttered, "if you can pick it up that day." Her mother ignored her.
"Mom," Garrus said hesitantly, "there's someone you need to meet." He nodded to Shepard. "This is Commander Moria Shepard, Citadel Spectre and Captain of the Normandy. Commander Shepard, this is my mother, Admiral Rafia Vakarian of the Turian Hierarchy."
Shepard saluted her carefully. "It's an honor to meet you, Admiral Vakarian, sir," she said.
Rafia merely nodded to Shepard and turned back to her son. The door to the room opened and Castis entered. He nodded respectfully to Shepard, who returned the gesture, despite the rush of anger that raced through her when she remembered their interactions the night before. Rafia didn't acknowledge his joining them. She was inspecting the nasty scar on the side of Garrus' face. She frowned. "You've got a lot of new scars," she said disapprovingly.
"He's a soldier," said Castis from where he now stood by the door. "He should be proud of them."
Rafia shot Castis a rather scathing look. "A scarred soldier is a soldier who doesn't have a good sense of when to duck, and eventually a dead soldier."
Atala snorted and rolled her eyes.
Rafia continued inspecting Garrus' scars and added, "And all three of you would do well to finally get that through your krogan skulls." She frowned at Garrus, "who was your commanding officer when you got this?" she asked, nodding towards the large, fading scar she had been studying.
"No one," he said. "I was working independently and things got a little out of hand. Commander Shepard and her team got me out of hot water and made sure I didn't end up looking any worse."
"She can't be very good at her job if you still ended up looking like this," Admiral Vakarian said coldly.
"We were severely outnumbered." Garrus said carefully. "I only made it out because of her well-oiled crew." Rafia raised her eyebrow, missing none of what her son was trying to say. Her penetrating blue eyes flicked across Shepard's face and armor. "A Commander of the Systems Alliance." She said cooly. "Shouldn't you be rebuilding your planet? What are you doing on mine?"
"Mom," Atala said gently, "I told you about Commander Shepard. She was on the Crucible and-"
"Oh you've told me plenty about the Commander." Admiral Vakarian interrupted. "I want to see what the Commander has to say for herself."
Shepard felt like she was beginning to understand why Rafia and Castis had become a couple. "Since the war ended I have been working to assist with understanding the Ascendant and ensuring a peaceful future for organics and synthetics." (Is she getting sick of saying this? Has she rehearsed the phrasing?)
"Yes," Rafia said slowly. "Castis and Atala told me about the 'Ascendant.' I've told Castis that I think your idea of having them and the Geth represented on the Council is a complete waste of time. The Council will never go for that. You're smart, though," she added, "not having the human Councillor bring it to them, especially given who their new representative is."
Shepard frowned. She hadn't actually heard who had been chosen to replace Udina. When she had asked Hackett weeks ago, when she'd awoken from her coma, he said they were still in the process of selecting one, but that when they made a decision she likely would not be notified for a while. The Alliance was feeling some of the same vulnerability that the turians were experiencing. There had been a rise in gang and pirate attacks in the outer human colonies. It wasn't a huge threat currently, but the Alliance couldn't afford to spare any of their limited ships or personnel to deal with them as it could possibly endanger more valuable assets.
Admiral Vakarian continued, "smart to have the turians fight this one for you." She cocked her head to one side, "but that seems to be your specialty, Shepard. Getting us aliens to follow your orders? Having the other races fight your battles for you?"
"Mom," Atala and Garrus both said. Atala's tone disapproving, Garrus' one of shock. Even Castis was frowning at Rafia's words.
"There isn't a single operation I have asked another species to take part in that I haven't walked into myself," Shepard said with forced calm.
Rafia chuckled. "No, there's not, is there? Prefer to keep a close eye on your prize fighters?"
"No. It's my duty to watch my comrades' backs."
Rafia nodded, "yes, Shepard. 'Duty'... 'Comrades'... Very good words to use when speaking with turians. Well done. You certainly paid attention to everything the Alliance taught you. I can see your temper, however. Although maybe that's how you got Urdnot Wrex twisted around your five little fingers."
Ok. Shepard was done. "Actually, the human idiom references a single finger," she said. "I would think you would be more familiar with it, having worked with the human embassy. Perhaps you were not paying attention."
The room was silent. Then Rafia chuckled softly. "Oh good, so it does have teeth."
"Rafia," said Castis slowly, "the Commander is a guest of the turian Hierarchy and Clan Vakarian." His eyes met Shepard's and they were tinged with regret. "Atala and I have both vetted her thoroughly. She's a strong ally."
"And the Alliance spent enough time flirting with Cerberus as an ally." Rafia narrowed her eyes at Shepard. "You're the girl they rebuilt, aren't you?" Shepard felt like the Admiral could somehow see every inch of the synthetics Cerberus had used to bring her back; as if she could see every call Shepard had made on a mission and found them wanting. "Do you know that our family is familiar with their handiwork?"
"I do." Shepard said as calmly as she could manage.
"And yet here you are…" Rafia marveled. "Did you get this bold before or after you became Cerberus' plaything?"
"Shepard's always been bold." Garrus said tensely, gently turning Rafia towards him. "And it's what's kept all of us alive and saved my ass on more than one occasion." Rafia pushed Garrus away and began crossing towards Shepard. Garrus and Atala exchanged worried glances and Atala slowly rose from her seat.
"Cerberus' hand in my life was unwanted and unasked for, just as it was for yours," Shepard said calmly to the approaching Admiral.
"But they gave you your precious life again." Rafia snapped. She was breathing hard and trembling slightly. "Don't you owe them everything for that?"
"No." Shepard said. "I've been ready to fall in the line of duty for the Alliance, or any in my crew," she said with a pointed nod to Garrus, "since the day I enlisted. They happened to bring me back but I owe them nothing. My commanding officers," her heart ached as she thought of Anderson, "knew I could be trusted to serve and possibly die for my people again."
Admiral Rafia stared down at Shepard. "You can't trust a human to do that."
"Actually," Shepard spat. "I'm the only human you can trust to do that, seeing as it's happened twice."
"Unsurprising, given those awful scars. You don't know when to duck and aren't much good at staying alive. You're probably the reason Garrus has so many." Shepard could see that Rafia's legs were shaking with the effort of remaining upright, but the Commander had trouble summoning much sympathy. Rafia looked Shepard over. "I'm sure there are even more scars under your armor, and they're probably worse than the ones that are on your face." She sneered at Shepard. "But I can always ask my son about that, I'm sure you were quick to show him everything."
"Don't you dare speak to her that way." Garrus snarled, looking livid.
"Rafia!" Castis crossed the room and took the Admiral by the arm, guiding her back to her chair. "That's enough," he said harshly.
Garrus' face was dark. Rafia eyed him. "Are you finally going to bring up why she's really here?" She asked him. "We can all smell it on the two of you."
Atala sat at her mother's side again, warily watching Garrus. He stared calmly at his mother. "She's a damn good fighter, has served unflinchingly in the worst circumstances imaginable, and is the only person I want watching my back," he said. "I want her to join Clan Vakarian. If she will have us," he said, gazing with disapproval at the other members of his family.
"We will not have her." Rafia said, her voice like steel, eyes locked on her son.
"Rafia," protested Castis.
Garrus seemed to be frozen to the spot, expressionless except for a slightly furrowed brow.
"Mom, please," Atala said softly. "They've faced a lot together without expecting to make it out alive." She looked at Rafia pleadingly. "Don't do this."
"Mom…" Garrus breathed.
"I do not give you leave to take part in the Joining." Rafia said evenly, her eyes a deadly calm. "There will be no human in Clan Vakarian. I will not stand with you."
Shepard had never seen Garrus look so lost. It made her furious. "Admiral," she began, stepping to Garrus' side, but Atala interrupted.
"It doesn't matter." Atala said sternly. Rafia turned to her daughter but Atala's eyes were fixed on Garrus and Shepard. "I stand with them. I give my leave for Commander Shepard and General Vakarian to take part in the Joining. I will stand with Commander Moria Shepard as one of my own."
"What?" Rafia spat. Her gaze flicked between her children. She pushed herself up from her chair, ignoring Castis' and Atala's protests and crossed to Garrus, seizing his hand and examining his palm. Her face grew dark the moment she saw the shallow scabbed over cut. She was shaking and Garrus snatched his hand away so that he could steady her. Rafia whirled on Atala. "You told me you cut your hand swinging down from a roof!"
Atala raised her chin. "I lied."
Rafia glared at her daughter. "So you're trying to replace me in this, too? It would be much quicker if you stopped ass-kissing the salarians for their doctors and just let me die. Then you would have the position you so clearly covet."
Atala's voice was calm as she addressed her mother, but Shepard could see how deeply the words cut. "You know I don't want that." She took a slightly ragged breath. "But there's no reason that they should be denied the Joining."
"There is plenty of reason," Rafia hissed. "He's Vakarian and she's human. She's a creation of Cerberus." She took a deep breath, glaring at her daughter. "You can play at clan leader like a little girl but that doesn't make you one. I do not give them leave. I do not stand with them, and that thing," she spat at Shepard, "will never wear the marks of Clan Vakarian."
/././././././././././././././
A crack rent the air and a pine cone-like thing exploded in a cloud of dust. The next one was propelled into the air by the projectile's impact and it bounced off a tree before vanishing into the underbrush. There was a boom and the third one sitting on the log was obliterated, the shot taking out an enormous section of the massive fallen trunk and sending the other Palaven pine cones rolling in all directions.
"Dammit," Shepard snapped. It had taken her ages to get the darn things to balance on the uneven surface of the log. She tried to push her frustration away and looked appreciatively at the shotgun in her hands. She squinted in the fading light at the make information engraved on the handle. Yep, it said shotgun. It felt more like a portable cannon. She grinned slightly. Tali would have loved it. She activated the weapon's safety features and tucked it back into the large bag of guns that she had taken into the forest with her. She pulled out a sniper rifle and started adjusting the scope. Garrus' empty expression was still tugging at her mind.
Hours earlier, Garrus had stormed from his mother's rooms and disappeared up the stairs. Shepard had followed, heading to their rooms, but it had been empty when she arrived. She had investigated a few of the other rooms on their floor, but when she couldn't find him, and her heart was still pounding with rage, she went downstairs. Thankfully, she found one of the junior officers on the main floor, without having to go looking back in the west wing, and asked them to show her where the armory was. The young turian had obliged. The range of weapons had been truly impressive, but that wasn't what she was here for. She thanked them, dug around for a few minutes and eventually found a large equipment bag. She carried it back to her and Garrus' rooms (he was still nowhere to be found), opened her closet and began stuffing as many guns as she could inside.
She'd then sprinted through the trees until her lungs burned and her side ached from carrying the enormous and heavy bag of weapons. She slowed to a jog until she came across the huge fallen tree. It would be perfect. She opened the bag and then swore heavily, scaring several winged something's from the trees when she discovered she'd forgotten to bring any targets.
She gazed down the scope of the rifle. Could she use a leaf? She could shoot the spot where the leaf attached to the rest of the branch… and then track the leaf and shoot it as it fell…
Shepard was beginning to hate dating. She loved Garrus; she knew that in every fiber, every strand of this freak show she called a body, but she was thoroughly done with dating. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt like this.
Things had never been this serious or difficult with Esafia. The quarian's family had found Lieutenant Shepard charming. Shepard and Esafia had parted ways amicably when Esafia finished her Pilgrimage and told Shepard she was going to be getting her assignment on the Migrant Fleet. Shepard had even gotten a birthday message from Esafia's father several months later, hoping she was well and saying she was always a welcome friend to their family. Shepard wondered where they were now.
The second day after she had woken from her coma and could speak for an extended period of time she had spent a few heart wrenching hours having Liara help her search for any evidence of whether her friends and family outside the Normandy had survived the war. Her mother had survived, although her favorite aunt had not. Shepard was deeply relieved to know that Cynthia, Anderson's ex-wife, had survived. But many searches had simply yielded no information at all. Eventually, Liara had taken hold of the battered hand that Shepard was using to enter names into the database and said she needed to stop. Her friend had been right. She couldn't look up the name of every person she'd ever befriended. And at that point in time she couldn't stand on her own. There was nothing she could do for any of them. But sometimes not knowing haunted her.
She wondered if Garrus thought dating her sucked. She felt trapped. It would have been so much easier for him to come see his family alone. He should have left her in the hospital on Sur'Kesh while she learned to walk again and gone to see his family. Then she could come and visit once she was whole enough to leave the hospital. He could have just had a normal reunion. Just been glad to see them, found out how they were doing without all this bullshit. But he'd glared at her for the suggestion and said that she'd died twice while he'd known her and that because of that he wasn't letting her out of his sight. And regardless, he wasn't exactly in shape to fly several systems over yet. They would heal together and then go to Palaven together.
Rafia's words ran in her mind "you're probably the reason Garrus has so many." Shepard squeezed the trigger of the sniper rifle three times, aiming at a tree that was far too close. Bark snapped, popped, and a few wood shards blew back towards Shepard. She threw up her hands to shield her face from the spray of jagged wood, cursing as a piece sliced her cheek. She wiped away the trickle of blood and rubbed it off her hand and onto her armor, just knowing the Admiral would disapprove. What did she care? Rafia was just another prejudiced alien. Shepard had known enough of them… but she did care… and she couldn't shake those words. Garrus had gotten most of his scars before Shepard had even met him. And nearly all the scars he'd gotten since he met her had been his own fault. But in her mind she could see the huge clawing scar on his side where her biotics had blasted away concrete, armor and carapace, as well as the sprawling network of scars that matched the stands across her body. She was the reason he bore those.
She focused on the point where the stem of a large star-like leaf connected to the rest of the branch and pulled the trigger. The branch whipped back and forth wildly, but the leaf did fall. Shepard followed its descent for a heartbeat and then pulled the trigger. The shot rang through the air but the leaf continued drifting peacefully towards the ground, the bullet not even passing close enough to disturb its downward dance. Shepard gritted her teeth and fired again. The leaf continued undisturbed. She cursed and pulled the trigger several times in quick succession. The leaf settled peacefully on the ground and Shepard glared at it.
Something made a cracking sound. Shepard looked around and found an enormous pair of yellow eyes watching her from over the log she had been shooting earlier. A huge cat-like thing prowled towards her. It's body was covered in plated armor. Claws as long as her forearm extended from it's two toes and at the end of the tail that flicked lazily through the air, she saw an enormous stinger. It let out a hissing noise, two serrated mandibles on either side of its jaw opening sideways as it did.
Shepard took a long, slow breath. Garrus had said they would be going hunting. She supposed this meant she would be starting without him. The armored scorpion cat took another step forward. She raised the sniper rifle slowly. She would have much preferred to use the shotgun-cannon on something like this but there was no way that she could pick it up in time. And she would bet all the credits in her account that the stinger on the end of that long tail was poisonous. As long as she got in two good shots she should be fine. One in the head and one in center mass for safety should do the trick. It hissed again, those wicked mandibles gleaming in the starlight. Shepard pulled the trigger. The gun clicked.
"Shit." This day sucked.
The scorpion-cat crouched and let out a screeching roar.
Shepard was done with everything: with the nightmares, the doubts, the scars, the uncertainty, the whispering voice of the Conduit, the idiots out there who don't see how easy it might be to lose the peace they had fought for, the Vakarians. The beast in the shadows before her began to crouch. But Shepard opened her mouth and roared. Her biotics flashed to life, every strand on her body blazing and her eyes becoming a pair of green stars in the forest shadows.
The sweeping plated ears on the scorpion-cat snapped flat against its head. It hissed again and in a blink vanished into the darkness. Shepard's biotics began to fade. She was panting. She slid the sniper rifle into the bag and picked up the shotgun. She had only fired it once but she checked that it had plenty of shots anyway.
She jumped and swung the barrel towards the nearest tree as she heard a cackle that she was already far too familiar with. "Is that what you did to get the Reapers to turn tail and run?" Atala laughed as she dropped from the tree. The turian was laughing heavily and brushed a tear from below one eye. "Spirits, that was amazing." She took a deep breath with some difficulty. "Although I hate to break it to you, Commander. It was your fancy light show that did the trick, not your 'mighty roar.' Cabathi don't exactly enjoy bright lights."
"Where the hell did that thing come from?" Shepard snapped, "it just appeared out of nowhere."
"Yeah that's sort of their thing. You're lucky, usually they sneak in and get you in the neck with a stinger before you even see them coming. Then you're an easy meal. We actually have a legend that the turians grew the collars of our carapaces to help protect us from them."
"Garrus said that the woods were boobytrapped and that there were scouts posted to keep anything too dangerous out." Shepard growled.
"He's right, but you're about a half mile past the edge of the booby traps, and they wouldn't be much good if they were rigged for wildlife. We'd never sleep. Cabathi don't usually come this far in, but the smell of the cut on your cheek probably drew it down. They go crazy for the smell of blood."
"Great." Shepard said under her breath. "Venatura has land sharks."
"What's a shark?" Atala asked brightly.
"Really big fish on Earth." Shepard said, "you should visit and swim with them sometime."
"I'll have to see if I can get an Earth assignment one day and give it a shot."
"Hold on," Shepard said, "let's back up a little. You were in the tree the whole time and just watched that thing get ready to pounce on me?"
Atala shrugged. "I had my gun on it. But you spotted it pretty quickly. I didn't want to be rude and shoot it while you still had a shot."
Shepard shook her head, "turian 'manners' are gonna be the death of me."
Atala gave her a commiserating look. "We are a little hard to wrap your head around." She admitted, "but also I thought you looked like you could use a win."
Shepard's eyes narrowed. "So just how long were you watching me?"
Atala pressed her lips together. "Let's just say I was very pleased for you when you finally got the fifth karapod to balance."
"Cool," said Shepard.
Atala shifted uncomfortably for a moment, then said. "Well… since I'm out here… wanna see something kinda neat?'
Shepard raised her eyebrows. "Is it going to sting and/or bite and/or claw me?" Shepard asked.
Atala laughed, sealing the bag of guns and shouldering it. "No. Not at all. It just looks cool at night," she said.
"Why the hell not," Shepard grumbled. She wasn't sure she'd mind if something out here did kill her at this point.
"Excellent," Atala said brightly, and began to lead Shepard through the woods. A surprising amount of starlight penetrated the lush canopy above, making the leaves shine in a way Shepard had never seen before. Seeing how Shepard kept gazing around at the sparkling leaves, Atala explained that many of the plants on Palaven actually had small bits of chitin in their cell structure, which made them particularly reflective.
The sky above Venatura wasn't quite as full of stars as Rannoch's, but Shepard figured she should be impressed with how clear the sky was considering how much of Palaven had been on fire. She remembered looking up at Palaven from the rocky terrain of Menae and hearing Garrus through her helmet, "That blaze of orange - - the big one - - that's where I was born."
"So do you know where your brother disappeared to?" Shepard asked after a few minutes of walking in silence.
"Oh, he's sulking on the roof," she said. "It's what he always used to do when he had a fight with Dad."
"Interesting," said Shepard. "He usually sulks in my ship's firing range."
"Oh, I'm sure he'd much rather be doing that." Atala said, "but our range is full of the ghost of Dad yelling at us to improve our aim. Not particularly conducive to a good sulk. Although, I'd be doing something a lot more destructive than either of you if Mom spoke to me the way she did to both of you." Her head dropped a little. "I can't tell you how sorry I am for what happened today. I knew telling her was going to be hard but now that the war's over… I didn't think she'd react quite like that."
Shepard wasn't ready to talk about it. "How were you able to get so many guns?"
"Do you like them?" Atala asked. Her tone made her sound much younger.
Shepard let out a long breath. "It's like Christmas in July." She frowned. "Your family seems to know a lot of human phrases. Do you know that one?"
Atala nodded, "it's receiving something fantastic in an unexpected season. RIght?"
"Uh… yeah, more or less," confirmed Shepard. "So how were you able to get so many of them?"
Atala shrugged casually. Her face was hidden in the shadows but her voice was bitter as she said, "we've got a surplus of just about everything that you don't need for rebuilding. Ammo, bombs, and especially guns. We lost eight million people in the first two days the Reapers were on Palaven." She brushed a hand across her cheek. "So yeah, lots of guns, not very many turians to carry them." She cleared her throat and then said, "good! Here we are." Atala pushed back a large tree branch and the two females stepped into a clearing full of starlight.
They had worked their way towards one of the rocky walls of the twisting mountain range. A slender waterfall gleamed silver in the cool light of the stars. It splashed down a series of small natural terraces before streaming into a deep pool surrounded by trees. The water was mirror-still towards the edge and the pale trunks of the trees were reflected on its face in perfect clarity.
Shepard let out a low whistle.
Atala led Shepard to a rock at the water's edge and sat down. "Garrus used to come down here where Dad couldn't yell at him and practice shooting at bits of wood he threw into the water. I used to come and swim here when it got hot in the summer." Atala said.
"I thought turians couldn't swim." Shepard said, looking at Atala out of the corner of her eye.
Atala snorted. "Garrus claims turians can't swim because he can't swim, and he spends enough time out around people who've spent their whole lives on stations or the Citadel so they don't know any better. We can swim. We're not exactly built for it - carapaces don't make you particularly buoyant." She pulled off her left boot and stuck her foot in the water, kicking playfully and sending ripples dancing across the reflected trees. "But if you kick hard enough and keep your toes pressed together…" she demonstrated, lifting her foot out of the water and squeezing her two toes tight, "you can move pretty decently." She eyed Shepard. "The only thing you've got on us is the whole floating thing. It doesn't look like you could propel yourselves any better than we can."
"The floating's kind of a big deal."
"Well I guess I'll find out when I go swim with your sharks."
They sat in silence for a moment. The sound of the gently cascading water eased the knot that had been in Shepard's heart all evening. Atala splashed at the water with her foot. "The sharks are bad, aren't they?" She said after a while. "That's why you said I should go swim with them?"
Shepard kept staring at the water. "It's usually implied that the swimmer wouldn't come back."
Atala sighed, "well, I deserved that." She looked at Shepard. "Since I won't be returning from my swim on Earth, do you wanna talk to me about how horrible my Mom was?"
Shepard took her boots off and dangled both her feet in the water. It was freezing, but that somehow made the remaining tension in her chest easier to bear. "Why do you and Garrus have cuts on your hands? I haven't had a chance to get briefed on any of this shit." She kicked at the water. "Is the Joining your version of marriage?"
Atala was now playing with a stick between her toes. "Basically. But because it's turian, it has a lot less to do with the two who will be breeding," Shepard's eyes widened, "or just taking part in the ceremony," Atala added hastily. "And more to do with the clan. It's about the person becoming the responsponsibility of the clan and vice versa. We use it for adoptions as well, although that obviously doesn't have a romantic nature. If you and Garrus take part in the Joining it means that Vakarians will fight for you, and Shepards would fight for Garrus. It also means you would serve with the other's family if need be." She tilted her head, "that, and it means you're an official part of the family."
"What happens if there is no Joining?" Shepard asked darkly
"Well, no Vakarians would recognize your or Garrus' call for aid."
"Well that's fine." Shepard said, "I have a whole damn crew already."
"...And Garrus would be ostracized." Atala added, "for breaking rank."
Shepard rubbed her head. "None of this shit was covered in Fleet and Flotilla."
Atala laughed. "Of course not. It's quarian produced."
"And your Mom decides all this?"
Atala was silent for a moment. "Technically. I… I do a lot of the clan stuff now, so I can make you part of the family, but I don't have a high enough rank to give you service privileges."
Shepard frowned. "I don't care about that, I… I think Garrus just wants me to be family."
Atala gave Shepard a long look. "Well then we can make that happen," she said softly. "If that's what the two of you want." She looked at the scabbed cut on her hand. "Usually, when someone requests that a partner take part in the Joining, they and the head of the clan make a blood pact that the couple will be protected till both are truly part of the clan. I crossed a line," she said with a sheepish half smile at Shepard, "and made that with Garrus. It basically just means that if Mom wants to throw you out of the house she has to fight me first. This crap is all just leftover from our long and brutal history of trying to kill each other, but the whole selfless service way of life has kept a lot of the old ways alive."
"I don't even know what we want. We need twenty minutes without a new problem developing so we get a chance to figure any of that out," Shepard said morosely. "Is your Mom bitter because she went through some judgemental crap like this when she was trying to become a Vakarian?"
Atala frowned. "Well, no, but she was already a Vakarian. The clans are huge. There's a lot of inter-clan Joining. I think there weren't any issues with their Joining." She sighed, "no, she just… she lost a lot in the Relay 314 Incident." She dragged a taloned finger through the water. "She was serving with both her parents in Shanxi and she was the only one of them to make it out. She was always excellent at her job, but she became Admiral Vakarian really young because they were gone."
Shepard frowned. "Why did she work with the human embassy then, if she has such a bad history with us?"
Atala laughed darkly. "She wanted them where she could see them."
Shepard stared up at the sky, taking in the completely unfamiliar constellations. She'd spent her whole life out here working for the Alliance, had taken nearly every intel course she could, even etiquette, and she still felt like she knew nothing about this world that was supposed to become part of hers. "Feels like all I've ever done is fly into a battle over something that happened long before I was born."
"I think that's the curse of the young in every species," whispered Atala. "I don't know that you realize it," she added, "but the two of you are a symbol that we can change these cycles."
The word 'cycles' sent a chill down Shepard's spine. "Why?" She asked dryly. "Because we're dating?"
"It's more than that," Atala said, taking the liberty to nudge Shepard with a shoulder. "You command the Normandy, a collaboration between human and turian engineers. Your partner on the battlefield, and hopefully soon in your life, is a turian, even though the most recent large scale conflict in the galaxy before the Reaper War was between them. And you're trying to give a voice to synthetic lifeforms for the first time that any of us know of." She grinned, "plus there's your fancy light show." She paused, "I told Dad he should take your case to the Primarch."
"What?" Shepard said, bemused. "I seem to recall you being very against it last night. What's with the sudden change?"
Atala shifted on the stone. "I looked into your friend EDI and her evolution. It's… incredible. She… she makes me think of Bloodhound." She said softly, and the spiny dog VI appeared, lying at her side. "She's been in our family for generations. Mom operated her before me. She gets updated every so often." Shepard frowned at Atala's personification of the VI. "She's saved my life more than once, and I know I'm not the only Vakarian that's happened with."
Atala suddenly looked embarrassed. "I used to pretend she was alive and was my friend when I was little. Look, I know this sounds stupid, but if she was alive… I'd want her to have a voice, a place in this world." She kicked the water again, watching the light cast by Bloodhound's glowing green form dance across the ripples. "You're not really bringing up anything new by trying to get a synthetic seat on the Council. The debate has been raging longer than you or I have been around. People need to wake up and do what's necessary to keep the peace." She stood up, shouldering the bag of guns. "Plus it would be cool to finally be able to talk to my dog."
Shepard snorted.
"I'm going to take these back up to the house, but you feel free to stay here. When you need to get home just follow the ridge the waterfall is on to the east. It'll take you to the slope of the lawn that leads up to the house, and your cheek has scabbed over so you shouldn't need to worry about cabathi." The spy slipped into the shadows.
Shepard sat staring at the waterfall a while. She was sure that Atala's talk about being a "symbol" was intended as motivating, but it brought to her mind other voices that whispered of her uniqueness… The Illusive Man, the Conduit, Leviathan… voices she never wanted to hear again.
"I thought I might find you here," drawled a very different voice.
Shepard looked over her shoulder to find Garrus stepping out from the trees. He sat down, stretching out next to her on the large flat rock by the water's edge.
"How exactly?" she asked. "I've never been here before."
"Atala yelled at me, saying she was going to find you since I was 'sulking.' And that if I was looking for the two of you, my best shot was down here."
"She thought I would enjoy seeing your favorite swimming hole."
Garrus laughed and then sighed. "Yep, you two are definitely going to be the death of me." His eyes searched her face. "You OK?"
"No."
"Me neither." He slid an arm around her and pulled her against her side. She tucked her head under his chin. "I don't even know what to say about today. I feel terrible."
"Why didn't you tell me about your Mom and her feelings on humans?" Shepard asked softly.
"I… I hoped things might have changed… and… I wanted you to like them."
Shepard laughed.
"I know. It was stupid." He ran a hand over her hair. "So are you done with Palaven and ready to run back to your quarian? Or… a certain asari?"
Shepard thought of the last person she had watched the stars with. "I don't know that the latter is an option anymore. But I'm sorely tempted."
"I don't blame you at all."
She peered up at him. "Do you want to hear a really, really bad joke?"
"Absolutely."
"Which is worse? 'At least Benezia showed how she really feels and just tried to kill me' or 'At least Benezia is dead so I won't have to deal with a judgemental mother-in-law?'"
Garrus laughed so hard he started coughing. "Spirits, Moria, you're terrible!"
"I know, I'm sorry."
"You should be. But there's no point in apologizing to me. I'm just as bad. And, I think I prefer the former."
Shepard watched a leaf drifting on the water. "Liara said a prayer for Benezia at the memorial on Rannoch."
"Good." Garrus said softly, "she fought as best she could, and tried to help us in the end. There are many who lived and did a lot less. We can't exactly pick our families." He was quiet for a moment, "well, the ones we're born into, anyways." He let out a heavy sigh. "I placed eleven blossoms in the pool for my crew."
Shepard sat up and looked at him, frowning. "Eleven?"
Garrus' visor and scales gleamed in the starlight. He didn't meet her gaze and tore at the reeds by the edge of the rock on which they sat. "I have no idea what happened to Sidonis in the war." He snapped the stalk of a reed. "The spirits guarded more than I could have hoped from the Reapers. I owe them. And I don't like being in debt… maybe not wishing him dead will be payment enough." His eyes met hers. "It's only an option because of you. I would have pulled the trigger but you wouldn't get the hell out of my way."
"I was nervous." She admitted, "I was worried you would hate me for that."
"I could never hate you," he said softly.
Shepard was quiet for a moment, drinking in the way he looked in the moonlight. Menae had risen now, turning the water in the pool beside them to liquid silver. They had stood there not too long ago staring at this world as it burned and now they sat beneath it with slowly healing wounds in body and soul. It made Shepard feel like almost anything was possible.
Garrus watched ripples from Shepard's feet send a quake through the reflected sky of the pool. "You know, I haven't been here in years." He looked at Shepard, the starlight making the strands on her body gleam. "Seriously," he added, "I haven't ever been here with a female before… and Atala doesn't count. In fact, I've spent years arguing that she's not female or turian."
"So what exactly was she?"
"Oh, some nasty minion of Enio, our spirit of war."
"Seems fitting."
"Yeah, but she liked it too much. Today, though, she's clearly working for Veni."
Shepard frowned at him.
"Oh come on Shepard, she got both of us down to a starlit natural water feature." He glanced at Shepard's bare feet, "and you've already started taking your armor off. It's clear she's channeling Veni tonight."
"Veni," Shepard said with a raised eyebrow.
His blue grey eyes drifted up and down her armor, then came to rest on hers.
"Spirit of love, Shepard. And I have to say I'm pretty powerless tonight."
Shepard splashed at the pool, sending a spray of icy water into the flirting turian's face.
"Hey!" he protested, "ahh, that's freezing!" Shepard sent a larger wave of brutally cold water at him. He laughed and then growled, eyes gleaming. "Ok you're going down Shepard." He scooped a fist full of mud into a hand and flung it at her. His aim, of course, was perfect and the wet soil hit her smack in the face, some getting into her mouth.
"Dammit Garrus!"
He laughed. "Hope you took your antihistamine today, Shepard."
Shepard spat the mud out. "Alright, if that's the kind of firepower you're gonna use you'd better be ready." She dug both of her hands into the mud, scooped a large portion up into her hands and then splattered it across his face, dropping much of it into the cowl of his armor.
"Not fair!" He said with a laugh. "that's going to take ages to get out!"
Shepard shrugged, "love and war, Vakarian." But she wiped her hand on the grass and then reached towards him and wiped mud off his visor. He looked at her for a minute, then began to wipe at the mud on her face too. But he wasn't wiping it away. He drew the mud along her cheekbone, across the bridge of her nose and along the other cheek. She took a deep breath as he smeared the mud along the edge of her jaw on each side as well. He pulled back, his eyes full of longing.
Shepard's green eyes were bright. She sniffed, a tear running down her painted face.
"They look good on you Shepard" he said softly. "They'd look good in blue, too…"
Shepard tore at the grass for a moment. "After everything that happened today," she said slowly, "I have to ask you if you still want this?"
He scowled at her. "You're the one who's been treated in a way that would make someone want to leave."
"I don't care about that." She said, gesturing in what she thought was the direction of the house. Garrus smiled slightly and pointed in the exact opposite direction. She slapped his hand away, "I don't care about that. I just…. The only way I could leave Earth was because I knew you were out there somewhere."
He pulled her into his arms, "yeah, but now I'm right here."
"And I don't want you going anywhere."
"Well then, Moria. I have good news and good news."
Shepard frowned. "What? We never get good news. Why do I feel like this is a trap?"
Garrus laughed into her hair. "Come on, just listen. First of all, I'm not going anywhere without you."
"Ok," Shepard said, still skeptical, "that is actually good news."
"And two, Dad said the Primarch is arriving on Palaven early. He'll be here tomorrow and he's so embarrassed by what happened today that he's getting us a meeting."
