I guess this still ended up taking over two months XD. Not sure if the wait was worth it, but here you go.


All I Want for Christmas is You

"Lenalee!"

She ignored him, continuing to speed-walk down the hallway. Lavi, dodging Fo laden with a pile of towels, gave chase, catching up just in time to see her dark head disappear inside the first bedroom. He didn't pause before bursting in after her.

At first Lavi didn't see her, but then he heard a noise in the adjoining bathroom. She was at the sink, scrambling around for toilet paper to blow her nose with. Knowing from experience that wasn't comfortable, Lavi pulled a pack of tissues from his jeans and handed them over.

She took it with a hard sniff. "Oh my god, Lavi, this is all my fault! I should have stayed out of it! What is wrong with me?! It has to be my hormones – they're all over the place because-"

"Lena, it's not your fault." He grabbed her arms, stopping her pacing and forcing her to meet his eye. "Those idiots shouldn't have hopped on a sled just to save a twenty-minute walk, alright? It's not. Your. Fault."

Lavi held her gaze, and he held it, waiting for her to believe what he was saying. It was another hard sniff before Lenalee finally broke eye-contact, raising her wrist to shove the hair off her cheek.

"I don't know, Lavi, I… I shouldn't have gotten involved. They should do what they want. It's… it was stupid."

"No, honey, it wasn't. You were trying to help your friends." And keep them from destroying Komui's Christmas valuables. "That's completely fine."

She huffed, obviously not believing. But she'd quit crying, so Lavi didn't really see it as a loss.

Lenalee dabbed at her eyes a few more times, and realizing her mascara was running, scowled. "Dammit." She twisted in his arms to see her reflection in the mirror, already wiping at her face. "Great. Now it looks like I've been crying. That's just… great." Another sigh, then, "I have to tell them and apologize."

Um, no. And make her feel even guiltier?

"Those two are idiots and got what they deserved. Johnny just has the misfortune of going along with them. It's not your fault."

"But-"

"No 'but's. If they were honest with each other, none of this would have happened." Only years of practice as a TA, helping crying students get over their poor exam scores, kept the annoyance from tone.

The last thing he wanted to do was let Lenalee realize how pissed he was.

What had started as not-so innocent fun at his friends' expense had made his wife cry. No one – and he meant no one – made Lenalee upset. She was an amazing person. Hell, more amazing than him by half. It was inexcusable, especially when Kanda and Allen were the cause; what had started out as some avoidance of their real feelings had escalated to full-scale war with bystander casualties.

They wanted war? Fine. That was what they were going to get.

Lavi let a smile show on his face, trying to keep it more comforting and less deranged. It didn't entirely work, apparently, because Lenalee narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously.

"…what's that look for?"

He shrugged, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Oh, nothing. But I think I've got a plan."

"You going to tell me what it is?" He opened his mouth, but she stopped him with, "No, wait, I don't want to know. Less chance of me screwing it up."

"Lena." He planted a kiss to her hair, smelling violets and apple pie mix. "You know I love you."

"Yeah. I know."

Nope, this wasn't funny anymore. Lenalee had been crying. Her mascara was running, her hair was sticking to her face, and her eyes were red. Nothing about this was funny.

Allen and Kanda. Those two were dead.


It was finally Christmas eve.

Lenalee had been mostly avoiding everyone after the big Sledding Debacle of Bookman's Christmas '09. Lavi figured she felt both guilty and embarrassed for getting so upset, but it could have just been that she was truly busy, since the day before, Timothy and the rest of Hearst Orphanage came over for dinner; both her, Reever, and Klaud holed up to bake casseroles like there was no tomorrow. Lavi, for his part, was too busy entertaining the pre-teens, working with Allen and Daisya full-time to have the fifteen-plus kids either sledding or videogaming upstairs.

Still, despite the excitement and subsequent tree-decorating, Lenalee was still a little down. Only Allen, Komui, and Lavi seemed to notice, and if Kanda did, his churlishness over a healing leg dampened whatever sympathies he might have harbored for her mood. Allen left her mostly alone, and Komui asked her what was wrong so many times that Lenalee finally threw a snowball at him.

Which is why Lavi figured today was just the day to get a little well-deserved revenge on his friends and put his new plan into motion.

It was just after lunch when he spotted Komui Lee.

The man was escaping back to the bottom floor of the cabin, either with more robot plans (hopefully not) or to finish present wrapping. It wasn't until Lavi crept down the hall and peeked around the door frame that (much to his relief) it was only the latter.

His brother-in-law wasn't any happier to see him than… well, any time, really. While married to his sister, it was by mutual understanding that they never ran into each other without Lenalee around (mostly because Komui couldn't be trusted not to sick some robots on him and Lavi was pretty sure any harm to his brother would end in immediate termination of their marriage).

Komui looked up at him. And stared.

Lavi took a breath. Steeled his spine. He could do this. He would do this. For his wife.

"I need your help with something."

Komui continued glaring. Lavi tried to convey the gravity of the scenario with whatever confidence and bravery he had, until finally Komui opened his mouth.

"I'm glad you came to me first." Oh, good. Of course Komui already knew what the issue was. It would be something he'd-

"I have several divorce lawyers on speed-dial. One of them can be here within the hour. I expect you'll move out by the end of today, and if you've-"

Or not.

"Wait, wait! I'm not getting divorced from Lenalee! I love her, she's my wife, and we're not getting a divorce."

It was with some disappointment that Komui adjusted his glasses. "Oh."

He could still recover this. Probably. Because if there was one thing he and his brother-in-law could unite over, it was Lenalee.

Of course, he'd have to throw Allen and Kanda under the bus, but his sympathy for them hadn't returned even with Kanda in crutches and a full day after the famed event.

"I need your help," he tried again. "It's about Lenalee. It's… See, Allen and Kanda, they made her upset. She cried."

For the first time in three years, that protective rage was directed at someone else.

A crunch sounded as the paper in Komui's fists was ruined beyond repair. "Those HEATHENS!"

"Yeah, I agree. And I've got something in mind to get back at them, but I'll need your help."

Komui took a few raging breaths. Either considering his words or trying to decide which one to kill first, Lavi couldn't tell.

But, hoping for gold, the redhead continued, "do you have a key to Panda's basement?"


Lenalee felt bad. She really, honestly did. Mostly, anyway. Because… well, Kanda was obviously feeling awful, and he and Allen had quit speaking to each other entirely. Except for the rare circumstances they met, and then another brawl broke out (by this point, she could practically kiss all her frozen vegetables goodbye).

But was it acceptable that a small part of her was still secretly pissed off at her best friends?

It wasn't like she hadn't given them plenty – plenty – of opportunities. Three (failed) plans later, one broken bone, two shattered vases and one cracked pie plate, and no progress had been made. If anything, she'd basically guaranteed flaming coal and exploding dung bombs under the tree, wrapped and ready to be opened to the ruin of everyone's Christmas.

Maybe… maybe there was no hope. Maybe she was doomed to live the rest of her Christmases with broken furniture, a raging headache, and constant bickering.

Lenalee was curled up in front of the fire, tea in hand and unread book on her lap, still brooding, already counting the hours until she could leave.

The others had gone sledding again, most of the cabin empty. She would have gone, but even the mention of snow reminded her of the shattered sled out back. That, and seeing Kanda wobble around on crutches, insisting he could still man a snowball fort all on his own, was almost enough to send her into another bout of tears. Tears of frustration, more so than the sadness at learning he'd be crutch-bound for the next two weeks.

And that was how Lavi found her twenty minutes later, staring into the fire and not-quite drinking her cold tea.

She was fully expecting some attempt to roust her from brooding when she noticed the shit-eating smirk on his face.

She was feeling bad. He should be too, God dammit.

"Why are you smiling?" the question was more of an accusation, but Lavi either missed her tone or ignored it, practically humming as he collapsed into the recliner opposite her.

"Do you think I'm romantic?"

Lenalee pulled back, surprised at the question. It took a second for her brain to switch tracks before finally answering, "Um… I guess so?"

"What? Of course I am! I'm the most romantic guy out there." He was still grinning, running a hand through his lanky hair with some mock boy-band head toss.

Despite her mood, Lenalee felt her lips tug up. "Oh please. Sometimes you are. When I remind you. But why are you asking? You're not… you've bought my present already, haven't you?"

He nodded, giving her some relief. "But remember, back when this started? And you said I didn't know anything about romance?"

"When what started?" she asked, at the time already thinking back. "You mean… with Allen and Kanda?" She sighed, setting her tea down. "Lavi, I know I screwed up, but can we stop-"

"No, wait! You didn't. See, I talked with Komui, and-"

"Wait, you talked with my brother?" Great, what else needed to be replaced?

Lavi, however, was still grinning, "we talked for a little bit, kind of, but I came up with a plan and I finally got Allen and Kanda together."

She opened her mouth, closed it, and opened it again. "…What do you… wait, did you actually…"

He waggled his eyebrows, emerald eye practically twinkling. "Come on."

Hesitant and almost not daring to hope, Lenalee took the hand he held out for her.

Lenalee didn't exactly know what to expect, but when Lavi led her to the stairs, she thought they were going upstairs to observe some masterful plot. It wasn't until he took a left at the stairwell and started going down that she realized where they were going.

"Lavi, why are we-"

"Shh," he murmured, gently pulling her forward once they reached the door at the bottom. He put his ear up to the jam, and hesitantly, Lenalee followed suit.

At first, she couldn't hear anything. Which was kind of surprising, since the cabin wasn't known for its insulation and the bottom floor was no exception.

And then…

"Mmm… Nnngh, Kanda…"

"Fucking harder, Moyashi."

Oh my god.

Where they…?

"If we're doing- Ah, this, call me by my- Mm! Ah, Kanda, Kanda…!"

Lenalee snapped back from the door, face flaming and eyes glaring at her husband. "Lavi."

He didn't move away from the door jam or raise his voice at all, glancing over with a Cheshire grin. "Hmm?"

"What are you- are they-"

"Mmhmm," was his only confirmation, practically glowing with pride.

"Did you… you didn't give them some kind of aphrodisiac, did you?" she asked, aghast.

He chuckled. "Nope." Still smug, he explained, "Your brother and I locked them in the basement and let nature take its course."

Wait, what?

"That's not romantic, Lavi."

He grinned. "Worked, didn't it?"

She whacked his arm, torn between a glare and laugh, when Lavi glanced at his watch. He pulled away from the door with a sigh. "I think it's been long enough, don't you?"

Without waiting for an answer, he executed several banging knocks against the door. Apparently it was the only warning he gave before swinging it open.

Lenalee, initially excited to see her friends finally confess, decided there were sights best left unseen and immediately covered her eyes at the first signs of bare skin.

Lavi, on the other hand, had no such qualms. "Well, well, well," he drawled, apparently taking in the scene. "Look what we have here~"

"Fucking- God damn you, Usagi!"

Kanda's voice seemed a few octaves lower than Lenalee was accustomed to. She tried very, very hard not to think why.

"Uhh… Mm, Lavi, what are you- Lenalee! Ah, this isn't what- well, it is, but we're-"

"Save it, beansprout," Lavi sang in a voice to rival Komui's after his creation of the Komlin bot. "I think it's pretty plain what's goin' on. 'bout time, I'd say." Then, he added, "You can open your eyes, Lena, they're dressed."

She did. And, well, the sight wasn't exactly surprising – she'd been in the basement often enough in years past to know it held all of Bookman's book overflow and minimal furniture, only a couch and lamp populating the square pad of worn carpet. The single bit of light from above was the only illumination, and yet, it was easy to make out the pair of flushed faces and swollen lips that greeted her eyes. Both of her friends were indeed dressed, but their clothes were wrinkled, Kanda's hair out of his ponytail and Allen's pointing every which way. The latter gave Lenalee a sheepish wince, somewhat tempered by his boneless slouch frame and belt buckle he was in the midst of closing.

Kanda himself was already standing, arms crossed and facing off against Lavi in some kind of rage half-mixed with his draining arousal. "What are- if someone hadn't locked the fucking door, we wouldn't be here, baka."

"Oh, trust me, I know."

It took a few scant seconds for Kanda and Allen to realize they hadn't been trapped in the basement by chance. And that Lavi hadn't coincidentally shown up just when it was getting good.

"FUCKING USAGI!" Kanda roared, extra incensed thanks to having interrupted something ten years in the making.

"Oh come on, Yuu, everything turned out in the end! You guys can go at it like bunnies as soon as-"

Allen tackled Kanda in some kind of backwards hug, barely sparing Lavi from the right-hook aimed his way.

"Fuck you, Moyashi," Kanda growled, trying to escape.

"Back at you, Bakanda. Next time lock the damned door!"

"It was locked once we were in here, baka!"

"Then barricade it! You can't just go down on someone in a god damned basement," he growled.

"What the fuck should I do, carry you up the damned stairs?"

"Next time don't break your leg, and maybe you could!"

Kanda opened his mouth, about to snap back, when his rage was broken by a delicate giggle.

Three pairs of eyes turned to Lenalee as she went from soft giggling to full-blown laughter, doubling over with glee.

"Lena?"

"Hmm?"

Lavi was torn between a grin and a grimace. "This is good, right?"

She grabbed his arm in attempt to support her weight, trying hard to speak through her laughter. "Of course."

"But… they're still arguing."

Lenalee, grinning, glanced at her two friends. Both of whom were still glaring at each other. "You know, Lavi, I'm not sure that's going to change." She met his eye. He beamed.

And, well, Komui's ceramics aside… maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.


"Pass me the salt, Bakanda."

"Get it yourself."

"Oh, what, you can't even help me? I'm still sore, you know. Next time don't be so enthusiastic."

"Next time don't beg for it."

"As if you don't enjoy being insid me. Hand over the damned salt."

Krory, blushing redder than a tomato, passed the seasoning before Kanda could get another remark in.

About the only thing that had changed since Allen and Kanda had consummated their recent maybe-relationship last night was that their arguments had progressed from name-calling to borderline obscene banter. Fortunately, Tiedoll's grandchildren were sitting at a separate table lobbing sweet potato casserole at each other, so the only ones damaged by the not-quite inuendoes were well above age and no longer virgins. Although that didn't stop Miranda from choking on her wine every second sip, blushing and casting the two maybe-boyfriends the occasional scandalized glance.

Of course, no one but Lavi and Lenalee knew what had given their banter a distinctly dirtier connotation. Allen and Kanda still denied they were in a relationship, and as far as the rest of the table was concerned, the childhood friends still hated each other with the passion of a thousand suns.

Or the passion of nearly a decade of suppressed arousal. But, when both maintained sharing a room had nothing to do with sharing a relationship, the outcome remained to be seen (and what Miranda made of the occasional off-color word she could only guess).

Of course, there was a good chance everyone missed most of their not-arguments; Seated at a dining room table with over twenty people, the overlapping voices were so loud that Lenalee could barely hear Lavi next to her, never mind someone over the bowl of fruit salad. She was almost wishing she'd broken them up at different tables, but in a way, it was nice, because she got to see everyone's faces – her entire family packed around one long, cloth-laden dining table with so many leaves in it they'd had to haul it out in stages. The only issue with the size was the difficulty of passing food back and forth, but as long as no one asked Kanda, that part went pretty smooth too.

Lenalee and Lavi were seated opposite Kanda and Allen. Miranda and Marie were next to her with Krory and Elide across from them. Down the table sat the Tiedoll family, then Reever, Johnny, and several more of Komui's colleagues with Bookman and Cross at the far aside. Fo was sitting nearby too, regaling Klaud with some new dirt biking trail she'd tried over the summer. To absolutely no one's surprise, Lenalee's brother was deep in another discussion about robots, but amazingly with Bookman of all people. Lavi's grandfather seemed to have plenty of insight into the intricate machinery, and bonus, it kept him from getting engrossed in Cross' stories about exotic places (but, mostly, exotic women).

Yes, her family was odd, but there wasn't any place else she'd rather be.

Lenalee had even dressed up for dinner, as had most of them; she was wearing a warm, burgundy turtleneck and dangle earrings, similar to Elide's in make (and apparently from the same store – they had similar taste in almost everything, something they'd spent the last hour discussing). The ham had been served, potatoes loaded, and the meal was halfway over, with only one incident of spilled wine and scramble for some dawn soap to get it before it stained.

But… there was something still bothering her.

The dark-haired woman leaned back in her chair with a sigh, napkin still draped over her lap.

She just… she felt like she was lying to her family. By omission, maybe, but… it just didn't sit right.

"Lavi."

Her husband, laughing at one of Daisya's stories, finally looked away so his single eye could see her. "Yeah, Lena?"

She bit her lip, turning more to face him. "Listen, I… I know we promised to keep it a secret, but… it just doesn't feel right, keeping it from our family."

Lavi, for a change, frowned with concern. "…Are you sure, Lena? We said we wouldn't."

She hesitated, then nodded. "Yeah. I know it hasn't been long, but… we can't keep it from everyone. It affects all of us, I think. Christmas isn't going to be the same after this. Now that…"

With a sigh, slowly, he nodded. Then, as if the idea were growing on him, Lavi started to smile. "Okay. Yeah. Let's do it."

Lenalee beamed. But despite her excitement, a nervous flutter started gathering in her stomach as she stood up from her chair.

It took a good throat-clearing and Lavi whistling before the whole table quieted.

"Um, guys?" All eyes were turned to her, some setting their forks down as she paused. "I have a bit of an announcement. It's… well, it's kind of a recent thing, and we promised to keep it quiet, but…" Lenalee glanced around, eyes finally landing on Allen and Kanda. "Sorry, guys. But we can't keep this quiet anymore."

She placed her hand on Lavi's shoulder. He gave her a reassuring smile, one she returned.

Lavi, beaming, rose to stand next to her. "You see…" They glanced at each other, grinned, and turned to face the apprehensive faces of their family.

"WE'RE PREGNANT!"


Komui: LAVI BOOKMAN, you're a DEADMAN!
Lavi: It's not like it's news we're having sex!
Lenalee: ...

I hope you guys enjoyed at least some of this story. I'm sad to see it end, but mostly I just hope it made you smile (and, if I'm lucky, laugh). Otherwise... 'til next time!