Yes, I know it's not Christmas. Sometimes you just need a little holiday cheer even when it isn't the holidays.
I've got this planned out to be around 4 or 5 chapters. FYI, there won't be anyone from the Noah clan in the story. Sorry if that's what you're looking for... just not giving me the holiday vibe (ironic since their names come from biblical figures but whatever)
P.S. image is from Scrooged
(There's no Place Like) Home for the Holidays
Lenalee wanted to have a good Christmas. A Christmas surrounded by her friends and their extended family (including, this year, some of her brother's work friends). A family with her new husband, Lavi, spent at Bookman's old cabin, playing games and enjoying the fresh snow.
She wanted to have a good Christmas. A peaceful and enjoyable Christmas.
Bang
She was going to have a good Christmas, God damn it.
Bang
Crash
"Your other left, genius."
"Tell me that, you ass," Kanda growled.
"Maybe you should clean out your ears."
"Maybe you should shut up."
"How am I going to give you directions if I'm keeping my mouth shut?" Something shattered, then Allen cried out in pain. "That was my foot, you prick!"
Lenalee looked skyward, taking a breath.
She needed strength. Or earplugs. Maybe that was the trick.
"Lavi."
The redhead, who was supposed to be chopping apples, was looking out the kitchen window, laughing his ass off at their two friends.
"Think Komui's going to miss that vase?"
All the laughter in the redhead's throat died upon seeing his wife's expression.
"Uh, um, I'm sure we can ta- er, glue it back together. He'll never notice."
"We can't have a Christmas like this," Lenalee sighed, eyes flitting towards the still-bickering figures in the yard. The tree they were supposed to be carting inside was currently lying in three-feet snow, already guaranteeing it would be bald on one side. "Are those two ever going to stop?"
Lavi's face broke into a soft smile with a shrug. "I can send them to the store for eggs if you want. It'll delay them a few hours."
Lenalee frowned, tucking a strand of shoulder-length hair behind her ears. "I just want them to get along. I want everyone to get along this year. With Cross recovered from getting shot and your grandfather finally home, I just…"
"Hey, it'll be fine," Lavi assured, stepping away from the counter to envelope his wife in a warm hug. He smelled like apples, cinnamon, and leather, half-exposed arms touching hers. "You're making everyone's favorites. We've got the tree, presents, games. It's going to snow. It'll be great. Probably the best Christmas ever."
Lavi, red hair hanging around his face, tilted down to plant a kiss on her forehead. And even standing there with him, fireplace crackling in the background, oven preheating, Lenalee couldn't help a nagging feeling in her brain. A nagging voice that this was just an omen of worse to come.
"Besides, that's just unresolved feelings talking. They don't mean any of it."
…And freeze.
"What unresolved feelings?"
Lavi opened his mouth to answer, but before he could, the backdoor popped open. Kanda was the first through the door, snow boots dragging on the mat.
"Who the hell leaves the tree stand in the car, baka?"
"The one whose hands are full of tinsel! That stuff isn't really reusable each year, ya know. What, does it look like I've got extra arms somewhere?"
"Extra stupidity, sure."
"You guys lose the tree on your way here?" Lavi quipped, chest vibrating against Lenalee's back.
Two pairs of glaring eyes flipped their way.
"Can it, Usagi."
"Shut up, Lavi."
The two, having spoken at exactly the same time, immediately started glaring at each other.
"Ugh, god, guys, take those lusty eyes somewhere else."
Despite his tone, Lavi was smirking. He used his wife as a body-shield the next moment when Kanda made to wring his neck. Just for that, Lenalee was about to throw him to their angry friend, but fortunately, either the body-shield worked or Allen's nagging did because Kanda quickly returned to their tree-stand search "before their toes could freeze."
Lavi, chuckling, returned to his apple-chopping at the counter.
Lenalee didn't, thoughts still hung-up on what he'd mentioned earlier. "What unresolved feelings?"
Lavi paused mid-chop. It was a second before he remembered the conversation they'd had earlier about their bickering friends. "Uh… Romantic ones, I think?"
"…Allen and Kanda. Romantic feelings. For each other."
A shrug. "What else could it be?"
Lenalee was about to say 'hatred', until her husband's words started to sink in.
Allen and Kanda… in love?
It was crazy. It sounded absolutely crazy. The two class idiots- well, the class idiot and class clown, who did more bickering and yelling at each other than most ex-wives and their ex-husbands, were in love.
But- no wait, it could make sense. They argued. Which… could be a sign of affection. People only really bothered arguing with others when they cared about them, right? That meant… on some level, Allen and Kanda cared about each other.
But was that 'caring' the same as… caring?
On the other hand… did it matter?
"Lavi."
"Hmm?" he asked, attention back on the apple pies.
"We've got to get those two together."
He stopped. Again. Turned to his wife. "Uh, why do we have to-"
"Don't you see? If we get them together, they'll quit arguing."
"Ok, but…"
"I'll get a quiet Christmas." A peaceful one. No arguing, no name-calling, no vase-throwing. They could actually go five minutes playing scrabble without Kanda accusing Allen of fixing the tiles. Or wrap presents without Allen gift-wrapping coal to the only one armed with a sword.
Lenalee was getting teary-eyed just thinking about it.
The redhead wasn't quite convinced. "Uh, Lena, are you sure? That's kind of-"
"Lavi." He met her eyes. Lenalee made sure she had his attention before offering a bit of sage advice. "Happy wife, happy life, remember?"
And just like that, he was sold.
Slapping a pair of flour-covered hands together, Lavi's face took on a grave look she hadn't seen since he first proposed. "What are we waiting for?"
Lavi and Lenalee, despite being in the same marriage, had vastly different ideas regarding romance.
Which was why Lenalee ended up taking charge. Since it'd been her idea in the first place.
The first plan was simple. It revolved around the basic principle of all people who were secretly attracted to one another: sex.
Lavi was skeptical.
"I'm just saying. Seeing someone naked doesn't automatically mean sex."
"It does with you."
The redhead smirked. "That's because we're married." A glance towards the doorway. "Those two are a bit different."
She shrugged. "You said they're secretly in love, right? It should work."
"Kanda's stubborn."
The determination in her eyes almost rivaled that from the previous day. "So am I."
He smirked. "I know."
Since their resolution to get their best friends together, three days had passed.
Christmas was five days away. They still had a handful beyond that to get their friends in a romantic relationship.
Lenalee planned on moving faster. She wanted a peaceful Christmas, dammit.
Four days. She was going to do it in one.
"Alright, do you know what you have to do?"
Lavi nodded. The two of them were hiding in the kitchen – their base of operations for the biggest Christmas Plan since hiding gifts from Marie and Miranda's twins.
The plan was foolproof. It operated on the understanding that nudity led to sex. Especially when both parties had unspoken attraction for each other.
As Lavi had reminded her, Allen and Kanda – especially Kanda – were stubborn. So stubborn that they'd been playing this game of hate and sort-of-hate for the last seven years, their tense relationship withstanding the emotional turmoil brought by high school crushes and college exams. Dancing around each other like a pair of peacocks who hadn't decided on a mating dance.
That aggravation ended today.
"Has Allen gone into the shower yet?"
Lavi shook his head. "I'll watch and let you know on the walkie-talkie. You'll only have a ten-minute window."
Allen usually took a long shower. Unless, of course, there was a large homemade breakfast just about to come out of the oven. "Right."
Lavi pocketed his own radio, giving her another cocky grin before slipping out of the kitchen. From her position at the granite island, Lenalee could just see the back of the living room couch and the hallway from where she was. She needed to snag someone to finish watching the quiche, but it was almost impossible to see anyone from where she was.
Fortunately, Bak arrived.
"Hi, Lenalee," he greeted with a soft smile, dark-blonde ponytail swaying against his neck. "Just came to see if you needed some help."
"Hey, Bak, I didn't see you come in," the Chinese woman stepped over and wrapped the other in a quick hug.
When she stepped back, Bak was blushing, for some reason. "Uh, yeah, Fo wanted to come early and catch up with Allen a bit."
"Has she found him yet?"
"No, I guess he's still getting ready."
Good. Their plan was still in motion.
"Harry and Marv are in the zone. Over."
Bak turned to the walkie-talkie, sitting alone on the counter, with a suspicious expression. "What's that?"
"Uh… just the twins. Playing a spy game."
"You sure? That sounded a lot like La-"
"Heeeey, Bak, can you watch the quiche? I'm going to bring Kanda something to drink."
"Uh, sure," the blonde agreed, attention successfully diverted from the device. "Where is he?"
"Out chopping wood."
"…you guys have a wood-burning fireplace?"
Lenalee shrugged, surreptitiously tucking the walkie-talkie in her back pocket, and making a mental note to get some better code words. "It's an old cabin."
"Right. Bookman's. I forgot."
"Thanks Bak!" The other waved with a chuckle, already out the back door with her plate of tea and fruit.
A very full plate. Carrying a sweetened beverage that wouldn't dry easily.
Lenalee wouldn't call herself conniving. She just… liked helping people. And admittedly her schemes had gotten more complex with her age, but this was really for Kanda's good. And everyone else's.
Desperate times called for desperate measures.
The wood cabin came with several acres of forest, and beyond that, they were surrounded by miles of forest service. It was isolated, beautiful (especially covered in snow, like now), and had plenty of room to run around (both inside the cabin and out). Exactly when Bookman bought it or how much he paid for it was still a mystery, but Lenalee had gotten attached to the place in the seven years she'd been visiting.
Although the wood-burning stove was a real pain.
Good thing she had muscular friends who didn't mind a little hard labor (plus there was indoor plumbing and gas heating so it wasn't like they had to sweat for everything out here).
Kanda was in the yard out back of the cabin, along the edge of the frozen lake. The snow around him was half-melted, a stack of fresh-chopped logs sitting neatly beside the chopping stump.
The Japanese man had been at it since seven, the past hour accumulating sweat, muscles, and a determined frown to his face. Kanda had divested his jacket, in his undershirt with a long-sleeve shirt tied around his waist.
Allen's a lucky man.
"Lenalee," the taller man said by way of greeting, setting his ax down. His breath was coming in heavy white puffs, hands wiping at the line of sweat on his brow.
"Good morning, Kanda! I brought you some tea," Lenalee explained, stepping closer. Seven feet away. Five. "I, uh, put some honey in it because I thought-"
The Chinese woman felt a small pang of guilt – a very small pang – when she tripped on a nonexistent piece of rock.
It was luck and maybe a bit of skill that had everything on her tray flying right at Kanda's chest. Over-soft berries smashed against his pristine white shirt; The tea, steaming in the cool winter air, poured all down his clothes.
Kanda, ever a gentleman (most of the time), spent more time trying to catch Lenalee than worrying about the mess.
"Oh my God, Kanda, I'm so sorry," she pleaded, biting her lip, purple eyes scanning the ruined undershirt.
The Japanese man didn't much seem to care, hand gripped around Lenalee's forearm. "…I should shower anyway."
"Jeez, are you Ok? The tea wasn't hot, was it?"
It wasn't – she'd made sure beforehand – and Kanda shook his head to confirm. "It's fine." He then bent down to get the fallen dishes.
The food wasn't a problem. Timcanpy – Allen's golden retriever – had arrived on the scene and was eager for scraps; as Lenalee watched, the blueberries and eggs vanished down his gullet, toast pieces not far behind.
"Um, you can use our shower. Come on."
Kanda grabbed his jacket and obediently followed, Tim left behind to clean.
She took him through the sliding door in the living room. There were two bathrooms on the first floor one in the bedroom and the other in the hall. Fortunately Kanda didn't know about the first since he always stayed upstairs.
The shower in the hall was already running.
"Ah – I think Lavi left it on," Lenalee lied, internally overjoyed Allen wasn't the type to sing in the shower. "I'll go find you a towel."
Kanda bought it.
He gave Lenalee another acknowledging nod before opening the oak door and stepping inside.
Perfect. Perfect. It was working. Kanda would go in there, see Allen, the two would uncover their repressed feelings and by dinner time her Christmas would be-
"Lenalee?"
Lenalee stopped. Turned.
And came face-to-face with Allen Walker.
It couldn't be.
Her British friend was fully clothed. He looked like he'd just finished getting dressed, hair already dry and smelling of soap.
But if he's out here, then who's-
"Why hello, Kanda~"
Oh god.
"What the fu- Cross?!"
"No need to be shy. You did come all this way."
"Get your hands the fuck off of- What the fuck!"
Smack
Something crashed – hopefully not the curtain rod – and the door slammed open. Lenalee barely moved in time to keep from getting whacked by it.
Allen wasn't so lucky.
Whack
"Ow! Watch where you're going, Bakanda!"
Kanda wasn't even paying attention.
From the terror-mixed-with-shock in his eyes, the wet handprint beside the tea stain on his shirt, and the bruise on his knuckles, Kanda had more important things on his mind.
Allen didn't take long to catch on.
"Wait, who's… what were you doing in the bathroom with-"
Lavi, coming out of their bedroom, turned the corner just in time to see Kanda punch Allen right in his already-bruised face.
And that was how the first Bookman Christmas Brawl began.
Thank you for reading folks. I'd love to hear your comments if you have time!
